The misunderstood word

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

—Proverbs 11:12

The first thing that comes to mind, is that, this all comes with experience.  I have trouble holding my tongue. I find that I catch on to things much quicker than others do. Then at times, I'm so far behind I don't no where I'm at. I'll never forget when I was younger, going into retail stores and seeing everything I wanted and needed. It began to stress me out one night. Then once I worked for them and understood more about it, I realized how much I didn't need. It's also the same in video. It's all a process, just like many other things. It's really crazy, I go on in my life misunderstood about so much stuff I feel. It's like a death sentence at times. I all the sudden feel just so alone. Do I deride my neighbors? I probably deride everyone on Facebook and their just nice to me and put up with the crap I put on there. Its an acceptance thing too. Do I accept everyone I meet? Usually, but is it because I lack understanding to begin with of them? It's like a surface thing in a social group. When I understand stuff, I usually will agree. If I understand that they don't understand I'll be nice and fake that they're right. But then I'll just go on my way. Maybe I should have corrected them? I'm not sure. I feel that this is the biggest critical thing in knowing God. This is what also keeps me away from Him at times? My misunderstanding of Him in a situation. i find myself lacking judgement and not understanding, yet I find myself ahead of everyone because of my way of thinking. Hits me, God didn't come to die for me so I could beat myself up and hold my tongue. He is the understanding and the ultimate judge, all he wants me to do is study His word and not my circumstances that i wreck.  I claim that I wreck everything, He doesn't. He see's my moments as apart of the path that I tend to hate.

Why was I born?

There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

John 15:13 NLT

The first thing that comes to mind, is the question, why was I born? I like to watch people think. I can't read their thoughts but its interesting to watch body movements and reactions. I think that's why I didn't succeed in school. I was fascinated more with watching the teacher teach and the tools they used than I was with the content being presented.Then the teacher's reaction to me for not listening was even better. What can I say, I'm a daydream believer. I had a guy tell me once, he would like to see footage of the camera  man taking video, that's entertaining enough. I have a headache this morning. Last night 5 video's showed successfully. I had been working on these since august. At the ball last night, a question came from a singleton mom with stage 4 breast cancer "I'm still here for a reason". I was thinking about that a few days ago. What keeps people from God?  Free will came to mind. The big "god works for you and thats nice, but not for me". God came here to save by serving.  I read and think. I get this backwards. I keep on thinking that it says, there's nothing better than to feel loved. That's because I'm selfish. I was born selfish and in need of a savior to show me He gave his life for me. My problem is I have trouble accepting love from my savior. Hits me, why was I born? Because God embedded a different style of his image in me, and in the process of my life, he has revealed his eternal plan day by day (especially when I don't care). It's a question of free will, sure I'll get depressed, be happy, angry, etc. That's all how God does it. He keeps modifying me through my circumstances with his great love, so I might see this life through His eyes and not mine. Giving me no excuses to relate with people as I along with them strive to lay my life down in one way or another.

Producing Backwards

They have returned to the sins of their forefathers, who refused to listen to my words. They have followed other gods to serve them. Both the house of Israel and the house of Judah have broken the covenant I made with their forefathers.

—Jeremiah 11:10

The first thing that comes to mind is when you leave a crew of men in a room, you come back in an hour and nothings been done and the guys are gone. It's like trying to sell something on Craig'slist and the person buying never shows up to get it. I'm waiting and waiting, and no show. It's the challenging part about producing a video. Working with people and deadlines. Tonight I have 5 videos showing for Singleton moms. These are 5 of the single parents with cancer that were willing to share their cancer stories with the world and how Singleton moms helped support them during treatment. Why am I interested in this organization? I have never been interested in things like this. Sure millions of people have cancer, BUT. When your a parent and your single, stop right there. That's all I need to here. Video Production is an art. I'll never forget watching the makings of "spiderman returns". Watching Bryan Singer go through the process of producing this movie. To me it was subpar (not my favorite). Throughout the makings, he kept saying we have more work to get done. He was always thinking ahead, when everyone else was having a good time in the moment. Sip some coffee, I read and think. For the longest time I have been producing videos backwards (which is how I think). I'm backwards, I'll listen to a song and think about how I can put it to video. If I had the education, I would have learned that you storyboard what your thinking and the figure out the music next. My problem was I was shooting candids 90% of the time. Their story was a birthday party, or a wedding, or a retreat, etc. I can't make up a story, but I can listen to one and story board it. How many times have I thought I was the director of my life, that I was the producer of my life? The production process can be lengthy and not for everyone, but those who are willing to plow through it. It's worth the perseverance. The whole point of it, is to make a difference, to show a video to people that they'll remember and want to watch again and will make them talk. What's crazy is how fast I can get caught up the process and quit listening to the producer. Hits me, just because my forefathers have screwed up doesn't mean I have to. I will though, and have. When the word is truth, and God is directing me in his production, I need to listen even if I think the move is ridiculous. I can go my own way and ignore him, but he won't ignore me. Video Production is a process, no one understands unless they've done it, or attempted to. God's always taking me through his production of my life, and wherever I am at in his production, I can't bail even though I want to, he's constantly directing me and I need to listen. When I see the final cut of his work in my life, I'll see how much he understood me and how backwards I was thinking. It's his work in me on a daily basis.

Pirate Presence.

They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.

—Isaiah 11:9

 

All that comes to mind is living in fear, being paranoid. I'm not one to live in fear, however I do have issues with failure. I'm reminded of Swiss Family Robinson, namely the pirate scene at the end. How the family prepared their best for the pirates to come. It was only 6 of them against the pirates. They had no fear. How many times have I been worried about a video to get out, about a video playing right in a presentation, or a video having an impact. God will have his way with whatever he does. Do I really believe that as the waters cover the sea, the earth will be full of his knowledge. That's extreme but its the truth. When I get into my own mess of pirates, whether it be bills to pay, a job to get out or just emotional stress, do I really believe God will flood everything with his presence? Am I asking for God's presence when I sleep? Or am I living in fear of the pirates? Hits me, I can worry all I want about what's to come or I can focus on God's presence and knowledge of Him and when the pirates appear, he'll give me wisdom on what to do with each given situation.

Obedient Plan

Observe therefore all the commands I am giving you today, so that you may have the strength to go in and take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess...

—Deuteronomy 11:8

 

I first thought it said "observe the plans I am giving you today, not the commands. How often to I get that wrong. God is working out his plan for me and I need to follow his commands. I'm tired this morning, I keep on waking up at 2 or 3 all depending on how tired I was going to bed. We introduced Shayne to Annie last night. She usually doesn't like movies she's never seen but she kept watching this one and kept telling me she didn't want to watch it. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of all the tech rules that I have learned in my life about computers, camera's, home theatre, etc. It's these commands that I know and sometimes old tricks that I still use to this day.  There's a way to do everything. If there's not a plan, its very challenging. I find myself treating God this way too. I want a plan, he won't show me. He wants me to be obey him and follow his lead, and I like to try to figure his plan out and run ahead to step one. It's backwards to what I've been trained to do. I've been trained to know how to setup certain gear, how to make sure that a room is done. I'll get a diagram and follow it. God doesn't do that, he leads and wants me to follow. He opens doors and closes them, and since I'm following him not knowing where he's leading, I should be fine. This is not always the case. This is where my control issues come in. My free spirit kicks in and I start laughing and choose to have no expectations so I don't stress. Can't God show me a schematic of what's to come? Usually he does, He'll open doors, He'll give me a job, or he won't, and he'll give me something else. He doesn't want me to see the plan, just like he has disabled the feature in all of us to read each others thoughts. Hits me, when I go to do a show, I am told nothing but who the client is and when to show up and kind of what I'll be doing. All my knowledge and experience is at stake. I follow my training, its very vague at times. God's no different, He lets me know moment by moment at times what I need to do. Sometimes I need to listen even when I don't agree and sometimes I don't want to do that. I want to know what lies ahead, and little do I know that by simply obeying his commands, I'm being strengthened for the plan that he's working in me the whole time.

Playground Justice

For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face.

—Psalm 11:7

All yesterday I was thinking about who to vote for. I haven't cared really. The selections were terrible. It was like working with subpar gear that you knew was going to crash and fail during the show. I was embarrassed. Sip some coffee, I read and think. The thing that stands out to me in this verse is "upright men". Do they even exist? I've noticed at the park these past few weeks of fall, alot of dads. So I acknowledged them. I've greeted them and said "how's it goin?" They're men who care about their kids. This is the future of our country. As I was looking at the voting ballot last night, I found myself looking around the room too. Looking at this assortment of people wanting a change in their country. Was this ballot really going to change things? Or were we all just signing more people up to keep their jobs. It's like walking into someones house and looking at their home theatre or what they call a home theatre and the problem they have is that have no knowledge of what they just bought. I was helping out a neighbor the other day with her computer and her problem wasn't internet, it was that her email acct had been deactivated months ago, no wonder the passwords weren't working. So many of us have no idea what the government is for, including me. Yet if my internet isn't working, I'm on the phone. I read and think. When the other dads and I are watch our kids on the playground, the kids just aren't playing, they are learning and developing skills, this playground is a tool, we're just guiding them and watching them. It's the weirdest thing. God loves justice, He does things to me that don't make any sense, but he's righteous too, so He has a plan to make me upright through whatever is going on. Hits me, As i entered the doors of this little church to vote last night, I saw the freedom we had to vote anywhere, and the freedom of religion. As I looked at the ballot full of people who are supposedly working to make this place a great to live,  I couldn't but think of what a game I was playing and this ballot was my playing card. Then I go back to the playground of where I learned about how I operate and how I learn things. God has a unique way of showing me his presence, showing me to be upright, helping me through tough times, especially when I think he's wrong, He's actually righteous and showing me how he is just and right. Even if I don't have the proper gear, He understands and will get me through the show.

Enduring Plan

The Lord will work out his plans for my life-for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me.

Psalm 138:8 NLT

I always get reluctant about these types. At first I read it and think yes. Then the abandon me part come's in and I'm thinking, of course he's not going to me. We had a family gathering yesterday. My mom's cousin came out to visit. They hadn't been out west in 13 years. It was really cool to see them. I'm amazed of what blood family is about. I have cousins, and they're my blood. Can I look at a stranger and mentally make them my relative? not really. Then I get introduced to a new cousin and I consider us family, I find myself taking it to heart. Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times have I thought that God's plans for me would be stable and consistent? How many times have I thought that this so called "narrow road" would be easy and joyful? That's probably why His love endures forever. Because easy and joyful can take forever to get to. I can easily feel abandoned and hurt, but yet again I have to remember that God made me in his image. I have to remember that they are HIS plans not mine and He'll be faithful despite my unfaithfulness. It's amazing of how I drift away from him and yet blame him for abandoning me. I'm reminded of TOP GUN, when Maverick is told by his commander that he was just like him. Then how many movies has that scene been duplicated? I'm also reminded of Bible School at Bodenseehof. How in the beginning of the semester we were told to read the bible in a year. I said forget it, I don't read books, I study them. And no one tells me to read the bible in a year. Any other book, I'll read in a year, but not the bible. That's just too valuable of a book to skim through. So I didn't. They warned me I wouldn't pass. I told them my life doesn't depend on this schools requirements. And my ADD was so high that I knew I would be focusing on just reading the stinkin book than growing in God. So I didn't pass and I watched everyone cram the bible in their brain and stress out all year trying to read this book. They should have just made it a club. I read and think, Hits me. I have to remember that God made me, I didn't make Him. I can give him my plans that  I feel he's telling me and trust Him with them (as best I can). Hard seasons will come and go, and just as he endured living here, His love will endure with me forever even when I'm enduring forever.

Faith Rescue

So you see, faith by itself isn't enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.

James 2:17 NLT

When I read this one, I'm always reminded of that story of the guy in the tree asking God to rescue him. All the sudden, a helicopter appears, and he refuses. Then a boat appears, and he refuses. Then an airplane appears and he refuses. He dies, and God says to him that he sent all these things and he didn't use them. The guy was waiting for a majestic rescue not a logical one. Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times have I let that moment go by where God was providing and passed it up. It reminds me when I was in business for myself in 2005. Things weren't going well as usual and I felt that I needed to look for a job. I felt awkward applying for jobs, and I got a call that day. I then the spend the next 2 years in retail selling home theatre. I was on commission but also paid $12 an hour. I knew I wouldn't be doing it forever, but I didn't know when I would put an end to it. Then I spent the next 4 years in corporate audio visual. I also have the thought I wouldn't be doing that forever either. I read and think, I have often thought that God needs my help. When really his knocking on my door because I need His. I just have trouble noticing the knock. I keep on wanting to get what I need done first and then answer the door. Sometimes he wants me to drop what I'm doing and just listen to him. Then there are moments when I think he said something but he didn't. Then it's like He did and I misread Him. Then its distinguishing His call between a temptation. He wants me to obey his commands, simply. I have a tendency to make things really complicated, but I must understand them in my own way. Faith never ends, its always there. But I have to use it and believe it. I have to make sure that I'm having faith in the right way too? How do I do this? I can't let my guard down, I have to be aware at all times. I'm not good at that. Without worrying and getting upset when I do mess things up. I have to just surrender everything to God. When I need a rescue, God always provides one, I just have to be open whether it be with logic or love, and accept it.

My Initech mug

But from there you will search again for the Lord your God. And if you search for him with all your heart and soul, you will find him.

Deuteronomy 4:29 NLT

What do I think about in this? the heart and soul will find you. I forget about that. It's the Holidays, I'll see to getting my Christmas decor out this week. Get this place up to par. I'm waiting for the coffee this morning, but have I searched for God? I find I need to take a walk, to pace in order to think. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I grabbed by Initech mug this morning. A mug from the movie office space. A lot of swearing in this movie, but the whole point of it is. Why am I working for the man? There is so much more possibility than having 4 bosses tell you the same thing. It reminds me of the church too. How many mega churches are run like businesses. It's crazy but it's the only way they can function. Then in both you get into politics, which is why I would be constantly searching for God. I can only imagine how many people hate their jobs but go in, day in and day out for the check, but are miserable. Do I really search for God with my heart and soul or do I just give him a thought or two? I live in a society of instant gratification and distraction. But I feel, with that, it makes the searching for the answer even more aggressive. I read and think, Peter Gibbons was searching for an answer, you'd think that just working with computers and doing something important for the y2k change over would be enough, but it wasn't. He finally found his identity in the outdoors. He wasn't going to let the man manipulate him. He wanted to be free, he loved watching kung fu, and just wanted to prove to his boss that he was free. Where do I go? what do I do? Now that I'm an adult, the search is more apparent. Facebook becomes a hidden friend and a tool. Hits me, I will find God when I don't expect to, He will hit my heart and soul the way he chooses, whether or not I'm searching. Because alot of times in my confusion, I was looking for Him, crying out to Him, without knowing it.

t-shirts, dvds, and coffee mugs

So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

Romans 13:12 NLT

I've been thinking alot of about the shirts that I wear. You can often see me with a shirt with some phrase from a movie or a place. I got into this back in elementary school when I noticed people's parents wearing shirts that represented what they believed or a place they had been. Sip some coffee, I read and think. These shirts I could say are my tatoos, just like my mugs, they represent who I am. Just like my movie collection, they represent who I am. How many times have I not cast off the works of darkness but welcomed them in? I've put the armor of light aside. You watch me wear my "griswald family christmas" shirt and appear to be depressed. I'm wearing a funny shirt, my shirt should make me happy. It's because my shirt which represents "fun" is a cover up for how I'm feeling at the moment. During this political season I wear my "Vote for Pedro" shirt. How often do I put a mask on and play the church and family game, where I just say "doing good, and how are you? Great!" all the time. I remember wishing when I was in High School that I could simply smile and all my issues an stressed went away. I began my dvd collection 10 years ago when I realized I could hack into a dvd and use its footage on my videos. At the time, I got away with it, a few years later, they've blocked all of that too.  These days, copyright is no different that stealing someone's possession it's just electronic and not physical. I read and think, casting off is a physical and mental movement. I having remove myself or mentally decide how I"m going to think about something. I have to choose to remember God's word in crazy moments and not the things that make me sin. That's a hard battle at times, especially when I'm vulnerable. Hits me, God's going to use anything he chooses to bring me and others around me closer to Him. Whether it be a shirt I wear, a movie i watch, or a mug i drink out of. He shines through them all, he convicts through them all, and he grow's me through them all. It's his way of suiting me up with armor so I can see the light.

No God No Peace, Know God Know Peace

The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.

Psalm 29:11 NLT

when I read  something like this, I can't but think of God himself. Strength and peace come later. I can't but think of the ways I experience peace or the ways I need to experience peace. The ways that I experience strength, the ways that I need to get strength. What kind of strength do I need? physical, emotional, mental? I'm reminded of the phrase "no God no peace, know God know peace. Everyone has their own way of acquiring peace and strength and then they don't. I often ask myself, why did God even make us? He made us mortal beings because He is eternal. Just as fish can't live out of water, us humans can't live in it. We all need assistance. We all need nurturing. We can save a fish, because we keep it in a tank filled with water. How do we save ourselves? How do I save myself? I go to coffee, to save myself from being sleepy in the morning, I go to beer at night (one, I'm a light drinker) to either wake me up or reduce my anxiety (susan's hates the smell of it). I need to take a walk at times, or I need to work out to get anger out, to release stress. Sometimes I need to watch the dukes of hazard or fall asleep to braveheart or any other war movie. God gives me those insights of peace and strength. Sometimes he wants me to blog about it. He wants me in His word, which is most of the time he wants me in this word. It's the foot steps poem, during these moments, I carried you. God is strength, and is peace. In the case of the Sandy Hurricane, sure its hurricane season, but God does gives us a community washing, because in the long run we need it. In my business, I need a washing at times. A time for reorganization, a reboot, a refresh. Why so harsh with a freaking hurricane? I don't know. Hits me, I wish I didn't have to do anything to acquire strength and peace. Just as parents nurture their children, is the same as God nurturing me. I don't like what he has to say sometimes, I actually hate it at times. But just as I know to take care of animals or eat them, God supplies me with what I need, and that is a blessing.

right and wrong

The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Psalm 84:11b NLT

You know what, this verse sucks at times. Its easy when I'm in a good mood, but when I'm pissed off? forget it. These days, faith and obedience, doing the right thing, even doing what I feel is mean is really tough. But I've developed a philosophy, do the right things because in the long run you won't regret it. People are people, there's not one person out there that doesn't have issues. Sure we all drive cars in silence on the road but that's because we think we're going somewhere. When really we're just exploring a new way to think. Walk humbly with God comes to mind. Not thinking that as long I say "its going to be ok" things will be fine. And even if they are, what's around the corner? Should I be paranoid? that way bad things won't happen? Where do your draw the line? Hits me, It's a constant step of faith, it's a constant stride even when things seem great and hope is alive, I still have to be aware. I can't let my guard down. It's like thanking God for the bad circumstance and for every experience, he really wants to know how I feel, not how I'm supposed to think i need to know how I feel. Even when the right thing is forgiveness or patience or faith or leaving, it's continued obedience to God is mandatory and listening to those he's put into my life.

Jack of all trades, master of none

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19 NLT

At first as always I really am not sure what to think. As I read further and further, it's like do I think God's capable of doing different things? I live in a society of special needs I feel. It's like of people who are all just of one mind. What to you want to do for your career? I ask a high schooler. Or I meet someone's dad and ask him what he does for a living. Then my same view goes to God. But God has so much more to him that I don't know. Yet I feel he's only out to save people or out to heal, provide. my mind is somewhat right. So many times, I'm in the mind set of fix it. Then theres the phrase "jack of all trades master of none." That's I find myself viewing anyone. Some people are just smart and know alot but they have their weakness. God doesn't, there's absolutely nothing he doesn't know. How many times have i wanted software downloaded into me so I'll just know stuff (like on the matrix). Here's God jack of all trades master of all. He's the only one, then why don't I believe that and live that. I find my control issue is in just thinking light and simple solutions of the given situation, so I don't freak. Yet God wants me to really give him my frustrations, my urgency. I find myself living a lie of surfacey thankfulness when possibly inside, I'm angry, hurt, and bitter. You could tell me anything and I won't be offended because I've already been hurt, so big deal. Fire me, whats the big deal? Sure i can be numb, but that still isn't giving it up to God, it's just a coping mechanism. Just give me a storage unit for my problems, and another one for next month, because for my issues I need to access my past in order to cope. When God notifies me of these things. I can just see him shaking his head and giggling a bit. He's giving me that look "you are funny, I already freed you". Hits me, sure I can strive to be a jack of all trades even if there just my problems in life. Or I can give them to master of everything. He'll remind me when I forget and go back to my empty box. But I'll still keep hacking away at it through these blogs I guess.

only the penitent man will pass - Last Crusade

— Job 10:1 —

"I loathe my very life;
therefore I will give free rein to my complaint
and speak out in the bitterness of my soul."

 

 oh Job, this guy has every reason to complain about his life. In this one, he hates it. I'm not a big complainer, I just don't. I find myself looking to see God in every disappointment that I have. At starbucks right now working on some invoices. For some reason I can't bring myself to utter bitterness all the time. However, I do see utter bitterness in my past. Why this? and why that? My past isn't that bad, but it has hurt. It's all due to lack of understanding I feel. As I watch my daughter on the playground I see how she'll be when she's older. I see how much of a difference that playground makes in her development. Should I really tell God how I feel? I don't feel right about that. I feel I need to trust Him, be excited in my trials, rejoice when things aren't good. Not be upset and freak out when things aren't right. But here's Job, doing just that. Does God really want me to tell him what I'm thinking? I'm always wondering, what God has instore, not wtf he's doing. Am I being fake then? I'm not sure. The line from The Last Crusade keeps coming to mind "only a penatant man will pass". Is pouring out my heart to God repenting? Hits me, I can hold onto my smile and happy thoughts and try to live this life in a way that I think God wants me to, or just really tell God how I feel. i may not loathe my life but I still need to be honest with him even if I don't think I do. He wants that from me, my soul.

Organized Religion vs. Fruitful Relationship

— Ephesians 4:29-32 —

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 

I often wonder about what spurs me on in anger about things. After reading this scripture, two things stand out. "according to their needs" and "just as God forgave you". These are the things that I don't do right. I usually could care less about their needs and bypass the fact that God forgave me, and just continue to build up my anger. When I also read this, I can't but think of organized religion and how much it angers people including me. I have found myself so many times entering those doors and my "little group" and ignoring people outside that are truly in need. I find myself being so naive in that building. Just the politics and the leadership. Yet I find myself not seeking to understand and build them up according to their needs and I can feel the spirit grieving and convicting me. All the bitterness, rage, anger, whatever it is. I'm backwards, its a relationship with God that I try to organize and he just wants to live in me and through me. God doesn't use politics, we took what he called gifted and talented people and threw them into leadership when God just wanted to bless us with each other and have us grow in him. Throw money in the picture and you have a messy situation that God really intended to be beautiful. Not saying that money is bad, but that if faith is used instead of fear, alot of the stress will be illiminated. He wants my trust to be in Him, not in what it appears I'm seeing or I'm feeling. Seek to build them up according to their needs, and be like Christ and forgive and forget, not hold them to it, since christ never held me to mine, but only wants to draw me closer to Him.

Awkward Presence

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

Psalm 37:7 NLT
At first I'm thinking that I've read this before. David has said this before. Probably because its hard to be still in the presense of the Lord. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I can't but think of a musician. I'm also reminded of shooting video. Both people can't allow the viewer to feel what they feel. One thing  I find hilarious is when photos are shown on facebook of people singing. Every time I see them, I'm thinking. "you had to be there". That's why I got into video. I love to capture people in action, musicians are the best though, when I can capture a moment of a musician doing a solo or wherever they're at in a song and make them look really cool, I feel I've brought the audience into their music presence. Whenever I've shot video and edited it, and can draw the audience into the way I want them to feel, I've drawn them into the presence of that message. It's so psychological. I remember when I was working on a mens retreat video this year. I was searching for pictures about depression, anxiety, fear. How can I tell when someones afraid? how can anyone tell? When I sit down to blog or turn music on in the car, I'm entering into the presence of oldies, entertainment, worship, or whatever mood i'm trying to put myself into. When its with God, it can be anything. Sometimes I need to be exersizing to hear Him, sometimes I need to be still, or really angry about life. But whatever it is, I'm in his presence it whatever way he chose for me at the moment. Sometimes its me knocking my pride down that he's trying to get my attention. what is the presence of the Lord? For me it's when I'm shooting video, when I'm in the car dreaming of a video I could make, it's the moment when I think I've got nothing left go give, but Him. Hits me, sure I won't understand a musicians passion for their music on stage, they'll look really funny at times. I'll look really weird when I'm shooting video and getting my angles and people watching me will be like "what is he doing?". Yet we're all in His presence in our own way. In our own way, we wait patiently. He's acting in the way that's best for us at the moment. To other's it looks awkward, but to each us, its His presence.

Tangled

Praise the Lord, everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom. Let all that I am praise the Lord.

Psalm 103:22 NLT

I can't but think of the movie Tangled. We finally saw it this last weekend. Why did it take me so long to see it. It came out in 2010 and that was not a good year for us. Susan had been wanting to see it for a long time, so finally we did on Sunday. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Rapunzel's mother is dying while giving birth to her. The only thing that can save her is a rare flower up in the mountains. The peasants find the flower which unbenownst to them has been a security flower for an old woman for years. The flower heals the mother and because of this, Rapunzel is given the ability to heal with her glowing hair. Any time she sings her hair turns glows and heals whatever it touches. But if she cuts it, the gift is gone. Nice story right? Well of course this old woman sneaks in,cuts a piece of hair off only to discover it doesn't work that way. So she just kidnapps Rapunzel. the kid is only month's old. The royal family is enraged and so to hopefully find their daughter, they send out floating lanterns every year on her birthday hoping that if she's still alive and follow them back. This goes on for 18 years, and of course Rapunzel notices this, doesn't understand it but wants to find out what this is all about. Rapunzel is joyful, delightful, just full of life, and trapped in this tower that her crazy mother refuses to let her out of. She makes the best of her situation. But what hits me in the movie was the song she sang. "When will my life begin". I read and think, she's trapped in this tower and just making the best of it but still wondering when she can really live. I was so mad at this selfish woman for kidnapping her, I was resentful. When Repunzel figures out what really happened and ends up cutting all her hair, it becomes evident what was really going on. Repunzel was ment to enjoy life, just like when she walks into the city and begins dancing with everyone. She wasn't meant to be captive in a tower. How many times have I captivated myself in my own problems, pretty much holding my life from beginning again? God wants me to be free, Repunzel could feel it, she knew something wasn't right. She was full of life, hits me. I might feel tangled at times with whatever I have going on, yet God is knocking on my heart for me step out in whatever way I need to be free. Repunzel discovered the lanterns were for her and she reunited with her parents 18 years later. Will it take me 18 years to be free, sometimes. Its all in God's timing, and i can't rush that, even if I feel tangled, he'll untangle me how and when he see's fit.

Life vs. God

— Matthew 6:24 —

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

 

That's interesting. I think I do this more than I think. I'm tired this morning, with moving into a new studio, we had to go through stuff last night to in order to get it functional again. Sip some coffee, this morning as I read and think. I can't but think of the relationships I had with the girls back in either High School, college, or jr. High.  If it wasn't one girl it was another. Alot of the time, they either knew I liked them or didn't. Then I'd move on. I always knew I would get married and settle down, but back in the day it was so tough trying to figure out what was going on in a womans head. What am I kidding, it still is. Marriage is a whole other ball park.  Before marriage, a guy could be between two different women and all of them insecure with one thing in mind, fix my loneliness and give me love and companionship. Then there's the other avenue, the desire to have money and serve God too. I'm amazed when being in sales and making a big sale and being excited to go and get another one. It's this mindset I have found myself in at times back then. I wasn't lonely, sure i was poor, but I didn't love God the way that I knew He should be loved, therefore i didn't love myself the way He does. I found myself loving video because it was something I could grow in, why not God?. Am I serving two masters, God and Video? Or is God using Video to draw me to Him? Is money the reason that i go to work? Sure, or it is, and yes I have hated it before. Have i been upset with God for not making me money? Yes i have, because i have bills to pay. Hits me, just as a guy girl relationship can upset me, is the same as a God money relationship can discourage me. I have to trust God with both. They are both very challenging. I don't know what's going to happen with either. When I was single, I wanted the girl when I wanted her and I wanted her to like me. All the girls i pursued took way too long to show interest. 3 weeks, is too long,  I needed them to like me with an answer within 3 days. Fortunately my wife was just like that. I've never had a love for money, however I have hated it, because I've needed it and it wasn't there. God is a God of provision in his own way, and I need to trust Him. He doesn't like competition, whether it be a girl or money. He wants to show me what He can do, its really hard at times to keep following Him, when I don't like His timing, but its for the best and He always show's me up.

Save Ferris

Who should not revere you, O King of the nations? This is your due. Among all the wise men of the nations and in all their kingdoms, there is no one like you.

—Jeremiah 10:7

 

The first thing that comes to my mind, is this illusion that I am bigger than God or that I can think bigger than he can. Its funny how I get stressed about a job, when in the long run its just fine. Today I'm on my birthday weekend and were staying in Tempe. Susan and I have always liked youthfulness of the place. As we were walking on Mill last night amongst the young people, I couldn't but wonder what each of these kids were going to school for. Here I was sporting my "save ferris" shirt, being aware that none of them would know what it meant. All these kids were out having a good time, so were we. Then I noticed the shops around there. How many available office spaces there were. This was the reality, sure these kids are having a good time, but they're also seeing the reality of a business trying to succeed and failing. I'm amazed of what I do, and where I want to go simply to have a good time. It's my emotions and feelings that needs help. Get out of 2 dimensional smart phone world and enter back into 4 dimension reality world. It's nice to give the eyes and the mind a break. Hits me, God made me relational, he made me to a point that I need to be around people. I can get a big head about anything, I can get misunderstood, yet there is none like God. I can have all the money I want, or be the wisest guy ever, but there is no one like God.  God works through people, he connects everyone, even when I don't think so, or feel lost, I'm really already found. It's the life of being found that free's me to have ideas and thoughts about things, to share them with others. Then when its time for peace and quiet I can reflect, but without that connection with an unchanging God, that reality is hard to see. In a way my save Ferris shirt was a symbol of freedom and believing of what is reality. I need to be saved from my own insecurities and the fake reality that I'm living in, recognize God in the forms I sometimes refuse to see Him in, and be saved.

Patient endurance

“God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12 NLT

Have I read this before? I'm not sure. The first thing that come's to my mind is "Oh really!". This is fascinating. This is like, only the strong survive. Only those left will win. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I'm reminded of many things with this one. Tempations is such a hidden help it seems. It's that moment in the movie, where the audience doesn't want the character to do something because they know it was a setup. Yet its that recovery from temptation that brings your friends to rescue you. So I need temptation to grow it seems. I'm reminded of Indiana Jones in the Raiders of the Lost Ark. At the end of the movie when they open the ark. Indy says "don't look at it, whatever you do keep your eyes shut!" Would i have done that? Do I love God enough that I won't look what I think is the right light? At times I do and at times I don't. It was this thing of humility in Raiders. Marion actually listened to the simple advice and didn't look, everyone else died. I read and think. This is the big thing that God uses to draw us to him. He doesn't use the easy stuff, he wants me, he wants all of me. So he's going to use the things that bother me the most to get me closer to him. Why? thats not fun, thats hard. When I make it through I feel free, because i accepted his freedom and gave him the battle. Then he gives me another one when I'm not expecting it, I hate it when he does that. Why can't he make it easy on me? Hits me, the only way I can grow in this life, is through my mistakes, and steps of faith. He wants me to be patient, and I'm not patient, when I'm being tested, I want it to be done. When the season is over and I've recouperated, he'll have another ready when I'm not. Its the victory he wants me to have and only through the peresverence will I experience that.

Yes Man

Yes, Adam's one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone.

Romans 5:18 NLT
I'm not sure what this is talking about. It's totally contrasting itself yet. I'm amazed of how one year can go by. I was researching a while back, of what a year was in the bible. It was way shorter due to how new the earth was I think. I don't feel like going back and researching it again. As I sip some of the starbucks coffee, Susan got for me for my birthday, I have to think of how God had this whole earth planned out, and yet how it seems at times like He didn't, then how He totally does. Condemnation to righteousness? It's the last shall be first and the first shall be last, the weird one in school is the genius. I'm reminded of the Jim Carrey in Yes-man. A movie Susan and i saw a few years back (kind of raunchy). He's this depressed guy who has given up on life until he runs into an old college buddy, who persuades him to join a self help group about saying Yes more often. Carl takes it to the extreme and just starts saying yes to everything for a year, which is not what the leader of the clan meant. This changes Carls life. I have a problem of saying yes, I say it too much, I need to say no more often. He got into a few pickles but really came out better in the long run. I am living in Adams sinful condemnation, the result of it. How many times have I by habit just beat myself up for doing something stupid? Not talking to someone because I didn't feel ready or worthy. Why can't i just talk? When I write these blogs, I feel that I just need to start typing and not think and ponder so much. Sure I read and think but not too much. I probably shouldn't have said that. Carl was really stuck until he chose to say yes. Why can't I say yes to Christ when He's freed me to so long ago. When he just wants me to type or be me. Hits me, Carl's life was definitely changed by saying yes, he left his condemned life behind and became the person he truly liked, it took a big step of yes lets do this. Christ only wants to live in me, the right way, and give me new life, the life He as for everyone, in whatever way he chooses, in His timing, His way, I'll say yes to that man.

-the house- wabc youth group 90-95

— 1 Peter 1:22 —

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.

 

This is another one of those, loving your brothers even if you can't stand them at times. I find I don't quite grasp the fullness of God's love. Can I even? It's the christian you get along with at church, you decide to work with them on something and you find out what a moron they are or how irresponsible, lazy, or whatever they are. Or they discover that about you. It's all this that makes it hard for me to love my brothers at times. We have deadlines this week, scripts to write, its just time crunch. We just moved our studio last monday, so the whole place is trashed. I like trashed though, I like the challenge of cleaning it up. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the youth group I was apart of back in the 90's we called ourselves "the house" which carried its name into the 2000's. I recently refered to us as "the bad crop" because alot of crazy stuff happened at "the house". Don't get me wrong, It wasn't us, I blame the society we lived in. It was a big youth group at whitton ave (40 kids, big for us). We were those who left the church shortly after graduating and didn't return. Why? was often the question. This verse hits a big thing, obeying the truth. All my days growing this group, I found myself trying to understand obedience amongst the struggles I had to love everyone. I was at war with myself, with my thoughts of resentment and acceptence of others. I had such a judgemental materialistic view of everyone that I battled. I just couldn't figure it out. I didn't understand until years later. My anger has even come out in my marriage at times. I read and think, the year was 1995 at Midwest camp and our youth group or at least some of us were there. We were doing a skit about prayer to theme of the terminator. It was a very powerful skit, we of all people needed to apply its message more than anyone. We had so much crap going on in our youth group, some really serious issues, we were on our 5th youth pastors in 4 years (typical actually). We had been smacked over the head. Our church was in disarae, they weren't used to "real" problems and did there best to point the finger. I could listen but didn't know how to love. As I look back at our group and how many of us were close and how many never reconciled, felt burned, pissed off at everything. I see the potential and talents we all had back then. Some were overlooked, some were just waisted talent, but we brought friends to this group, we had good prayer times, youth were saved. Hits me, God wants my heart, even if its shattered or bent out of shape, he wants it. I can consider my past a "bad crop"  but God doesn't, He knows what happened back then, He's using everyone of us these days for His own purpose. I can blame and point my finger all I want but when will I learn? We're all married now with families, I look back and see the challenges, I see the laughter, the fights, the restoration and beauty. We've all left and gone our own ways.  I see the hand of God on us because that's how he works. I need to seek to obey His word and not my thoughts, once He owns my heart again, I'll love sincerely and deeply, just has He loves, and that's a daily process.

Lethal Weapon

— 1 Peter 5:6-7 —

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

 Why do I have trouble with this? This is a big deal, but the more I do it, the easier it gets. Its when I'm on the fence between good and evil, between not consulting my wife, when I'm acting on impulse, instead of logic. I act out of anger instead of peace. I'm not an anxious person. I'm reminded of Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, here's this suicidal cop grieving over his deciesed wife. His anxiety leads him to have nothing to live for  and in return, puts him into the line of fire. He becomes fearless in some points. I wish I was like that, Riggs had to humble himself to a point of no fear. He had no pride but wanted to be left alone. When he partnered with  Murtaugh, things had to change. They were both so different, one was a family man, one was a widower. There are many times in my life when I need to cast my anxiety to God and just listen the his voice who's been talking to me this whole time. He's been telling me something simple or I need to do something serious. God has better plans for me than I think, he wants to make me lethal for him, I'm afraid that he's way crazy. All he wants is humility and he will take me from there. He has taken me, he wants my anxiety because he cares for me. Riggs and Murtaugh became an unstoppable team, they got in trouble alot but figured out that they were stronger as a team, even though they drove each other crazy. Even though I don't believe him, He will lift me up in due time and make me into a lethal weapon.

from Fix to Freedom

— 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 —

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

 

The battle that rages in my life throughout the day, is what comes to mind. I don't wear a mask. I put everything out there. do I lose heart? I do. Do I renew myself day by day? not always. But my battles are to achieve an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. Do I fix my eyes on what is seen? sometimes, I think differently though. I see far deeper than what I see. I do focus on what is not seen. The things I focus on are eternal, and I try not to judge. Do musicians really mean what they sing, or is the record label they are singing? if they do, then their messed up. I'll listen to all kinds of junk songs during the day, thinking that the musicians don't really believe what they are singing. Do they though? if they do, their messed up. All these battles are for a great thing, something I cannot see in the moment, something that is worth the pain, its that victory that I long for, that freedom that Christ is. Why do I fight God so much? he wants to renew me, and I think I'm fine. He's giving me a test, and I don't realize it. I can't fix anyone, because God frees he doesn't fix. He gives freedom, because he is freedom, and every light and momentary trouble is another opportunity to focus our eyes on what is unseen, even though I may not see it, I have to believe I will eventually. 

Hopeful Captivity

If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

—Luke 9:26

 

The first thing that comes to mind is that what goes around comes around in whatever shape or form. Whether you're cool with someone in High school, you steal something, or you're faithful. I woke up my family with the coffee grinder this morning, so Shayne is watching cinderella at 5:30 in the morning and I'm hoping she falls back to sleep. Mommy is doing something on her phone and I'm sipping my kenya coffee. I read and think. This kind of smacks me over the head, now that I'm 35, the shame part isn't as tough anymore. I've experienced enough and believe that others have as well, that that its apparent that I need God. I don't know what I do without him. I was asked in college, what my greatest fear was, and after a lot of thought, my fear was if God would leave me. Yet the "fear of man" thoughts about a God conversation enter my head alot. As I watch Cinderella over and over again, I'm amazed with how despite her abusive life, she kept believing that she wouldn't be like that forever. She had hope, even though her family kept her captive, she knew they were foolish. She respected them because she had hope. It paid off too. I wish I were more like that, I really wish I wasn't as impatient as I am. But instead of living in fear of the Son of Man's shame, I need to live with the joy that I don't need to be ashamed and love everyone I see. Hits me, even though Cinderrella was in captivity, she wasn't ashamed of who she was, both of her parents had died, her step sisters had their mother, yet Cinderella kept dreaming because that's how she was. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, and neither should I be.

Doubtful Prayer

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.

Colossians 4:2 NLT

At first I'm thinking, again, preaching to the choir. But there's more here, there's always more. Prayer is this hidden power, that its almost doubtful at times. I get prayer requests emailed to me, I  see them on facebook, my wife requests them, I pray for my family. I don't think about having an alert and thankful heart. I just pray. I'm amazed though of how many times things come to my mind when I pray. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I see the word Devote, and I seem to pass it up. I find myself doing that alot with first word. I bounce around alot. its easy to pass this up and just go to pray with an alert mind and thankful heart. I often think about why God made us as humans, why we should pray, then it hits me, we are born half done, and need help to complete ourselves. Even getting saved means you have to pray. Yesterday God lead me to help an 83 year old woman to Him. I wasn't planning on this but it just happened. She's our neighbor, she was venting to me about some family issues and how she prayed for people, but I could tell she wasn't saved, but just trying to do what was right. I knew deep down that I couldn't just tell her that she was good with God because she prayed. I knew she had to confess with her mouth. So I had her repeat after me and she did. She began crying afterwards. I was very nervous during this time, because i wasn't used to doing this. Susan, Shayne, and I had some family stuff to attend to that afternoon and I was able to speak to her that night, she was very joyful, very happy. I'm amazed of how lightly I take prayer, up to that point, it was always a fix thing. I read and think. When I'm devoted to something I believe in it and I'm passionate about it. I'm also reminded of Petra's Secret Weapon. A song about prayer. I'm amazed when ever I tell someone who'm I'm not sure believes that I'll pray for them, what difference that makes. Things are going on in the spirit world that I don't think anyone wants to admit. It says be alert and thankful, prayer's a powerful thing, even when you don't think yours are working, they are. God knows my language. I don't get Him but He gets me. He'll make me alert when I'm not ready and He'll teach me to be thankful even when I'm not.

The Need to Save God

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

Ephesians 2:8 NLT

At first I'm can't but think of the Men's Dinner that we had last night. Mainly the talk that Kurt Cotter gave about Paul. One thing he made us really remember was the phrase " by the grace of God, I am what I am". I had never thought about life and who I was until that point. I was actually feeling kind of depressed while I shot the sermon because, I could see maybe 25 guys in the chapel. I had worked so hard since the retreat to promote this event and seemed like my epectations were shot. I honestly went to the dinner truely believing that none of my promoting worked, and I was right, it didn't, lol. I only had 4 likes on facebook, we were way late with putting the promo out ( the night before). On the way to the dinner, I just prayed that God would be bring those he wanted (typical ministry prayer). We wanted young men to be there, and young men weren't really, it was the same old supporters as before (other than the worship team filled with young guys). Yet something compelled me as I felt stupid about my ambitions for the group. I knew I had to keep plugging away at it. I'm tired, sip some coffee, I read and think. I find myself seeing potential in people, organizations, and projects, but I also find myself getting this thought, that I'll do the work and everyone will think I'm the man at times. I think I belong in television, people have told me I'd be perfect for the news. My mind is in contant connection mode I feel. And I'm amazed of how often I think I need to save the world. I think thats where I get this "my way or the highway attitude". I think I get that attitude from my rejection years. Out of rejection I found that I had to really believe in myself whether it was just trying to understand the teacher and the lesson in the way best for me or in the work place, translating instructions in a way that was best for me, regardless of how I was treated. It's through that process of not feeling rejected I appear to have a prideful view of my way or the high way. Do I take credit for becoming a christian and believing? no, but do i want credit for my actions and promoting people? not always. I have the gift of encouragement, and when I come across something that I see important for anybody or simply has potential, I run with it and am passionate about it.  Hits me, God has saved me, not me saving God. He is saving people , not me saving people, I get that backwards, He does the work. No need to stress over numbers or quantity, God is doing his thing how wants to and when He wants to, I just simply need to obey, and can only by his grace.

Ultimate Understanding

Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.

Colossians 1:10 NLT
At first I'm thinking that I've heard this in so many sermons, or lecturers, or something. Its the truth, there's a lot here. I'm tired this morning, worked late last night. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I had to look a few scriptures back to see what was really going on here. This is a training that Paul was giving Colossa, he was praying for them to have knowledge and wisdom. I look at it as a programming and training that never ends. I'm reminded again of Home Theater sales back at Ultimate, when I was in training for 2 weeks prior to hitting the sales floor. I was amazed of how much I didn't know about people. I really like Ultimate's Philosophy about putting the customer first and not the money. It was that week that Ultimate had been purchased by Hollywood videos former owner, February of '05. In the next 3 weeks, all my trainers for let go. I was in the last training school without even knowing it. As I entered the sales floor not knowing what would have happen in a week, I began to use my training and 6 weeks later, we had to review our training and take tests again. These tests were for knowlege in products and sales.  They weren't easy and Ultimate wanted us to make sure that we weren't just selling stuff, they wanted us to understand what we were doing. I was one of those guys, that really tried to learn stuff, I had to learn to relax though. I find in my walk with God, I get too relaxed and just assume people are saved or dont' want to be bothered, my biggest problem was I was afraid to ask for the sale. My biggest problem at times is I'm afraid to lead them to Christ. Or I don't even honor God at all, because they tell me later they never knew I was saved. When began closing the store in April, May, and June, I began learning to close my sales, it wasn't easy, but I did it. I learned to build a bridge and continue to get trained by my colleages. I find in my walk with God, I need to listen to my brothers and sisters for knowledge and understanding in this life even when I don't agree, I need to listen. It's those examples that help me become relaxed and in turn help me to mentor and bare fruit of my own without knowing it.

You have to live the life you were born to live. - Mother Abbess

— Isaiah 43:1-2 —

But now, this is what the LORD says —
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

 

At first I'm thinking of how often I feel I know what I need to do, and no one understands me. And I don't understand why they don't understand. It's also those decisions that I have to make out of faith that I don't understand. I can't but think of Maria from the sound of Music. So misunderstood, she had a faith of a child and didn't care how she showed it, "I can't seem to stop singing wherever I am. And what's worse, I can't seem to stop saying things - anything and everything I think and feel".
 the her fellow nuns complained about her climbing trees and ripping her dress. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Maria believed she was Gods, not the abbey's and they couldn't stand it. How many times have I felt like that but was afraid to live it. Maria is sent to nanny the kids of vontrap, where again she is not recieved well. They warm up to her eventually, but when she starts falling in love with the captain she runs away due to her own fears of those types of waters. How many times have I been afraid of trusting God when it didn't make sense? when I didn't have it figured out? in business, many times, i just trust my partner even though I don't agree or understand, I know he knows what he's talking about and 90% of the time, he's right. After Maria runs back to the abbey, Mother Abbess tells her to face her fears. But it was what Mother Abbess told her :Maria, these walls were not meant to shut out problems. You have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live. I find myself fighting between being committed and faithful to where I am, vs. being open to know where God wants me to be. It's like attending church. I can show up every sunday, and to all the events because I want to support and be faithful, but what if God is calling me else where. He did that many years ago, but I just couldn't leave things unfinished. Or my career, I had to listen to him, I always thought i needed to be in same career forever like my dad, because thats how it goes. I have to live the life I am born to live. Maria went back to face her fears and live the life she was called to live. Hits me, my family comes first, where does God want us? A year ago, I wasn't really praying this, I was surviving my job, now a year later, I'm more at God's feet saying, ok i'm listening, whats next? instead of "ok, i have this much vacation time so whatever you need during that slot is good". I am Gods,  through the waters, rivers, and fire, He's got me. That's how he works, I won't be burned, but refined. Just have to apply that.

Selfish Giving

Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

Luke 6:38 NLT
The first thing that I think of is the feeling I get of doubt before I help someone out, out of the blue. I debate depending on who it is, or I without thinking about it, just help. We saw Raiders of the Lost Ark for date night last night in Imax, it was fun, they really did a good job on restoring that film, the sound was amazing. I can't believe I spent $22 on two waters and a large popcorn, fortunately it was gift cards, but still. Sip some coffee,  I read and think, I'm reminded of the business world, and the amount of time, energy, and resources that goes into getting a business going. My partner has recently realized of how much I don't understand about that stuff, but I listen to him. Hard work pays off, I'm also reminded of again of Raiders, how Indy just wouldn't give up on the ark, and he still lost it to the U.S. when they wouldn't let the museum have the ark once he had it. What's interesting to me though, is how God puts people into my life without me realizing it. To draw us both closer to him, like this project were working on with Single parents with cancer. The amount of people that have come into these moms lives to assist them during there treatment completely volunteered. There are only two employees, all the rest volunteers to help 20 single parents every month with there practical needs while going through treatment. Giving is tuff at times, it makes you go into your heart, into that spot of selflessness, that spot beyond selfishness, that area that you think too much about and access everything. For me its not hard to access all depending on what I think I need to do. Sometimes its just tough, if its money or if its services, what is it? I read and think, the amount you give will determine that amount you get back? This is a big deal, its this feeling of being blessed by blessing someone else. The doubts I have prior to doing, the negative thoughts i get, the frustration, the temptations. Hits me, sure I can go to church and give all  I want because thats what I do, but when its out of the ordinary and in public, when I'm fighting myself, that's when it really counts, thats when the connections are being made, its those moments when you stop your day, when its out of the norm for me, when Gods saying obey me. it's these women helping single parents with cancer that they have never met to find hope, help and support through their treatment. The blessing will be abundant and poured into your lap.

Marion, don't look at it. Shut your eyes, Marion. Don't look at it, no matter what happens! - Indiana Jones

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Philippians 2:13 NLT

I always get this stuff backwards, I tend to live my life for God instead recognizing his working in me. Then I battle myself with the desire that he gave me, trying to make sure its not me who's doing it but him, its not an interest, a hobby, but his calling at the moment. I slept ok, took theraflu last night, now as soon as it wore off, i woke up around 3 am, so I got about 6 hours of sleep. I'm amazed of how many people give advice on how to get better. I've been working on this new business around the clock since April and now my body wants a break I guess. I read and think, I'm reminded of Raider's of the lost ark, why? because susan and I are going to see it in Imax tomorrow night. There's something about Indiana Jones that has always intrigued and inspired me. Not only does he get in way over his head but he has a passion for what's right, and will do whatever he can to make it right. He wasn't saved, but it goes to tell me, that God is always working in people even if they don't know him, how else do we find out accept for his still small voice. I can't but think of the ending scene when they're opening the ark, and indy says to Marian " Marion, don't look at it. Shut your eyes, Marion. Don't look at it, no matter what happens!" Indy respected that ark and it who it represented. God gave him the desire for truth and preservation. I find myself in the same boat at times with video production, seeing a non-profit or corporation that is in dire need of promotion. God implants on me, and sometimes i do need to have discernment, yet make sure I'm doing what he wants me to do. Indy was determined to save the ark, when it came time to open it up, he simply could only respect the father of whom it was all about, by shutting his eyes in humility. I have to let God be who he wants me to be, whatever desires and power he wants to give me, I need to take use as I feel he wants me to. Indy and Marion were the only ones who truly respected the ark, I need to learn from them, and in the littlest things obey God, even when its seems weird.

If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here. And here I am. - Fairy Godmother

I took my troubles to the LORD; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.

Psalm 120:1 NLT

At first I'm thinking, when do I? and then why don't I enough? I slept ok last night. I have a wedding to do today. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I'm reminded of Cinderella, it seems to be all Shayne wants to watch these days. How this orphaned little girl gets into a step family, and due to her beauty is made a slave pretty much. She had to wait on her step mom and step sisters hand and foot. The only friends she had were the animals within the house. When the invitation to the ball comes, her step mother makes it impossible for her to go, when the animals help her out, the step mom leaves her in rags all due to her beauty. How many times have I felt like that in my career or my life? why isn't God blessing me, like it appears He's blessing people around me? As cinderella cries by the fountain her fairy godmother appears and says that she heard her faith behind the weeping. As she prepares her for the ball, she arrrives just her step sisters are making their appearance. The Prince sees her not them, as she wonder's around lost and vulnerable. Then it hit me, if her step mother hadn't ransacked her dress, she wouldn't get her fairy god mother, and she wouldn't have been late for the ball. It was all timed perfectly. Hits me, Cinderella weeped and just lost it, she had been through so much pain with her new family, treated so poorly, but there were other plans for her, despite the slavery she was in. Her prayer was answered, and due to her clumsyness with her slippers falling off all the time, it paid off in her behalf, when she had to reveal the other half of the pair to prove she was who the prince was looking for. Regardless of how many times I don't think God really wants to hear my anger or how I really feel about something, he does. He's got plans, not the way I see it, but His way, he's way different and even when the enemy thinks he's got me, God's using that scene to prep for his glory. Cinderella was the second princess introduced by Disney, however created in 1697 and actually means :whose attributes was unrecognised, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect. Regardless of how I feel about myself at times, God hear's my heart and will answer, even when I don't mean it, he knows.

The mechanics and chemistry of marriage

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. And, love your neighbor as yourself.

Luke 10:27 NLT

I woke up this morning very tired, just alot of late nights again, continueing to transcribe and get other videos out. While getting ready for the day I began to think about the mechanics and chemistry that build a marriage. As I read this passage, I think of my relationship with God and how many times I don't apply this to God. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of wedding vows. Better or worse, sickness and health, death do us part, richer or poorer, and these days? until i'm not happy anymore. Then I'm reminded of how my relationship with God affects my relationship with my wife which affects my relationship with others. I think of the mechanics or the reactions I have to the chemical imbalance of my relationship or lack of it at times with God. Do I love the Lord my God with all my heart? not all ways, I don't think about it always. All my soul? I don't think about that much either, but sure. Strength? Mind? My neighbor? So many different situations affect my walk with God which affects my marriage and friendships, and vice versa. If' I'm in a bad mood in my marriage, I don't want to talk to God, then if i'm in a bad mood at work, I don't think of talking to God, all that chemistry is affected in different elements. Then there's the friendships with other people when your married which is totally affected by how your marriage is with your spouse and how well you two are getting along. If I'm not putting in an effort to work on the things that are important to the health of my marriage with my wife, then the chemistry in my business and my relationship to others is affected. These are things that aren't told you before you get married. It all starts with my relationship with God, If I strive to work on the mechanics and my chemistry with God, everything else will fall into place. That's where the battle begins, and where God puts things in the way to draw me closer to Him. Hits me, sure I can have a good work ethic and go crazy providing for my family because I want to have a retirement and good future, nice place to live, plan date nights vacations, but if my heart isn't in it, if its not with God, if my mechanics are not alligning to make the chemistry, I'll just feel numb inside. My love for God comes first, especially as the husband, as a child of God. Not passion for anything or anybody else, regardless of what the situation is.

Calling a stranger for help

Then when you call, the Lord will answer. 'Yes, I am here,' he will quickly reply.

Isaiah 58:9 NLT

The first thing I think of, is when I call. I have to call on God. When do i need to ask for help? sometimes too late. I'm am tired again, we've been transcribing interviews this week and shooting videos. The reason we transcribe is to transfer the audible to text, that way we can write out the script. In the movies, the writers make up the dialog, in our case the single parents are the writers and telling their story, so in order not to miss anything, transcribing is needed. One of the main things that the women have had to deal with is asking for help. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm one of those people who don't ask for help until sometimes its too late or people come up to me asking if i need help when I'm about done. I can admit depending on whats going on if I need help or not. I can't but think of the Singleton moms. These single moms with cancer and hearing their stories. How this non-profit has taken the things we consider part of our lives and come around these parents in need with support. The mothers all spoke of how they heard of Singleton moms, and the many ways that they were helped. I'm amazed when I do ask for help and its given. The mom's spoke of hurds of women flooding into their home to clean it, the "we don't take no for an answer" philosophy. Many of them said "complete strangers walking into your home with smiles". This is vulnerable, i'm not used to having people over, I always get nervous that they'll think I'm dirty or something or it smells weird. Hits me, there's something inside me that hesitates to ask for help, however when I see a need, I jump at it. I'm getting better at asking for help, God's there, sometimes he feels like a stranger, he may not give me the answer i want, but he will be quick to reply in a way thats best for me in his time. Singleton moms has a waiting list, its big, too big. You will get a reply and care, they will call you up and check on you, they will give you the emotional support you need during your treatment. God provides those people, he ignites the fire within them to reachout and to answer when you call. He does things like that. We don't get it, and we don't understand, but we need to accept it.

If you want to help or need help. singletonmoms.org and like them on facebook.

Foolish Praying

I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray.

Psalm 17:6 NLT

I'm not sure what to think of this one, maybe because I don't pray like that sometimes. I don't pray knowing He'll answer. I've been saved for a while, how many of those prayers have just been prayers? and how many time have i not, told God to listen to me, simply because I knew he was already? I slept ok, Susan and I were able to watch a movie after Shayne went to bed. Thats crazy, we didn't finish it but man, that's cool that we were actually able to watch something, we haven't done that probably in a year.

I've been trying Dunkin Donuts coffee, its ok, but I miss my starbucks, they just aren't on sale yet. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Prayer is a powerful thing, then why do I seldomly mean it when I pray. It's like a politician just saying words that work good together, he doesn't know if anything will work, and either do the people he's talking too, yet they cheer. I've heard men pray with passion, with power, with great sounding words, with healing, with fear, with logic, with lengthy words. I remember being in church as a young boy, and when the pastoral prayer came up, it was a contest who could keep their eyes closed the whole time and not move while they kneeled. Then there was the laying on of the hands after baptism. I didn't quite get that one. Why didn't we do that all the time, why only during certain occasions? I had a technician tell me once, he called that a super prayer. Yet God hears our grownings, he doesn't need words. I've prayed before thousands of meals, before road trips, before most videos, before opeating camera, interviews, business meetings, my first date with my wife, healing for people, my families health, my friends to get jobs, to pay bills. I knew God would answer in his time.  I don't think about it alot, because I think, I know I don't have control over Him, simply because he wants control over me. I find myself being fake with God, following the rules of a christian, my wife is real with God. I can see her praying just like David does here. I'm more logical, I say "well, God lives inside me, he doesn't need to bend down and listen". That's not the point, he wants me to tell him really how I feel, not with logic. With Nathan language, pray to him. Am I willing to, or am I afraid He'll be offended because I'm not being logical?  Hits me, This scripture isn't just words, its permission, its instruction on how talk to God, its not a thought, David spoke like this and it wasn't bad. In order for me to feel really free in Him, I need put it all out there, even if I'm afraid of it. If I can put my thoughts out for the world to see, why should God be any different, He's the one that really knows me, who am I fooling?

The Slide Plant

The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work.

1 Corinthians 3:8 NLT

The first thing that comes to mind is audio visual again. Everything that makes a show happen. However there's one thing element that most crew members hate. It's pipe and drape. Pipe and drape consists of basicly two or several 20 lb 12x12 steel bases, two telescoping pipes that attach to the bases, and one cross-bar that is run through some drape and connects the two pipes together. It actually looks really nice once its done. The process of getting there, is tedious. I have yet to see an efficient kit or way to put this stuff together, without making numerous trips to different places to get the crap. We usually have it done last after everything is set, get all the crew together and knock this out.

Well Today is labor day, so why am I thinking about work? Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the house across the street from mine when I was growing up. I was called over to take care of it while they were on vacation. I was about in 8th grade. I brought a post-it note over because usually these things weren't very eleborate. Bob looked at me and said "you're going to need a sheet of paper". He was right, lots of plants to water inside and out, and catfish to feed in the pool outside. There was one plant that stook out to me, the plant the was growing on the slide at the pool. He specifically instructed me to let the hose run for 5 minutes on this one. Of all the plants I had to water, he said this one, needs to be flooded. This guy had everything in house, it was so cool, an office that looked like Davey Crockett lived there, a back room for pottery, massive garden outside, black smith shop under the porch, etc. When his vacation came, I began watering. When I came upon the bush growing on the slide, I set my timer on my watch and stood there for 5 whole minutes. Sure I had watered before but this was different, as I watched water flood this plant and come over the barrel, i wondered if he wasn't joking. When Bob got back from his vacation, he told me I was the first one to ever save that bush all summer. That appreciation ended the following summer when he had me water his house again but didn't mention the slide plant, therefore i didn't water it, and it died. That was the last time I worked for him.  I read and think. Hits me, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, watering a plant, pipe and drape, or just operating gear thats about to break due lack of attention to detail. Everything is important. Sure, I can plant, but without water, forget planting, I can set up lights and but can't focus until pipe and drape are ready. The band can play but if gear maintenance is being abandoned, they won't play long. Everything has its part, and if one is neglected due to interest or personal preference, thats noticed. Or the plant, of all 60+ plants to water, the slide plant was his favorite. Every job is important, every position has its value and none should be neglected they cannot work without the other.

Following the Action

— Psalm 40:5 —

Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.

 

The first thing I think of is the Audio Visual booth at church. Why? we were working on it yesterday. In some church's its very undermined and misunderstood, in others it's very valued and respected. Yet what the booth produces brings glory to God. The men and women behind the scenes are probably the most under spiritual attack I have ever scene. I slept ok, I'm a lite sleeper, I was looking for a facebook group about lite sleepers, couldn't find one. Sip some coffee, I read and think. We call it the mix booth, sound booth, tech table, the booth, sound area. Back in the day it didn't exist, until congregations grew and volunteers from broadcast implimented there standards inside church. Now many are paid due to the demands of the leaderships vision. Little do they know at times, the spiritual attacks faced by all of us technicians behind the wood in the booth. It's either work or worship, what'll it be? You can't do both. When I'm operating the booth, I can't let myself worship or the lyrics, video, mics, lights, will be missed and out of sync. The worship leader will give me a look, the audience will look back, its just not good. How many times have I been so depressed, burned out, just lost, and operating a Sunday service. We call it, "following the action", having a list of events for the service, yet keeping attentive to the stage due to last minute changes that you didn't see coming. For us back in the booth, this always means S.O.P. (standard operating procedure) on each area, FOH (front of house or sound board), video, graphics, and lights. Then communication between all technicians in the room so we can keep up with the demands that can happen last minute. If we are ready, then everyone else can worship, if not? things could be disasterous. Then there's the repair and replacement that we have to track during rehearsal and service, to attend to on a later date (budget permitting that is). I read and think, The whole point of all this tech stuff is the audience doesn't notice we're there. So they can let God speak to them, and live this verse out. God will work regardless of technology, but when things work right, people don't notice us at all. There lies a different issue, the condition of our spiritual lives, sure we appear as guys in a booth looking at the stage but inside, are so many lost and broken hearts, men seeking acceptance, fighting depression, loneliness, burn out, bad marriages, temptations with who knows what. Just because we're in church and in the booth doesn't mean we can worship. It really means that we can't but make sure everyone else can. Seeing us in the booth is very decieving, we appear to behind gear and doing great because were in church. Our worshipping moments end up being outside of church or when we can get a break and actually attend a service as a spectator. Hits me, This life is about God, this service is about God, God uses us to communicate Him, no wonder we struggle, we have an important part to play. Just as God is using us in our weakest moments at times, He's using everybody else in the room to show His presence in their lives, and that is something to rejoice about.