Here comes the Boom

The Lord is my light and my salvation so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

Psalm 27:1 NLT

At first I'm reminded of a movie,  I watched last night, called "Here comes the boom" with Kevin James. Scott Voss is a Biology teacher who discovers that his school is dropping the music program due to budget cuts. So he sets out to get funds to be able to keep the program. He discovers mma fighting  through a student in a class he teaches at night. Scott was a wrestler in college and has no training for this type of fighting. But the winner gets 50k which is the amount needed for to keep the music program.  I read and think. His trainer told him, just jump into through ring and see what happens, then we'll know how to train. Scott does this, and gets demolished, yet he keeps training because he needs to get the music program back. How many times have I wanted to not jump in unprepared, many. This year, I've had to make business decisions that I hated, but were healthy. I've had to take my insecurities and believe I was wrong, and continue to pursue things. I've had to make a trip to places, that I wanted to procrastinate on. Scott ends up winning the big fight and gets the money.

Hits me, why should I be afraid? I've got God, especially when He's really knocking on me. He's my fortress, yet I don't believe He's possible, He's protecting me from danger, yet I'm scared when I'm trusting Him. Why am I trembling? He's my light. Scott had a goal, I'm a terrible goal setter. Even though Scott was totally out of his league, he went for it. When God is pulling me, I can't resist even though my mind and body tell me to. It sucks when God opens doors and I'm just afraid to walk through.

Everlasting animation

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 139:23-24 NLT

This is from David. I remember the song. I'm tired today but need to careful about the coffee, I just worked out and don't want to get dehydrated. As I read this, "search me" sticks out. Usually I'm the one searching, wondering, analyzing. Yesterday, I was told I needed a better logo for my business. I agreed. I didn't like it. What does a logo do? It should speak about what my business. I had to let the artist search the web for images that represented me. I found out that I was thinking about things way too much. After about 2 hours, we had one, he felt was good, and I trusted him. I liked it too. I read and think. What is the logo of my person. What do people think when they see me? Am I on the path to everlasting life? I don't always let God lead me, I let my anxious impulsive thoughts take over and offend people. I then asked the artist to give me the logo in photoshop so I could animate it later. What's my animation anyway in way in life?  When I see a company logo, it defines them, I immediately think about how to bring it to life. Will I let God search me and know me. Am I seeking Him and knowing Him?

Hits me, a logo is an identity, it's what represents me, I have to seek God and let him redesign me in His way, not mine, because he knows me, and will animate me.

Pierced Integrity

Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord.

Psalm 119:1 NLT

The first thing that comes to mind is how much integrity it takes to be joyful. It's the step into following God's instructions that provided integrity. It's a sore spot for me at times. I am amazed of how much integrity the public wants. In business, if you show integrity and do what you say you're going to do, you're golden. If not, you're in trouble. Or its like in tools, how much integrity does this hammer have. Is it going to break? But being joyful? this is a big deal. I find that I give people the vibe that they can trust me, that I have integrity. I fight for integrity as much as the guy sitting next to me. I read and think. Is there a difference between joy and happiness? Is there a difference between having your sweatshirt or not. Can I be joyful alone without God? I have trouble following the instructions. Oh i can build a lego set step by step but when God's knocking on my heart, that's a different story. It's tough because what happens when I lose out. I try being joyful when I don't have integrity. Just doesn't happen. Why do I need to follow the instructions? Why can't there be an easier way? It's like why can't I just smile and be fine. It's following God. Is it that in this the day and age where speaking about God is still offensive? Yes. Actually its the day and age of offending and being offended. Only God can survive. I get kind of irritated with the christian community whenever something like the bible series is shown on TV. Why are we surprised? God is in control and everywhere, not just in scripture. Yes, when the scripture is preached, it is a piercing. When I hear worship music, it's a piercing. It's a piercing when Christ was here in person. The people weren't ready for that, and honestly still aren't.

Hits me, am I going to have integrity according to the word or according to me? It's a lot easier when I'm following God, unfortunately I get distracted and then I get pierced.

Walk this way

The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.

Proverbs 20:7 NLT


At first I'm thinking, how do I walk in this life? Then I read it again and integrity pops out and then again. walk with integrity. It's crazy of how in this day and age, integrity is an option and not an honor. I find myself dealing with it in all areas.
Wikipedia defines it as Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. Integrity can be regarded as the opposite of hypocrisy,^[1] in that integrity regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs. Man have I screwed this up.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. People who have integrity are sometimes hard to approach due to my insecurity of not being like them. Sometimes I feel like I'm a flake, and I don't want to be a flake. I want to be respected. You earn respect, you don't ask for it. This bible, these scriptures, this life that is called godly, what is it? Is it that integrity is only for the godly? It's considered old fashioned today almost. It's even crazier in marriage, raising your children without being selfish. It's knowing how to discipline and being fair. Having integrity with your mind, eyes, business, family, friends. Where do you draw the line? Am I willing to end friendships due to my beliefs or can I agree to disagree? I find myself in a constant battle between pain and gain. It's a spiritual work out to be godly. It's standing up and leaving, or showing up and staying. Just like what Gandolph said:

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

Hits me, God gives me all kinds of opportunities to have integrity. And thats integrity without judgement. It's about walking a godly way, keeping my word, managing my impulses, speaking the truth. the first lines from Fellowship of the ring come to mind.

Galadriel: The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of men, who, above all else, desire power. But they were, all of them, deceived, for another Ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master Ring, to control all others. And into this Ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One Ring to rule them all.

I need to walk a certain way.

Pitch Perfect

Live in harmony with each other.

Romans 12:16a NLT

I'm amazed when on vacation, my by biological time clock doesn't change as well. I woke up 4:30 on my own, on my first day of vacation. I felt fine, I was awake, it wasn't like I was trying to sleep. This is a get along with each other verse. Sip some coffee, I read and think. We're in Carlsbad, Ca for a few days. I need to get a mug. Harmony sticks out to me in this one. Whenever I hear that word, I think of singing. Singing harmony is natural to me. But really it's a natural way to sing. It definitely enhances the song, when you hear the same line being song in harmony with the melody. It's not a back up, its enhances, but just a little. Harmony supports the people. It's not that I'm going to agree all the time with others but something I need to decide in myself to do. "Live" also pops out at me. Meaning that, even if I just don't get along with someone? I need to seek to understand them. That's very challenging with some people, who I just want to leave alone and wish I never met. I'm reminded of the In-laws, not the remake but the original with Peter Falk and Alan Arkin. My mother in-law lent it to me a month ago and I can say, it's not my favorite. Both actors did a great job, but I can't handle those kind of comedies where things just keep happening and theres no real resolution until the end. But my point is, these two guys had to work hard to live in harmony with each other since their their kids were getting married. Peter Falk works for the CIA (you don't really believe that until the end) and Alan Arkin is a successful dentist. Peter falk persuades his future in-law to help him take care of an undercover operation (alan has no idea what anything is all about, until bullits start flying). In the end of the movie, they both are living in harmony together. They both have great hearts and are both very different. I'm also reminded of Pitch Perfect, a movie about acappela singing. The girls ended up living in harmony in order to get along to win the competition. They actually took the theme of the breakfast club and applied it to their relationships with each other. I'm amazed of how getting along with people is so essential in the family and the work place.

Hits me, we're all in this earth together, for that very act of harmony, God sent his son. We were screwing it up. I'm amazed of how much judgement i throw on people because of my insecurity. I'm amazed of how accepting I am of crap thrown at me. I'm also amazed of how much I bend the truth of God's word to live in harmony with someone else. Yet he who is without sin, cast the first stone. Harmony isn't singing the same key, it's referred to as the vertical aspect of music, and melody being the horizontal. Its a change in pitch. That pitch can be a blessing or a curse. If I keep listening to God and sometimes asking for grace with someone, that pitch will come naturally and sometimes in time.

OMG or Praise God!

O our God, we thank You and praise Your glorious name!

1 Chronicles 29:13 NLT


This has got alot behind it. You don't just say this, there has to be reason behind it. I'd try just saying stuff like this because everyone else was, but it didn't work. It's like how many likes can I get? When people hear their name, they get confidence, unless its bad news. It's the craziest thing. That's why God sent His son, to be the credit and the people back then hated that, so do people these days. Honestly, it took along time to for me to give credit to people and God. I remember asking my parents, "after I sing a solo and people praise me, how do I respond?", They said, "praise God or it's all for God's glory". Then I learned to say thank you first. I'm amazed of how many people don't sit and watch the credits of a movie, they get up and go. Pretty much, they know the director and actors but could care less about everyone else. Star Wars was the first movie to have the credits at the end, 20th century fox almost pulled it from theatres on opening weekend because of that. I read and think, their's reason behind accreditation. It's when the person, that company, really blew you out of the water. Where they made the show awesome, its when they do what they say they will do. God says he will not leave me nor forsake me. Does that mean, I'll get what I want? maybe, maybe not. It means, He'll be with me regardless of what his plan is. Would I rather have him give me what I want and not be there all the time, or have him there always and watch him provide in His way?   This is where people start taking His name in vain. The name above all names, the one name that should never be taken invane....is. Simply because I don't get my way.  Because something happened to me that God probably hinted at, and I didn't listen. Then I keep silent because anger is not good and I hold it in so I look like I'm fine. Then what makes a name, glorious? what makes a name thankful and worthy of praise? For me its honesty, reliability, and communication. Isn't that what God is? He sure is honest, He's always there, and He communicates through all kinds of things. Then why the hesitation to praise Him? Am I disrespecting Him when I use a lower case h instead of an uppercase H?

Hits me, getting likes and credit will never end. I always feel weird putting my nak logo at the end of my videos. It's that part of my humanity that I'll never get over. Jesus said He was the credit and no one else. These days I find myself giving him credit only when I think its big. It's the experiences and growth that I receive from Him every day that are opportunities to trust Him and praise Him. Even when God uses a movie to speak to me, I need to sit and watch the credits and say thank you, I needed that.

Pissed off

Galatians 5:7-11

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?  That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.  “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”  I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty.  Brothers and sisters, if I am still preaching circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been abolished.

 

At first I'm thinking, of the tough things I've been going through the past few months. Lots of insecurities about listening to God. From this scripture, I'm quick to blame. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's those moments when you think God is using someone to speak to you and He's is but isn't. It's like in Star Wars when Anakein listens to the chancelor because his wife could be in danger. It's the get rich quick schemes, it's those moments when your past hits you unexpectedly and weeks later your wondering how you landed in the dirt, and is it too late? I have reason for resentment, but I feel miserable. What do I do with forgiveness? what do I do with salvation? Christ didn't say a word for 30 years. All he could say was "it's not time yet". I can't say God makes mistakes, He's teaching me to see Him in them. Why do bad things happen to good people? Define bad. It's different for everyone. I believe I live in a society that lives off of happiness, not reality. Sometimes I want to screw these blogs because I'm not being honest enough. I've been pissed these last months. God's been pulling me in my own company and knocking on me with all kinds of personal stuff. He's brought people back in my life that I now resent. He's brought family stuff up that I now resent again. The scripture comes to mind "he who is without sin, cast the first stone". I've come to envy sinners, then I look in the mirror and I see one. I find myself not wanting people over because it's not ready by my standards. I sound like my mom. NOOO!! Who did this to me? Did I? 

 

Hits me. I have to get myself out of this, I get so blindsided at times, I need to pray for grace, its like drinking a glass of water before I hit the heat outside and not after I'm dehydrated. It's being ready for the gig and not getting ready after its begun. And if the gigs begun and someone leads me astray, I can't put my head in the ground like I'd like to, but need to keep to my identity even if I don't know who I am anymore.

Iron Man: [as the fight begins] Call it, Cap!

Hebrews 6:10-12

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.  We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized.  We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

 

I'm not sure what to think of these. I've done lots of work God in my life and never thought of people seeing it. I never cared. Now that I have a family, I charge money for it. With my a.d.d. I often feel invisible. This helps when I'm operating a camera. I also wear black all of the time but simply due to the industry I work in. People do see me though and it doesn't bother me. I have to do what I have to do, to get that shot. And now, I find I need to show that footage quickly. sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the super heros. I'm reminded of spiderman, the incredibles, the avengers, all those guys. These people who freely just wanted to help humanity and make the world a safe place to live.

The ending fight scene from the avengers comes to mind.

Iron Man: [as the fight begins] Call it, Cap!
Captain America: Alright, listen up. Until we can close that portal our priority's containment. Barton, I want you on that roof, eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash.
Hawkeye: [to Iron Man] Want to give me a lift?
Iron Man: Right. Better clench up, Legolas.
[Iron Man takes Hawkeye up to the roof]
Captain America: Thor, you gotta try and bottleneck that portal. Slow 'em down. You got the lightning. Light the bastards up.
[Thor swings his hammer and flies off and Captain America turns to Black Widow]
Captain America: You and me, we stay here on the ground, keep the fighting here. And Hulk? Smash!
[the Hulk grins and jumps away]

 I look at these guys, and their all simply using their talents to help make the world a safer place. I'm amazed of how often I only look at my family and seek to protect it. I've done years of service in church with no thought of credit. Sometimes I did feel that God wasn't watching. But did I do it for the right reason or simply because I wanted it done. I'm surprised of how long God will let me make a mistake in order for me to see it His way. It feels right at the time but not wholesome. Yet He'll allow it. Where do my abilities belong? Do I belong?

Hits me, God wants me to put my all in until the very end, He knows my heart and motive, He knows who I really am, especially when I feel misunderstood. The Avengers were all different characters but kept their goal secure. They knew who they were. I must live for who God made me to be, especially when I don't believe it and doubt it  and start becoming lazy.

the dark side of the force

John 8:12

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

 

I've always been fascinated by Christ's life here on earth. He never argued, He just spoke the truth. I have a hard time speaking the truth about God to people, especially if their my friends. But then what is a true friend? Sip some coffee, I read and think. He spoke in total first person, which threw everybody off. He actually identified himself as the light of the world.

 

I'm amazed of how much darkness I am used to walking in. It's walking into my office (storage room) at home. I have so much junk from my past in here. Old cd's that i don't use anymore, they're for back up, if my hard drives crash. Memorbelia that needs to be put on display to make it a nice office. When I was single, I took whatever people gave me in technology. Basicly their old junk and put it with mine. Then when I got married, I had to rethink why I had old tv's and gear which all worked fine, just old. My wife told when we had an apartment, "what do you really see in the backyard?" Honestly? I saw a nice patio to hang at, not all my junk. I was then amazed of how much attachment I had put on things that i had purchased or gifts that people had given me.  Then when about my life with God? What things am I collecting due to hard times? Things that are keeping me away from walking in the light? I'm not sure, am I thinking about it too much? It's just like Anakin Skywalker was told that if He turned to the Dark side, he could save his wife. He had a great motive, but little did he know what was ahead. His kids barely saved him from his bitterness and anger. If he hadn't joined the dark side, his wife would have been fine and Luke and Leia wouldn't had to save him. No if's though. What happened, happened and it was meant to be. I can't live by "if only".

 

Hits me, I look to so many other things to be the light of the world, not God. I do it without thinking about it. I find I look at progress as the light of the world or success. Those are things that I'm not good at. That's stupid. My freedom is nothing like Christ's. It's like make my own darkness, my own version of black, my dark side of the force. It's a mixture of a nice yard, good income, healthy family, etc. Where's God in that? I'm way off. He's there, but wants to direct me, not follow. He's revealing to me His life in me through Him even when my darkness appears to be light.

Facebook Freedom

For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17 NLT

The first thing I'm thinking of, is freedom from what?  I came to the computer this morning, thinking about how fake facebook is. What's really going on in peoples lives? Am I escaping my reality and running to facebook as another friend? I've told my wife several times, I like my life, so I want to share it with everyone. But, not everything. An article I came across the other day on FB ignited these thoughts. It was entitled "stop instagramming your perfect life" http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/stop-instagramming-your-perfect-life.

It really wasn't about just instagram but about all social media. And what is being social? Is being social, escaping? I remember going to church to escape my reality and not bring it, into my reality. I remember when I lost a business I started last year. I didn't want to be at home, I needed to be in public. I didn't care where, just get me out of here. I didn't know why? In the past, people had to drag me out of my editing room, now I didn't want to be anywhere near it. I had editing to do, which was fine, I just didn't want to be alone, but in public. I just didn't know why? Then I saw others the same way. I traveled between starbucks, I began to recognize the same people day after day. Sure people came in and out, starbucks definitely had its regulars.

Is facebook a chance of freedom, or do I need freedom from facebook? I read and think, God is always pulling me to freedom, regardless of whats going on. The media has become social. It can be a source to express my freedom or a source to freedom, or by getting away from it, its freedom. But what is the spirit really speaking about? Its this freedom, of what really is entangling me, in life. The one thing that holds me back. That one thing is failure. Before the social media's ever existed, I fought failure. I can easily escape from the reality that I need to be freed.

Hits me, God wants a relationship with me, he's relational. I have to be free to really experience that. Regardless of what happens in my life, he's always tugging on me about freedom that he gives. I'll get out in public, get on facebook, instagram, linkedin, etc. To just simply find that freedom or share the freedom I've found and how I found it. And sometimes, I just want to hold it, and keep it to myself and experience it. That's really tough to do too.

Support your local Sheriff

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Colossians 3:23 NLT

I'm tired this morning, we had a nice picnic with some of Susans old friends yesterday, but for some reason I didn't sleep well.  I got the movie "support your local sheriff" for Christmas. And for some reason I'm reminded of it with this scripture. Sip some coffee, I read and think. the town of Calender, Colorado, springs up over night when a woman discovers gold in the grave during a funeral.  Word gets outs and the once peaceful town become's chaotic. and that to ship out all the gold they are mining, they must pay a hefty fee to the Danbys, a family of ranchers/bandits who control the only route out of town. Most people are too busy digging to take time out to be sheriff, and those who are willing to put down their shovel quickly die. This all changes with the arrival in town of Jason McCullough (James Garner), a calm and exceptionally competent man from "back East" who says he is passing through town on his way to Australia. While in the town saloon, he sees young Joe Danby (Bruce Dern) gun a man down. Needing money after discovering the town's ruinous rate of inflation, McCullough demonstrates his uncanny firearms ability to the mayor and town council, and becomes the new sheriff. As I watched McCullough's tactics on fixing this town, I couldn't believe how I would do it differently. How many times when I want to work for God and do things for his glory do I lose track and go the other direction. When McCullough saw a muddy street full of fighters being roudy, he didn't shoot a gun, he recognized that they were acting like kids and like a bunch of animals therefore he hosed them down. When one gunfighter came in to try to take him down. He commented "this is just getting childish". So he treated the gunfighter like a child and just started throwing rocks at him.
How many times have been in a setting and been able to focus the way that God wants me to so I can serve him? Depends on the moment. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the moment, I don't listen to my instinct. The town gave McCullough a jail house but it didn't have any bars. So he used common sense and was able to keep a prisoner in it living in fear of escaping. His first resort was not to join the fight but to assess what the town was all about. What is my role of life all about? The purpose of today all about? Is it to pick a fight with my problems? Or is it to live in the freedom that God has given me? McCullough made it clear to the mayor that this sherriff job was only temporary and that he was on his way through. He ended up and didn't leave. I usually can assess a situation and know whats going on with it. What God is challenging me with. Its still very hard to do the right thing, because i don't believe it.

Hits me, McCullough was not planning on being sheriff when he arrived in Calender, Colorado. He just discovered that he needed a job pretty quickly and that the town needed help. Am I living this life for myself or for God? Usually when God pops something up, I don't like it. But I have no choice at times. He wants me to live and do everything for Him regardless of how I feel things are lined up.

Illusion vs Truth

The next day, the news that Jesus was on the way to Jerusalem swept through the city. A large crowd took palm branches and went down the road to meet him. They shouted, "Praise God! Blessings on the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hail to the King of Israel."

John 12:12-13 NLT

At first I'm thinking, its Palm Sunday so of course the Palm Sunday verse. But what strikes me is that he didn't have to acknowledge himself this time. He was known. They said "Praise God, Hail to the King of Israel". He did not tell them to say that. They actually shouted it. This wasn't a sports team that was coming into an arena or a movie star who happened to coming in, it wasn't the pope. Then the following week he was crucified by the same people. Sip some coffee, I read and think.

When's the last time I spoke like that about God and then put him on the cross a week later? He forgave me for both because he planned on both.  That's Christ's character. I'm amazed of how star struck I get with celebrities. Would I be star struck if I saw Christ in person? When someone becomes another person all the sudden and they are believable, they bring you to a different place in your mind, to your imaginative side. They allow you to escape with them into a different world. When I produce a video, that's my idea. I have to keep the audience attentive in this world I just created for them. I can't lose them. Christs character was just like that, accept his was real, it wasn't an illusion, he really is the truth. He brings no illusion but true life, and for some reason I have a problem accepting that. I'll believe it and at times will live it.

Hits me, is my character that of Christ? Am I humble like Him? not always. The more I study Him like I watch movies, the more I'll be like Him. The more I'll praise Him and shout Him out, because He lives in me and won't leave because he's always after me until I believe.

Ignorant Christian

1 Corinthians 10:1-5

For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers and sisters, that our ancestors were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea.  They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea.  They all ate the same spiritual food  and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.  Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered in the wilderness.

 

At first I'm thinking that even though I've been saved, I am still going to sin. Not to say, go ahead and sin. Sip some coffee, I read and think. The words "ignorant of the fact" sticks out. How many times have I thought that since I go to church, my problems are gone? Or how many stories have I heard of pastors and other people doing stupid stuff and the phrase "but they were involved in ministry", but they were on the worship team, taught Sunday school, great mom, great dad", I just don't understand". Then I go the other side of: "they don't go here in anymore", they've left the church", I wonder how they're doing?" I wonder where they go?". I am in the "they" group now. Many people have given me the "church look of pity and empathy" I can't but think of a tread mill in my home (i don't have one) but would I let it just sit there and because its there, feel strengthened and refreshed? or would I use it and work out? I have found myself worshiping church and not God at times. I was involved heavily because I love God and saw so many ways to serve Him. But, did he want me burning myself out doing that? I found I was so focused on church and not God. It's like being so focused on doing a job and not on how i am profiting. I'm a faithful guy, I won't give up, you'll have to remove me. I remember in 1996, when K-love was first in Phoenix. They went off the air because no one was funding them. They were freaking out. I've also noticed other new churches on facebook, proposing plans of how they will get believers and funding.  What is this? a business? logically yes, funds and order are needed. But still God owns me. And thats why Christ came when he did, because thats how everyone was being taught. I can't believe how far back I slid. I found myself so stuck in performing at church that I forgot about what God was doing in me. The ideas for ministry will never leave, they will just keep coming. I read and think.

Hits me, I can't be "wide eyed" when someone falls into sin at church or in the past. I'm a sinner too, it can happen to anybody. I'm an addict too in who knows what else. I can't be an ignorant Christian and be thinking that just because people attended, were involved, faithful, all that hog wash, means they are fine and fixed. It's how they were with God, which is also none of my business, unless they want it to be. That all depends on my relationship with them. I am "they" now too. People at church approach me and tell me they miss me. I can't be an ignorant christian any longer.

This coffee bends mugs

Daniel 10:15-19

While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless.  Then one who looked like a man touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I feel very weak.  How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”  Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength.  “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.”When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”

 

 

At first I'm thinking about how many times I've had to perform at church. By that I mean, entertain people, say hi to people, make them happy. Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times have I been given a vision, and think I can do it? How many times have I fumbled things up instead of letting God work through me? It's this thing of "God does the work, I don't". I need to learn to relax. Today I'm drinking out of my "this coffee bends mugs" mug. I found this at the thrift shop and just had to have it. Coffee, is a pick me up, it gets me going, however I have to monitor how awake I am already, and how I'm thinking, or the coffee won't work.  Here Daniel is expecting to be in good shape, speech, everything after he hears God. But instead he falls on his face speechless. Then a man touched his lips so he could speak. He admits he overwhelmed. That's not what he was expecting to think. Now it seems that he was scared. Then he was touched again and was given strength. How embarrassing.  At the end, God cleared his mind so he would listen. How many times have I left God and ran with the vision? If I drink coffee, when i don't need, but just drink it because it smells good, I get all frazzled. If I see someone at church, who I judge for having no one to talk to when they really are just enjoying themselves in there own way, I'm actually interrupting there time and intruding. Coffee is powerful thing, and I respect it. Do I respect God, enough that I let him work in me and push what I think is his love on other people that appear to be alone? 

Hits me, many of the prophets were afraid and told God they couldn't do what he wanted. They all did what he wanted because he did it through them. They didn't grab God and say lets go. He spoke and they listened. When its time for coffee and I know I need some I need to drink it, not when its time for someone else. God is my coffee and I'm the mug. When its time for me to listen, he'll shape me the way he wants to, regardless how I feel.

Why a Pope?

Colossians 1:3-6

We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you,  because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people—  the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel  that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace.

 

 

At first I'm thinking, its just the intro to colossians. I thank God for people too, Paul. Sip some coffee, I read and think. The question comes to mind, why do we need a pope or father? So I researched it and discovered that we felt that after Peter died, he needed a replacement leader to be head of the actually church (didn't they realize they would Idolize him? and take things way too far in a different direction). I then asked the question, isn't that what the spirit's for? Then I see, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world. Who is God anyway? Not, who's the pope? and why all the trouble? Then I'm reminded of superman. I was watching it this week randomly and was struck by the end when lois lane died. Superman fly's up to the clouds and hears his dads last words again and again. It is forbidden to have any relationships, all these powers and I couldn't save him.When's the last time I flew up to my clouds and listened to God? He then fly's clockwise around the world to reverse all the disaster that lex luthor just created. How I would love to change my past, just go back and not do certain things, or go back and do certain things. Paul is writing this while in prison, and he's pretty happy with colossa for their faithfulness to God. But what for? The world is a sinful place and when sinful places become healthy, it's encouraging. How many times have I wanted to not sin after I had sinned?  I'm going to have a Lex Luther in my life, that is always going to be after me, but I have an escape, I need to focus on what God has called me to do, even when I get distracted.

Hits me, sure a pope has been selected and we'll continue with our daily things. The spirit is alive and active and has knocked on millions of hearts to follow him. We live in a fallen world, so much that characters like superman were created to save us from harm I'm aware of. The Pope isn't Superman and shouldn't be viewed as a supreme being. I can't fix my past, but I can learn from it, just like superman did. The pope will give wisdom and understand but shouldn't be looked at any different than you and I. God is using him, just like he uses me. There is no leader other than those around me who God uses and as Paul said " I praise God for them".

Dead or alive, you're coming with me - Robocop

The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

John 10:10 NLT

At first I"m reminded of Robocop saying "dead or alive, you're coming with me". I'm amazed at the contrast between the theif's way and the God's way. Two different paths. The crazy thing is, the enemy likes me to think, I'm not worthy of the other path. I am not worthy of a rich and satisfying life. We're born as thieves to steal, kill, and destroy. This can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sure I'm not going to physically steal, and kill, and destroy. But what about judging, bitterness, just emotional trauma. It's crazy. In Robocop, Murphy is a wounded cop who returns to the force as a cyborg, with memories haunting him. I'm amazed how of how God has used things in my marriage to bring us closer to him and to each other. It's through pain and suffering and perseverence. It's really weird. Why? He actually did the same thing with Jesus, he brought into the world only to have him killed in order to save. He  used the theives destroy technique to save us. So that I might find my purpose and have a rich and satisfying life. Yet he likes to take my past and use it to haunt me. Sip more coffee, I read and think. God is going to have me dead or alive. It's His way. The enemy is so pursuave and believable that things should be a different way. Jesus died and came alive, and is coming back soon.

Hits me, the thief's purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. It doesn't seem like that because its a long steal, kill, and destroy. Robocop kept moving even though he was haunted by what almost killed him. I'm not supposed to live in my past, I'm supposed to know that God is going to take me dead or alive and gives me so many opportunities to live a rich and satisfying life.

Because she's got it comin' to her; and I *don't* mean 'a week in the lap of luxury'! - Miss Hannigan

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23:6 NLT

I never thought about it that way. Love pursuing me. Usually I'm trying to love someone. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I have to remember that God "so loved" the world. Love is a powerful thing, its not what I've made it into. I can't love someone based on their performance. I often think God loves me based on my performance. He doesn't, he loves me because I'm His child. With credibility being so important in this day and age, this love thing has gone into performance mode and not stayed where it should. Bad news travels fast. Good news doesn't. it's so easy to think that God views me the way society threatens me. I'm reminded of Annie again. How when she saw this opportunity to get out of the orphanage, Miss Hannigan wouldn't let her. She said "Because she's got it comin' to her; and I *don't* mean 'a week in the lap of luxury'!" I'm amazed of how in fear I have lived at times due to what I've done. Then when I'm going to be blessed I either jump at it or just don't accept it. Annie referred to the orphanage as a tomb where she'd sit and freeze. How many times have lived in a tomb? I admit I've been hopeful, that I would get out of the tomb, I was currently in. God pursued me, and he continues to. I find myself going in and out of the house of the lord all the time. I don't dwell in there like I should. Even Annie, when she got to the mansion thought she had to join the crew. Yet they said, don't worry about it. How many times have I felt like I still need to save myself when I've already been saved. Annie finally accepted that she didn't need to do anything and lived in that. Why can't I just live in God and let Him live in me? In reality we're all like that in one way or another. Making life too hard. And then there are moments when I just give up and keep walking. That's when God thanks me for letting him in.

Hits me, Miss Hannigan wanted Annie to get what she deserved, she didn't want her to have a luxurious life. She wanted her to suffer. Annie kept positive and kept thinking about tomorrow. I was an orphan before God adopted me as his child, and now I need to strive to accept his love and not by my performance but how He's see's me.

Driver through prayer

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done

Philippians 4:6 NLT

This is the prayer verse. As I sip coffee this morning, and read this, the first two words pop out. Don't worry. That is the whole deal. I don't worry about stuff usually. But then there are the moments where I don't know how it's going to happen with God. I don't know what to do, I need an answer.  I feel stuck. There's a lot going on in this verse. There's a lot going on in my life. Do I really mean what I pray? Do I ask God for help and worry more? I've lost count of the movies with prayer in them. that moment where they're at their last thread. Last year I noticed a sign at my church "drive through prayer". I thought was a great idea. There's a drive through everything these days, why not prayer. After a few weeks, I felt stuck in some decisions and got some prayer. They gave me a receipt simply to document the date and encouraged me to follow up with them about the results. Mostly I was amazed of how serious they were about whatever was on my heart. They really wanted to help. Whenever I'm driving, I always think of the cars and people on the road and where they are at in life. Then I begin to think about prayer and really what it is. What is this action that I've been raised to do? before every meal, during church, before a trip, to find something I've lost, for help, illness, to get better, confidence, fear, hurt, rejection, career, what to say, etc. On my knees, in the car, at work, on the phone, on facebook, in song, in a poem, praying the word. Then whats up with people responding while you're praying? Or whats the deal with how to pray? The lords prayer, it's like giving a gift to someone and not letting go of it. It was always about health and major crisis. after baptism, and of course going on a mission trip. Or is it? What is the right way? Is there a right way? Is it the words or the attitude? Do I judge someone based on how they pray? Praying is powerful, it's a unique thing I feel uncomfortable with at times. I don't feel anything while doing it. I feel it after. When someone prays for me, I feel the spirit, and feel hopeful and sometimes i don't feel anything. I read and think, then there's acknowledging God when He's provided and recognizing him. I've prayed many times on my way to shows, that everything works out. It's like calling for someones help and help shows up and acknowledging them . It's the need for help, it's seeing that I like to do things myself but I can't do everything. It's recognizing these insecurities that I have always had and asking for a cure instead of avoiding them. Why does prayer seem weird to me? I think because when I see others doing it, they are exposing to me that they don't have it all together. It's the intimate side that I'm afraid to show in public. Yet the public is insecure. The public drives up for prayer. These are human beings. It's a humbling thing. Sometimes i don't want to pray because I'm mad. Especially pray for other people when I'm mad.

Hits me, prayer is a powerful thing. It's strong, its valuable, there's no app for it, its always instant access, even in groans and tears God hears me. It's no contest, its simply God saying he loves me and wants to hear from me. It's Him saying, I've left my spirit for you. It's Him saying to me, I'm His own. It's me saying I need help. It's Him saying, I've got your back. Sometimes its me saying nothing special. He wants to hear from me, even though I know what His word says. I'm thinking at times, well God already knows what I'm thinking. He wants to hear me say it, even when its crazy and stupid. I keep on having to remember that God is eternal and I"m not. What he's thinking sometimes isn't what I'm thinking. And that's what He wants to work on me with, is seeing the world through His eyes and not mine. When that happens, worrying isn't such a big deal because I know who I'm praying to and am greatful for that. Whether it's in a movie theater or a drive through, He's listening.

The sun'll come out tomorrow - Annie

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.

Deuteronomy 31:6 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I've read this verse before. Then as I read it again, I can't believe the truth I see in this. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of Annie the movie. I tried showing it to Shayne an she loves it, she mainly likes it because of Sandy the dog but likes the girls bonding too. "The sun  will come out tomorrow, you bet your bottom dollars that tomorrow, they'll be sun." Living in Phoenix, we hope for rain and clouds, because 90% of the time it's sun.  But here Annie, is dropped off by her parents at the age of 1 and told that they'll be back. Now its been 10 years and all she has is this locket. Miss Hannigen was made aware early on that her parents were killed in a car wreck a few years after she was dropped off and decided not to inform Annie. Annie, unbeknownst to her friends, remains positive and courageous. Annie was simply waiting for her parents, she had no idea that big Walstreet giant Oliver Warbucks would be coming to seek out an orphan to improve his image. It's amazing how many songs are stuck in my head from this movie. But how many times have I not felt strong or courageous, I'm not one to be afraid or panic. I've always had a faith that God would take care of me. But really, when I get down to it, am I believing? did I really hear Him tell me, and did I listen? Annie was the leader of the orphans, she gave them hope, even though she was unaware of her own future. Even when Grace Ferrell comes for an orphan, Annie has no fear and motions her, to pick her. Whats nuts to me, is that, this was in the era of the great depression. A bad time for everyone. Annie kept strong. Sure enough she was adopted by one of the wealthiest men in the world. She had no idea that was coming.

Hits me, in Phoenix I know the sun will come out tomorrow. But really, will it come out in my heart? will I be strong and courageous like Annie was? Sure I can read this and say "great verse, why isn't my situation changing?" Or I can believe that God has my back and says, "i will not abandon you". It's never in my timing, but always in His.

Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while - Westley

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance

1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT

At first I'm thinking, what am I at? a wedding? Oh the love chapter. I'm tired this morning. Happy Valentines Day! Sip some coffee, I read and think. I can't but think of Christ when I read this. How He is like this mentor, the one to look upon for strength and energy. He never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and has endured through everything. Yet I struggle to trust Him at times. Then I think of how much He points out to me that fact that I need Him. Then I look at how much society has pulled me away from him, then I see how evident society has made Him to be the only true God. I read this and say, I am very much like this. I read and think. I'm reminded of the Princess Bride. When Wesley said "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." How many times have I really felt dead to God? many. I felt God's love for me, but not my love for Him. The circumstances that God has put me in, have caused me to feel dead. Sure I'm optimistic and plow through them, wondering what I'm going to learn, but it's like I'm drained being with Him and just moving with it. Christian music is blan, church is foggy, I turn the station whenever I hear christian music. Westley was thought to be dead, but he told Buttercup he would always come for her. He did, as soon Vizzini kidnapped her, Westley was the first on the scene. He was so casual about it too. Even before facing the machine. Even after they brought him back to life, he was after Buttercup. Death couldn't hold him back. Buttercap had given up, yet she still loved him.

Hits me, sure I will feel dead with God, knowing that He loves me. I can be blind to the fact that he's right there and He loves me. He's instilled inside me a faith, not give up, and be hopeful especially when I feel dead. Death won't stop His love, because he conquered it. And the delay that seems at times to be eternity is only growing me in different ways.