I'm a farmer not a fighter - Charles Ingalls

Hebrews 10:35
So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you.

As I sit here at Starbucks, I reflect on the different things that have made me confident. I find knowledge of things to be powerful, yet when I'm recognized or helpful to someone, that builds my confidence. Or just encouraging someone and uplifting them.  I find I don't get confidence without research and studying of a given subject. By studying God, and developing my relationship with Him, I have confident trust in Him, yet I get tempted to doubt him. I'm reminded of Charles Ingalls in Little House on the Prairie, I grew up watching the show and now as a grown man, it hits me differently. He had integrity, was just a farmer, but highly respected. He was simple and loved the Lord with confidence. It reflected in his family too, he protected them well. In an episode Mary and her husband get attacked in town, Charles gets word of it but doesn't really stand a chance in the fight. His friend shows up and takes care of the scumbags. How I aspire to be like him. I am so not like that I find. My brother is more like that. I'm more Mr. Edwards, I have the gray beard to show for it.

It hits me, I have to take what I have learned and grow with it, Im not just a video editor, I'm alot of things, I am who God made me. I can't farm, I'm not a mechanic, I'm not a handyman, I know some stuff. I just have a passion that won't let me go and that I fight for.

Boiling Water

Proverbs 18:21

The Tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

I was making more hummingbird feeder today, since they were just sitting out there for a month empty. I thought no big deal lets get it done, I need some life to look at outside anyway. Something hit me as the water began to boil. I looked deep into the pot and it was filled with these dots, like goosebumps, as they grew they got bigger and started looking like eyes looking right at me. As they evaporated, more came up, but bigger, bigger eyes, staring at me, like it was my life, my experiences, my struggles, my everything, my being.  As it boiled, it occurred to me that my life wasn't in vain, but had purpose, when I was bullied, when I was told I would fail, when i was told my videos sucked, when I was told, I wouldn't graduated from High school, that no one wanted a video, no one needed me to shoot this event, to put that stupid camera away, the amount of money i brought home wasn't enough. Just no support that I needed. Then I think of the thank you notes that I have on my wall, the pics with happy clients. Those were harsh words, they brought death but I saw life ahead of me in my future that I couldn't ignore.  Sure I've said things I shouldn't and reaped what I sowed, but the life I see is after the water boils it the life those hummingbirds come for. Ya its the sugar water, but my point is, I had to go through that, I had to get those molecules out, to become who I am today. Crazy thing is, the water continues to boil and evaporate only to encourage and uplift those around me.

My Garage from Hell to Healing

Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation - so why should i be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should i tremble.


I just saw this scripture today and i thought it fit my story well.
For the past few years, my garage has been a place to store my archives, dvds, video equipment and some tools. I've never really cleaned it, but made it the best I could for the moment. The only task I had was to get rid of stuff and just shut the doors. That is until recently, I found myself needing to be in it, no lights on, just standing in the dark. I put my Cobra Kai on to help me focus and I stood there in the dark and just let whatever hit me. This has been hell in my marriage, not a pretty place to be. The video business didn't sit well in our house, but became a swear word. As episode 5 played and Daniel Larusso goes to Mr. Mayagi's tombstone to seek some advice, it hit me what I was doing in there. When Karate Kid came out, I had just started in 5th grade at Hopi, wow was that hard. So hard, that i picked up dads video camera and starting playing with it as an escape to the rejection I faced. As tears ran down my cheeks i began pacing the garage and seeing thankyou notes and photos from gigs I had done. I don't know why i was sobbing. Daniel had a rough time changing schools and Mr. Meyagi was there for him. As I stood there in the dark listening to Cobra Kai, Mr. Meyagi told daniel at a young age to find his center again. Daniel then cleaned out his dojo to rediscover his center. It was like God telling me, this is when I wanted you to get into video, when you were broken. This is not hell in here like I've come to believe it to be, it was your healing back then and it still is now, it was my light. This ugly messy dirty garage. Then i saw my first edit machine upside down on the ground a few feet ahead of me. That's the little mixer that I got for Christmas 30 years ago. I didn't want to leave like I had before. Everyone gave me a hard time doing it, but I didn't care because i knew i could grow in it. I knew I was terrible. He protected me from getting into trouble with this. Hell i still did but I know its how God made me, i am who I am. God knows my heart and how i need to heal, He's my healing and brought me to a place I thought was hell.

Way of Life

Psalm 16:11

You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence of living with you forever.

Well show me, I want to see this.  That's what im thinking. He did, Jesus walked on this earth. I want joy, i miss joy. Whats your presence about anyway? Living with you forever, i did that along time ago. Sometimes the answer to life's problems is in a beer of Samuel Adams Boston lager i hold in my hand. It's nice to escape while watching Pawn Stars or these days Cobra Kai. What is my way of life these days? We both work and manage our kids schedules basically. That's our way of life. But is that a way of life? I always have wanted to follow the spirits leading which is when I would know the way of life, but man is that hard. Its about living with God forever. Having joy, having His presence. I feel His presence when he's convicting me usually. But whatever about obeying Him, then he'll show me the way. I think of people that are trapped and escaped.

I remember Andy Dufrane in Shawshank Redemption, how he carefully planned his escape, how Steve McQueen in the great escape (hilts "the cooler guy") as they called him, escaped several times only to get caught again. Then I'm reminded of the Truman Show, and this false way of life they gave this little Truman. They wanted him to live for an audience. It was a fake life, and he wasn't, he wanted to escape and build his own way, and he finally did. The song "Don't Fence me in" comes to me.

Hits me, God will show me His way but in my own way, He's always up to something.

No more fear of being myself

Phillippians 4:4

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again - rejoice!

At first Im thinking, easier said than done God. Always?  I usually am, I'm a positive person. But then I see, In the Lord. So its not myself, its in Him. If I focus on Him, then I'll have joy, say it again rejoice. This is really weird.  I've have joy when im producing videos for people. Im in my realm. I often think again of Erich Little in Chariots of fire as he runs with his head held back. Or the many artists out there that have joy when there doing their craft. A musician locked into there jam session, just feeling the music. The sound guy mixing , the video guy switching, its all done in feeling. The camera man following there every movement capturing the moment for all the see.

Hits me, I'm not always full of joy, which is probably why Paul said this. When i focus on God, give up trying whatever im trying and just let go. Like Elsa in frozen, let it go, let it go. Show my true talents. Then Im joyful. No fear of man, no fear of rejection, no over thinking, no analyzing, nothing. So many things get bottle up that kill my joy. No more fear of being me.

Disabled Enemy

Deuteronomy 30:16

For I command you this day to love the Lord your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the lord your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy.

I'm at Starbucks today working on some projects. I need stimulation,   I'm seeing the bible differently these days, more a reason because i have trouble applying it. Why is it, commanding us to love the Lord? Because we don't and because we don't keep his commands, etc. If I walk in his ways, I'll finally love Him. Its crazy of how the enemy doesn't give up on us me from being blessed. You'd think by now I could disable all notifications of the enemy. It's simple, there's not an update to get, its simple obedience. I grew up in a legalistic background where scriptures like this were more taught backwards. If you don't feel blessed, wealthy, have a abundance according to the someone else's American dream philosophy, your obviously not being obedient.

Hits me, God really wants to and is blessing me despite how I think about myself, negative or positive. He's got plans that are working right now, disabling the enemy.

A story written by God

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.
Isaiah 7:14 NIV

At first I'm thinking, It's Christmas time, so bible gateway is putting christmas verses on here. Then i'm thinking of how simple God made it for us to be saved. It's 4:21 am right now and I can't sleep, I just was able to put my youngest 1 year and 4 months back to bed. I can't sleep. I should have some coffee but. The virgin part sticks out to me today. I keep on seeing this and it has always passed me by. God wants me to clearly understand over and over that Jesus was supernatural. His mom and dad did not have sex and get pregnant with him. In this era that would be crazy. I would feel bad for all the moms that can't get pregnant. Why Mary? Then I read and think. The Lord himself is the first thing here. See I missed the whole point. It's God who directs this, but what do I see? I see the unimportant part. I get so concerned about being fair and why a son, and Immanuel, that I'm not seeing the big picture, that God himself did this whole thing.

It's like watching a movie. I wonder who directed this, who wrote this story? Is it the way they intended, or am I watching what they had to live with at the end. As a producer, there are selected clips and videos that I have made that i am happy with. Here God, the writer and director planned that Mary would conceive the savior of the world. In this day and age, go to a lab, but no, she just was pregnant. I have a blowup nativity scene i bought from Home Depot this year. My neighbors have the frosty and some other fun blow up christmas things as well.

I hits me, God is simple and I'm complicated. He wants me to accept Immanuel regardless of how I feel and what I have done to claim not to deserve him. He did not appear all the sudden, he was born in a very unsanitary, homeless, vulnerable environment. That screams for a relationship.

Inside Out

This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NIV

At first I'm thinking that this is New Years Eve and why not have a verse like this. I reflect on the past too much I find. Why do I dwell in it, so much? It's like the 1% of clients that hate you, that cause you to updated standards. Its the confidence that you lose for the brief time because I want the job to be over. But I must have integrity and finish it. My grandma died this year, my friend Ben Rehm and Sarah Izbell also passed away.

I need something to drink. I'm at Starbucks today, so I'm drinking my usual cafe' Mocha. Sip some Mocha I read and think. Honestly I'm reminded of how I have trouble not stressing over these blogs. I'm reminded of how much stress I had this year with providing as an entrepreneur and getting ready for our baby, and the plumbing leak that required a new bathroom that took 6 months to replace. Then I forget about how God provided for everything. I'm reminded of the movie Inside Out. Its currently my 6 year olds favorite. Its about the inside of our brains and how we react to change. In the movie, a family sets out to San Francisco for a new business venture, the main charactor Riley, is positive about the change, but gets too fixed on her hometown of Minnesota. Disney very cleverly divided up the brain into 5 parts, Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear. The point of the movie was to see the need for sadness. Joy played by Amy Poehler, wants Rileys world always to be Joyful, causing Rileys emotions and feeling to be hidden. Sadness played by Phyllis Smith recgonizes when Riley needs to be sad. This feeling of sadness doesn't relate to the other feelings, and they keep shutting her out. This continues until Joy and Sadness find themselves trapped in Rileys past memories where they discover her invisible friend Bing Bong played by Richard Kind. Bing Bong relizes that Riley doesn't need him anymore and Sadness comforts him, making him cheer up.  This gives Joy and epiphany, that sadness is needed in order to recover from hurt.

Hits me, I made mistakes this year, I'm a screw up in my marriage, I let my family down, made dumb decisions. If I don't take time to be sad and let it go, and focus on what God did do, the waters he opened up, the new things he's doing, I'll be miserable I wonder where my hope comes from. Riley was mad about the move, and attempted to run away back to Minnesota where life was better. She finally broke down and cried to her parents and they empathized and related with her, making all her emotions unite. I can look at things as good as the were and fail to see what God has planned for me this upcoming year. He is making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Doing Business socially

So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 8:15 NLT

At first I'm thinking that, I've never seen this one before. How Fun! I'm a fun guy, but I also have a deep and serious side to me. Who doesn't? Sip some coffee, I read and think.

This is how I do business actually. In networking, business can be done by eating, drinking, and enjoying life. It's about using people who I've connected with. I've run into problems though, when too many cool people approach doing the same thing.

I also see this as how to live life, but with honesty. I'm all about the post-event. What happens after the party. In video production, its about what happens in the post event. I was shooting a funeral yesterday and arrived at the burial, the burial people were wondering why I was shooting it? I had to inform them of the several people who wanted to be there and couldn't. She hadn't thought of that. I find that I am living in an entitled era. Everyone is entitled to do things on their own time, when they want it. The biggest problem with video production is that things are left undone. That's where I come in.

I also see the need to lighten up. I get so fixated on getting work in and getting work out, that I forget to watch the wind in the trees and the months go by and its already Christmas, but I'm thinking of January.  Even in stressful moments I tend to have fun, (drives my wife crazy). I use humor in my stress.

My daughter's been watching Curious George 3: Back to Jungle. In it George is requested to fly to outer space to get a device off a satelite to help control the dams in South Africa. He successful does this but crashes in South Africa. Being Curious, he immidiately makes friends with the animals and eventually finishes his job and saves the land from flooding.  I was impressed with how George could remain positive the whole time and keep thinking outside the box.

Hits me, I need to learn to relax and let my job go. Call it quits after a time. Take a break. God's got my work cut out for me and I need to just trust Him.

Good and Evil

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33 NIV


There's a song about this, that I was raised with. It's crazy the words I sing and don't mean them. I find I sing other music and mean it, but when it come to Godly stuff, it doesn't happen all the time.

Sip come coffee, I read and think. Why can't it go a different way? Why does it have to His kingdom and His righteousness. I find i get this backwards. I think if I do good and feel good, I'll get his kingdom and his righteousness. So I am currently shooting a conference about the afterlife. I was amazed of how i could feel the emptiness in the room. I could feel the evil presence on me. I kept just giving it to God. The belief system was definitely abstract, to there being more than one God. A team of gods. I'm thinking, the gospel is simple people, just believe in it and have faith. I found that too many people wanted control of their lives. When in fact, we're to give up control to God. They want to be in charge and control their universe. It's almost fear that they have. It's the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Don't mess with that, it's a spiritual field beyond my control, only supernatural beings such as God should take care of that.  They won't seek His kingdom or his righteousness, they want to choose their own god's. We all have, and know how that go's.

Hits me, The point is, is where do I find my hope, my escape. It should be in God, but usually isn't. I try and try hard, living in His Kingdom and righteousness isn't easy, but more I do, the more all these things are given.

Argofuckyourself

"...for unless you believe that I Am who I claim to be, you will die in your sins."

John 8:24 NLT


At first I'm thinking, how abrupt is that? Believe or die, but not just believe, but believe in who I claim to be. It's so sudden. It's believe that I was there or you will die. I would have so many more questions.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. I am a sinner, a professional one. I've always said, christians are the best sinners. There is so much temptation after you get saved, that I've given into sin before, because I just couldn't handle the temptation. So the part "die in your sins" makes sense. I felt I was dying.  I ask my myself, why do I have so much trouble trusting and believing. I am human, but why do I have issues with trust? My daughter brought a note home from school the other day about her speaking during class. I wanted to know the conversation. I wanted to know the relationship. So she didn't start this. Then at the end she said, "dad, everyone gets notes home likes this, this is my first one". I'm going to sin, it's going to happen, but it's just another chance to believe in God again in who is. It's practice, its learning. He's not going to challenge me with things that are easy but with those that aren't.

I'm reminded of the movie Argo, where Ben Afleck stars at Tony Mendez, A CIA agent who has to rescue 6 Americans held Hostage in Iran in 1980. He does this by disguising the as an undercover Hollywood producer and they are the crew scouting for a location to shoot a fake sci film named Argo. It was very hard for them to trust him, but they did and they made it. the phrase "Argofuckyourself" became the humorous come back when the film was brought up by spectators later in the years.

Hits me, I need to believe that He is who He claims to be, not just agree. I'm a sinner, He's my way out, I need to believe that.

The War with my Drone

But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes.

1 Corinthians 8:3 NLT

At first I'm thinking, i haven't seen this scripture in this context before. It makes me question my judgements on things I do. Sure I love God, but there are times, I don't show it. How does he recognize me?

Sip come coffee, I read and think. I find there's a vibe, I give everyone, something I can't hold back. Everyone has it. No matter what happens to me, what situations, bad decisions I make, this vibe doesn't leave me. It's this part about me that loves God, people can tell, I can tell. I'm going to piss my wife off, buy saying stupid stuff, or doing stupid stuff. I find I learn when everything is over, not during. I find I observe during, not after. God doesn't mind that. I don't have to be like everyone else. Christ wasn't, and we didn't like it. I find I need to be who I am. I find I'm not close to many at all but God, and they can tell. I try to fake it, but i'm too transparent. Some people have no idea I'm a christian.

But who is God to love? Who am I loving? It's an identity thing to me, it's about how I see myself through Him. I have to be consistent with it too. I get lazy and don't even care for months. He hints to me though through other people that it's ok to trust Him, when I'm not. He loves me, and i need to accept that.  I don't like accepting that because its my nature to feel stuck, not to perform better.

I'm reminded of when I bought my first drone last summer. I needed it for a video shoot. I couldn't figure it out. It was like a war. Finally i went to Hobby lobby and they explained briefly of what to expect when its ready to fly. I still needed to fly it. I was scared, but I knew I had to do it. I kept at it, feeling scared every flight. I crashed it a lot, but kept at it. I upgraded this summer to another one and still have the same fears. I realize that change is needed not just in my company but in my family. I have an image in my head of what I want that to look like, and I need to stride for it. I have a vision in my head of how crazy I want to fly that drone, and I need to practice it.

Hits me, I will always love God, most everyone does, but am I living my life like it? No, not really. But God's a jealous God and he wants me back to where I used to be and he wants me to improve.

A peaceful beating

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

Proverbs 14:30 NLT

Interesting, a healthy body to cancer in the bones. Peaceful vs. jealousy. I've never been a jealous guy. I'm always striving to have a good time or just make the most of it. When I was younger, I was obsessed with the lady's.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm amazed of what peace vs jealously does to the body. I find i get stuck in areas either quickly or over time. I'm easy going, so peace is not hard to find wherever I'm at. Envy, jealousy, whatever you want to call it, can kill ya. I'm amazed of the beating my body takes, when I get into this stuff. I don't really get jealous because I tend to want to celebrate with people their successes. I find I don't have peace alot. Peace to me says, I'm cool where I'm at. I usually am not. I want to be better at everything I do. I constantly stride to improve. I try to listen to people and take insight where I can. Instead of being jealous of what others could do, I want to find out how they did it.

Hits me, surrendering things to God will give me peace, the jealousy factor won't be there then. I can set my expectations high for anything. If I don't have peace about it though, it'll be like having cancer.

Hardened Heart

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Proverbs 4:23 NLT


At first I'm thinking that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It's crazy but I do. I put everything out there. Why? because I want to be real. Doing this also puts it up for battle and shred. People will see I'm doing this and want to take advantage of me. They won't be respectful, they just will be completely mean. You throw enough of that at me, I end up hardening my heart. In school, I lost trust in teachers and my classmates. I averaged. I see it many people, so much, that I empthaze with them, because I feel the heart is where life begins and ends. Business's are started due to whats on someones heart.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. In Video production, I produce for the viewers hearts. What mood do I want to give them. People watch videos to escape, learn, grow, be impacted, out of interest, laugh.

My tough part is when my heart is hurt by people that I'm close to, this started with my family, and then gets into my marriage. I didn't expect that, I didn't expect that I would take the pain of childhood into my adult life. I thought adult life would just erase them. Now I find I'm living according to them at times.


Hits me, I need to guard my heart in weird moments, do not mistake kindness for weakness. My heart may be hurt, but it does determine the course of my life. I feel while scrolling through facebook, so many hurt people are escaping to it. Other's escape from it. Facebook was founded due to a hardened heart. Now here I am, online sharing my heart, lol.

Battle for Joy

You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.

Psalm 16:11 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I've read this before. But what is it. These days, I find I'm afraid to live this kind of life. The joy of His presence, that all sounds good. Why do i have a hard time with it?

Sip some coffee, I read and think. I learn on my own time. Not on everyones elses. They can show me, but I will take it my own way. Sometimes, I do exactly as they say. That's why I don't care about my competition, because there different than me. Its crazy how Christ will show me the way of life in His own way, but I refuse it. It grants me joy and pleasure and all that stuff. I know what freedom is, but  I don't want it at times. Why not? My struggle is self condemnation. This helps me to carry on, when I get depressed, I don't stop, I keep charging.

I'm not one to goal set, so i need to be, I'm not one to plan, so I need to be. This is not my nature but it needs to be. I have to pray this. 

Fighting Unfailing Love

But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

Psalm 13:5 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I've seen this before. I have a problem with unfailing love. I have trouble when my daughter hugs me and doesn't want to let me go. Maybe its because I'm not very affectionate, I'm more in need of people helping me. She puts me in a tight headlock.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. Every Night, we sing Jesus Loves me to my daughter before bed, that or a Christmas carol. I think I'm the only one those word hit "Jesus, loves me". I feel Him speaking to me, saying "I, really do". I have to trust Him for unfailing love. I'm not good at that. Rescued, me from my self condemning ways. I will rejoice? Why do I keep living like this?

I Redboxed the movie Pandington, this weekend. I was reluctant because the preview made it look dumb. But the movie was good, longer story short, Pandington was rescued by a family in unknown place call London.

In my business, I have to think of what am I doing now.  I need to look at life with what am I doing about this anger, this insecurity, this hurt.

Hits me, I've already been rescued, I need to trust in His unfailing love. I'm not good at that.

Preparing to tell Grandma Kinkels story

Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment,

1 Peter 2:2 NLT


At first I'm thinking, I'm newborn, even though I think and feel such an old christian. I'm all about addressing old things in a new ways. I find that every morning, it's new way of looking at things. This blog, is a new blog for a new day. The scriptures are new every morning even though they were written thousands of years ago.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. Today I am shooting my Grandma Kinkel's life story. She has alzheimers so I know this will be interesting. Grandma is epic, just her personality is real an honest. my cousin Maggie has been taking care of her and has drawn close. I've been getting into story telling these past weeks. I want to hear her story of salvation, hear how God spoke to her way back in the day, how he speaks to her now? How she craves that spiritual milk. This is Grandma Kinkel, the amazing storybook reader, godly, honest, cook. Then I ask myself, how I experience Christ? How i've strayed again and again. Then I witness people like my grandma who've been faithful all their life.

Hits me. I'll always be a new born, even though I change gears to adulthood. Grandma always takes me back to who I really am, here eldest grandson.

Rambling Heart

May he grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed.

Psalm 20:4 NLT


The Holidays are over and I feel like I missed them, I was working the whole time, lol. At first I'm thinking, how does he know my hearts desire, but he does. How real am I being here. I can't fake out God. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm amazed of how clogged up my brain gets these days. I find my hearts desire is pay the bills and keep a roof over my families head. Or is it?

In all the business groups I attend on a weekly basis, I find we're all there for the same reason, to keep work coming in. No ones stressed, business is relational, and showing up gives you credibility. More coffee please, my lower back is out today. My daughter woke me up this morning at 2 am to watch Sophia, so I put it on repeat, camped out on the couch with her, until the cats woke me up to feed them. I read and think. What is my hearts desire? I love promoting people, their businesses, seeing them succeed, seeing them in the spotlight, and learning how to do it better.  What are my plans? How do I plan to do that? I have to surround myself with people who believe in what I do. I show up with my steadicam and shoot. Then I deliver in a timely manner. By doing that, several business's spot me and see that I'm legit and want to speak further. But not everyone.  It's hard when you get busy and you're almost a week out in delivery, then followup like crazy. I don't care what people think of me, why should I? If they find me bazaar, more power to them, lets take a selfie!! To me, from what I've learned from putting people around me, it's all about the relationship connection. It's that vibe, that first impression of me.

Hits me, God's given me my hearts desire for whatever it is, He's also given me plans to succeed, and He puts this drive in me and that will never end. He shows me himself everywhere I go. I feel like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire or Steve Jobs when he got with Wozniak. I'm an artist turned entrepreneur.  Now I'm just rambling. I have a rambling heart.

the Face of Video

For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 4:6 NLT

At first I'm thinking, it's another light verse, and I haven't had my coffee yet. I'm tired this morning, well, I'm always tired. Got my coffee.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. This is pretty strong, not the coffee, but the verse. I'm reminded of how I light a video shoot. It's really critical of how I do it.  I do it all on location and it gets everyones attention. People start taking pictures, they ask me how I got into this. I have to move things around in a room and make a whole environment. I have to change theirs. I have to explain where I want them to sit or stand, I also have questions to ask. Whats my point with this verse? Christ wants my heart, in video, I want their heart, in order to get that, I have create a new environment that they may have forgotten about, I have to give them a new face, a new light. I have to ask them questions that are going to make them think about their companies in a way they haven't before. I do this, so I can piece their business together, so that people on the web will know what they do. How many times have I been lost in my own sinful ways? I haven't forgotten about God, but His light is really dim,  I'm trying to keep up with other things and not Him. He's my new environment, He's the 3 point light kit that makes me pop out in a scene so people can hear what my business or my life is all about. It's crazy when I have to ask people in a company if I can redo their entire area in order to get the right shot. They say, sure! Why can't I let God do that to me? I'm amazed of how many people he's put into my life, to give me this new face He wants me to have. It's a face of no fear, it's a face of confidence, a face of honesty and integrity, it's a new look, that at times I don't believe is possible to have.

Hits me, everyday there's a new opportunity for a new face of video. It's wherever I go, whatever I do. I'm going to mess up things and feel stupid. It doesn't matter though,  Christ will shine through in His own way, not mine. People will impact me in a way they never thought, and I'll do the same without knowing it.

God's timing, not ours

For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.

Romans 10:10 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I've read this before. It's interesting how I have to say things with my mouth, its the way I say them. Sip some coffee,  I read and think. I see believing and confessing with your mouth. God doesn't want fake people. I'm not fake, I don't think anybody else is either. We all have reasons why we are the way we are. Facebook has all kind of tests to take about what movie character you, disney character, hippie, all kinds of stuff. Their stupid, yet genius, its how they sell you stuff. In networking events I've been to, people have seen my energy and excitement for life and would seduce me to their mlm businesses. I've learned my lesson and can now simply walk away. But its interesting because I don't put up any real walls. Why put up walls, when were all in this life together. I read and think.

It's interesting how I can't pray on someones behalf for them to be saved, they have to do it. I can't believe on someones behalf either, they have to do it. It's like my mom taking a test for me in high school so I would pass, it doesn't work like that. I'm amazed of how God did not give us the ability to fix people, but things. How many times did I watch some kid be brought to the pastor in order to get fixed, or even to me? How many times were youth pastors blamed for the kids problems. Churches don't call people to attend, people attend. The arenas don't call people to remind them of a game, people go to see their team.

Hits me, its all God's timing, not mine. I learn differently than others, my daughter was hanging upside down on the ottoman that other day, and I accused her of not listening. Then I thought to myself, maybe that's her way of listening.  Now how do i title this?