For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Romans 10:13 NLT
At first I'm reminded of the count of Monte Cristo when Jacopa tells him he will protect him even if he has to protect him from himself.
Edmond: If you ever presume to interfere in my affairs again, I will, I promise you, finish the job I started the day we met! Do you understand?
Jacopo: I understand you are mad.
Edmond: Mad? My enemies are falling into my traps perfectly!
Jacopo: Mad, your grace, for ignoring this: you have a fortune, a beautiful woman who loves you. Take the money, take the woman, and live your life! Stop this plan, take what you have won!
Edmond: I can't.
Jacopo: Why not?... I'm still your man, Satara. I swore an oath I will protect you. Even if it means I must protect you from yourself. I'll drive you home now.
What is calling on God, and what is being saved? I never prayed for a wife, I guess I was so logical that I thought what if God has no one, then I'm wasting my time praying. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's like, what does God know about business? What does God know about vengeance? What does God know about enemies? I find I get so stuck in my ways about surviving. Susan and I have been surviving since we were hit by the economy 4 years ago. Caring that kind of economic fear is heavy. All Edmond could think about was getting back at his friend. He really wanted him to pay for everything. He didn't, for a second think of the reverse. The whole situation made him grow. I grew in business knowledge last year. I find I live in my marriage and my business life, racing against the clock to provide a good life, when its really one to give to God.
Hits me, Edmond said "I can't". Edmond couldn't see through his vengeance and his plan. I'm like this but with no plan. Saved from what? Saved from myself? I'm known to be faithful, to get the job done. I stick with it, I finish what I start. It's hard for me to let go when I've been hurt. Why do I hold on to pain? Why can't I just flush the toilet and wash my hands? I need to accept the fact that I've been saved and quit putting my chains back on.