Friday, December 27, 2013

Weird and Unusual

Micah 7:18-20
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. You will be faithful to Jacob, and show love to Abraham, as you pledged on oath to our ancestors in days long ago.
 
At first I'm thinking, I know I've read this before. It's more evidence for why I can trust God. God is specialized for the weird and the unusual, it's those things I tend to laugh at or validate about. Since I'm so selfish, I don't get or understand this. I keep on thinking that God never gets angry but I guess he does, just not for long. I'm reminded of It's a Wonderful life. I watching it today. when clarence asks the senior angel what's george's problem. Maybe sickness, but it was discouragement. They considered it worse.  I admit I don't have a problem with discouragement. I tend to never give up. But when I do get discouraged, it's bad. Its crazy how zoned out I get. Like its eternal, like i'm in despair. I know there's a way out. I stick to my sin and transgression for some reason.



Hits me, these blogs suck, why do i not want to confide in God? I can hold on to everything thats painful and be miserable or I can accept his forgiveness even if I don't know what I'm doing. It took clarence giving George a look at what it would be like without him. this changed him from discouragement to value his life. It's like eating the right foods, it's like making the smart decisions. It hurts, it goes against what I really want to do, but I need to do it. Easier said than done.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Girl Most Likely

Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.

Hebrews 13:5 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I don't love money, then I see God will never fail you or abandon you. It's an interesting thing. I would expect it to read more don't love money, because God doesn't like that. Instead hits upon the fear factor of abandonment and failing. Is that really what it is? Failing and feeling alone without money? It's weird because I have my dreams of what I need and want. I'm reminded of the movie "girl most likely" with Kristin Wig. We redboxed it the other night. It's about a girl who's a great play writer but for some reason after landing a great job, her mind goes blank and she ends up getting fired, then gets dumped by her boyfriend and goes home to her mom. She then finds out her dad never died and begins to hunt for him. She learns that he's a successful author but only wants to help her with money and not have a relationship. Even though her mom and other family are crazy, she learns that the best story for a play is right in front of her.

Hits me, sure who doesn't want to be famous? The more I grow in my company the more I learn its not about the money but about connections and integrity in my work. It's relying on God with my family and keeping it simple. I'm amazed of how the enemy gets in to tell me other wise.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

American Dream

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Psalm 37:3 NLT

At first I'm thinking, its a trust in the Lord scripture. It's almost common sense, then why is this so difficult? Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's like the American Dream, live safely and prosper. Have the white picket fence, kids play while the parents watch.  The news can't speak of God. They refer to God as "mother nature". They speak of "thoughts and prayers". It's the jagged line of success. It's funny how I can dress nice and appear to be successful, I can dress down and appear to be poor. That was a trick the millionaires would pull on us in retail. It was the guys in Hawaiian t-shirts that had the money. It was the people who were on their break that were dressed up. It's a judgement thing too. If people aren't living safely and prospering they aren't trusting in God. How stupid is that? God wants me to bloom where I'm planted, even if I get trampled on. It's about being apart of the community I am placed in. I can't stress about my business, that's Gods too. The more I surrender that to God, the more insight I get. Prosperity isn't just obeying God, its looking at what I've got through His eyes and seeing the potential in it.

Hits me, obedience is tough. Especially when I get hit. The American Dream is a state of mind, its in the moment, it's trusting in God and reflecting that to others.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Temptation

Matthew 4:1-4
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
 
At first I'm thinking, temptation. The number one thing that keeps me from God. It's also the number one thing that God uses to draw me to Him. Sip some coffee, I read think. At 40 days and 40 nights of no food, your brain isn't even working, yet God was able to be truthful and hold to the word. That's crazy. I've been in moments where I'm very weak and vulnerable and I just fail. Then there are the moments when I don't. But I'm seeing something here that I never saw before. Jesus was led by the spirit to be tempted. That can only mean one thing. Living the godly life can only grow from temptation. It's the spiritual battle between good and evil. It's being responsible, it's being forgiving, it's saying no, its saying yes. It's being selfless, it's listening to my wife. It's different for everyone. I'm reminded of the phrase "practical application" in tech world. It's the way you operate a computer. It's the most in demand thing in customer service. It's how do I make this work. How do I make my computer do this? In the godly life, how do I obey God and get out of temptation? Whats my way of escape? Whats my plan of attack? It's like where do I go on my computer to turn the screen saver off, or how do I make the stupid thing from popping up while I'm in the middle of something? Do I replace my computer? or is it user error? I hear so many people say "this stupid computer", when its them. This stupid temptation, when's its me. 

Hits me, its knowing where to go to get rid of the problem. It's who do you call, who do I cry out too. It's putting the effort in, instead of becoming immune and numb to it. This is how He grows me, I hate it too. Why can't it be easier. This is how he leads me, but I pray he doesn't. I have to be ready for the unexpected.

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Heat

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory.

Psalm 84:11a NLT

At first I'm thinking, this is a short verse and easily passed by. I've read things like this before. Sip some coffee, I read and think. How often do I not see God. When I screw up He gives me grace and when I'm obedient he give glory. I don't even credit Him. I find it to be a big humility thing, I also see it has a fear thing. Those things I lost before, I have fear of losing more. Why don't I just surrender and give up. I've been burned. I feel I'm not the same person my wife married. What happened? I can name a ton of stuff. I'm reminded of the movie "The Heat", that came out this year. I red boxed it last night. We really enjoyed it. It's a "mommy daddy movie" (pervasive language).  Sandra Bullok and Melissa McCarthy are an fbi agent and a police officer. They have their different styles with the criminals.  They both needed to humble themselves eventually. Bullok was all about following the book and getting promoted, McCarthy was all about getting the job done regardless. At first they're pissing each other off and at the end, Bullok is convinced that she can let lose. I have problems with trusting people, an argument with Susan this weekend convinced me of this. I'm too nice to the door to door sales people. Why can't I put my business brain on and shoe them away.

Hits me, God show's me light and is a shield. Bullok needed to see the light outside of the book. McCarthy needed to protect her. It was very tough for them to listen to each other, just it is for me to listen to God and other people around me. Time to bring on the heat I guess.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Second Wind

Isaiah 40:29-31
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
 
At first I'm thinking of the 2nd wind. That bit more of  energy I get when I'm on a long gig. What is a 2nd wind? Wikipedia calls this energy as the "runners high". Those moments in the race, that you have no energy or air to breath, and all the sudden, energy kicks in, and you just go for it. I've had a few moments of these, when I found out, there was more work to do after a operate was done. Or I still had a ton of editing to do at a shoot and I was ready for bed pretty much. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's those moments spiritually and physically that I cry out to God for strength. I'm amazed of how often I don't though. How i'm suffering spiritually and hear the scriptures, but do nothing. It's like I don't believe God is strong enough to take on my problem. I can't get this 2nd wind on my own, it just happens. It's the hope in God, i have to believe. It's those moments of withdrawal where I find I have no hope, that God is there.

Hits me, even though I find myself desparate in my optumism, I need this 2nd wind to keep going. God provides too, he provides that scripture in my head, that person calling me up, that positive status on facebook, that job coming up. It's that "high" in a different shape and form that only God can give.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Hold off Healing

You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

Psalm 51:17b NLT

At first I'm thinking, i need to repent. I don't know what I'm doing as a person anymore. I've felt recently that I just needed to give my business to God. I always stressed about getting work in. Then when I finally wasn't thinking about work, it came in. I find I get this scripture backwards. I keep reading it as,  repent, but believe it as survival. I find I know what I need to repent of, but its interesting of how God tuggs at my fears with it. I keep on thinking that if I come broken and repent, I'll lose everything, vulnerability opens me up for rejection. I'm amazed of how much tension I feel.
Why do I hold off healing. Imagine if my body didn't heal physically, its like itching the bite.

Hits me, I'm focusing too much on my wounds and not on healing. I need to be broken and repentant in order to heal. That's hard for me. I'm not good at that. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Cancer sin

Ephesians 6:10-12
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
 
At first I'm thinking...it's not against flesh and blood. I often think it is. Actually I found myself believing its not against flesh and blood but live like it is. Sip some coffee,  I read and think. Sometimes I feel I've got this cancer inside of me called sin. I've been serving my client singleton moms the past 3 years with video production. I've learned we all have cancer cells. Then I read this scripture and I'm reminded of how often I take my spiritual health for granted. One moment I'm full of the spirit the next totally sinning. I do remember what sin feels like and the consequences, but why don't I care in the moment? It's like for that moment, I believe the lie that war is against flesh and blood and not against the darkness. It's like the cancer comes back. How often do I agree, do just be agreeable, when I should stand up for the scriptures. My dad never has a problem with that, it seems. I guess I want to validate, when other guys or girls are saying things. It's like I'm sensitive and want to relate, even though I'm far from it. Then the cancer goes away and I'm free.


Hits me, I can fake it all I want, but people can tell, they know, they see. They get a vibe. They long for freedom just like I do. We both don't even know it. Why can't it happen another way. It's how God designed it. It's the devils scheme, in politics, the dark world, it's the hidden temptations that I forget about. Theirs a reason why Halloween and Christmas are back to back.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Captain Phillips

For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time-to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.

2 Timothy 1:9 NLT

At first I'm thinking of how distracted I get about living a holy life. It's like trying to just work and then you get pulled away and then try to get back to your task. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of Captain Phillips. Susan and I went to see it with some tickets she won from work. I also wanted to see my commercial that is currently playing in the AMC. It's a true story about a freight liner delivering food to kenya. The ship is hijacked by somalian pirates, which ends up taking the captain hostage on his own life boat. Tom Hanks stars as Captain Phillips and portrays a concerned captain entering these waters. He's warned via email about the pirated waters coming up. Sure enough, they get hijacked.  How many times, have I been hijacked on a daily basis. When I'm just trying to get things done, yet I see the warning signs and sometimes I don't listen and sometimes I do. The lightrail is under construction in my neighborhood, so I take a different route. When something gets thrown in my way, how do I react? I usually laugh and start using my connections to figure this out. Captain Phillips talked to his crew, who argued that they were union works and not u.s. navy. When Phillips gets taken hostage, the U.S. Navy surrounds the little life boat, yet the hijackers won't give up. How many times have I had men surrounding me to rescue me and I was deluted that they had to destroy the enemy, whatever it was, to free me. Phillips negotiated as best he could to keep his crew and himself alive. He was successful, but he said a line "half the u.s. navy is surrounding us, give up". God is stronger, even when the enemy thinks they are. He is bigger. 4 snipers took the 3 of the hijackers down at the same times (the leader was arrested). This is what the navy is for. Captain Phillips was just trying to work, and he got hit. How many times do things interrupt my schedule and I get stuck, and God puts people in my life to free me.

Hits me, I've got my own set of pirates, and God has called me to live a Holy life. I may not need the U.S. Navy but I still have back up. It was God's plan before the beginning of time to allow me to trust Him and live a Holy life. He likes to test me with my own set of pirates.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

What Happened to Your Hand?

Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely

Psalm 67:7-8 NLT

At first I'm thinking, this doesn't apply today but after a little while it did. It reminds me of why I quit attending church. God is my helper, I used to rely on church and not God.  I would be angry with church and not God. I would praise God at church and found it interesting to praise him outside the walls. I found myself looking for a church to fit my needs, when God already did. I found very little real relationships and more surfacey due to the lack of time there. My ADD I couldn't pay attention during the message, which is why I got involved behind the scenes. Then  I feel alone, and the fact the spirit is my helper, I can sing for joy. I have to remember that Jesus didn't start a church, we did. Their a bunch of clubs that I try to fit into. Something just isn't right. I believe some are called, but others are called elsewhere. I'm reminded of the photo entitled "what happened to you're hand?" It's an honest picture of Jesus in a garden with children. He's loving them, and they feel safe. Theirs no steeple, there's no building, they are just loving him and feeling loved.

Hits me, God's got me, he's my helper, he brings people into my life that I respect and me into theirs. He's always knocking on me about things and challenging me with my fears and faith.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Cool Runnings

Psalm 121:5-6
 
The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
 
I have alot on my mind today. It's crazy when you're a husband and a dad. All your insecurities come out, and you don't know where they came from. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I was watching Cool Runnings last night. Even though after research the movie was a true story, but very in accurate. Disney made it into a fun family inspirational film. One of our favorites and at the end of the movie, I was hit like I had never been hit before. Here are these Jamaican's that are totally out of place in Canada. No one excepts them. They had no sled when they arrived for the olympic games. They had a lot against them but they had alot for them. The biggest challenge was really believing in who they were and being ashamed about it.  When I got booted from my previous company with all the work. I was primarily focused on getting the work out and getting it done. Then the question was, should I continue on my own? Am I in huge market right now for video production? The answer was yes. Yet  I was on my own and still am. I began studying business concepts and realized that business operation wasn't a cheat scam to get money from people but a service and a skill learned. While watching the movie, it hit me that these guys were runners and their coach knew that runners would make great bobsledders. Then each of the players were of different personalities. They had to work together and believe in Jamaica amongst all the negativity. Business can't be taken personally because it's business. However business come's in because of my personal effort with the client. In this day and age, it's all about your connection with your client and then it turns professional. It can get really confusing when you have to say no to a friend you just made due to business reasons. It's almost like being professional with your spouse. It just doesn't work. Anything can discourage you. It's amazing what holds me back from being a good husband and father. I don't even realize it until after the argument. Then I'm wondering why I have this problem?

Hits me, the odds were against the Jamaicans in Cool Runnings. I find I'm afraid of success. Yet God is on my side, He's on my right hand, He's with me. He's got me, my fears even though I don't know really what they are at times, I have to confront them and face them. I have to learn new skills that I think are impossible at times.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Argo

Deuteronomy 18:21-22 
 
 
You may say to yourselves, “How can we know when a message has not been spoken by the Lord?”  If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the Lord does not take place or come true, that is a message the Lord has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously, so do not be alarmed.
 
 
This is an interesting verse. I find myself thinking about my believes alot. Susan and i watched "Argo" for the first time on Friday night. We were at the edge of our seats. It was very good. It was best picture last year. Ben Affleck did a great job starring and directing it. Basicly the U.S. Embassy in Iran is invaded and only 6 people escape. They hide at the Canadian Embassy. The U.S. can't figure out how to rescue them. They end up hiring Tony Mendez. The hard part is, he has to get them out in public disguised as a film crew scouting locations for the movie "Argo". At first the 6 Americans along with the U.S. government think this is a joke but let him go with it. I find things seem obsurd to me in my life. Like God why am I doing things this way? This doesn't make any sense. In order for Tony to pull this escape off, he had to get with Warner Brothers and make an actual movie, get it published, screenplays made, everything. Each escapee had a profile to memorize, a whole identity, and take on ownership of this film that would get them out of Iran. It was suicide. The night before, the U.S. canceled the escape. Tony refused and went forward with it. The escapies had to live their roles out now. Whether it was the director, producer, cameraman, writer, screenplay. The Iranians were very cautious and eventually figured them out. But they made it. How many times have I felt stupid about obeying God? He continues to remind me of characters in the bible that felt the same way but continued to obey. I felt the phrase "don't be afraid to be successful" spoken to me this week. Why do I have fear of success? 

Hits me, When Tony Mendez went over to Iran, he had to battle the 6 escapees and persuade them to trust Him. God seems obsurd at times. When he's pulling me to be successful because he knows I have Him in me. I doubt too much, he knows that. He also knows I don't give up. He knows I'm committed. Even when the U.S. canceled the plane tickets, Tony went forward with the plan. Now they had to trust Him. Just like Argo got the 6 people out, is just how God uses things in my life as a way escape and success, the don't make any sense, but make me believe.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Ditching Prayer

Always be joyful. Never stop praying.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-17 NLT

I have a shirt that has this verse on it. Prayer is a powerful communication with God. It's the hidden weapon, the antidote, yet the most misunderstood and abused concept of time I think I have thought of. I did some research on how to pray, to see what the internet had to say. I found some logical things. http://www.tomorrowsworld.org/booklets/twelve-keys-to-answered-prayer?gclid=CPaUmfmapLUCFUlxQgodd2UANA

This guy states that prayer needs to be honest, deadfully honest. Now I'm afraid to do that. I get confused with the all the "count it all joy when falling into various trials" verses that I should I ever be angry. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Prayer is from the heart. I find myself praying for people and with people and then demanding from people at times. But why? It's my longing for God, my desire for Him. But how is this possible through prayer? I find that its more difficult to pray when I don't know who I'm praying to. I remember at bohof, after studying the scriptures, my view of prayer completely changed. It's like when I first really understood digital and High Definition, was I able to explain the need for it. I was also able to show it true nature. Prayer is how we connect with each others heart and soul.  It's really weird. Which is why its uncomfortable, theres a lot of hurt out there. Because it deals with the soul and heart, where the hurts and pains are, it's reluctant. Prayer also touches on shame. It wants to open up the heart to really let healing in. I have learned that God has really answered prayer when I really have prayed. When I utter out of true frustration or when I have really am honest with God. I mean when I really am showing my true colors and not holding things back. Not when I'm trying to fix it, by praying. I find in our connected society today, only the truly honest people survive. Facebook, doesn't do it. It's still fake. Am I really going to expose how I feel? It's a crazy test. Prayer is unusual, it's this moment where you I have to dig deep down and not believe that even though he knows what I'm really thinking, I still need to say it. Even though I know I'm doing something wrong, I still need ask for help. That's where I stop. Because I don't want to get better, I still want to stay in my ditch.

Hits me, there's a difference between happiness and joy. Anyone can be happy, but joy comes from within, there's meaning behind it. For me, it's the joy is replaced with resentment and anger if I'm not praying, listening, and obeying. I can go on with my life with the knowledge of the bible and prayer, and be miserable. Or I can strive to study and pray and renew myself daily to keep that joy. Life sucks me dry at times, but I can't stop praying especially when I'm dried up.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Love and Logic

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8 NLT

You'd think it would be something more like "be honest or tell the truth or the golden rule. Love is strong, I have to be careful about love. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Loving someone is really, challenging when they've hurt you. I think of john 3:16, then I think that i don't know what love is at times. I don't love myself, I find I condemn myself too much. Then I know people who love themselves too much. I find I have trouble loving people more these days than I did before I was married. My wife has to convince me that people are mean to me at times, when I totally blow it off. I don't care. I'm so used to rejection. She can sense that I'm clueless to it, which makes her feel more hurt for me. Her main question whenever I come home from a meeting is, "were they nice to you?" I don't know, they weren't mean. I wasn't offended. This has happened to so many times, that i begin to think I'm this weird alien that people are just putting up with. I find that both my wife and I have been battered in our single lives so much, that showing deep love from both us to others is a show and not real, yet I can watch others and think I should do that, but why?

My biggest problem, is. I don't accept God's love for myself, I can sure love others great, but not myself. When someone wrongs me though? no more love for them. Thats where I have issues with this scripture. I need to accept God's love for me first and the love will come naturally. I feel I'm terrible because of my sins. That has to change though, I will always sin in who knows what way. That doesn't stop God's love though. He actually uses that sinful moment to draw me to Him.

Hits me, I'm going to screw up for the rest of my life, and love on others too. No ones perfect. I've unfriended people, unliked pages, and feel terrible, and why? Am I afraid of what they think? or am I doing somethings wrong? I look at pages on facebook that I don't know what to do with, should I unlike them? then I see the junk in my office, that I don't know what to do with. I find God telling me to love, but I can't without logical reason.  Love isn't logical, they don't mix. I find logic has come into my life and ruled almost everything with results. I can't love with logic, it just doesn't work, it's like oil and water. It's crazy of how my brain has been programed over the years to think different ways.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Zookeeper

James 4:8-10
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
 
Whenever I read these kind of verses, I often think about how I'm not doing this correctly. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the movie Zookeeper with Kevin James. It came out in 2011. I didn't see it until a few days ago on redbox, which reminds me, I haven't returned it yet. It's about a zookeeper who gets dumped by his girlfriend due to him being "just a zookeeper". Un beknownst him the animals at the zoo begin speaking to him about getting this girl to like him again. What he learns is that, she wants him to be someone he's not. How many times have i wanted to be someone I wasn't. Honestly? not many. It's been more, I don't believe I can be who I am. This guy tried to be somebody else in Kevin James style, which was hilarious. I find God wants me to do the same thing. Try something and see if it works and then when I come back and say what's wrong with me God? It's this process that God takes me through. I can't stand it. I want this right the first time. I read and think. This scripture starts and ends the same way. It's the beginning and ending to a video, something is in between. But what is in between. It's the heartache, the pressure, the identity, the dismay, the confusion. Why can't I just humble myself? Why do I think so much about why?
 
Hits me, since humbling myself and drawing near to God are the obvious quick solutions, but sometimes not mine, I have to look at all the middle. Just like making sure the middle of the video flows and transitions into the ending, many times its forgotten, but its where I grow. Where I learn to be humble. I may not be a zookeeper who thinks he's just a zookeeper but I am who God made me, and I have to believe and love that, even if it means bloom where I'm planted when it hurts.

Monday, August 12, 2013

discouragement vs optimism

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again - my Savior and my God!

Psalm 42:1 NLT

This is fascinating, the process of perseverance. It's the hike up the mountain, yet not knowing how far away the top is. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I find verses like these to be hard to relate with. I wasn't raised to think like this. I was raised to be like Paul and rejoice in my trials. It's like always being optimistic in everything so I didn't get discouraged, because discouragement really meant, lack of faith. My fear is failure and rejection, my problem is, is that I don't goal set. I just keep plugging away at things that keep me from failing. When I take my family on vacation, I have no expectations, that way I don't get discouraged. It's like I put up a defense mechanism so I can prepare myself to be optimistic. Isn't that insecurity though? How long can that last? It's like I don't seek God in my troubles, I seek my past experiences as a cushion. I read and think. David was depressed. I don't get depressed, I just keep moving, I keep optimistic and focused. Sometimes too focused. Am I really not being honest with God? I don't feel I am at times. Venting and stress are almost shunned these days. But why? Because it's showing your true feelings? You attend church and it's happy time, be careful not show your true colors. I have before, and people get concerned. I'm a real person, as is everyone. Not everyone can talk to me though. I'm not everyones close friend, and I won't be. I used to take that as rejection, but now I take it as life. Isn't that a cover up?

Hits me, God wants me to be real with Him, not to be someone else who I think He wished I was. I may not be depressed, but I still need to persevere in God and rejoice in Him, because I easily don't rejoice until I think its from God, then I have pride. Because I begin judging whether it's from God or not.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Please Help....God bless

Deuteronomy 14:28-29
At the end of every three years, bring all the tithes of that year’s produce and store it in your towns,  so that the Levites (who have no allotment or inheritance of their own) and the foreigners, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied, and so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands.
At first I'm thinking of all the homeless people. Then I think of how many people won't do this. Then I think of how much judgement and pity I would give when giving my tithes for this reason. This isn't at the end of the week, its at the end of 3 years. I've already had my coffee, and discussing this scripture with Susan. I'm reminded of the "Please Help...God bless" people on the corners. Yet Susan tells me that there are places that they can go (if they are clean and sober) to get back on their feet within a few weeks. I read and think. I find its an honor to help people out if I can. I've given food to people before on the street. Then I saw the news report of lady with a sign saying "quit giving my son and daughter in law money for their drugs". I'm not getting the point of this scripture. It's about believing that a percentage of the time I put into a project is going to help someone out that could benefit. Whether its food, video, physical labor, possessions, etc. What's the big deal? I'm also reminded of an idiot who hollered at me while I was approaching my car at the bank. He gets my attention and try's to offer me a cd of his for a donation. I told him I would listen to the cd and let him know. He said no, donation or no cd. How do I know the cd isn't blank? He then got close to me and told me to slow down. I then left. I thought to myself, you don't walk up yelling at someone to get their attention to sell something they don't want.

Hits me, I'm in a day and age of service, about people i know and connections. I need to give work away at times. To give money, to give whatever my percentage is. God is about resources, not about only one way of doing things. I need to remember not to pity people who I give things to, but to see opportunity to give what I can and when I can.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Don't Fence Me in

1 Corinthians 11:1
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

At first I wasn't sure what to think. I think of the men I've looked up to and then of how left out I've felt. I've always felt as though I was 10 years late. Like what people have discovered 10 years ago, I'm figuring it out now. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Knowing me I'm always thinking outside the box. I'm reminded of the song "Don't fence me in". Originally a poem by Robert Fletcher in 1934. It was written into a song for the movie Adios, Argentina. The lyrics go
Oh, give me land, lots of land, under starry skies above

Don't fence me in
Let me ride thru the wide-open country that I love
Don't fence me in
Let me be by myself in the evening breeze
Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever, but I ask you please
Don't fence me in
Don't fence me in

Just turn me loose
Let me straddle my old saddle underneath the western skies
On my cayuse
Let me wander over yonder till I see the mountains rise
I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
Gaze at the moon until I loose my senses
I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in
Don't fence me in


Give me land, lots of land, under starry skies above

That's called Freedom to me.  It's pretty bold for someone to say this. Follow my example? I would have just said "don't look at me, look at God". Yet I live in a society where people compare. I compare reviews, videos, movies, technology. The competition is fierce. Whenever I network in business, I meet my competition at times. I'm interested to hear from them. My challenge is that, I'm not competitive. I could care less of how successful they are. I'm different, and I don't give up. Really people are buying the person and not the product. They are paying for a relationship. Do people see Christ when they see me? I sure don't at times. I read and think. Theres something I'm missing when studying Christ's life on earth. I keep on reading scriptures like this, and not seeing whats really there. It's not about what would Jesus do, it's about why He came when He did. It's about how he went about everything. I keep on reading for words and not for the environment. Christ wasn't in one place, he traveled, he met the people where they were at. He did it responsibly though. 

Hits me, he doesn't want me to guess, he wants me to live. He doesn't want me to figure Him out, he wants me to just go on my way and study Him. He'll put me in situations that will test my character. His character was tested. He came into a society that chose to kill Him. I live in a world where the scriptures are tested and ridiculed and mocked. He expected that. We can do whatever we want in this world, it doesn't matter. Christ character is still there when were done. Everything falls back to it, no matter what I do. Don't fence me in.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

A beer and the bible

Mark 7:20-23
He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them.  For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder,  adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.  All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”


At first I'm thinking "oh crap, not this one". It's like itching the mosquito bite. It itches, so you scratch your skin, only to watch it spread. I can't but think of Gollum from the Lord of the Rings. The man turned creature because of his obsession with his precious. Then I think of Anakin Skywalker, the anger he had for those who killed his mother. Then I remember "the generals daughter", how her vengeance at her father lead to her death. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm using my Venetian mug from Las Vegas. I recently had a gig there a few weeks ago. I had never been there. I was expecting it to be way worse that what it was. This scripture hits me though. It's what comes OUT that defiles me. Not what I take in. It's the evil thoughts, the lust, resentment, bitterness, anger, gross stuff, rage. It's working with a broken garbage disposal. Mines broken right now. I have to plunge it 5 times to get the sink to drain. It stinks bad. I'm reminded of the quote "the mouth speaks of what the heart is full of". How did the heart get full of junk. It's like not replacing your air filter in your A/C monthly. Junk just gets in there and pretty soon, your not breathing right. Situations just load up in life. The particles of evil slowly trinkle in and settle in, and pretty soon I'm just driving no where. It just all collected without me knowing it. How did this happen to me. I got lazy and wasn't filtering my situations through God's word. All the sudden, I'm not reading anything but the headlines, then I'm sick of christian music, sick of church, sick of scripture. Just leave me alone and hand me a beer. Beer and the bible, doesn't sound quite right, yet I feel refreshed, and God understands.
Hits me, Christ spoke with the people I think are evil. Then I find He's speaking directly to me. He's not who I thought He was. that's because I'm not seeing myself through His eyes, but through mine. All kinds of junk is going to hit me whether I like it or not, it's out I filter it leaving me that will defile me or not. I can't let the situations become my filter but word of God, man I wish that were easy.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

It's our time, it's our time down here - Mikey

Psalm 54:6-7
I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you; I will praise your name, Lord, for it is good. You have delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.
 
I often feel out of place and under estimated. Like be careful about Nathan. I feel God is the only one that gets me. I find I have resentment towards people in my past and that makes me bitter. Then I find my character changes. I don't love like I used to. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Yet David praises God. I used to praise God when I was hurt, I guess once things affected my family, I changed. What are my troubles? what is deliverance? I discovered recently that i work best with tough love. God throws things in my lap until I get it right. Then he gives me a break. a few weeks or days later, he tests me again. I'm reminded of the goonies. How they had this group of friends who they were going to miss. As they got into mistcheif, they had no idea it would lead to saving the goon docks. They were just being themselves and it paid off in their favor. I read and think, sacrifice a free will offering  sticks out. When good things happen in bad situations, do I give credit to God? inwardly i do. But through my resentment and bitterness I don't see it. I see coincidence. I lose confidence, get depressed, get too insecure. Then God's knocking on my heart saying "you can thank me".  The goonies almost got killed. They used what they had amongst all of them and found the treasure. 

Hits me, it's all about who I am that will get me to where God wants me. He doesn't want me to be anybody else. Sure I'll got through ups and downs but He wants me to stay original and be me. Just like the goonies "its out time, its our time down here", He'll give me a goal and show me how to reach it, regardless of where it is.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Here comes the Boom

The Lord is my light and my salvation so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

Psalm 27:1 NLT

At first I'm reminded of a movie,  I watched last night, called "Here comes the boom" with Kevin James. Scott Voss is a Biology teacher who discovers that his school is dropping the music program due to budget cuts. So he sets out to get funds to be able to keep the program. He discovers mma fighting  through a student in a class he teaches at night. Scott was a wrestler in college and has no training for this type of fighting. But the winner gets 50k which is the amount needed for to keep the music program.  I read and think. His trainer told him, just jump into through ring and see what happens, then we'll know how to train. Scott does this, and gets demolished, yet he keeps training because he needs to get the music program back. How many times have I wanted to not jump in unprepared, many. This year, I've had to make business decisions that I hated, but were healthy. I've had to take my insecurities and believe I was wrong, and continue to pursue things. I've had to make a trip to places, that I wanted to procrastinate on. Scott ends up winning the big fight and gets the money.

Hits me, why should I be afraid? I've got God, especially when He's really knocking on me. He's my fortress, yet I don't believe He's possible, He's protecting me from danger, yet I'm scared when I'm trusting Him. Why am I trembling? He's my light. Scott had a goal, I'm a terrible goal setter. Even though Scott was totally out of his league, he went for it. When God is pulling me, I can't resist even though my mind and body tell me to. It sucks when God opens doors and I'm just afraid to walk through.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Everlasting animation

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 139:23-24 NLT

This is from David. I remember the song. I'm tired today but need to careful about the coffee, I just worked out and don't want to get dehydrated. As I read this, "search me" sticks out. Usually I'm the one searching, wondering, analyzing. Yesterday, I was told I needed a better logo for my business. I agreed. I didn't like it. What does a logo do? It should speak about what my business. I had to let the artist search the web for images that represented me. I found out that I was thinking about things way too much. After about 2 hours, we had one, he felt was good, and I trusted him. I liked it too. I read and think. What is the logo of my person. What do people think when they see me? Am I on the path to everlasting life? I don't always let God lead me, I let my anxious impulsive thoughts take over and offend people. I then asked the artist to give me the logo in photoshop so I could animate it later. What's my animation anyway in way in life?  When I see a company logo, it defines them, I immediately think about how to bring it to life. Will I let God search me and know me. Am I seeking Him and knowing Him?

Hits me, a logo is an identity, it's what represents me, I have to seek God and let him redesign me in His way, not mine, because he knows me, and will animate me.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Pierced Integrity

Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord.
Psalm 119:1 NLT

The first thing that comes to mind is how much integrity it takes to be joyful. It's the step into following God's instructions that provided integrity. It's a sore spot for me at times. I am amazed of how much integrity the public wants. In business, if you show integrity and do what you say you're going to do, you're golden. If not, you're in trouble. Or its like in tools, how much integrity does this hammer have. Is it going to break? But being joyful? this is a big deal. I find that I give people the vibe that they can trust me, that I have integrity. I fight for integrity as much as the guy sitting next to me. I read and think. Is there a difference between joy and happiness? Is there a difference between having your sweatshirt or not. Can I be joyful alone without God? I have trouble following the instructions. Oh i can build a lego set step by step but when God's knocking on my heart, that's a different story. It's tough because what happens when I lose out. I try being joyful when I don't have integrity. Just doesn't happen. Why do I need to follow the instructions? Why can't there be an easier way? It's like why can't I just smile and be fine. It's following God. Is it that in this the day and age where speaking about God is still offensive? Yes. Actually its the day and age of offending and being offended. Only God can survive. I get kind of irritated with the christian community whenever something like the bible series is shown on TV. Why are we surprised? God is in control and everywhere, not just in scripture. Yes, when the scripture is preached, it is a piercing. When I hear worship music, it's a piercing. It's a piercing when Christ was here in person. The people weren't ready for that, and honestly still aren't.

Hits me, am I going to have integrity according to the word or according to me? It's a lot easier when I'm following God, unfortunately I get distracted and then I get pierced.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Walk this way

The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.
Proverbs 20:7 NLT


At first I'm thinking, how do I walk in this life? Then I read it again and integrity pops out and then again. walk with integrity. It's crazy of how in this day and age, integrity is an option and not an honor. I find myself dealing with it in all areas.
Wikipedia defines it as Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. Integrity can be regarded as the opposite of hypocrisy,[1] in that integrity regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs. Man have I screwed this up.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. People who have integrity are sometimes hard to approach due to my insecurity of not being like them. Sometimes I feel like I'm a flake, and I don't want to be a flake. I want to be respected. You earn respect, you don't ask for it. This bible, these scriptures, this life that is called godly, what is it? Is it that integrity is only for the godly? It's considered old fashioned today almost. It's even crazier in marriage, raising your children without being selfish. It's knowing how to discipline and being fair. Having integrity with your mind, eyes, business, family, friends. Where do you draw the line? Am I willing to end friendships due to my beliefs or can I agree to disagree? I find myself in a constant battle between pain and gain. It's a spiritual work out to be godly. It's standing up and leaving, or showing up and staying. Just like what Gandolph said:

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

Hits me, God gives me all kinds of opportunities to have integrity. And thats integrity without judgement. It's about walking a godly way, keeping my word, managing my impulses, speaking the truth. the first lines from Fellowship of the ring come to mind.

Galadriel: The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of men, who, above all else, desire power. But they were, all of them, deceived, for another Ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master Ring, to control all others. And into this Ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One Ring to rule them all.

I need to walk a certain way.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Pitch Perfect

Live in harmony with each other.

Romans 12:16a NLT

I'm amazed when on vacation, my by biological time clock doesn't change as well. I woke up 4:30 on my own, on my first day of vacation. I felt fine, I was awake, it wasn't like I was trying to sleep. This is a get along with each other verse. Sip some coffee, I read and think. We're in Carlsbad, Ca for a few days. I need to get a mug. Harmony sticks out to me in this one. Whenever I hear that word, I think of singing. Singing harmony is natural to me. But really it's a natural way to sing. It definitely enhances the song, when you hear the same line being song in harmony with the melody. It's not a back up, its enhances, but just a little. Harmony supports the people. It's not that I'm going to agree all the time with others but something I need to decide in myself to do. "Live" also pops out at me. Meaning that, even if I just don't get along with someone? I need to seek to understand them. That's very challenging with some people, who I just want to leave alone and wish I never met. I'm reminded of the In-laws, not the remake but the original with Peter Falk and Alan Arkin. My mother in-law lent it to me a month ago and I can say, it's not my favorite. Both actors did a great job, but I can't handle those kind of comedies where things just keep happening and theres no real resolution until the end. But my point is, these two guys had to work hard to live in harmony with each other since their their kids were getting married. Peter Falk works for the CIA (you don't really believe that until the end) and Alan Arkin is a successful dentist. Peter falk persuades his future in-law to help him take care of an undercover operation (alan has no idea what anything is all about, until bullits start flying). In the end of the movie, they both are living in harmony together. They both have great hearts and are both very different. I'm also reminded of Pitch Perfect, a movie about acappela singing. The girls ended up living in harmony in order to get along to win the competition. They actually took the theme of the breakfast club and applied it to their relationships with each other. I'm amazed of how getting along with people is so essential in the family and the work place.

Hits me, we're all in this earth together, for that very act of harmony, God sent his son. We were screwing it up. I'm amazed of how much judgement i throw on people because of my insecurity. I'm amazed of how accepting I am of crap thrown at me. I'm also amazed of how much I bend the truth of God's word to live in harmony with someone else. Yet he who is without sin, cast the first stone. Harmony isn't singing the same key, it's referred to as the vertical aspect of music, and melody being the horizontal. Its a change in pitch. That pitch can be a blessing or a curse. If I keep listening to God and sometimes asking for grace with someone, that pitch will come naturally and sometimes in time.

Friday, June 14, 2013

OMG or Praise God!

O our God, we thank You and praise Your glorious name!

1 Chronicles 29:13 NLT


This has got alot behind it. You don't just say this, there has to be reason behind it. I'd try just saying stuff like this because everyone else was, but it didn't work. It's like how many likes can I get? When people hear their name, they get confidence, unless its bad news. It's the craziest thing. That's why God sent His son, to be the credit and the people back then hated that, so do people these days. Honestly, it took along time to for me to give credit to people and God. I remember asking my parents, "after I sing a solo and people praise me, how do I respond?", They said, "praise God or it's all for God's glory". Then I learned to say thank you first. I'm amazed of how many people don't sit and watch the credits of a movie, they get up and go. Pretty much, they know the director and actors but could care less about everyone else. Star Wars was the first movie to have the credits at the end, 20th century fox almost pulled it from theatres on opening weekend because of that. I read and think, their's reason behind accreditation. It's when the person, that company, really blew you out of the water. Where they made the show awesome, its when they do what they say they will do. God says he will not leave me nor forsake me. Does that mean, I'll get what I want? maybe, maybe not. It means, He'll be with me regardless of what his plan is. Would I rather have him give me what I want and not be there all the time, or have him there always and watch him provide in His way?   This is where people start taking His name in vain. The name above all names, the one name that should never be taken invane....is. Simply because I don't get my way.  Because something happened to me that God probably hinted at, and I didn't listen. Then I keep silent because anger is not good and I hold it in so I look like I'm fine. Then what makes a name, glorious? what makes a name thankful and worthy of praise? For me its honesty, reliability, and communication. Isn't that what God is? He sure is honest, He's always there, and He communicates through all kinds of things. Then why the hesitation to praise Him? Am I disrespecting Him when I use a lower case h instead of an uppercase H?

Hits me, getting likes and credit will never end. I always feel weird putting my nak logo at the end of my videos. It's that part of my humanity that I'll never get over. Jesus said He was the credit and no one else. These days I find myself giving him credit only when I think its big. It's the experiences and growth that I receive from Him every day that are opportunities to trust Him and praise Him. Even when God uses a movie to speak to me, I need to sit and watch the credits and say thank you, I needed that.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Pissed off

Galatians 5:7-11
You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?  That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.  “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”  I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty.  Brothers and sisters, if I am still preaching circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been abolished.
 
At first I'm thinking, of the tough things I've been going through the past few months. Lots of insecurities about listening to God. From this scripture, I'm quick to blame. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's those moments when you think God is using someone to speak to you and He's is but isn't. It's like in Star Wars when Anakein listens to the chancelor because his wife could be in danger. It's the get rich quick schemes, it's those moments when your past hits you unexpectedly and weeks later your wondering how you landed in the dirt, and is it too late? I have reason for resentment, but I feel miserable. What do I do with forgiveness? what do I do with salvation? Christ didn't say a word for 30 years. All he could say was "it's not time yet". I can't say God makes mistakes, He's teaching me to see Him in them. Why do bad things happen to good people? Define bad. It's different for everyone. I believe I live in a society that lives off of happiness, not reality. Sometimes I want to screw these blogs because I'm not being honest enough. I've been pissed these last months. God's been pulling me in my own company and knocking on me with all kinds of personal stuff. He's brought people back in my life that I now resent. He's brought family stuff up that I now resent again. The scripture comes to mind "he who is without sin, cast the first stone". I've come to envy sinners, then I look in the mirror and I see one. I find myself not wanting people over because it's not ready by my standards. I sound like my mom. NOOO!! Who did this to me? Did I? 
 
Hits me. I have to get myself out of this, I get so blindsided at times, I need to pray for grace, its like drinking a glass of water before I hit the heat outside and not after I'm dehydrated. It's being ready for the gig and not getting ready after its begun. And if the gigs begun and someone leads me astray, I can't put my head in the ground like I'd like to, but need to keep to my identity even if I don't know who I am anymore.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Iron Man: [as the fight begins] Call it, Cap!

Hebrews 6:10-12
God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.  We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized.  We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
 
I'm not sure what to think of these. I've done lots of work God in my life and never thought of people seeing it. I never cared. Now that I have a family, I charge money for it. With my a.d.d. I often feel invisible. This helps when I'm operating a camera. I also wear black all of the time but simply due to the industry I work in. People do see me though and it doesn't bother me. I have to do what I have to do, to get that shot. And now, I find I need to show that footage quickly. sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the super heros. I'm reminded of spiderman, the incredibles, the avengers, all those guys. These people who freely just wanted to help humanity and make the world a safe place to live.

The ending fight scene from the avengers comes to mind.

Iron Man: [as the fight begins] Call it, Cap!
Captain America: Alright, listen up. Until we can close that portal our priority's containment. Barton, I want you on that roof, eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash.
Hawkeye: [to Iron Man] Want to give me a lift?
Iron Man: Right. Better clench up, Legolas.
[Iron Man takes Hawkeye up to the roof]
Captain America: Thor, you gotta try and bottleneck that portal. Slow 'em down. You got the lightning. Light the bastards up.
[Thor swings his hammer and flies off and Captain America turns to Black Widow]
Captain America: You and me, we stay here on the ground, keep the fighting here. And Hulk? Smash!
[the Hulk grins and jumps away]

 I look at these guys, and their all simply using their talents to help make the world a safer place. I'm amazed of how often I only look at my family and seek to protect it. I've done years of service in church with no thought of credit. Sometimes I did feel that God wasn't watching. But did I do it for the right reason or simply because I wanted it done. I'm surprised of how long God will let me make a mistake in order for me to see it His way. It feels right at the time but not wholesome. Yet He'll allow it. Where do my abilities belong? Do I belong?

Hits me, God wants me to put my all in until the very end, He knows my heart and motive, He knows who I really am, especially when I feel misunderstood. The Avengers were all different characters but kept their goal secure. They knew who they were. I must live for who God made me to be, especially when I don't believe it and doubt it  and start becoming lazy.

Monday, May 13, 2013

the dark side of the force

John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
 
I've always been fascinated by Christ's life here on earth. He never argued, He just spoke the truth. I have a hard time speaking the truth about God to people, especially if their my friends. But then what is a true friend? Sip some coffee, I read and think. He spoke in total first person, which threw everybody off. He actually identified himself as the light of the world.
 
I'm amazed of how much darkness I am used to walking in. It's walking into my office (storage room) at home. I have so much junk from my past in here. Old cd's that i don't use anymore, they're for back up, if my hard drives crash. Memorbelia that needs to be put on display to make it a nice office. When I was single, I took whatever people gave me in technology. Basicly their old junk and put it with mine. Then when I got married, I had to rethink why I had old tv's and gear which all worked fine, just old. My wife told when we had an apartment, "what do you really see in the backyard?" Honestly? I saw a nice patio to hang at, not all my junk. I was then amazed of how much attachment I had put on things that i had purchased or gifts that people had given me.  Then when about my life with God? What things am I collecting due to hard times? Things that are keeping me away from walking in the light? I'm not sure, am I thinking about it too much? It's just like Anakin Skywalker was told that if He turned to the Dark side, he could save his wife. He had a great motive, but little did he know what was ahead. His kids barely saved him from his bitterness and anger. If he hadn't joined the dark side, his wife would have been fine and Luke and Leia wouldn't had to save him. No if's though. What happened, happened and it was meant to be. I can't live by "if only".
 
Hits me, I look to so many other things to be the light of the world, not God. I do it without thinking about it. I find I look at progress as the light of the world or success. Those are things that I'm not good at. That's stupid. My freedom is nothing like Christ's. It's like make my own darkness, my own version of black, my dark side of the force. It's a mixture of a nice yard, good income, healthy family, etc. Where's God in that? I'm way off. He's there, but wants to direct me, not follow. He's revealing to me His life in me through Him even when my darkness appears to be light.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Facebook Freedom

For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17 NLT

The first thing I'm thinking of, is freedom from what?  I came to the computer this morning, thinking about how fake facebook is. What's really going on in peoples lives? Am I escaping my reality and running to facebook as another friend? I've told my wife several times, I like my life, so I want to share it with everyone. But, not everything. An article I came across the other day on FB ignited these thoughts. It was entitled "stop instagramming your perfect life" http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/stop-instagramming-your-perfect-life.

It really wasn't about just instagram but about all social media. And what is being social? Is being social, escaping? I remember going to church to escape my reality and not bring it, into my reality. I remember when I lost a business I started last year. I didn't want to be at home, I needed to be in public. I didn't care where, just get me out of here. I didn't know why? In the past, people had to drag me out of my editing room, now I didn't want to be anywhere near it. I had editing to do, which was fine, I just didn't want to be alone, but in public. I just didn't know why? Then I saw others the same way. I traveled between starbucks, I began to recognize the same people day after day. Sure people came in and out, starbucks definitely had its regulars.

Is facebook a chance of freedom, or do I need freedom from facebook? I read and think, God is always pulling me to freedom, regardless of whats going on. The media has become social. It can be a source to express my freedom or a source to freedom, or by getting away from it, its freedom. But what is the spirit really speaking about? Its this freedom, of what really is entangling me, in life. The one thing that holds me back. That one thing is failure. Before the social media's ever existed, I fought failure. I can easily escape from the reality that I need to be freed.

Hits me, God wants a relationship with me, he's relational. I have to be free to really experience that. Regardless of what happens in my life, he's always tugging on me about freedom that he gives. I'll get out in public, get on facebook, instagram, linkedin, etc. To just simply find that freedom or share the freedom I've found and how I found it. And sometimes, I just want to hold it, and keep it to myself and experience it. That's really tough to do too.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Support your local Sheriff

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Colossians 3:23 NLT

I'm tired this morning, we had a nice picnic with some of Susans old friends yesterday, but for some reason I didn't sleep well.  I got the movie "support your local sheriff" for Christmas. And for some reason I'm reminded of it with this scripture. Sip some coffee, I read and think. the town of Calender, Colorado, springs up over night when a woman discovers gold in the grave during a funeral.  Word gets outs and the once peaceful town become's chaotic. and that to ship out all the gold they are mining, they must pay a hefty fee to the Danbys, a family of ranchers/bandits who control the only route out of town. Most people are too busy digging to take time out to be sheriff, and those who are willing to put down their shovel quickly die. This all changes with the arrival in town of Jason McCullough (James Garner), a calm and exceptionally competent man from "back East" who says he is passing through town on his way to Australia. While in the town saloon, he sees young Joe Danby (Bruce Dern) gun a man down. Needing money after discovering the town's ruinous rate of inflation, McCullough demonstrates his uncanny firearms ability to the mayor and town council, and becomes the new sheriff. As I watched McCullough's tactics on fixing this town, I couldn't believe how I would do it differently. How many times when I want to work for God and do things for his glory do I lose track and go the other direction. When McCullough saw a muddy street full of fighters being roudy, he didn't shoot a gun, he recognized that they were acting like kids and like a bunch of animals therefore he hosed them down. When one gunfighter came in to try to take him down. He commented "this is just getting childish". So he treated the gunfighter like a child and just started throwing rocks at him.
How many times have been in a setting and been able to focus the way that God wants me to so I can serve him? Depends on the moment. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the moment, I don't listen to my instinct. The town gave McCullough a jail house but it didn't have any bars. So he used common sense and was able to keep a prisoner in it living in fear of escaping. His first resort was not to join the fight but to assess what the town was all about. What is my role of life all about? The purpose of today all about? Is it to pick a fight with my problems? Or is it to live in the freedom that God has given me? McCullough made it clear to the mayor that this sherriff job was only temporary and that he was on his way through. He ended up and didn't leave. I usually can assess a situation and know whats going on with it. What God is challenging me with. Its still very hard to do the right thing, because i don't believe it.

Hits me, McCullough was not planning on being sheriff when he arrived in Calender, Colorado. He just discovered that he needed a job pretty quickly and that the town needed help. Am I living this life for myself or for God? Usually when God pops something up, I don't like it. But I have no choice at times. He wants me to live and do everything for Him regardless of how I feel things are lined up.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Illusion vs Truth

The next day, the news that Jesus was on the way to Jerusalem swept through the city. A large crowd took palm branches and went down the road to meet him. They shouted, "Praise God! Blessings on the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hail to the King of Israel."

John 12:12-13 NLT

At first I'm thinking, its Palm Sunday so of course the Palm Sunday verse. But what strikes me is that he didn't have to acknowledge himself this time. He was known. They said "Praise God, Hail to the King of Israel". He did not tell them to say that. They actually shouted it. This wasn't a sports team that was coming into an arena or a movie star who happened to coming in, it wasn't the pope. Then the following week he was crucified by the same people. Sip some coffee, I read and think.

When's the last time I spoke like that about God and then put him on the cross a week later? He forgave me for both because he planned on both.  That's Christ's character. I'm amazed of how star struck I get with celebrities. Would I be star struck if I saw Christ in person? When someone becomes another person all the sudden and they are believable, they bring you to a different place in your mind, to your imaginative side. They allow you to escape with them into a different world. When I produce a video, that's my idea. I have to keep the audience attentive in this world I just created for them. I can't lose them. Christs character was just like that, accept his was real, it wasn't an illusion, he really is the truth. He brings no illusion but true life, and for some reason I have a problem accepting that. I'll believe it and at times will live it.

Hits me, is my character that of Christ? Am I humble like Him? not always. The more I study Him like I watch movies, the more I'll be like Him. The more I'll praise Him and shout Him out, because He lives in me and won't leave because he's always after me until I believe.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Ignorant Christian

1 Corinthians 10:1-5
For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers and sisters, that our ancestors were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea.  They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea.  They all ate the same spiritual food  and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.  Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered in the wilderness.
 
At first I'm thinking that even though I've been saved, I am still going to sin. Not to say, go ahead and sin. Sip some coffee, I read and think. The words "ignorant of the fact" sticks out. How many times have I thought that since I go to church, my problems are gone? Or how many stories have I heard of pastors and other people doing stupid stuff and the phrase "but they were involved in ministry", but they were on the worship team, taught Sunday school, great mom, great dad", I just don't understand". Then I go the other side of: "they don't go here in anymore", they've left the church", I wonder how they're doing?" I wonder where they go?". I am in the "they" group now. Many people have given me the "church look of pity and empathy" I can't but think of a tread mill in my home (i don't have one) but would I let it just sit there and because its there, feel strengthened and refreshed? or would I use it and work out? I have found myself worshiping church and not God at times. I was involved heavily because I love God and saw so many ways to serve Him. But, did he want me burning myself out doing that? I found I was so focused on church and not God. It's like being so focused on doing a job and not on how i am profiting. I'm a faithful guy, I won't give up, you'll have to remove me. I remember in 1996, when K-love was first in Phoenix. They went off the air because no one was funding them. They were freaking out. I've also noticed other new churches on facebook, proposing plans of how they will get believers and funding.  What is this? a business? logically yes, funds and order are needed. But still God owns me. And thats why Christ came when he did, because thats how everyone was being taught. I can't believe how far back I slid. I found myself so stuck in performing at church that I forgot about what God was doing in me. The ideas for ministry will never leave, they will just keep coming. I read and think.

Hits me, I can't be "wide eyed" when someone falls into sin at church or in the past. I'm a sinner too, it can happen to anybody. I'm an addict too in who knows what else. I can't be an ignorant Christian and be thinking that just because people attended, were involved, faithful, all that hog wash, means they are fine and fixed. It's how they were with God, which is also none of my business, unless they want it to be. That all depends on my relationship with them. I am "they" now too. People at church approach me and tell me they miss me. I can't be an ignorant christian any longer.

Friday, March 15, 2013

This coffee bends mugs

Daniel 10:15-19
While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless.  Then one who looked like a man touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I feel very weak.  How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”  Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength.  “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.”When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”
 
 
At first I'm thinking about how many times I've had to perform at church. By that I mean, entertain people, say hi to people, make them happy. Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times have I been given a vision, and think I can do it? How many times have I fumbled things up instead of letting God work through me? It's this thing of "God does the work, I don't". I need to learn to relax. Today I'm drinking out of my "this coffee bends mugs" mug. I found this at the thrift shop and just had to have it. Coffee, is a pick me up, it gets me going, however I have to monitor how awake I am already, and how I'm thinking, or the coffee won't work.  Here Daniel is expecting to be in good shape, speech, everything after he hears God. But instead he falls on his face speechless. Then a man touched his lips so he could speak. He admits he overwhelmed. That's not what he was expecting to think. Now it seems that he was scared. Then he was touched again and was given strength. How embarrassing.  At the end, God cleared his mind so he would listen. How many times have I left God and ran with the vision? If I drink coffee, when i don't need, but just drink it because it smells good, I get all frazzled. If I see someone at church, who I judge for having no one to talk to when they really are just enjoying themselves in there own way, I'm actually interrupting there time and intruding. Coffee is powerful thing, and I respect it. Do I respect God, enough that I let him work in me and push what I think is his love on other people that appear to be alone? 

Hits me, many of the prophets were afraid and told God they couldn't do what he wanted. They all did what he wanted because he did it through them. They didn't grab God and say lets go. He spoke and they listened. When its time for coffee and I know I need some I need to drink it, not when its time for someone else. God is my coffee and I'm the mug. When its time for me to listen, he'll shape me the way he wants to, regardless how I feel.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Why a Pope?

Colossians 1:3-6
We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you,  because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people—  the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel  that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace.
 
 
At first I'm thinking, its just the intro to colossians. I thank God for people too, Paul. Sip some coffee, I read and think. The question comes to mind, why do we need a pope or father? So I researched it and discovered that we felt that after Peter died, he needed a replacement leader to be head of the actually church (didn't they realize they would Idolize him? and take things way too far in a different direction). I then asked the question, isn't that what the spirit's for? Then I see, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world. Who is God anyway? Not, who's the pope? and why all the trouble? Then I'm reminded of superman. I was watching it this week randomly and was struck by the end when lois lane died. Superman fly's up to the clouds and hears his dads last words again and again. It is forbidden to have any relationships, all these powers and I couldn't save him.When's the last time I flew up to my clouds and listened to God? He then fly's clockwise around the world to reverse all the disaster that lex luthor just created. How I would love to change my past, just go back and not do certain things, or go back and do certain things. Paul is writing this while in prison, and he's pretty happy with colossa for their faithfulness to God. But what for? The world is a sinful place and when sinful places become healthy, it's encouraging. How many times have I wanted to not sin after I had sinned?  I'm going to have a Lex Luther in my life, that is always going to be after me, but I have an escape, I need to focus on what God has called me to do, even when I get distracted.

Hits me, sure a pope has been selected and we'll continue with our daily things. The spirit is alive and active and has knocked on millions of hearts to follow him. We live in a fallen world, so much that characters like superman were created to save us from harm I'm aware of. The Pope isn't Superman and shouldn't be viewed as a supreme being. I can't fix my past, but I can learn from it, just like superman did. The pope will give wisdom and understand but shouldn't be looked at any different than you and I. God is using him, just like he uses me. There is no leader other than those around me who God uses and as Paul said " I praise God for them".

Friday, March 8, 2013

Dead or alive, you're coming with me - Robocop

The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

John 10:10 NLT

At first I"m reminded of Robocop saying "dead or alive, you're coming with me". I'm amazed at the contrast between the theif's way and the God's way. Two different paths. The crazy thing is, the enemy likes me to think, I'm not worthy of the other path. I am not worthy of a rich and satisfying life. We're born as thieves to steal, kill, and destroy. This can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sure I'm not going to physically steal, and kill, and destroy. But what about judging, bitterness, just emotional trauma. It's crazy. In Robocop, Murphy is a wounded cop who returns to the force as a cyborg, with memories haunting him. I'm amazed how of how God has used things in my marriage to bring us closer to him and to each other. It's through pain and suffering and perseverence. It's really weird. Why? He actually did the same thing with Jesus, he brought into the world only to have him killed in order to save. He  used the theives destroy technique to save us. So that I might find my purpose and have a rich and satisfying life. Yet he likes to take my past and use it to haunt me. Sip more coffee, I read and think. God is going to have me dead or alive. It's His way. The enemy is so pursuave and believable that things should be a different way. Jesus died and came alive, and is coming back soon.

Hits me, the thief's purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. It doesn't seem like that because its a long steal, kill, and destroy. Robocop kept moving even though he was haunted by what almost killed him. I'm not supposed to live in my past, I'm supposed to know that God is going to take me dead or alive and gives me so many opportunities to live a rich and satisfying life.