Thursday, June 28, 2012

Impulsive Repentence

“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.” 2 Peter 3:9 NLT

At first I'm reminded of a shirt I wore in cross-country back in Jr. High. It was intitled "I may be slow but I'm ahead of you". But I already used this as an illistration in a blog, last year. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Recently I've been notified about how impulsive I can be. After analyzing myself, I agree. Yet I have reason for it. Although I don't like it. This makes me wish I was someone else at times. I live in a society of instant access, its all at my finger tips, as is God. But he wants to be first. I'm amazed of the ideas and dreams I get, and then how impatient I get to see them happen. Yet God wants me to surrender those thoughts to him. I guess I believe a lie that He's not about business but only family. No wonder I get so stressed about my company. I need to surrender it to Him. God is really patient with me these days. I find I'm very patient with technology because I can control it, I'm not patient with people, because I can't control them. Even though God is patient with my impulses, he just waiting for my repentance. Why can't I rush to repent? Because he's growing me by every impulse to show me how. Every time I repent it'll mean something different.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

On the other hand - Tevye

““Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against a fellow Israelite, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:18 NLT

At first I'm thinking, this doesn't fit my situation. But I remember when it did many times. This in my opinion, is the main battle with how my personality vs. my upbringing will depict the result. I'm tired this morning, we had a nice date night last night. I'm amazed in my business how much work we've done that has nothing to do with what our main business objective is. Finally yesterday, we started story boarding for videos to help draw customers to people's websites. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm amazed of my upbringing and of my personality and how the two differ and yet are the same. I'm reminded of Fiddler on the Roof, of how the Tevye kept talking to God and listening regardless of what was going on in the town. Everytime I'd watch those scenes I could relate and relate. It was this battle he was having with how tradition was and then how God really is. He used the phrase "on the other hand" a lot. When I was younger, I would get raged about things. When I look back, I know exactly why I was doing it. I didn't like my life, I had friends with what I called "better families" and so wanted that love in my family. It just wasn't there all the time. I was amazed later in my years of how you can't fix people until you fix yourself. Why? I read and think, but love your neighbor as yourself? its such a different calabor. I find I want to be depressed when I get attacked. Or get back or just lash out in impulse and really show them how hurt I feel. I do it in my marriage without thinking. It's this chemical imbalance fight I feel going on inside me. Let the waters calm first. Tevye was in a constant conversation with God and himself, which in so many ways I find myself alot. Having decisions to make and only God to go to. He had to marry his daughters off, but who they chose just didn't fit the tradition. His town was about to go through a revolution too. He had a lot of crazy things happening. Hits me, just like Tevye, God is with me wherever I go, especially when I feel He's not. When I get into moments of grudge and revenge, I need to look at my other hand and then the other hand and then the other hand and keep pacing and walking. I need to do that until I can love my neighbor, my wife, my Lord, my whoever as I see myself, praying to see them the way God see's them.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Henry Poole is Here

“Can anyone hide from me in a secret place? Am I not everywhere in all the heavens and earth?” says the LORD.” Jeremiah 23:24 NLT

At first I'm thinking of the hiding place, and then of the games we used to play as kids. It's been a good week. It's amazing of what God teaches me as a business owner and producer. There's a lot of work to do. I"m routine oriented so it's easy for me to fit something in my day. Then there's the forgetting family things. Things my wife told me to get done. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I"m reminded of a movie I watched yesterday at my mother in law's house called Henry Pool is here. Henry who recently finds out he'll be dying soon, buys a house to live out his last days. Unbeknownst to him a nosey neighbor discovers a watermark on his outerwall resembling the face of Jesus, Henry spends the rest of the movie battling the other neighbors about who he is and what faith is. The movie was full of symbolism and was pretty dark, yet important. In the movie Henry writes "Henry Poole was here' at the end he replaces the "was" with an "is". In reality he was hiding from his past and escaping the only way he knew. How many times have I wanted to escape and hide, thinking God couldn't see me. Or knowing God could see me, I did it anyway. With this watermark on his wall due to a bad stucko job, the neighbor lady would just keep bugging him about it. She became very annoying, then the other neighbors began attempting to convince him that this was the really a healing moment for him. I was telling Susan the other day about how when I was growing up, the feelings I got during a worship service, I wanted to help give to others. I also had a passion for audio and video. I just love helping contribute to the atmosphere, I'll enjoy it on my own time. Did I hide behind the gear? In a way I was, I didn't know what to think of the atmosphere, but I liked it. It was never mentioned in what Henry was dying of, but his reaction made him isolate himself. I'm amazed when I escape to my own thoughts. I'm pretty optimistic but there are moments when I just get angry about the way I am. Why do I not believe and accept that I can't hide from God? It's like God is my way out, but since I hooked on my circumstance and not on Him, I refuse to see it. Hits me, Henry poole eventually takes an axe to his wall out of anger how much privacy he doesn't have. The roof comes down on him and he's hospitalized. While in the hospital he learns that he doesn't have the disease and won't be dying. At that point he reaches for the hope that everyone was presenting to him. How many secret places do I have? my phone, my thoughts, movies, videos, remote control boat, researching technology, best buy. When Henry bought the house his realtor had the wall re stucko because she didn't like it. It was a bad stucko job which resulted in a watermark resembling christ's face. It doesn't matter where I try to hide, Christ will be watermarked on me. I can choose not to see him or accept Him, but he's there, and more importantly using me more than I think.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

skill vs creator

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1 NLT

At first I'm not sure what to think, I thought I had already blogged about this one but according to my blog searches, hadn't. This reminds me of the book by elizabeth elliott about her husband Jim elliott who lived by this verse. But what does it mean? Sip some coffee, I read and think. Living is the hardest part I find, i live and then I don't, and it repeats itself. I find I stop by but I don't live. there's plenty of room for me to set up camp but I don't do it. When I do, I do find rest in the shadow of the almighty. Then why do I leave? Because I don't believe I'm worthy of living there. I get distracted and believe that I'm worthy of everywhere else but that. I find I set my worth on the wrong things. Every day is a chance to get back in that shelter. I find this is where a lot of people give up. Then others, don't and you see them as being so joyful all the time. I wonder how they stay there. They don't have a problem with believing in there identity like I do. What happened to me? My struggle is different, I can't judge them. My identity I find is based on how think of myself in a given situation. How I portray myself, if I say what I feel are the right things to help someone out. Or to give instruction in a way that I think is helpful. Usually I'm too intense in all this. So that belief is wrong, I might think its helpful but its intruesif. Or when someone is telling me something and instructing me. I find I'm way ahead of them already in my mind and trying to get them there. When they accuse me of not listening, I accuse them of being stupid and not being able to keep up. My identity is too much in what I'm doing and not enough in who created me to do it. My identity is too much in my skill and not in who skilled me. My worth is too much in what I've done and not in who gave me the ability to accomplish everything. I can't believe how I get trapped like this. Hits me, I'm amazed of how patient God is, how he lets me run away from him, knowing I'll be back. It's like the software wanting to be the operating system too. You can't do that. It's one or the other.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

shooting the world with your soul

“And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” Mark 8:36 NLT

At first I'm thinking, how can that be? Then I'm thinking, how did it happen to me? I think of anakin Skywalker again, who was just angry about his mothers death and then when his wifes life was going to be lost during child birth, he was seduced to the dark side with the mindset that his anger would save her, instead it killed her. Which made him more angry. Things happen over time, over the decisions I make. I have a problem with being too impulsive. This has done me good at times and bad in others. More bad than good I can say. I read and think, I'm reminded of my home theater days, when we were trained to think of the customer's needs first and then what products would make us the most money. I was able to stick to my guns on what they needed, but the other guys quickly went with what was going to make them money. I didn't last long due to not profitting much. But I didn't lose my soul. Which was my problem in general business, I thought too much of what the customer wanted and didn't count my price andcosts enough. What I'm amazed with is that the spirit all along the way taps on my shoulder about what to do, not later, but all along the way. Hits me, its one for the other. It's God or its the world. Its cheating or being honest and truthful. Its following God's word or it isn't. Its following the spirit or its following the world. It's those split second moments that make a big difference. It's thinking before I act or speak. It's being nice to people, doing what I know is right when its time to do that. In video its setting your white balance and framing your shot before you hit record. Because depending on the camera, once your recording, its too late. I have to examine my environment and figure out how to best shoot it as to capture it for my audience. I can't lose my soul in it. It's my soul that has to show through it.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Tough Mudder

“The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.” Psalm 103:13 NLT

Man i feel distracted this morning. With father's day tomorrow, I think about how I am as a father. Am I tender and compassionate? most the time. I do get frustrated though. I'm reminded of James Stewart in Shenandoah, he was stern dad but very tender. Every man has a soft spot, even though we a lot of times don't want to show it, we do. I think of the fears I have being a father. Providing, integrity, failure. I see so many times scriptures like this about the woman being tender and compassionate. But now the man. Fearing God is respecting Him. Make sure I capitalize the H. Do I respect God as my father seek his tenderness and compassion? I don't think about it. I came across Tough Mudder this morning on facebook. It reminds me of  young life and mainly of the atomic relay that Scott Scherckenbeck would put on. As I read through the website. I came across the point of the whole thing. They said it's NOT a race but a challenge. How many times have I looked at a life as a race and not a challenge. Its so mental, as I looked at the videos, I just got a rush, like "i can do this". I read through the training, you need to run 5 miles twice a week, and be able to do 6 pullups. You're not alone ever. You count on your team to help build you up physically and mentally. Bring your fears, makes this personal. I remember learning how to work when I was younger. Mowing lawns while my other friends watching Saturday morning tv (I had my share of plenty of tv watching though). I hated it, but now I'm one of those few who's kept my job in the economy crash. What is my tough mudder? How do i prepare for the obstacles in my life? My heavenly father always gives me opportunities to prepare by throwing an obstacle in my way. Its when I don't fear my father that I fail and feel alone. God puts people in my life to help me through my obstacles. Sometimes I don't listen because I'm stubborn and just don't understand and sometimes even if I don't understand I just do what they say. Because sometimes I don't need to understand I just need to do. As I looked at the photos on tough mudder tears began to form. Everyone had a different reason for taking the challenge. They didn't want you to be too serious and be first to finish, they wanted you to challenge yourself.  there last rules is I'll over come all fears. Why do things trap me so quickly at times? Hits me, My heavenly father draws me to him through obstacles in my life regardless of what they are. With his tender heart and hand he's helped me through all of them regardless of how I've felt at the time.

Friday, June 15, 2012

life as a father

“The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.” Proverbs 23:24 NIV

At first I'm thinking, is this talking about me or my dad? It was a long night with some sleep. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of last night when we were trying to get Shayne to bed. She kept delaying everything which was getting me frustrated. Mommy was already sound asleep from swimming earlier and I was dealing wth Shayne. I couldn't find her mr. Lion whom she hasn't asked for in 6 months so I gav her a rabbit, then she wanted both slippers on her feet which she never wears slippers to bed. I caught myself and thought, Daddy go and find that other slipper. It had to be in the condo. I found it. I'm amazed of how I let my selfish desire of simple bed time get the better of me. Mommy laughed and told me even that I react to her at times as though she were my sister and not my daughter. I felt terrible, how selfish, what kind of father and am I? This morning after sippng coffee, I looked on facebook and saw a picture from the bible of a somewhat marked up bible. Mine was way worse. I read the comments and dug my old bible out of the shelf. The memories of college days came back as to how much time I had back then to study it. Then as I was began to think, I thought about how my dad had taught me to have quiet times and talk to God. How he had gone to the mountains, and read some book when he was young that helped him understand who he was in Christ. I understand what he was saying now, I didn't then. Dad always was up at 5 am, with his chex, daily bread and a quiet morning. He encouraged me to with different devotionals and stuff too. I did a little bit. I read and think, wisdom comes from making mistakes. Talking to my dad today, he'll tell me he made mistakes, he didn't always make the right decisions. I have not brought my dad joy many times, I'm a challenge. As a father I have to understand the even if my child is disobedient to me, doesn't mean she won't implement our family rules elseware. My dad taught me how to work, how to be faithful, he was very old fashioned and traditional yet taught me to use my mind and common sense. He was very misunderstood at times and a terrible communicator too. I know many people who did not like him and let me know they didn't. Therefore they did not like me. On facebook they won't accept my friendship because of things that happened long ago. That's what life brings at times, and I accept that. Am I righteous? Am I wise? usually sometimes. Hits me, how does my life reflect my heavenly father? terribly at times. That's what its all about though, how I let him live in me.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Welcome to the real world - Morpheus

“But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior.” Philippians 3:20 NLT

At first I'm thinking of the different mindset I have of people. and the updates I have to get for technology. I'm tired this morning. We've been told by Daycare that Shayne is on a growth spirt, so she's eating and sleeping a lot. She'll be 3 next month. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the line in the Matrix when Morphius says to neo, Welcome to the real world. The real world in the Matrix was the answer to the truth of why we as human beings, we feel so empty. Morpheus said " That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you born in bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind." I read and think. I can only imagine what people think of my mind when they read my blogs. Here I've been doing this for almost a year. This is unlike anything I've ever done before, expounding on scripture just like I look through a view finder. But everyone thinks in a different way. How do I see life? I see it visually and in movies, and in experiences. Do I hold people back from God because he's mine? or do I introduce him to my friends? What is my fear? Truth? Lack of knowing everything? Morphius also told Neo "sooner or later your going to realize just as I did the difference between knowing the path and walking the path." I find myself not concerned about his return but leaving it to Him and his timing. I find myself trying to live every moment in obedience to His word. Its when being obedient is his calling to get others to wait for him too. It's his real world and seeing this place and everyone here through His eyes. In order to live in this real world I need to walk the path instead of just knowing it. I've been saved for a long time and get lazy and don't obey when I should. Hits me, things are going to happen in my life that will make me believe lies about who I am in Christ. I'll be trapped in my mind, then I'll get out. Morpheus was trying to free Neo's mind but could only show him the door. I get like that all the time, friends will show me the door and I walk passed because I'm too busy. God's my real world and is freedom even though I get comfortable with my thoughts, He's always waiting for me to show me more of Him everyday.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Raising Helen

“So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.”” Luke 11:13NLT

At first I'm not sure what to think of this. Then I think of how simple gifts can be. I also think of how insecure I get when I'm given something I just don't need and don't care about. Ya the person was thinking, I could use it, all I'm thinking is how soon can I get rid of it. I'm tired this morning, sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm a practical gift giver. If I give something to someone else, its going to be something they need or I know they like. But God is different, He gives the Holy Spirit to those who ask him. Not because they need or they like it. They ask for Him. It's the asking. How many times have I not asked but just wished someone would give the Holy spirit to me?  I just wanted to be changed. I didn't want to do anything, I just needed to be healed. Yet sometimes the God doesn't work the way I expect and doesn't think the way I think. I'm reminded of Raising Helen with Kate Hudson. After Helen's sister and husband are killed in a car accident, she becomes the guardian of there three children.  Helen was not ready for that responsibility or was she? she had a busy social life and thriving career, and in the end realized how much she needed the other lifestyle. When I've asked for things from God, and I find out later how his timing was. My partner and I took a day off yesterday and just spent it socializing. We've been in business mode for months, but didn't really know each other. We didn't grow up together, but he insisted that we didn't talk about business. So i promised him, I wouldn't. I was amazed of how much I needed to just be casual. At first it didn't make sense. I need to work, I need to get paid, etc. His biggest complaint about me the last months was I just was too serious about things. I had to prove that I could be fun. Hits me, the Holy Spirit works in weird ways, He speaks through people to me and lines me up with things, that I don't understand I don't need to. I need to relax ask for His assistance and erase my expectations of what's to happen.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Use the force Luke - Obi Wan Kenobi

14 But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it. Matthew 7:14

This was yesterdays verse but I just didn't want to blog about it (I was depressed). Even though I really had some thoughts. I was reminded of the trench in Star Wars episode iv. The only way to shoot the torpedoes in the exhaust pipes of the death-star was through the trench. What was even more interesting after some research, I found the reason the trench was the only way was because of the tractor beam above it. The tractor beam couldn't get in there. Yet if you got into the trench, and were about to fire at your main target, you had to slow down and be still to get that shot, which made you a completely open target. It then hit me about how similar the narrow road in my christian life with God and the open trench were. When I've chosen to get out of the trench and just fire on the death star my own way, I get attacked like crazy and usually don't care and just let it hit me. When I choose the trench, I have to do as Luke did and really trust in God. Vader could sense that the force was strong with Luke. Its crazy of how under attack I feel at times, its because the enemy can sense how valuable I am to God, yet he feeds me lies to think otherwise. Once Luke got into the trench, he had a different battle going on, it was spiritual. When I entered the narrow road when I got saved, it was anything but easy. Sure most days were free, but then things trapped me due to insecurity. Just like Luke attempted to use his finder to focus on the target at the end and Obi wan told him to use the force. I have to trust God with wherever and whatever he calls me to do. Sure I can go according to what I did before and remain consistent, I can troubleshoot my way through anything. But when I'm on the narrow road, I have to trust God. I don't always do that, I take my finder out instead and up getting shot down. Hits me, the narrow road is ugly, and I'll always be under attack and just as Han Solo began to believe in the force and distracted Vader so Luke could fire the torpedo, is how God uses people in my own life to help me focus on him. Only a few find Him. I have to trust in Him, just like Luke used the force. My Death-star can change from day to day but the trench is only way I can see true freedom and not in the open air.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Walking Tall

“The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. (For the choir director: This prayer is to be accompanied by stringed instruments.)” Habakkuk 3:19 NLT

At first I'm thinking, God prepares me for things. Then I think of training, and prep stuff. I'm tired this morning, got to bed late. Today my cousin Stephanie gets married. I'm amazed of how time has flown by these years. I was in High School when she was born. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I looked up surefooted even though I could probably guess what it meant but wanted to read it anyway. It means not liable to stumble or fall, designed as to hold well to the road. I'm reminded of several things, the movie Walking Tall, my audio visual experiences in the booth. In Walking Tall Chris Vaughn is a soldier who goes back to his town only to find it corrupt, with his integrity and ethics, he cleans up the place risking his life and hope. Its the same in audio visual, back by the mix table. I've been trained to work and control a chaotic atmosphere. I'm running a show, it's very different than being on stage. I'm controlling the atmosphere which is, lights, audio, and video. We are the lyrics, the hearing, and whether they can see people. Then we get more internal, like anything, we don't want to be noticed. We dress in black, we are in the shadows. People shouldn't notice us ever. Its a tough job a times, because as an audio guy you're constantly making sure you can hear everything for the crowd and watching the stage for cues from the leader. As a graphics person, you're the lyrics and notes, the congregation is following your lead on the screen even though your following the leader, even though the leader is following you. You also have to cue up the next songs accompanyment track. Then there's the V1 or video switcher who usually is also graphics. He transitions from cameras to lyrics and is also in charge of recording everything. He waits on the lyrics in preview to make sure they're right and when the sermon comes up, switches between camera's and slides as directed by the TD. Then there's the camera man, who's just following the action on stage to give the V1 something to go to. The engineer on sight is making sure the projectors all look the same and operating as well as monitoring and troubleshooting the stage and sound. All so that no one notices anything but has a great experience.
Chris Vaughn was trained and had to clean up house when he discovered his town was a mess. As a professional technician, it's hard for me to not do anything when I walk into a place that's a mess. Hits me, I have to go to God and say "train me, show me what to do, if anything, make me surefooted and solid, for your glory, not because of my training". Sure I can do all kinds of creative things, but is that what He wants at the moment, or do I keep it to myself. I have to remember the rules a lot and go by them. If I seek him wherever I go, I will be the way he wants me to be and not the way I see fit.

Thursday, June 7, 2012


“Before the mountains were born, before you gave birth to the earth and the world, from beginning to end, you are God. For you, a thousand years are as a passing day, as brief as a few night hours.” Psalm 90:2,4 NLT

I can only think of time lapse videography. Shots of the clouds, wind, thousands of years in one day. I didn't sleep very well. God's working on me these days with authority and respect for my elders. I find myself submitting for a long time and then sometimes I just snap. I'm also reminded of Click. Michael Newman is a workaholic architect that finds a universal remote and is able to fast forward through different parts of his life. Eventually the remote begins overruling his choices. I usually seise the moment everyday. But there are moments when I want to skip over certain things. Michael forgot what was important to him. He had a terrible boss and was only focused on pleasing him. He cared about his family but didn't value them. Time fly's fast when you're busy and sometimes it seems like its in slo mo. Sometimes I want to have instant replay of a past event play and sometimes I just want to skip to the end of a fight. That's all Michael did, he fast forwarded through everything. Every meal every fight, every family thing. Pretty soon he was at this death. He missed everything. I read and think, it seems like time is always flying by but God is still God. Sometimes he stops me in my tracks so I can recognize him. It's almost as though, he wants me to see things in the future and live like he's coming tomorrow but act like that today. I find myself clicking back to memories of my past, both good and bad. Feeling shame or laughing of how funny a moment was. Then at times not even wanting to go to work. I find I can get so caught up and hyper focused on things that I think they can overpower God. Yet a thousand years are as a passing day. Hits me, Michael Newman was a busy man, so busy that he forgot about what was important. He got selfish, he basically told his wife and kids that work and making them a good future was better than quality time with them. Its tough because work allows for quality time. Yet there needs to be balance. I don't have a remote to hit the menu and see what my life has in store even though at times I do want one. In editing I speed things up and slow things down, and freeze them. In my life it seems like things happen like that and i need to seise the moment so God can show me, He is who he is, with no remote but a hand to guide me along the way in Him.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The dimensions of God's love

“Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as will trust in him. Your routes will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”Ephesians 3:17-19 NLT

At first I'm thinking, of how off I am with this. All the stuff that I could possibly think is the answer and isn't. Slept good last night, got to bed late but no one woke up. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's the love that only God can give. I don't get it, and I'm not supposed to. I keep on thinking these verses are about him making a home, which is simple. But I really am seeing, more about his love for me. I can't believe how twisted of a view I have of love. I really appreciate how the movie industry portrays love. The magazine people? are a different story. But the movies, I really appreciate. I read and think, I'm reminded of the things I enjoy doing because of the skills and interests that God has given me. Everyone has there own. But when I'm out shooting footage or spending time with my family, I'm experiencing God's love. When I'm editing, troubleshooting gear, listening in a conversation, enjoying the morning, I'm experiencing his love. I find myself taking it for granted. Then when things don't go good, I know he's making me better, stronger, to view him in a whole different way. I'm reminded of Swiss Family Robinson, how they got stranded on this island and instead of waiting on the beach for help, used there surrounding and lived there. They accepted where they were and made the best of things. And of course Gilligans Island, same thing. Sure both groups were trying to get rescued, but they had to accept there situation first. In my life, when I get in a rut, I usually go to God to see what his plans are and sometimes he lets me know and sometimes I'm just going. I don't need to understand. Hits me, I'm not going to fully understand his love. But at moments I'll experience how wide, and sometimes how deep, how long, how high it is. I'll find that I can't make it up. But as he brings me through things, I'll see Him in all those ways. In those moments of craziness i'll see how wide it is, in the long spans of time that he's waited for me I'll see how long it is. When I'm successful I'll see how high it is, and when i'm in my darkest moments I'll see how deep it is. I won't get it, and i don't have to.

Monday, June 4, 2012

If you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will - Abraham Lincoln

“Yours, O LORD, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O LORD, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things.” 1 Chronicles 29:11 NLT

At first I'm thinking, God owns everything. Didn't sleep well. I'm trying to conform to the heat in my sleeping habits and it takes some figuring out in the summer time. Coffee's good this morning. I wish I had slept in, but then I would be disarrayed in not having time for myself today. It's looking like a busy week. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of a few things. Susans' grandma on her dads side, died a few months ago and we went over to her dads house yesterday to collect whatever she wanted from grandma. It was interesting what grandma was interested in. She collected stuff but nothing major. Then there's there's the scene from Pollyanna where the town is trying to be put on a bazarr and the only person stopping them who kind of owns the town is Pollyannas Aunt Polly. Pollyanna tells someone that "she doesn't own the church". The pastor gets word of this and realizes that he's allowed this Aunt Polly to almost run the church like the town as though she owns it. How many times have I tried to own anything? I lock my car so that anything i own isn't stolen. I find anything I have in possession I need to to care for. I find myself getting attached and don't see the day when I have to get rid of it. Even church, is there really competition to who owns it? It's like when I donate something, am I allowed to claim ownership of it when I want? No, it's God's. I'm amazed of how often I take pride in the things I donate and claim ownership to that person. I can only imagine the missionaries over sea's that are supported. The pressure they must feel to be successful with the support they're getting. Then there's the disrespect I find at church of gear. Here people have donated money to get state of the art gear and at times its just trashed and disrespected, usually due to lack of experienced professionals operated. Which then goes to trying to get volunteers who know what they're doing in the booth. I read and think, there's another line in Pollyanna that hits me, from Abraham Lincoln. When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will. Hits me, Its God's. The more ownership I claim to things in this life, whether it be my family, what we don't have, my church and the things that I claim are wrong, my business, my anything, I will surely find it. If I desire to see everything through God's eyes, I will see how he is over everything. He'll show me I own nothing but am a vessel He is using and by experiencing his love for me, there will be no need to call anything my own.

Friday, June 1, 2012

It'll get worse, before it gets better - Dalton - Roadhouse

“And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.””Revelation 21: 2-4 NLT

At first I'm thinking why? Why not now. It's like that annoying security sound in a retail store. Somebody touched something and made it go off. When they finally disable it, everyone's at peace. Didn't sleep well, I feel old this morning too. Sip some coffee, I read and think. God doesn't see things that way that I see them. He just doesn't. I'm reminded of the movie Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze. I don't own the movie, but I've seen it enough times on tv to really like it. Dalton is a tough bouncer who is hired to tame a dirty bar. The first night he just observes the action and does nothing. He then has a meeting and explains what you do when things get out of hand. He had to clean up house quickly and keep monitoring everything. The employees began not to like him because he was pointing out unjust things. He was simply doing his job. He told them "no body ever wins a fight". I read and think, how many times have I felt beaten by society? or trapped by my job? In this town, the guy who owned the bar was allowing anything to happen and ended up stopping Dalton from cleaning up. He wanted the anger and violence. He wasn't expecting Dalton to come after him in a fair way. Why is it that unjust things appear to be normal at times and when someone is there to clean up the mess, everyone attacks? God wants to draw me closer to Him, especially when I think, I know what's going to happen. It's tough to clean things up, its a lot of work. How many times has God knocked on my door to clean things up and I told him, no worries, I'm clean? How many times have I invited him in to my heart and kicked him out because I didn't like what he was doing? All things are gone forever? I need to believe especially when the process I thought would have happen is totally different through Gods eyes. He shows me his perspective when I finally give in and just let Him take care of things. Why pain? Why sorrow? Dalton said one line that stuck out to me. "It'll get worse before it gets better". Hits me, God loves us, so much, that He allows me to get worse, before I get better. He rebuilds me to be stronger. He couldn't conquer death without dying. He couldn't rise from the grave without being put to death. I don't get stronger without being in pain. I learn and then know how to prepare for next time and people I meet along the way I can help. When Dalton came to town, he had a different perspective. God has a different perspective that i don't respect at times. I'm getting better at obeying, even if I think its getting worse, I know it'll get better.