Instead? Is that because I'm not going to be kind, tenderhearted, or forgive people. This one is tough. Im so angry inside, for people being so mean and knowing it. I read and think. This makes me scratch my head and rack my brain. It just sucks, because I'm too kind and tenderhearted, but I have severe forgiveness issues. Once you hurt me, your done. Make them pay, make them suffer. Why when I am kind do people look for ways to use me, take advantage of me, poke at me, push me. Look at what we did to Christ, he did all that and we crucified him. Yet that was part of the plan. Why is hardship always part of the plan? Sometime's I just can't believe we went through with the divorce. I feel at times, we were so busy that we just treated it like another thing to get done. I was so lost. I was in a survival mode of my life. I was sexting several women on a daily basis. I was pushing in my therapy too. Susan had always deserved better than me. I was way too much for her. My poor kids, they witnessed soo many arguments that they just didn't understand. My youngest will still say to us that she loves both of us. Life is just tough. I'll never marry again. I'm not even thinking of movies anymore. I can't commit to anyone woman. I can't even commit to God.
Lets end this blog. I don't even know how to title this thing. Forgiveness sucks, it really does. Because its going to happen again. Even though Christ said forgive them 70 x 7. Which really means never stop forgiving, by the time you get to 490, its pretty much your nature to forgive. Hits me, Forgiveness is a process, its not a onetime thing. Why? because they are going to do it again and again and AGAIN!! I need to study this more.
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