Hazard lights

 Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

 

 

I've always been a loner. I never had that group of guys that would hang out, like on TV. I just never craved it. My siblings are the same way. I guess were just independent. As I read and think about this passsage, I'm amazed of how I don't let people influence me as I once did. I've always been misunderstood and laughed or critized for not getting it, when really I was light years ahead. I have in the past apologized for practically living. I would be taken advantage of, because I have a good heart. I read and think. "Let it" sticks out. Its those moments when I'm hurt that my light doesn't shine. I get depressed and go silent and put my light out. Whats weird though, is that people can tell that I'm hurt and they want my light to shine. Do they realize they are the ones that convinced me to put my light out revealing my darkness. Then I start struggling trying to find my way turn the light on. These days I hike or I try to inspire myself especially when my sexual activity gets going and I really need it. Depression, sex, frustration, anger, stress really puts your day on stand still. I'm amazed of how I battle my struggles more than depression. In my marriage, I battled sex way more than I did when I was single. Do they really see a light shining? I don't. If anything they see Hazard Lights. Now that I'm divorced, its more monitoring my feelings and urges about what not to do and self control. The PTSD from my marriage is soo apparent. I have kids and have to keep whats important for them first. My temptations aren't nearly as severe than when I was married. The clock just kept ticking. I watched soo many movies with single parents and now I kind of get it. I'll never marry again. Marriage is clearly for your extended family and friends, not for you. Its for the anniversary of how long I can live in hell. That's what the congrats are for anyway. The vows are a joke too. What they should say instead is. 

 

Sarcasm at all times, life is way too short, you have to laugh most of the time.

When we go broke, we remain an team. When we get rich, we remain a team. no whining

When dealing with family, don't be selfish

When we get sick, no complaining about why this happened again.

When another person or something gets in between us, we expect it and are not surprised.

We agree to disagree.

Hits me,  Why should people look at me anyway. I look at them a bit, especially the girls. I don't care what people think of me really. When I get hurt, they know it. It's more hazard lights that I'm showing anyway.  I need to keep letting my light shine, even if I see hazard lights. regardless whether its accepted or not. They can do with it, what they want.