Friday, September 30, 2011

Get it, Got it, Good

“I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.” Philippians 1:9-10 NLT

Sip some coffee, tired this morning. Sip some more coffee. I almost passed this one up, thinking it was just another ending of a chapter or something. I'm not used to someone talking to me like this. Usually I expect "well man, keep on, keeping on."or "good to see you again too" or "stay strong"or "peace out". It's like running into someone who's really spiritual and saying "ya ya, uh uh, thanks". Sip some coffee, the apartment has one more trip to clean up some stuff, and I'm done. What a relief. Now that challenge will be to go through memorabilia in October. I read and I think, I read and I think. I don't feel judged by this. I'm usually used to someone bumping into me and telling me how live my life without knowing how I'm living it. I have learned to ask people questions about themselves and wait for an answer and listen to it. I actually feel loved by read this, like I'm not being blamed. I read and I think. I like to get the facts on things, I wasn't always like that, but I learned over time, I wouldn't stress as much if I waited for all the facts. Ya I'm focused on my daily to dos and making progress and having a goal and such.  Sometime I'll run into someone (like a neighbor at the apartment) have a little chat. Maybe I'll feel like praying for them, not sure. I read and think, Hits me. What does really matter? The american dream? keeping my family happy? making sure we go to church every week? keep my job? Seems so confusing. I can research technology and get answers all day long, I can forecast how long it'll take me to get a new camera, to see when my wife won't have to work anymore and stay home with our daughter, when I can sell my truck upgrade to something better for the family, when I won't struggle in temptation whatever kind it might be at the moment, the list goes on. Life stuff never ends. I think of Hook, City Slickers, Freedom writers, Click, Family man, Pursuit of Happyness. Hits me again, if I don't strive on a daily basis to seek knowledge and understanding (i don't feel like it at times, and wonder how so many people are so much more excited about it than me) of God and his word, I'll always have trouble living a pure and blameless life and forget about Christ's return. He'll show me that I really matter to Him. Now to title this thing.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

See No evil, Hear No evil

“All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.””John 3:20-21 NLT

I almost thought this was a repeating verse but its not. Being a christian as long as I have, I have found myself choosing evil because I was tired of being in the light and could care less. I slept good last night. I'm still tired but I didn't get woken up, so thats the good part, I find these days, that I don't care what time it is, if I have a chance for sleep I'll take it. Apartment is about done finally, a few more trips, some cleaning and I'm done, over the next months hopefully only October, I'll have gone through my junk that I saved over the past 30 whatever years and I have a better place for my family.  I read and think, I read and think. I start thinking of the people I know who do evil and like it and then I think of myself of when I do evil but I hate it. Then I find when I do the right thing, I feel better about myself, and I really don't care that others saw me do it, I just wanted to do the right thing because I don't want to feel guilty. I get confused about that a lot. Because sometimes when I turn to the dark side and hate it and am upset that I went there for a moment, God uses that weakness and shows other's how He can work in that way too. I read and think. I'm reminded of a documentary I put together last year of a guy I met on facebook named Dennis Gable.  He wasn't raised to live in the light but ended up living in the light. He now tells his story to thousands of kids around the country. My story isn't like Dennis's but its there. I read and think, I read and think. I see such a cycle in this thing, Hits me. I want to fix myself so that I can keep in the light where I feel the best, but God isn't like that, He's going to continue to work on the areas I need help in the most to show me, that I need Him. It'll be painful and it'll be easy at times but that's God's way of showing others that I'm striving to do what He wants.

Below is the link to Dennis Gables documentary.

Dennis Gable

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

my Lake Powell mug

“But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means.” 1 Corinthians 2:14 NLT

At first I'm thinking, this is that verse that separates us. This is the one that will tell me not to talk to non christians at all, it's the one that can cause me to judge them and give me an excuse not to have to talk to them. I'm tired this morning, only 3 days of left of September and of the apartment and just few things left, sell sell sell. I could almost make a living off of Craig's list but I can't, it's good side cash. Sip some coffee, I read and think.  I'm using my Lake Powell mug today...Lake Powell, one of my most favorite places to be and go. I read and think. I think about how many time's I just want to tell someone they need Jesus. I also reminds me of what got me into video production to begin with. It was how movies, music, and entertainment made me feel about myself, how much they impacted my life and influenced how I thought about things.  I wanted to produce that feeling for peoples families, business, and ministry. I wanted people to be alive in there life and celebrate it and be excited about whatever they were doing. I read and think, I read and think, hits me. Sure I can leave people alone with only knowledge that they haven't seen Jesus like I have, or, I can share with them where God is seen, He's in the movies, music, people actions. Lake Powell is a man made lake, who wants to go to a man made lake? Oh the shots I've got from that place, all the videos I've made. When I think of Lake Powell I think of the music, relaxation, I hear the lapping of water agains't the boat in morning, the sun coming up, all the footage I can take. I can show you every video I've made of it, but until you've gone you won't know for yourself. I became a christian at the age of 8 but I didn't really start living until I was 18, surprisedly God was walking with me the whole time and still is.

Lake Powell 2006

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Lost Canyon mug

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33 NLT

Is it really that simple? I mean seriously? Really tired this morning, I had yesterday off, and it was dedicated to the end of the apartment, now I have the remains in the condo. I have very little at the apartment but it still there. Sip some coffee, I'm using my Lost Canyon mug today. I got this a few years ago when I was shooting a Retreat. Lost Canyon is the name of a Young Life camp in Williams, Arizona. Oh the shots I've gotten up there, I still envision flying over the camp in a helicopter to get a nice areal. I read and think. In audio visual, when you're operating a show, you care slightly about what the audience is doing but more about what's going on stage, your eyes are focused way over there. A lot of times you don't need a script, you just go with the action. When I would be on camera, my director would tell me over intercom, "ok, Nate, do your thing" or he'd say nothing at all, knowing I was already paying attention. I read and think, I read and think. This confuses me.  I have to figure out the difference between the temptations and the opportunities to serve. Hits me, sip some coffee. The more I choose to ignore the things that i know aren't healthy for me and things that can poison my day. And really trust that those unhealthy things won't give me happiness and focus on God and things that He says are healthy, I'll feel so much better, and I'll find what I need in Him.  Ironically it feels in the beginning like you're lost in a canyon but really, you've been found.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Mean People Suck

“For we know the one who said,“I will take revenge. I will pay them back.”He also said,“The Lord will judge his own people.” It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” Hebrews 10:30-31 NLT

I almost thought this was the original vengeance verse, but its not. I slept better, not the best, but better last night. This is the final week of September and the final week to empty the apartment, so all hands on deck, I need to sell everything I can.  Please Craig's list people show up when you promise to come and get my stuff! I recall many moments of elementary school, and church times, where I was beyond angry with people. I just wanted to get back and have vengeance. Mean people suck! Even towards my family members at times.  I'm amazed of how fast the anger and bitterness rose to the surface. I read and think, I read and think. I thought sure God says He'll judge his own people, but I can do a much better job. I find how miserable and hurt I was just wanting vengeance.  The Patriot, Braveheart, Gladiator, and Princess Bride come to mind, how vengeance just drove them. I read and think, I read and think, hits me. Sure I can get angry, I can get bitter, I can get ferried and raged to a point I don't eat, I don't sleep, this anger is my energy, I don't need coffee because my anger is keeping me awake. Then I think of the flood, I think of the plagues, I think of sodom and gamora, I think of all the times people fell into the  hands of a living God. Hits me again, I'm backwards again.  My anger is just what they want, not my humility. If I give them to God (are you crazy), let God do his thing, I feel free.  It's very challenging because for some reason I think my way will be better when I'm only making things worse for myself. It's the craziest thing I will ever do, give my enemies to God and let Him direct there path's.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The smell of coffee in the morning

“My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous.” 1 John 2:1 NLT

At first I'm thinking, so you're giving me an attorney who has never done what I've done and can't relate? that doesn't make any sense. Didn't sleep well, another long night, but I slept a little. Sip some coffee, something about the smell of coffee in the morning. I read and think, I read and think. I'm gunna sin, regardless of how victorious and free I feel in the moment and how close to God I feel.  I will eventually fall flat on my face again, thinking I could handle thing without Him because I am so close to Him. Thats how He designed this life, for me to understand that I can't do anything without Him. The moment I think I'm clear to go on my own, the moment He'll show me I'm not. Hits me, imagine if I lost my smell for coffee, it would be disastrous. Yet when I sin, I find my whole life gets fussy and smokey. When I have victory, all the senses come back. Hits me again, in those dark moments, when I feel completely trapped and alone, are the moments where Christ is with me, He's the only one that walked in my shoes (unfortunately I don't discover this till its too late at times). He's the one who can only give me the smell of coffee back each time.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Why are you smiling? Smiling's my favorite! all my problems go away!

“So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36 NLT

Sip some coffee, really tired this morning, hopefully rest today on my day off. Going to see Grandpa Kinkel today. I've been thinking about our Kinkel family lately and where all my cousins are in life. This is another one of those scriptures I don't like to read because it makes me face my problems.  I really wish at times I could simply smile and my issues would go away.  I read and think, I read and think. Sip more coffee, it's so crazy of how the sinful life I left and gave to Christ, looks so enticing at times. I read and think, I find my self thinking of Bilboe in Lord of the Rings, reaching for the ring in his pocket "oh this ring right here, in my pocket". How many times when my confidence was either gone or very close to being gone, do I wish I had a Gandolf appear immediately. Hits me, when I feel I'm fighting myself to do the right thing, or have no will power to give an effort, God becomes my confidence, my patient endurance, to help me in that time of need.  Even if I fall, He doesn't care, He's still there just as He promised.

Friday, September 23, 2011

My "Standin on the Corner" mug

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” Romans 5:3-4 NLT

It's been a busy, tiring week.  No energy but to survive work. Starbucks is a good help though, and the apartment is nearing its end.  Thank God for craig's list, I've been selling, selling, selling. Scriptures like this drive me crazy at times.  I want validation not instructions, I don't care how you word it, it's telling me  I should be happy when my day or week sucks. One thing effects another, of course i understand that, duh. As I briefly read the verses this week that I didn't post, I realized how often I just don't read them and  don't apply them. I read and think, sip some coffee, read and think. Using my "standin on the corner" mug. A mug my mother in-law gave me for christmas a while back.  The Eagle's song "take it easy".  It's a long walk through endurance, it's so tempting (sometimes beyond tempting) to just throw in the towel and jump into sin (whatever it may be). I always try to make an effort to listen to oldies on fridays.  To relax regardless of the day I'm having. I'm amazed of the battle I have with my thoughts and my mind. What happens when I fall, is God going to punish, then do I worry about what will happen to my family because of my failure? Hits me, I have to remember that God is always God and a jealous one. Regardless of how I feel about how I feel, he's developing endurance and allowing and helping me write this blog. Sure I'm tired and frustrated, upset, but God's not like me and thats the point. He's making me like Him, regardless of how I feel about myself at the time or not.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Oh Fuuuuuuuudge

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Ephesians 4:29 NLT

Oh great not this one! I still have trouble believing they cussed and stuff in the bible times, but apparently they did. I begin to laugh at what we used to consider foul language back in the day.  I slept well last night, really trying to get to bed earlier, now that we're in the condo, not quite settled yet, still a number of things to unpack, get rid of, I have only 2 weeks left to get everything out of the apartment (sold hopefully).  We're really looking at rebooting our family and starting fresh in this place. I'll never forget being in Pasadena with relatives back in the 80's sometime and shooting hoops with my cousin Jason and his neighbor, his neighbor cussed so much that I bet him if I could make a basket from the road then he would promise me he would quick cussing.  Now this was no flat driveway, it was totally curved down, so I had to really put my all into this shot, and if you know me, I'm not really good. I made it!! He didn't swear for the rest of our shooting time. Everyone tells me that was God, lol. I read and think and I read and think. I'm amazed of how at times I'm such a good swearer, the words come out like I've been doing it for years. Yet it's not like me to swear.  When I was younger I learned it from my peers, when I was older from my co-workers. Sure I grew up in a great christian home, they didn't matter. My friends Doug, Dave, and I edited the swearing out of Dumb and Dumber back in '97 (that was a lot of fun). I read and think, for some reason every time I let the words come out of my mouth, I felt a pinch on my heart. Hits me, sometimes a cuss word just relieves me of how I'm feeling at the moment. Sometimes I just want to yell at God and let Him have it. I think after I speak not before.  I've never felt good about myself after being cussed at by someone (I've usually deserved it) but it never made feel good about myself. It's like the saying "stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" that's a bunch of $#%#$^@. Oops, sorry. Hits me again, the more consistent I am with reading these daily verses the less desire I have to use abusive language, sure they slip out accidentally at times but not nearly as often.  I guess it's God's way of clearing things up to make me more like Him, boy this is a long process.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

It's My Money and I want it now!

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 2:3-4 NLT

Don't be selfish? LOL, oh c'mon, next verse please. I all the sudden feel like I'm 5 again and my mom's looking down at me, telling me to share my toys. I got some rest last night, got in late, but still slept ok.  Daughter woke up at 4 and wanted breakfast, then went back to bed. I also think of that retarded and annoying JG Wentworth commercial "It's my money and I want it now". I don't look at myself as a selfish person, but I have tried to impress people, I have trouble with humility, I'm pretty balanced with the interests thing too. I read and think, I read and think. In the audio visual industry back in the day, sure you could be selfish and demand you only did a certain thing. Now in the weakness of the economy, if I'm not willing to put my ego on the ground help other's out, I'm black listed. Hits me, I thought I was fine in these areas, and thats exactly why He's reminding me today, don't be fooled, be careful, watch yourself. This is a very critical part of my life every day not to be joked with, there's so many elements to it. If I crash on one thing, it's a domino effect and before I know it, my prides gone, I didn't impress anyone, I feel like an idiot, I'm mad, I want out, and I'm praying for the one thing I should have in the beginning, Christ's attitude, and everyone is looking at me like I'm 5.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Son of UHH....that's gunna leave a mark!

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.” Ephesians 5:1 NLT

I finally got some Starbucks bags on sale and with coupons. A regular 12 oz. bag usually at $10.99 I got for 5.99!! So screw this folgers crap and now I'm set for a while I got 4 bags.  When I read this verse for the first time in High school, I always thought how I loved imitating people, namely bad commercials on Tv, namely the law commercials or Ace Ventura, Tommy Boy, etc.  I love to laugh.  As I read and think, sip my Starbucks, (man this stuff is nicer).  I hits me about how when I spend time with someone I start reacting and imitating them, their posture, their phrases, their character, everything. I find when I spend time with God, I do the same thing, but I seem to make it more complicated, I fear what the other people will think if I offer to pray for them. Then it hits me again, Do I think God thought of that before He sent His son down? He didn't care, He knew what we needed regardless of what we thought.  Hits me harder, Sure I can imitate characters in a movie, people I know, sure it can be funny, but when it's time to love someone and show them that Christ loves them, can I imitate His character? Am I imitating His character? Not always. I have to remember as his child He made me just the way He wanted to and will imitate himself just the way He wants.

Friday, September 16, 2011

God, I'm mad, I don't want to talk today

If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13 NLT

I don't really want to do this anymore because I'm upset this morning. Sometime's I feel like a missionary writing these. I get discouraged, what are people thinking, they're getting bored of this. I can only imagine being over seas and getting discouraged and just wanting to throw in the towel. I find myself wanting to harm myself when I get upset and down. I have found myself all my life reading scripture and interpreting it the way I was taught but is that correct? What is God telling me? I read and think, I read and think. I find myself thinking back to the moments that I took out the instructions to build a lego set and followed it to the tee, everything worked great. I then recall being in school, hearing what the instructions for what was on the upcoming test and not believing it or trusting it, resulting in me not passing. Sure I know God's ways and understand them. But can I live an honorable life, and do what He says? Not always.  I remember having the hardest time admitting I was wrong. It's easier now that I'm older, but it kills me that it took me 20 some years to get there. Getting the desire to read this scripture this morning was a pain. I did it in disbelief. I don't understand God's way's a lot and sometimes I do. Some how he always helps me, (even when I stray) live honorably. I feel like I'm an angry dog on a leash at times that the owner is pulling away from a fight. He slowly teaches me humility and grace to as He lets me cool off and enjoy His presence. How do I title something like this, I don't think this makes any sense.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

As long as things are going my way, God? I'll know you love me

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” 1 John 4:16 NLT

I have to really, read this one over and over, a lot of love and live in this one. Almost a tongue twister. I slept ok, last night. Actually terrible, was pretty much up all night with the kid, mainly up at 2 am until 4 then back to bed at 5 am.  Sip some coffee, I get so insecure about blogging these, like I'm totally out of context but then I remember God speaks to me.  Do I really know how much God loves me? Sometime I do and sometimes I don't. I'll never forget someone helping me move one time and cutting themselves in the process. It hits me, they shed blood for me. I find myself not putting my trust in His love but in my to do list,  in a future vacation, in a goal I have set.  I find myself thinking I can't wait to be completely moved out of this apartment. I can't wait to catch up on sleep, then I'll be fine. Hits me, Regardless of how lack of sleep and tired I am and how much stuff I have going on in my family and life, God is showing me His love for me, through each event and situation I face, and how He grinds away at me to let Him love me and all the sudden I see His love and how He's living in me.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I chose Christ, but I still envy people who haven't

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.” Philippians 2:1-2 NLT

There have been many moments in my life when I just wanted to and have thrown in the towel to living for Christ. It was just too hard, too many struggles, too many opinions, too many unanswered questions. When I first read this verse, I was just like, good question.  Long night of work again, didn't sleep well, very tired and early morning. Onto my second cup of coffee already. Just tired, Alot of stuff to do before getting into work. I read and think, I read and think. Why did I accept Christ? I think why did I repent? Do I get comfort from Him? I am I tender and compassionate? Why choose Christ? Why do I envy people who aren't saved yet?  I read and think, could I create this peace inside me without God? I know I'd feel very empty. I'm so practical that I would always be searching for that completeness everywhere. I do remember being in Jr. High and every time someone would share the gospel, I was always hoping that it would the moment where God would open my eyes, just clear it all up. Is Christ the answer for getting along with people and other believers, I know nice people who aren't saved that get along with everyone. I read and think, I read and think, hits me. Sure, I can drink, watch a movie, listen to a good song, read a good book, browse the headlines, go on a walk, on a drive, get out of town, do I what I love to do for a living, have a healthy family, get along with everyone, get acknowledged. Sure I can do all that, but they eventually end, all temporary. When I asked Christ to come into my life, and finally let Him fill that empty spot, He actually opened the eyes of my heart to see Him glorified through everything I did and do. Somethings that hurt and harmed me, He removed the interest, other things he grew the interest, and introduced me to new things I would have never thought of.  This life is far from easy.  I can't stand it at times, the temptations seem to never end, I'm tired, He's constantly giving me chances to surrender to Him, and without that there would be no purpose in this life.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Christians that don't get along?.......LOL, that never happens.

“[All Christians] Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.” 1 Peter 3:8 NLT

LOL.  This one makes me laugh out loud. It reminds me of when I ask my mom what she wanted for her birthday, she'd reply "good kids".  Long night of work (butting heads with coworkers), and my daughter woke up at midnight ready for the day and wouldn't back to sleep until 3 am.  So I'm tired this morning, really tired again. Coffee's is slowly kicking in. This also brings to mind, the church lady from Saturday Night live, the Book "So you don't want to go to church anymore", and one I haven't read yet, "When Bad Christians happen to Good People" come to mind.  I read and think, I read and think, a lot of thoughts come to mind. I laugh at the fact that I have to be told how to treat other fellow christians, yet I know that I have judged so many in my life, I can say that I'm good at sympathy and tenderhearted. Now that I am older it's easier to be humble, back in the day? forget it. I only loved another christian if I felt like it, or the chemistry at the moment was good. I think of all of the christians I have burned, I think about that a lot actually. I think of all the non christians I have a hard time loving.  I read and think, I read and think, hits me. When I'm setting up for a shot with my camera, I know the specs and exactly how to frame, the buttons to push to make the shot look beautiful. Sure it's seems impossible at times to actually love my fellow brothers and sisters, but God has given me the specs right here, and with only His help with these specs can I be of one mind with everyone. Now to title this. Thinking of a title for these is always tough.

Monday, September 12, 2011

ok God! Happy now?

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!”Philippians 4:4 NLT

Hmmm.  These little ones always trick me. I just don't know what to think of them at times. I always thought this meant "be happy about God all the time". I only put 6 hrs in at work again last night. So I was able to get to bed earlier, I don't feel too bad this morning. Sip some coffee, I'm a pretty happy person generally, always finding laughter in things, I'm optimistic, I don't see the need to worry or doubt. I read and think, I read and think.  I find myself thinking way back to Midwest camp days when I was something like 13 and I was witnessing all these people being so happy in God. I wanted there happiness so bad. I was a happy person but I didn't have what they had.  So I thought, maybe if I just try saying the phrases they said so much a lot. That didn't work, I practicing saying the phrases "Praise the Lord, Praise Jesus, Glory to God", but it just didn't come as naturally as it came from them. Then I think of a tragedy like September 11, how do you rejoice over and over about that? Hits me, sure I can live this life and pursue the goals my wife and I have developed for our family and they could happen. I can go day after day striving to have joy in God regardless of the circumstances I get into and look at God and say "Happy now?" Hits me again, God gives me the joy for Him, when I make my life about Him. Everything, regardless if I consider it bad or good, unfolds, revealing His glory and those phrases end up just coming out as they please.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Coffee and God

“[A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.] I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!” Psalm 121:1-2 NLT

Every time I read this verse I think of the Sound of Music.  I always picture the mother singing climb every mountain in her office. I slept ok, daughter woke up around 2:30 and finally an hr later I fed her pancakes, and then she went back to sleep. Internets been shaky lately, I think its a bad cable. It's also September 11th today. Sip some coffee, I read and think. More coffee, I read and think. As I drink this coffee I think of how much I rely on it on a daily basis. I look forward to it in the morning, drink a cup and 1/2 until I'm awake and its water for the rest of the day or if I have time, rest.  I read and think, hits me. Drinking coffee in the morning doesn't draw me closer to God, but, it does wake me up to focus on God. God can use so many different things to draw me closer to Him: nature, movies, music, traveling, trials, insecurities, his son, etc. I remember going to Bible School in Germany back in 95 fearing I was leaving God back in America, only to find out He was there waiting for me. Hits me again, He shows himself to me so many times through my viewfinder and when I'm editing, I'm amazed of how backwards I was thinking, and how He was showing me Himself through the very skills and interests He gave me.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

My Promise Keepers mug

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.” Isaiah 46:4 NLT

This is one of those "general verses", I'm thinking "of course I know this, I've read these types of verses throughout the bible all my life. I slept pretty well last night. I upgraded to some better coffee yesterday, and it seems to be satisfying me this morning. I'm using my Promise Keepers mug this morning. I read and think, I read and think. Sip some coffee, I find myself always taking for granted the people who have always been there, namely God. Regardless how many times I drifted away from Him, He would always be there. I had fear too, if I screw up, He'll really teach me a lesson. I read and I think, hits me.  I am getting older, my hair is slowly getting gray, my body isn't like it was back in High School. As I correspond with friends from back then on Facebook, I watch us all just aging together, I'm not alone. Hits me. Regardless of how old I get, how many pains I notice in my body and my life, what decisions I make, what attitudes I have, how many gray's I count, God will use every moment of everyday to give me an opportunity to show me how he is carrying me along and saving me. I got my Promise Keepers mug back in 2006 or 07, when the organization was in Phoenix (are they even still around?), it was a cool event I guess, but more than that, just the concept of letting God live His life in me is the deal breaker. I really need a hair cut.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Daydream believer

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” Psalm 143:10 NLT

I can't tell you how many times I have heard something like this phrase throughout my life. I feel like the teacher is saying "listen and think" and I'm still just day dreaming. I'm tired this morning, had a nice time with the family last night. Stocked up on more coffee but it's a little weak, so I'm regretting trying to save a few bucks.  It hit me yesterday of what a difference writing my thoughts and about these verses and sharing them online has helped me grow in God. It's awkward but for some reason I've seen a big change in myself. Dang, I'm already on my 2nd cup, this coffee does suck. I read and think and read and think. The phrase "going in one ear and coming out the other" keeps on coming to mind. How many times did I hear that one growing up? I never understood what that meant either. Sip more crappy coffee.  I read and think, hits me.  The more I think of how different and weird I am, the more I feel I'm just the way He wants me to be, thats why He wants me to search Him out. And teach me to do His will because He has such a unique plan for my life.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

People aren't things? Huh?

“So we tell others about Christ, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all the wisdom God has given us. We want to present them to God, perfect in their relationship to Christ.”Colossians 1:28 NLT

As I read this one, it's like I'm over hearing someone telling what they've been up to to someone else. They speak so naturally. Like its just another day. I slept ok last night, sipping coffee this morning, I actually need to stock up on more. I'm finding that my to do list just keeps growing and I ask myself is it just going to end up being a bunch of things written down on my palm pilot (yes I still have a palm pilot)? I read and think, I read and think. Sip some coffee, I hear Christ's name in vain all the time at work (don't we all). Actually its a rule in hospitality that you don't talk religion, because it stirs up conflict.  I do when I feel it won't though.  I read and think, I read and think, hits me. I'm backwards again. Sure I can talk to people about God and feel like I've got to sale real well and then stress out about how they are doing, but, God wants me to give them over to Him, not add them to my to do list, of people I need to take care.  I remember when I was at Bible School and hearing about so many problems people had. I found myself taking it all on and getting overwhelmed. Hits me again.  Uh Nathan, thats what Christ did on the cross already, so give them back to Him, thats what He's for.  Hits me again.  I have to quit thinking, that God never knew about them until I met them. He knows everyone and is looking to grow both of us into relationship with Him everyday.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

God, follow my lead and I won't get hurt, ok?

“Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them.” John 14:23 NLT

At first I'm thinking, Huh? It's one of those verses I think I've read but not sure, but it sounds really familiar. Slept better last night, but still coffee worthy. I actually have to be at work at 6 am, so I'm happy this morning. I'll be able to be home with the family tonight. I read and think, I read and think. I find if I love someone, I want them to do what I say, as to prevent them from being hurt or doing it wrong, not the other way around. Usually if someone tells me to do what they say, they're paying me to and I just don't want to argue or it's their idea, so I'll just follow. It also makes me think of how much I can't stand unsolicited advice. I read and think, I read and think, hits me.  I'm backwards again. No matter how many time's I've been screwed over by people and experiences in my life, that trust level has gone down to prevent anything bad happening again. Especially when I feel I've been screwed over by God. God isn't like that. He doesn't want me to put Him in the same boat as the other people in my life. He doesn't belong there because His plan for me is to grow in love with Him through all those experience both good and bad. He leads me when I do what He says, even if it doesn't make any sense at all.

Monday, September 5, 2011

My Minnesota mug

“Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”” Matthew 28:18-20 NLT

Oh yes, the big one, the one I've heard and read for years.  I got some decent sleep last night, had a nice day off yesterday, still settling into the condo, but still tired.  Sip some coffee, I'm using my Minnesota mug today, I got this when I visited my sister's family when they lived there. Boy is this computer screen bright.  Sip some coffee, I read and think. This makes me think of a commencement speech, or when I was working for Ultimate Electronics and finishing my training. It also makes me think of the lack of trust I have in people, that I have trained.  It also makes me think of Ice Road Truckers last night, when  Dave just wouldn't listen to the trainers and just did his own thing. This makes me think of a lot of things. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I read and think.  Today is labor day, and I actually have it off. I read and think, this is really a crazy scripture.  I feel like someone has taught me the motions of diving off the diving board and now they're saying "do it", you mean "get wet?" I read and think, hits me. I really doubt a lot, that my training is adequate, that I really have what it takes to help someone out, it's like I get stage fright. Hits me again. I'm backwards again, I'm not in this alone. God never said "see ya", He said "I'll be with you always". Hits me again. Just like this mug I'm drinking out of, has the attributes of Minnesota on it, moose, fish, light house, duck, bear, a lake house.  I need to let God be God in me. No need to dwell on if I've been trained properly, just chill. He'll use the experiences He's given me to further His kingdom regardless of how inadequate I feel.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Don't Stop Believing

“Hold on to the pattern of wholesome teaching you learned from me—a pattern shaped by the faith and love that you have in Christ Jesus. Through the power of the Holy Spirit who lives within us, carefully guard the precious truth that has been entrusted to you.” 2 Timothy 1:13-14 NLT

Wow, there's a lot in this one, and I am tired this morning, why am I not sleeping? I just automatically wake up at 4 i guess or whenever. Sip some coffee, a lot of it this morning. As I read and think about this one, it hits me about how many time my belief's are challenged on a daily basis. It doesn't matter where I go, my morals are challenged.  Sure I've got things to do and a family to take care of.  But, how many times do I just laugh at the dirty jokes or validate someone when I don't agree or agree to just be agreeable. How many times can I sense someone needs Jesus and I just don't tell them "uh, we need to talk, you need Jesus". I read and I think, I read and I think, hits me. The song "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey comes to mind.Sure I guard my family and my life from evil, I've got things to do, no time to help someone out at times, I'm in task mode and I'm stinkin tired usually. I'm backwards again. I'm trying to make things happen for God the way I think He wants me to, instead of Letting Him be God and following where He leads me in my daily things, He'll present to me things that are best to teach me and grow me closer to Him, and I've got to strive to believe even when He's driving me crazy and things just aren't going according to plan.

Saturday, September 3, 2011


“This is what the Lord says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow.” Isaiah 48:17 NLT

Yawwn! when I first read this one, I was like, whoa, this is one of those "all about God in the beginning every name in the book" verses. Sip some coffee. Today I'm using my fuller mug, I read and think, I read and think. At work yesterday, we were setting a rig for "Kool and the Gang" and I was instructed clearly by the head rigger on how to set the safety's on the lights, after lunch I noticed some were done and some weren't, so I fixed them. I later over heard "who redid these" I spoke up and debated that I was clearly told by the head rigger in the beginning. I explained how his way was unsafe and he assured me it was safe enough, so I gave in and helped redo them all. I read and think, sip some coffee.  I'm tired, I slept pretty good actually put in a 10 hr day at work. When I do things like that the guys at work call it "kinkelized" some times bad, some times good. I've been known to be naive and gullible and to follow instructions to the tee. I'm very thorough and detailed in many things, lots of questions. I think a lot about life and the root of the problem. I'm known to be very faithful to things I believe in.  I read and think, I read and think, hits me. Even though it might seem God is not qualified to direct me, He is.  It might seem at times that people will get in the way, when He's using them to continue to modify and strengthen me onto a path I should follow.  My wife went to Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, Ca. where she made some of her best friends and memories of her life, she remains in contact with them to this day, she worked her butt off (getting mono twice). We visited Fuller on our Honeymoon where I got the mug and I took pictures of all the places she felt so close to God back in the day. God directed her to Fuller back then and now He teaches both of us as we stride (with aches and pains at times) to follow Him on the path everyday, being Kinkelized!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Where the streets have no name

“O Lord, your unfailing love fills the earth; teach me your decrees.” Psalm 119:64 NLT

Huh? thats what I'm thinking. This is another one of those that I just don't get.  When I used to read these types, I would just think "ya ya thats cool" and pass it by. I slept pretty good, it was a long tiring day, but I got to bed earlier, still tired though.  Sip some coffee, I read and think. I didn't want to move, I really thought that I would just stick with the landlord and hold out until they could replace the carpet, but my family just couldn't live in a half packed up apartment. The condo that we moved to is too small, yet we both kind of saw a sign that it was time, and since I pretty much do this type of work on a daily basis, it was pretty much another day at the office.  I even felt the sooner we move the better. I'm tired of moving, but I even felt God tell me to sell as much as I can.  I feel good about what we did, like I'm listening to Him. I read and I think, I read and think, hits me. God's love is not some valentines day card, it's not a flower or a gift from someone, it's another direction, it's Him guiding me and my family onto another path and another place, just like the U2 song "Where the streets have no name".  Ya I'm tired of moving, but God isn't, He fills the earth with Himself, and I need to stride to listen to Him. Who knows what's next.

My Focus Today: If I hear God tell me something, do it, even if I feel weird and don't want to.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” Proverbs 22:6 NLT

Yep another verse I don't really agree with.  Sure I grew up in a great christian home, went to church every week, sang all the hymns, had quiet times, I was a good innocent, naive, sheltered boy. Then I rebelled because I was tired of being looked at as naive and sheltered, and I wanted to see what was out there what I had missed out on. I read and I think, I read and I think, I sip some coffee. We're finally moved into the condo, and got internet up and running, a lot of work still to do with getting settled in. I read and think.  I was the last one of my brother and sisters to get married, they all got married when they were 18 and 19 or 20, I waited until I was 31. Hits me, this isn't talking to parents, its talking to the kids that have grown up now. The movie line from Dirty Harry comes to mind.  "Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" Hits me again. My parents did direct me on the right path, I rebelled of course, but now that I'm older, I won't leave it, I'll mess up at times, but I won't leave it.  Ya times get tough, days will suck, but God will always be with me and never leave me, like he didn't back then.

My focus today: believing and trusting that God does the work, not me