Monday, October 31, 2011

Unlike some Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English Accent - Robin Hood Men in Tights

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.” 1 Peter 5:8-9 NLT

Oh yes, the one and only, the big one. I remember this one very well in Jr. High. What is God going to tell me about this one? I have no idea. I'm tired this morning, it was nice to be at home with the family last night. We watch Robin Hood Men in Tights, I hadn't seen that one in a long time. Mel Brooks is a comic genius at times and other times, down right stupid. Sip some coffee, I read and think, as I was watching the movie, I was reminded of how actor Cary Elwes was in Princess Bride and now in Robin Hood, there was no other role for him, he's a sword fighter, just fits the part. Then I'm thinking, today's Holloween. Supposedly everyone dresses up in a disguise for fun. I'm reminded of spiderman 2 when venom creeps up on Peter Parker while lying on his bed. Then I'm reminded of a mime my youth group did in 1995 at camp to the Terminator soundtrack about how the devil is around the corner. I just don't picture the devil as a roaring lion, I see him as a memory of my past haunting me and stalling me from believing in myself. I think of all the marriages around me that are dying or are dead already, and how I have to fight for my marriage and by fighting in my marriage to fight for my marriage.  My wife and I duked it out again this weekend. I had an epiphany afterwards. It was that the things she learned to face back in her childhood are the things I am having to face now in my adult years, and the things I grew out of way back in the day she's learning to grow out of now. I have a tremendous fear of failure, she doesn't. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I think of the actors that have ruined there careers by the roles they have played, like Kevin Costner in Robin Hood, Hayden Christiansen in Star Wars, etc. Then there are the roles that moved the actors to mega stars. Harrison Ford as Indiana jones, Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption, Denzel Washington in Glory, Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller, of course Cary Elwes in Princess Bride, Michael J Fox in Back to the future, Christopher Reeve in Superman, Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump. I have to remember that just because you don't succeed doesn't mean you should give up. Every time I watch American Idol or America's Got Talent, and I watch the people get depressed, I'm thinking, don't they realize this is how the industry goes? I read and think, hits me.  I can look out for danger all I want, I can live paranoid all my life, I can live in fear that something bad will happen and be afraid of everything, but I have to realize that with others on your side, without the challenges I face, if I give up and give in like I do at times, God's still there and I need to not give up but keep seeking those things and people that he's put in my path. Maybe I can put on a disguise and the devil won't see me, it is Halloween.  Even when I'm tired of being alert, tired of thinking about what's to come, God always has a back up plan for me and won't let me go into the dumps. I have to believe and not be rational, I have to do what I don't want to do, because usually that's what I should do.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Ogres are like onions, they have layers - Shrek

“As the Scriptures say, “People are like grass; their beauty is like a flower in the field. The grass withers and the flower fades. But the word of the Lord remains forever.”And that word is the Good News that was preached to you.” 1 Peter 1:24-25 NLT

At first I'm thinking, Huh? Have I read this one before? I'm not sure. I begin thinking of Shrek saying "ogres are like onions, they have layers."I'm tired, late night again, but good coffee this morning. I was too tired yesterday to finish the blog so I just saved it. Just enjoying this moment of peace this morning before the family wakes up, Sip some coffee. I read and think, I read and think. I keep on thinking of how old I am getting, I am sensing the need to consistently work out. I watch the energy my daughter has, how full of life she is, and I think of how I want to enjoy as much of that as I can. I also think of how many people idolize each other. Paparazzi, how they make following celebrieties a business. Yet as we age, we learn so much, I'm reminded of Obi-Wan Kenobi when he told Darth Vader, "if you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine". I think of Edmond Dantes in the Count of Monte Cristo, how the older he got the smarter he became. I think of Inigo Montoya studying fencing all his life to avenge his dad. I think of how many things I have that were new but aren't anymore. I think of that fact that I have to replace my computers in 3 years (oh wait, its been three years). I read and think, I don't like it when I read the word of God stands forever, I wish other things I like stood forever. I thought once, a while ago that the word of God would get old one day and be a thing of the past. Prayer would too. When I was younger, I always thought, there would be an award ceremony for the old people that had been so faithful and consistent in going to church. I pictured one of the older men saying "this woman prayed and sang with a great attitude every Sunday of her life, here's your trophy, applause!" Never happened. I recall a show I did last year, where a keynote speaker talked about generations. He spoke of the baby boomers and they were all about there accomplishments, he said "a young 30 year old walked into a 55 year olds office and said, wow look at all those plaques on the wall and aknowledgements! so what have you done the past 6 months? What? that is 25 years of work, no what you done the past 6 months?" I read and think, Hits me. I'm not book smart, but, I am people smart, I can read people. "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." Stuart Smalley. That Shrek line comes to me again "oger have layers". God's word seems old fashioned and not the way the world wants to move at times. It is the way that God wants me to move. He'll have to take layer after layer off of me until He gets to the core that He wants to have, and regardless whether I like it or not, He'll show me that his word stands forever.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. - Barbossa - Pirates of the Caribbean.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT

I remember reading this for the first time in Jr. High or High School, when I was really battling things. I didn't understand it really. LOL, I still really don't. I slept better last night, late night of work, we have a new guy and he's teachable, he's knows stuff but he's teachable and thats great. Sip some coffee, I read and think, its good coffee this morning. My video is coming together, I still have to keep hacking away at it, hopefully today I'll be ready to hand it to my music producer. I'm reminded of Pirate's of the Caribbean, "we must honor the code". My wife has told me, that one day she'll show me where the break is, in the car.  I break the law a lot when I speed, who doesn't. When I started working for the company I work for now, I was told about the training that they had. They said, get onto this quick. I somewhat listened but then we got too busy and I never got to it. When I wanted to get promoted, they told me you haven't done the training yet. Well who cares, I've been hands on doing it forever, isn't that good enough, NO. If they didn't see it online they didn't believe I knew anything. So I played there game and went through the training. Wow, it really helped, I learned things I had always wondered about and things I never thought about. I don't remember everything but most of it, and I stick to the book, which drives guys crazy at times. Then scenes come to mind of when I've chosen not to follow God's leading and my fellow christians would let me know that I'm sinning. I'm reminded of the church lady from Saturday night live "who do you think is winning right now? could it be.......Satan?" I read and think, this is a strong scripture, whenever I go through a training, I always think of all the work that it took to put the training together. People are actually believing that it will be effective or whats the point. Why go to college? Why go to school? When I set up a computer with what I want it to do, I'm programming it, I'm training it. I get things backwards a lot. It's like getting a new pair of shoes, I have to break them in, so they conform to me, my foots not changing, the shoe is. God's different, he wants to change me to him, not Him to me. My iphone I'm slowly conforming it to my lifestyle although I'm having to adjust my lifestyle to it in some ways. Do I compromise at work, yes, should I at times? NO.  But I do because I don't want to argue because I'm tired. I read and think, sip some coffee, Hits me. The difference between my training manual at work and the word of God, is that my training manual will have to updated, the word of God won't (which is annoying). I love upgrades, I'm always excited for an upgrade, what's new in this version? God continues to remind me that He is new every morning. I'm part of society, since I pay bills, work, go on date nights, it's how I let it all influence me that sets me apart. Society went to the Sugarland concert this summer and when the stage fell, you saw the hearts of people in action when they rushed to the rescue. Hits me again, sure I can view the word of God as "guidelines"but He's always going to be on mind. I can let this iphone and the apps and games dictate my life, or I can let God lay the foundation and use these elements in my life for His good work.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Weird People are normal, and normal people are weird

“singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Ephesians 5:19-20 NLT

At first I'm thinking of church and growing up, then I'm thinking of people who don't understand this "music to the Lord in your hearts" thing. Whistle while you work come's to mind. Should I even explain why I didn't sleep last night? I won't, it's the same news. The video I'm working on is finally coming together, should really have something to watch by today. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I can't recall how many times I have fallen asleep or failed to pay attention in class or to an instructor because my mind doesn't work that way. Sure I can listen for 5 minutes, then I'll drift for 5 and the cycle goes on. I have to have something going on. Library's are too quiet, coffee houses are just fine, I need that noise into to focus.  I was diagnosed with ADD non hyperactive back in 2000, and took adderal to help slow my mind down. It really helped, I couldn't believe how well I could focus.  They really told me, rest was a key thing. LOL, really no kidding.  Fortunately before my diagnosis I had already overcome many of the symptoms, such as having a routine in the morning, schedule, being on time, finishing projects, etc. The areas that I had trouble with were, keeping interest in what other people had to say, hyper focusing, day dreaming, working with other people, trouble academically, exercise, sleep, clutter, collecting things, in debt. The counselor told me to count down from 100 by 3, your kidding, there's no why I can do that, I made it to 60, couldn't do it. I can make a formula in excel that can do that.  What can I say, I'm technical. I learn when I'm not expecting to. Don't show me a video about something, I'll critique the editing, have me edit a video about what you want me to learn and I'll learn about it. Have me a shoot a sermon and I'll understand everything about it. Don't put me in audience I'll critique construction of the building. I read and think finally. Is this a problem I've got, no. I reminded of the the X men, how they were considered weird people, but they really had gifts, just so many of them. They tried to tame them which was healthy. I find it the same for me, sure I can have control over areas of my life in order to be person nice to be around, but God's made me His way, I'll get ideas, hear music and visualize a video while driving. I'll hear a story and visualize a promotional. I'll never forget participating in a biathlon many years ago. I had to swim and run, that was it. Crap, I knew I couldn't swim, but I could run. The race began with 15 people I think, and I was the last one out of the water, I was saving my energy for the run, everyone looked at me with eyes of sorrow and sadness. But little did they know what I had up my sleeve, I quickly put on my shoes and I had my walkman ready with my "fast tape" qued up to my Petra song "fired up"and I outran everyone in the mile and came in 2nd place (because James Hrubik won, no way I could beat him). I was recognized the next morning for it. It was my song, Fired up, its crazy of how music makes me drive fast, good song, get me on the freeway. Sip some coffee, hits me. Just as I have a weird way of learning, like Akeelah and the bee, I write these blogs to learn and let God talk to me, It's not just scripture and another singing verse, it's God telling me, it's ok to be me. I think of John Candy in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, "I like me, people like me", etc. I think out loud, which can drive others crazy, and when funny things come to mind, I laugh out loud, I'm spontaneous, I'm passionate, I don't give up. I think of Mark Zuckerberg in the Social Network "I'm not thinking of about the trial right now, I'm thinking about facebook. Just as I think after I speak, God knew he couldn't send a king in the form of a king, so he sent a King in the form of a baby, someone we didn't expect, but now someone we're thankful for and strive to follow.

Monday, October 24, 2011

I'm Puzzled?!

“Fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom. Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment.” Proverbs 9:10 NLT

At first I'm thining, yep, that's true. I wish it were different but yep its true. Sip some coffee, big day today, didn't sleep well.  A lot going on these days in my family. Just all kinds of do dads. I keep on seeing it as a puzzle that i'm trying to put together but not sure if there are two different puzzles or just one. Sip some coffee, i'm tired this morning.  It's crazy of what weird dreams you have when you're trying to put a puzzle together in your sleep. I'm reminded of Gandolf when he quickly went back to the books to read about the ring, he wasn't sure but had to get knowledge. I'm amazed of how easy it is to stress when I don't know things, I don't know what's to come.  In my line of work, this happens on a daily basis,  so I take changes very lightly and without fear in my personal life. It's funny how I can be given an agenda for a meeting, a timed plan and know in my head, it's just and idea, it won't go like this. Sure enough, it doesn't. The agenda becomes just a to do list. I think of the movie Spy's like us with Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase. Aykroyd has a very good knowledge of facts about things over all and insists they carry this big fur coats all the way, and sure enough they're wearing them eventually. How many times have I had a feeling, and went with it, and discovered that it was right. It's a feeling that you fight, that you just don't want to do. I'll never forget my sister Sarah's rehearsal dinner day. I had the video done and sitting in the vcr. I felt something tell me, "take it out of the vcr". I'm thinking "man I have plug it in and unstack things", well whatever I'll do it.  20 minutes later, my mom comes running to me in panick, "someone just stole the vcr out of the room!" What? I ran and sure enough, the vcr was gone due to the side door of the church being left open. I couldn't believe it, I'm glad I listened to that voice. Then I'm reminded of Minority Report, of the pre crime law that was in place. Three miracles were born who could for see the future and the police could arrest everyone minutes before they committed the crime. I read and think. When I trust someone with something, and they follow through, I trust them again. When they don't, black list 'em. Believe me, I've been black listed by people, when I should have been honest, I wasn't. Hits me, sure I can have all the knowledge I want of everything, I can be prepared, I can fear failure and be so ready for success that I'll never look failure in the eyes. I can have a successful trip, shoot, family, etc but without God being the fear the respect first, this puzzle of life, will always be confusing and not be complete without knowledge of God.  I think of the game starring Michael Douglas back in '97 and how this wealthy guy is celebrating his 48th birthday, is given a present by his brother to a recreation business and it ends up making him rethink his life, kind of like an it's a wonderful life movie. If I want good judgement and wisdom, I have to clean these pieces off and redo my foundation with God and I will find that He will show me where to place them, which ones I can discard and which ones to put to the side as long as I focus on Him.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Help

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 NLT

At first I'm thinking of Lord of the Rings again. I think of my marriage, and this is lived. I think of how true this is and then I think of how far I take it at times. How often I try to fix the burden, and make it even bigger that it is. Sip some coffee, another late night of work, but slept ok. I have today off, so I'm looking forward to hanging out with the family and RandR. But I'm tired this morning, sip some coffee, I have to get my back hard drive looked at clean this computer out, oh the list goes on. I read and think, I read and think. I think back how I was raised to be empathetic with people, but not really care about what was going on. I kind of pity them, every now and then someone would follow up with me and ask me how I was doing from when we left off. I then learned when I was in sales, to remember all that stuff, remember that they were in a rush, that they had a terrible tv, care about that stuff. Little did I ever think about it obeying the law of Christ. I'd find myself judging them.  Oh the reason why they're having trouble is because they made this bad decision. I keep on thinking of Lord of the Rings, and how each of the men shared this burden up to the end. They're called best supporting actors. Who's going to stand by there side.  In Shawshank Redemption it was Red who stood by Andy, in Braveheart it was his cousin, in Cinderella man it was his trainer, in Seabiscuit it was his fellow jockey and boss. Yet in Lord of the Rings it was Sam, namely in the scene at the end of Fellowship of the Ring and the end of Return of the King when "I may not be able to carry the ring, but, I can carry you".  Do I really want to get myself into the mess of a friends life. I should be guarding myself from burdens, I don't want to stress. I read and think, The Help come's to mind, Skeeter was in my opinion the best supporting actress. Talk about sharing each other's burden's, she was practically raised by the help in her southern social society household, and decides to interview them on there view putting herself in the middle of her social class and the help. Then I think of how hard it is for me to ask for help, when I do I feel free. Hits me, even though it takes energy, sure it's not my problem, I have to remember I'm not taking there burden but sharing it with them, it could be something as simple as my friend is hungry, but I'm not. Or something more like justice needs to be done.  "Our Reward is that Justice as been done" the three amigo's. I never thought it was being obedient to share each other's burdens but just a nice thing to do. Hits me again, God doesn't want to me take it, he wants me to share it with them and he'll show both of us His grace in how faithful He is when we help each other obey Him. I'll never forget laying on my bunk at Bible School and stressing about everyone's problem's, I was like "God, I can't handle this".  I felt Him tell me, "I already did on the cross, just give those burdens over to me". I did eventually and went right to sleep, instead of twisting and turning all night. Sharing the burden is fixing it, not telling them what to do a lot of times.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Good Afternoon, Good Evening, and Good Night - Truman Show

“Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!” Proverbs 15:23 NLT

So do you mean, telling people what they want to hear? I can give people a fitting line, I'm full of come backs. Saying the right thing at the right, well that all depends.  My wife will differ on how I handle this. Long night of work again but all overtime so I didn't care. I've already had my coffee, but still tired, didn't sleep well again. I read and think, I read and think, I'm reminded of the Truman show, "In case I don't see you again, Good afternoon, Good evening, and good night. These things have always troubled me, greeting people, caring about how they're doing. Going in a store and someone saying "welcome, how are you today?" When I did that, i thought it was the dumbest thing.  Then I'm reminded of Quiz Show, when at the end after the guys fancy speech and all the recognition is received, one professor, says, I would expect more integrity from a man of your knowledge and excellence, not just a fancy speech. Then you go to a funeral, what do you say? I like honesty, honestly. Movie lines come to mind that were intense reply's.  You can't handle the truth.  It's crazy of how a reply, affects me a lot.  Sometimes I feel I live in a sitcom, everything goes by and fixed at the end, bunch of crap. It's interesting how the writers develop a story line then conversations with reply's. I'm amazed of how insecure I am, when people don't laugh at my jokes, or don't take me seriously, but reply with sarcasm, when I'm not in the mood. I'm reminded of beautician and beast, when Fran Drescher raises her arms and the crowd cheers, she says "I've always wanted to do that".  Whenever I watch the political debates, I find myself saying, hey I can say things people like to hear to and not put them into action.  I'm reminded of Elf when Buddy says "I like to whisper too". These human behaviors that I act out make me laugh.  I get a kick out of people standing in line in silence.  There's always someone who try's to crack a joke waiting for a laughing reply.  Yet I want to hear the words "you're going to be fine" when I'm sick. I want validation when I've screwed up something, not, this is what you should've done. At work I have to direct guests to there meeting rooms, bathrooms, different floors, at times.  They come to me looking like a deer in the headlights. I read and think, Hits me.  I find this life being full of surprises, both positive and negative, and sometimes just a quick reply and not a huge speech is necessary. God works in the weirdest ways, even through two simple words, thank you.

Friday, October 21, 2011

I love it when a plan comes together - A-team

“I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.”” Psalm 40:8 NLT

At first I thought this one was a repeat, but as I thought more about it, my sister Sarah's art came to mind. The painting above she did after seeing the Passion of the Christ.  Another long day of work last night, but good hours, slept better. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I read and think. It's amazing of how two people can get the some idea without talking to each other. That saying, "when you do what you love to do, you'll never work again". But it's the getting to that point that is the tough part. I kind of grow and modify and learn new things.  So many people go to college for one thing and end up doing something entirely different but they have the perseverance on that sheet of paper. I'm reminded of the A-team, all these guys had different talents and skills, these abilities, to make a plan come together. I think of National Treasure of how, Tom Gates needed his side kick to know the technical stuff, he couldn't do it alone.  I often can tell when someone is just doing there job verses someone who love's there job and really is passionate about it. I was told once that they could see my passion in my editing. It's this message with no words, but crystal clear. I see it in most of Spielberg's movies, this passion he has to convey his message. I hear it in John Williams sound tracks. I've had video producers approach me asking, how did you put that type of video together.  I don't know, that's how I saw it. I read and think, I read and think. How many times do I see the instructions but  I don't do anything about it. How many times did I think they were instructions but they weren't, because I'm so passionate. Then what happens when I don't know God's will, I don't know what He wants me to do. Hits me, I have to remember that His instructions are on my heart and always will be, they might huge and might be small but they are there, and as long as obey them I will have that joy that I can only get from Him and His plan will always come together.

if you're interested.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Who Rescued who?

“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51:12 NIV

YAWN! not a good night, we're in busy season at work so I'm tired, no more complaining about the hours I'm working, its all about validating each other and get through this. Sip some coffee, good coffee this morning.  At first I can only think "this is the create in me a clean heart song from back in the 80's". I read and think, sip some coffee, I'm using my Hollywood mug today. I got this mug on our honeymoon, wow I felt at home there, my wife and I often talk about going back and reliving those moments at Graumon's chinese theater, driving around. I begin to think of all the remakes of movies that have happened the past decade, some were great and some were just terrible, I'm thinking ( are they bored?) Leave well enough alone, don't do anything to it. Keep it simple. Spielberg recently asked a crowd of people if he should add digital effect to the upcoming ET blu ray release, the crowd said NO, leave it. He agreed.  I find myself making this christian life so complicated at times, when its so simple.  My late grandpa Stuber wrote poetry, it was very simple, and I told him how much I appreciated his simplicity, he said, it's a simple gospel, why complicate it. I remember being yelled at at work with the phrase "quit trying to reinvent the wheel!" Of course I was misread, I was just needed time think about what I needed and I appeared to be thinking to hard apparently. I am reminded of a visit I had to the Biltmore fashion park about a month ago, where I discovered the humane society had an adoption slot.  I then noticed shirts in the store that said "who rescued who?" I read and think, I read and think, sip some coffee. I love watching old movies that have been restored to DVD and then being able to watch the makings of how they did it. I was watching the making's of Beauty and the Beast, and how crazy of a time they had in just making the film all together. Disney was about to shut down there animation department and moved them to a small warehouse not knowing they were working on this masterpiece, which would reboot their whole view of what Disney was all about, it became the first animation film ever to get best picture. Yet in the movie, the beast had to be restored to his human nature by learning to love, by not being selfish, a simple but complicated, distracting sacrifice. I find myself feeling so burned from my past at times, so frustrated. I read and think, Hits me.  I can watch a movie, I can read a book (highly unlikely), I can get out of town,  I search all I want to find my salvation where I left it, and those things can help, but God is only one that can get me back to where I belong, using those events in my life to sustain me again. Hollywood is a competitive business, they don't care who you are, Seinfeld was given 4 episodes and that took them to 9 years. All about entertainment, making you get back to who you really are as a person, what you enjoy. I can look at someones music or movie collection and find out what kind of person they are. I look at those animals at the Humane Society and I think, I'm no different they are, what have I done, how did I get here, it's amazing what God uses to get me back to Him.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Psalm 37:4 NLT

I honestly start thinking of turkish delight from the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe when I first read this, this morning. I slept better last night, nice date night with the wife, figuring out our iphones, they are a big upgrade from our old stuff, I'm still concerned about hackers. I have a shoot today that I hope goes well.  Sip some coffee, I read and think, I can't help to think of how Edmond was so innocent to eat the Turkish Delight not even think about what was on the other end. It was delicious, why not have some more. How many times have I taken the Turkish delight believing good was at the other end and not a trap. I read and think, I read and think, I'm reminded of the man from snowy river of how Jim Cray was raised on the mountain, it was part of him. I think again of Eric Littel in Chariots of Fire, finding his place with God when He runs, I think of the Black Stallion and how the kid was just one with horse. It's amazing of how you become one entity with people and things when you delight. I find when I'm taking b-roll for a video, I'm in my zone, my camera becomes part of me especially if I'm shooting music. I remember telling guys at work that if they got saved how God would open there eyes on how they could use there skills for him, He would give them a whole new vision of art for His kingdom. I'm also reminded of the line from Cool Runnings "I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody! ". I think of how many times when I was delighting, it was taken away from me. My passion was mis read as freaky and weird or not necessary. Hits me, God is so unusual, I find myself trying to spec Him out, I can't. I think of the Pursuit of Happyness, "you have to grab it". I think of Hook, as soon as Peter found what made him happy, his powers came back. I think of things that I thought were delightful but ended in disaster. I remember in my bachelor days, not eating the right foods because I thought it wasn't cool, then I would get sick from fast food, and thought "dude, you have to take care of yourself". It's like when we used to go off roading back in the day, my brother would take the time prep the jeep to handle the upcoming terrain and the result was usually positive. When I'm tweaking my camera before a shoot, I have to make sure the color is balanced, the mic is working (if necessary), I can hear the mic working, the levels are good, the angle is right, good battery power, enough storage for footage, tapes are labeled, tripod is balanced correctly, can I pan and tilt comfortably, cables aren't tot, etc. I always find when I watch a movie trailer and I see Spielberg or Lucas, or Peter Jackson, Mel Gibson, Ron Howard, Robert Redford, etc. I'm thinking wow, that's going to be good because these guys are passionate about there work, they take delight. These guys don't care what people thought, they didn't let anyone stop them, they didn't give up. Hits me again, whenever I don't take delight in God, I can feel His passion to get me back to delight in Him. He's knows my passion and will continue to modify and grow it as He pleases.  Just as He doesn't give up on me, He doesn't want me to give up on Him, He will give me my hearts to desire when I make it Him.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I may be slow, but I am ahead of you

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14 NLT

At first I'm thinking, wait patiently for what? This could mean anything, I just don't understand God at times and I think He knows it. Long night at work last night, so I'm tired today, I'll get a better nap this afternoon. Sip some coffee,  I read and think, I find myself taking my christian glasses off and read this the way God wants me to see it. I don't like waiting especially for slow people ahead of me, namely at work, I don't like slow people in the buffet line, what takes them sow long, just plop the food on your plate and go. Or in the grocery store when they just stop in the middle of aisle looking. They always have to going to the place I want to go to. Murphy's law. I'm reminded again of George Bailey yelling at Mr. Potter "Wait? wait for what".  In these hard times, it's like a science when to buy and when to wait, you don't want to lose out. I read and I think, I read and I think. I'm reminded of a track shirt I had on Jr. High, it had the phrase "I may be slow, but I am ahead of you" funny.  Hits me, when we were in the hospital this summer the nurse told us "hurry up and wait" oh really? I want my daughters numbers to come back up, we want to get a house and take frequent vacations, my wife wants to be a stay at home mom, I need a new computer, we miss going to church because of my daughters condition. I need my big break in video somewhere so that she can stay home, yet I'm turning away work so I can have more family time, lol. WAIT FOR WHAT! Then I find myself when I am waiting thinking of things that I can do. It's those moments where I can be productive or I'm anxious becuase I need to get out of here. Depending on what it is, I can stress about whats to come or be brave and ask people for help for that. It's tough being brave and courageous, usually you find out at the end when you don't have to be patient anymore. And all along when it feels like I was alone in all of this I find that God was ahead of me the whole time preparing me for whats to come next.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Goonies Never Say Die

“The Lord is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant. My eyes are always on the Lord, for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies.” Psalm 25:14-15 NLT

At first I'm thinking, "thanks a lot God". So you're only going to be my friend if I fear you? All my life I've grown up with people telling me of how focused they are on God, I'm thinking what planet are they on? They obviously don't battle what I battle with. It's like talking to someone who claims they never get sick and they've never been sick as you turn and cough and wipe your nose.  I slept, no I didn't sleep good last night again, sip some good coffee though.  These next two weeks are clearly focused on a video for a ball coming up, I have to get it out by beg of November. I read and think,  I read and think. I've always loved movies where the underdog won. Like My Cousin Vinny, Trial and Error, Forrest Gump, Hoosiers, Karate Kid, Goonies, Erin Brockovich, Caundorman, Indiana Jones, National Treasure,Tucker, Robin Hood, etc. I love it when people are learning new things and growing. I guess that's because I'm learning and growing everyday. I'm reminded of Goonies, how this group of kids, not necessarily all friends uses there God given talents and skills to keep each other alive and find the treasure, they wouldn't give up, yet they completely respected and feared one eyed willy. It wasn't a fixation, they just happen to come across something at went with it. I read and think, I don't learn when I'm told to, I learn when I'm preoccupied doing something else. I also find that I don't ever come to the point of respecting someone until I find they know things and can help me. It's crazy when I was in retail and would be answering someones question, how there eyes would light up.  It's like I've been trying to figure this out for ever, they'd look at my name tag to see what position I hold in the store and my shirt, lol. Yet if I didn't have the answer and I wasn't helping them, they would look everywhere but me.  Why do I end up fearing God last? I'm reminded of the DC Talk song "sometimes you have to learn the hard way".  I know I have to at times. It's like the things I battle the most I don't think God can handle, because I can't. I'm reminded of "A few good men" that famous line "you can't handle the truth". I can't at times. It's funny, whenever I think of people in my age group, I can only think of how battered up we are by now, what we've learned in this life. I read and think, I'm reminded of the made for TV movie "Shackleton", it was a true story about an exploration team to the north pole way back when, the ship was called the Endurance and they didn't make it, but there leader Shackleton, guaranteed them they would not die and they didn't, they made it back to civilization 4 years later alive. Hits me, these guys got mad but they followed his orders and stayed alive. I'm not going to understand God's ways at times, but I have to strive to keep my eyes on Him, and I'll be rescued, just like the Goonies never said die, I can't give up, even though I do. He will show me each time how to respect Him and teach me His ways.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I think after I speak, not before

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:14NLT

I can't remember the first time I read this verse, but it was many years ago. LOL, my words? sometimes not so much, I think after I speak not before (especially when writing these blogs). I slept ok last night, actually not good at all. Got woken up 3 times after going to bed at midnight. Sip some coffee, good coffee this morning, I love it when I make a good cup of coffee. I read and think, I read and think, sip some coffee, man this is good coffee. I can't tell you how many times I've screwed this up(not the coffee, maybe sometimes), The Hocus Pic Maneuver song "Love and Company" comes to mind, namely the line "I would say I like you if I thought that you'd care because this obsessive flirting isn't going anywhere, I'd like to try to show you that I really can be cool, but when my mouth stops starts floppin I start sounding like a fool." I'm reminded of Ace Ventura and then of Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar. And then I think of the moments where I sure have been honest with people about whether I can make them a video or not. Then I think of all the sinful thoughts I've had towards others, envy, bitterness, jealousy, etc. I find myself reading this as "I think good things about God" when it's the other way around "He loves me so much that He wants me to have His mind". I get lost in the good sounding of this and lose the point of it. I'm reminded of Indiana Jones and the temple of doom, when he starts stabbing the doll and watching shortround in pain. How much of my life has been filled with "if only".  That old stick and stones phrase comes to mind. I recall moments when I could tell I had disappointed people and the look I got from them of "I don't know about you" or what  I call the "church look" where they stand looking away, but at you with a look on there face that says "I'm waiting for you to judge me or you don't know what I know". I even had a shirt a long time ago that said "I can't say what I'm thinking right now". I read and think, Hits me.  God isn't my focus a lot of the time but He is in my heart and I can feel when I'm not cool with him when I say or think certain things. But that's why He's my rock and my redeemer, because the more I first choose to be on the rock my thoughts and mind will be more controlled.  So here I've got a good foundation as long as I stay there, yet He's always with me giving me opportunities to evaluate my words. Sometimes I just can't stand it, and the let words do what they can, I reep the consequences and He's right there being my redeemer as I'm upset with myself. Hits me again, what is pleasing to God? is it careful using my words? is it not being negative? is it have a good heart? He wants me to seek Him as my rock and my redeemer with those elements that I so struggle with and let Him live his life in me.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

NO, You can't know more than me!

““How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you. We have never even heard of another God like you!” 2 Samuel 7:22 NLT

Being a christian and reading a verse like this, I can relate at times, but then I think about it, and I can't relate at all at times. Sip some coffee, I'm tired this morning, home from at 9 pm woken up at 3, I'm just a light sleeper. Good news though, the hard drive that apple told me was unreadable I tried a year later and is readable, so I got all my lost photos and music back, very happy. Sip some coffee, I read and think. You don't just say how great someone is, how in control they are. There's something behind that. I do a lot of shows at work, where they acknowledge people and their efforts, tons of awards ceremonies, sometimes pretty emotional. People really work hard out there. When the presenter is introducing this person and all there accomplishments that year and as I find them making there way to the stage and they put them on screen for everyone to see through the camera, then they greet everyone and give a little speech as well, if asked. It's crazy when you notice someone really doing a good job and man if this person isn't here things just won't get done.  Yesterday our A1 (live sound operator) couldn't make it to the set til 3 pm, and that halted our set, because without his preference of where he wanted the speakers and monitors, wiring the board, etc. We couldn't do anything but run a few cables. Sure we could have guessed and just did it, but then you're doing twice the work possibly. I read and think, Hits me.  I'm gunna make decisions throughout my life that will be wise and some stupid, God's always gunna be there to teach me either way, some stuff will be obvious from my own experience and some will be a lesson learned but in the end if I'm not following His lead (even if it doesn't make sense), it could result in a messy situation.  I've learned how to respect people in this industry, if they're operating, it doesn't matter how much more knowledge I think I have or how much I like them as a person, my pride and my insecurities could result in there show being a failure, sure i'll question if I see fit but in the long run it's there show and not mine.  This is God's life in me, sure I can question and learn, but if I refuse the instruction (which I do at times) it'll be my fault and no ones else's. Ever since I can remember I've had this competitive notion inside me to know more than everyone else about technology, and I would often fall on my face when the other guys would show me up all the time, especially at church, I would try something then the older guys would show me in frustration why it wouldn't work like that and I would be like "no, you can't no more than me. If I don't surrender, if I don't give up and say teach me, then I'll always be angry and upset when they show me up again next time. How much to I respect God, how many times do I go to other things expecting to find the same answer, too many.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Is This Good for the Company?

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2 NLT

Sip some coffee, I'm tired. Wow this one can mean anything. I get thoughts of mimicking people, to going with the flow, my retail days, cutting some corners to get someone a better deal, following the book, etc. Sip some coffee, I'm reminded of Hook and how Peter had been gone so long he's forgotten everything, then Field of Dreams comes to mind when the Uncle finally see's the players on the field. I'll never forget when I first started working for Ultimate Electronics, the two weeks of training I went through in order for me to be qualified to talk to customers on the floor. I read and think, I read and think. I have to remember that I wasn't stupid, and how I saw so many guys fall into the trap of making money for the company and not thinking of the customer's needs. I think of the audio adrenaline song "you can't take God away from me".  It didn't matter how much training they gave me, I wasn't stupid, I was human and I told them. Sometimes I feel like Edmond Dantes in the Count of Monte Cristo, so innocent, yet he had vengeance.  I read and think, sometimes doing what I know the right, is totally not cool.  I've told customers that half the guys in this store could care less about them (that word got out and I lost a bunch of friends) I didn't care though, I was tired of innocent people getting screwed over. "Nathan we're running a business here" I know.  I felt like I was George Bailey yelling at Mr. Potter at times.  You want me to sell? I'll sell things to people that they don't need and make some money for the company. I read and think, Hits me. I think of the banner "Is this good for the company?" in Office space a favorite movie in our household, the context and layout of corporate America is priceless. Sure I can follow my training on how to sell and can learn every trick, read every book, watch every webinar, but as Psalty said "you can sing until you're blue in the face, but if it's not from your heart it's not praise". I can work and follow orders, if I'm not using common sense in what i know God wants me to do, I feel empty. The Company I work for now is all about the customer and I fit right in, I've been recognized several times for going above and beyond for people. Hits me again, I can be really focused on God yet arrogant to a point where I fall on my face, if I don't strive to live for God on a daily basis, I don't get that change of mindset He has in store and knowing what He wants me to do won't be obvious.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

He knows my language

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

I always thought this said, I know the plans I have for you and I'll you know in a few years.  Then i wondered what the difference was between my plans and his plans. I slept terrible last night, got home from work after midnight, my daughter had woken up at 11:30 asking where I was. We didn't get to bed till 1 am and of course had trouble sleeping. Sip some coffee, lots of coffee. I read and think, I read and think. In 1995 I decided to go to Bible School in Germany see what God's will was for my life, I had heard peoples stories of these revelations, so I wanted one. I only found out later that his will was for me to go school and find Him.  Yet I wasn't expecting it to be so simple.  I mean when you hear about a missionary "being called", what do they mean? Disaster to me means a hurricane.  A future means a good career. Hope means no fear of messing up, everythings been fixed. HUH? I read and I think, I read and think. I think of the karate kid, and how Daniel just was so confused about the training he was getting, it just didn't make sense, I think of Neo from the Matrix, how he didn't agree with anyone about his calling. I think of my sister Sarah's art, she just see's this painting and paints, just as I see a video when I hear about an event or listen to someone's story. I think of Dog the Bounty Hunter, and how he's kind of aggressive but he can track down these people and get them help. I find myself making this so complicated when It's me who wonders what the plans are, yet God knows them, He works them out every day. They may not be good plans but the result will be good, my wife losing her job last year, we discovered recently was a very good thing now. Hits me, sure I can expect a shining light to come down from the sky and hear a loud voice tell me what to do (i watch too many movies). It may not be the writing on the wall, and it might just be a phone call. I'm stinkin 35 years and I'm not this successful guy I wish I was, I'm not this famous filmmaker I thought I'd be. Sometimes I feel like a disaster. Hits me again, no I didn't meet the requirements of Bible School, but I did pursue God when I was there.  Those moments have walked with me ever since. The thought came to mind "I don't want anyone to have fun without me" when I decided to go over seas.  And to this day I believe that's how He spoke to me because He knows my language.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fellowship of the Ring

 I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him.” Psalm 62:1NLT

At first I got this confused with the be still and know verse, and then Psalm 40 came to mind and I started humming U2.  I'm writing this midday because I didn't sleep really at all and am taking a break from sorting through stuff in the condo. As I read this barely awake this morning I began to think about it while painting the bathroom.  How many time's have I cried out to God to rescue me when I've fallen, how many times have I not understood how i could be doing so well and just fall flat on my face. As I continued the 2nd coat, it hit me. Sure I might get into all kinds of trouble and be all pissed off at myself for doing or saying, thinking, planning, reacting, whatever things. I keep on expecting God to be before me but He's saying the latter.  He wants me seeking Him and then I'll find victory.  He'll allow me to screw up only to indicate how much I need to keep focused.  I keep on expecting him to drag me out of whatever I got myself into and then I get all mad.  Hits me, He's already rescued me on the cross and I keep on either forgetting about it, not caring, or refuse to believe it. I have to work on not thinking that I've sought him enough and am fine now. I had Erin Brokovich on today while plugging away at this place, and she had no training just a passion for what was right and just and she didn't give up, they won the case. I'm not theologian, man I suck at grammar. But I know what I believe to be truth and I strive to believe on a daily basis regardless the circumstance. God's pursuing me by cleaning out these areas that are in between us, I just have to pursue him back to be victorious. No more rational crap, I'm not fooling God, I can't. I'm reminded of Bilboe in Fellowship of the Ring, when Gandolf had him give the ring back and you saw this sober, disappointed look come over Bilboe's face, his whole trip was ruined and he knew it had to be like that, he knew it was right. I think to myself what my ring is, man I feel like I have a bunch of 'em.  I obviously can't handle them only God can because He's the only one that can give me victory over them. In those moments I'm thankful I can txt a few brothers to help get these rings off me. lol, like a fellowship.

Monday, October 10, 2011

"Think...chicken wings" - Tommy boy

“Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” Proverbs 19:20-21 NLT

These kind of verses have always fascinated me.  It's like basically don't try to do it yourself, its ok to ask someone. Sip some coffee, yet its that world of being told how to do things, they're not answering your question, but just taking up more of your time, and they really don't know. Slept ok last night, not bad, I have the next two days off. I have a messy truck full of junk, some other junk still in the condo to get rid of, a bathroom to paint and finish, mother in law comes on friday. I'll make it happen, its about time. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I read and think. It's a tough road to travel when you've been rejected when younger, I'd take things literally, ask for advice only to be led astray because they just wanted to joke with me. Being treated like that throughout my life, made me a go to guy. Those guys who would play around like that would eventually ask me for advice knowing I would be honest, especially in the working world.  It also makes me think of the golden rule. I don't like to do things twice, but how do I get to this point.  When I was younger doing things 20 times didn't even phase me. Why now? I think of Tommy boy "well you can get a good look at your butcher" he couldn't get the analogy right. I was always the one to be told, "Nathan he just said 20 minutes ago". Why was I so behind? Now, I find myself saying that very thing to other people.  This thing hits my stubborn side, my humility, my what will they think side, fear. I don't like to be told what to do about certain things. When I was younger I was embarrassed, now I'm proud I have a connection. I read and think, I read and think. Just the other day I went to the Apple store to ask about the New version of my editing software, I'd heard bad things about it, so I wanted the truth and I got the truth, I still need to get some facts but I did get some answers.  Hits me, God has designed me to ask for help in areas that I don't feel like it at times. He wants me to ask Him for help when I feel I can handle it. He's made me to communicate with people, to approach people.  I'm reminded in While You were sleeping.....when joe jr. said "Ice Capades, I got tickets......I know a guy".  Finding Nemo, when he asked everyone for help. I think of Lord of the Rings: it took a fellowship of brothers to get that ring back in the fire, I think of the Goonies: they all needed everyones help to find the treasure and survive. At work when we're on a set, whether its lighting, audio, video, rigging, projection, computers, cameras, each guy has his own talent, everyone works together without question.  It takes a lot, at times to admit when you've made a mistake. Hits me again. If it hadn't been for my rejection years (which at times seem to still continue) I wouldn't be who I am today, it's crazy.  For me to see God's purpose prevail I have to ask for advice and assistance. I keep on thinking, this life is about me surviving, but it's really about God's plan prevailing through me to glorify him even when it means pain or feeling like and idiot. I think of Tommy boy, of how he had the ability but it wasn't untill Richard pointed it out what he could do. "think...chicken wings" and he saved the town.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Shut it down, do it quickly, don't destroy it. - Mr. Incredible

“Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.” Deuteronomy 13:4 NLT

Sip some coffee, tired. I can't recall how many times I've read these types of verses, one too many. Ya, Ya , sure. I got it. I feel like Mr. Incredible when he was given instructions to kill the Omnidroid 9000 Mirage: I've got to warn you. It's a learning robot. Every minute you spend fighting it only increases its knowledge of how to beat you. Mr. Incredible: Shut it down, do it quickly, don't destroy it. It also reminds me of when I was in cross country in High School and got lost during a race, and ended up running the opposite direction, even though we had run the track, I still got lost in the desert. Didn't sleep well, but I have to admit it's finally nice in Arizona, it feels great! Sip some coffee, I read and think, I read and think.  I'm reminded of a moment in Tree climbers when were being shown how to use a utility knife, and sure enough I didn't listen and cut myself. Then of course in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, there's Donovan "Remember, don't trust anyone". How many times has God indicated to me, serve only me, obey me, listen to me, don't slack off. I find myself getting lazy at times and then I fall flat on my face. I love it when I feel I can be a Mr. Incredible and fulfill a mission that totally matches my skills and talents, then I feel I'm Serving. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I read and think, I'm reminded of Eric Liddel in Chariots of fire: I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure. Hits me, I get so distracted with everything I do, I used to feel that I could only do certain things and that was considered serving. Or I've done things, thinking I was serving God. Sure I felt needed and loved doing other things, but God wasn't in them, he didn't want me doing them even though I was able. When I'm actually following His lead, obeying, listening when I should be, and find perfect peace when I cling to Him, and I feel I'm serving Him and not fulfilling a void I have. Church can be a little element, I don't have to be a superhero with special skills, it can be saying hi to an old friend you've run into at the store, in our case living in this retirement community, our daughter is just what these grandmas need.  I don't realize how I'm serving Him, but I am I think. Mr. Incredible just wanted to be needed, he missed the glory days, and they trapped him, it was his family that brought him back to reality of what really mattered and they all discovered what they were for and how it wasn't bad to show there true identity.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

They're digging in the wrong place! - Indiana, Sallah

“I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior. First I predicted your rescue, then I saved you and proclaimed it to the world. No foreign god has ever done this. You are witnesses that I am the only God,” says the Lord.” Isaiah 43:11-12 NLT

Sip some coffee, At first I'm thinking, another Isaiah verse, I've heard this bedtime story before - Indiana Jones. I also feel like God is twisting my arm and I'm yelling "Uncle, Uncle, Uncle".  My wife and I both had Friday off yesterday, so it was mainly spent on the road with our daughter running errands, it was fun. Shayne took a 5 hour nap so we've been up for most the night. Really tired this morning, I'm using my "Tomi Virolainen mug" he was another youth pastor back in the late 90's, a very dear friend, that gave me a mug about spending time with God in the morning, it has the verse "oh Lord in the morning, will I direct my prayer unto thee and will look up". One of my most favorite mugs. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I read and I think.  I don't get certain things the first time, I don't get things the second time, and sometimes I don't get things the 3rd time.  I have found myself always understanding things when no one else did or understanding when it was way too late. I remember at SCC in 1996, videotaping some of my classes so I could watch them over, I would have my teachers use a lav mic too, lol. They put an end to that by the second class but it really helped.  It's called taking the class twice. I read and think, I read and I think. I'm reminded of the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when they discover that Balloq didn't have the right medallion therefore he was digging in the wrong place. How many times have I done the same thing, knowing full well that I'm using the wrong thing, but I don't want to get give in because I want my own way. Or I have no idea I'm using the wrong thing until I get stuck. When I was learning how to shoot sports in High School, our teacher said, you guys aren't thinking, we all got mad, "what do you mean we're not thinking?" She went on to say, when you shoot football, you don't watch the game, you're following it, you're listening to it. HUH? You're telling a story so that the viewers can watch and listen to it. So after the kick off, where should the next shot be? the two guys way back at the end of the field. After they get a touch down? Do we want every camera to be on the guy who made the touch down? NO. We want the opposing teams reaction, coaches face, etc. We're telling a story. I read and think, hits me. I keep on getting distracted by the game, I keep on just reading the verse on my mug as a nice phrase, I get tempted to think that there other things that can replace God and do the same thing. I keep on thinking that my copy of the medallion is fine but its not. At work, if we're instructed by our producers on exactly how they want a show setup and we don't follow it, oh boy we will hear about it. Yet I was probably right next to the producer when he was telling us. Hits me again, God's not angry with me, He's designed me like this, He's well aware of the things going on my head, everything. Even though it seems He's way over my head, He's right next to me along the way, helping me listen as many times as it takes.

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Fugitive

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.” Psalm 63:1NLT

This verse hits me kind of closer. Sure I read this when I was a kid and thought "oh that'll be the day".  Then after God really starting hitting me, I knew what this meant.  It's very unusual when I first read it. I slept terrible, didn't get up but just exhausted, the couch came, The hardware was in the box, we have a couch now,  my wife loves it. I read and think, I read and think. I watched the fugitive yesterday before work as I assembled the couch and made room for it.  It was crazy of how Richard Kimball was determined to prove his innocence and he searched and searched, the truth came out. Sip some coffee, I can recall many times how I have troubleshot gear for hours trying to figure out why something wasn't working, or troubleshooting my kid, wondering why she wasn't working. I have found myself researching  events, equipment, putting hours and hours into projects, devoting myself to the end. I'm a passionate person, thats why I chose video, it was a never ending field, i found that I wanted to know everything, I'm getting there. I like justice, I love movies like Erin Brokovitch, the fugitive, Shawshank redemption, breach, pelican brief, shattered glass, brave one, etc. I read and think, hits me. God's given me this passion, I use for searching, dreaming, sure I'll drift away from Him, He want's me to investigate Him, to seek truth, find justice, with everything I am, even in moments where I see nothing. He's instilled this view of life within me, making me feel alone at times with everyone, but close to Him, just as Richard Kimball kept moving and didn't give up, I've got this drive within me that won't end, even if I'm drained exhausted angry at everything, hits me. I think of Steve Jobs in how he didn't give up on his passion and became a legend. I think of the Goonies and how the could have easily turned around in the basement but didn't. Hits me again, I can search and drive myself insane to learn things, but if my hope is only in that answer and not grounded in God, it ends at the point of discovery. If I keep drive on God and seek to discover Him, He'll show me the passion He has for me and where to look and that He is the truth and justice that I need.  

Thursday, October 6, 2011

"Just trust the Lord!"....translated, "I don't care about you"

“Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.”Isaiah 26:4 NLT

I get kind of mad at verses like this. I'm more thinking "easy for you to say". It's like someone telling me just go to college get a degree and everything should be fine. Or just build a house and have a happy life. Maybe I'm just tired and grumpy this morning, I don't know. Sip some coffee, I'm using my San Diego mug today. I got this on a family vacation 10 years ago and it's one of my more favored mugs. San Diego translated means Saint James, a missionary over there in 1700's or something like that. Amazing the history behind these city names. I slept ok, woken up once and then twice, our replacement couch came in, so I will be assembling that today, hopefully the hardware came too (thus the reason for the replacement). It's not fun sitting next to your wife on the ground eating ice cream for a month. I read and think, I read and think. It's crazy about how beautiful San Diego is, yet I haven't had the means to get there since 2000, other people will say "oh its only 6 hours away" "its so beautiful".  It's like when I enter a retail store and someone is pushing an in store credit card form in my face saying "sign up and get a free gift" I say "sure you wanna pay the bill, i'm still paying you guys off". Only to hear them say "c'mon it's a free gift". I read and think, Hits me.  I'm so bombarded and screwed over by societies sales gimmicks, No Target can't send me a couch with all the parts in it the first time, "but its Target?" LOL, who cares, they don't, lol they wouldn't refund me when I wanted to return it, they said "unfortunately I can only give you 25% back in store credit! lol. Un no you're not, you're going to come back and replace this couch with one with everything in it. A month later. I start viewing God like this, He's not just another sales gimmick, I can't just walk by this "eternal rock" thing and say "that'll be the day".  God won't change things because of job cut backs, he won't report you to HR for not trusting Him.  Hits me again, God doesn't have an eternal rock, He is the eternal rock.  It's ok for me to rest on Him, He won't move me, He won't expire, He won't sink, He won't show up with missing parts, He knows exactly what I need, He's always there, no set hours, he'll always speak my language and not one I don't understand. Even when I leave the rock due to my own insecurity, He's right there with me, someone who I can trust always, man how I get distracted.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Seize the Moment? maybe next time when its more convenient

“Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near.” Isaiah 55:6 NLT

Whoooh this one caught me off guard.  I had to look at the context further to figure it out. Sip some coffee, tired this morning. Now working on the condo, and getting rid of my stuff, or trying to. It's hard to go look at old cables and connectors that I could so easily used for different occasions, but the fact those occasions have not presented themselves in the past 9 years tells me, I really don't need all this. I still have my first editor I got my freshman year of High school "sima video edit 2". I read and think, I read and think. I've lost track of those moments where I felt I needed to say something or take action, there was a small window of opportunity and I didn't take it. It could either be taking the next exit on the freeway as to avoid a jam or feeling the need to pray for someone and I don't. Or when I was inches away from  meeting Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys and I didn't say anything. Or that chance to get something to eat and you don't. The list goes on. I read and think, it's not that I don't feel God near, it's that do I take action when He is near and wants to work through me? It's when he's telling me to call other brothers when I fight what I fight, do I call? It's when I feel I need to call a friend to check up, do I call, text, facebook? Hits me, I have to believing that God works only in a certain number of ways. He's very beyond our time, He's so far ahead in his thinking that the way's He wants to use me seem absurd at times, and that's why I need to strive to be sensitive to those opportunities regardless if they seem ridiculous.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I don't know, I'm making this up as I go - Indiana Jones

“Don’t brag about tomorrow, since you don’t know what the day will bring.” Proverbs 27:1 NLT

LOL, after reading this one, all I can say is that God has a sense of humor. How many times have I been caught doing that? Enough to have no expectations how the next day will be. I slept ok last night, still was  woken up but ok. Now that we're into October I can focus on getting this condo livable. I've got videos to get out, and hopefully other work to attend to. Sip some coffee, I read and think.  I'm reminded of the proverb or Psalm whatever it is. "the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." I'm also reminded of some of the shows that I've done where I've walked in thinking I was the man only to fall flat on my face because I refused to humble myself. I read and think, I read and think. It's tough being a husband and a father and having to establish confidence in the fact everything's going to be ok.  I don't know, the field of work I have chosen has really helped me to have no expectations for life, things can change at anytime and I have learned to apply them to my family and that has really helped my stress level. Then there's the expectations of people you're working with.  I admit I'm picky and I admit I don't want to argue if something is not done right, as to not create a scene in front of a guest. I read and I think, sip some coffee.  Sure I can have my own criteria and plan for the day and have great time management so I'm productive and feeling the day is going great, but when I hit a bump, like someone working terribly slow, I get all mad MOVE. Hits me, What's life all about, angry birds, ipads, iphones and organizers, meeting your goals, great expectations, all your kids doing well? The book Alexander and the terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad day comes to mind. I also think of that song "you had a bad day". Yet I also think of the song "its good to be alive" by Geoff Moor and the Distance. In my life I live by the phrase "seize the moment". I find myself so backwards at times.  I find myself scared that maybe I won't have a good day today because of this verse. Only God knows what today holds, sure it may go just as I planned, or as Indiana Jones said "I don't know, I'm making this up as I go". Do I believe it? Am I willing to not stress and worry, I feel God telling me to quit pulling Him on the leash and let him guide me on his path, I might need a choke collar but whatever it takes as long as I don't brag.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Isn't there an off switch to this fear thing?

“Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.” Proverbs 29:25 NLT

AAh this verse, this applied more when I was in school.  I also see how it can help today with the state of our economy. Sip some coffee, Today I turn 35, wow. Do I feel it? yes. Do I look it, not sure, people still tell me I look 25 which is a good thing. I find out every time I get a hair cut and see the gray hairs fall to the ground. I made it, I'm still alive, lol. I work today, but yesterday I went to see my grandpa and grandma kinkel.  It was such a nice time, They are still as bubbly and perky as I remember them.  They knew who I was but didn't know where they were. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I was a sweet little boy growing up, not good at sports except running, not really good in school except for some electives, I practically failed typing class, only to discover it after the semester ended. These mistakes set me up for a lot of rejection, and boy did it come, so I shut my mouth during class and kept my thoughts for things that mattered. I read and think. I read and think. Hits me. Fearing people is such a hidden disease, I do it more than I think I do. Back in the day I feared being stupid asking a dumb question, now I fear losing my job or getting a ticket, my plans being destroyed, my family being harmed. I fear different things that deserve to be feared. As I see comb my hair and see the silver lining appear, I find myself catching up with my younger brother. I've come a long way with dealing with fear, I don't fear as much as I did. I read and think.  I see a cycle here, I fear and fall then I trust and feel safe, then I lose faith and begin to fear again and I learn to trust, lol. Hits me, sure I can fear all I want (just stock up on tums) and not feel safe but alone.  God is safe and wants me to feel safe with him, and take care of the fears for me as long as I give them over to him and not care about what they are, what people think, or what is to come. Why can't He just flip the off switch to this fear thing? Be done with it.  Hits me again, He is the off switch.  By seeking Him he removes the fear only to show me on daily basis that he's safe and that it's ok to ask stupid questions because He's designed me to learn and grow in Him without fear but with faith.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

God in Pop culture?!

““God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.” Matthew 5:11-12NLT

This one drives me crazy at times, I can't stand it at times. I feel like a door to door salesman when I read this, and think "ya think".  Be very glad when you get the door slammed in your face, be glad when people say "oh just looking".  They don't know that I have rent to pay and bills to keep.  Slept ok last night, still tired but not bad. The apartment is finally finished and nothing is in there, FREEDOM! Still selling things on Craig'slist until its done. Sip some coffee, I read and think. In film and video, we deal with archetypes.  When you're creating a story or in my case listening to someones, the person is the archetype, they're that person whether it be a cancer surviver that bares the characteristics of still caring for there family, paying bills, working, maintaining a positive attitude or Dennis Gable with a troubles past. Archetypes are what the movies are made about, what the audience sets out to be like and admire. Movies and documentaries will give you what they call "the hero's journey". Star wars is a great example with Luke Skywalker. Tommyboy, another example of an idiot son who ends up saving the town. Braveheart, too. It's the villain that makes everyone mad, when the plot changes and someone becomes the traitor. Many people can't anticipate this but thats what makes it a good movie, when you're caught off guard. That's where God comes in, here he's telling me to talk about Him freely and just so you know "you will be rejected just as I was" lol.  Great thanks a lot. This is very much why I don't share my faith directly with people. I don't want to make them mad.  Jesus is a loving God, not a bully.  I have people talk behind my back, and if I catch them, I confront real quick in front of everyone. I read and think, hits me. There are so many barriers that I put up as to not be hurt and rejected by my faith. Jesus was the perfect archetype. He's to be modeled after and yet rejected. I can pretend I'm superman, Indiana Jones, or spiderman, all fought for justice and good, yet people were after them.  They wanted to save your life. Christ represented the truth with eternal life and yet the world was against Him and still it seems. Am I willing to stand up for what I believe, be faster than a speeding bullet? no, be dragged behind a truck with only my whip to hold onto? no, when it seems everyone is trying to kill me? As the Three Amigo's said "Our reward is that justice has been done". Can I capture that shot when I see it? Can I be reliable at work? Can I be a godly model for my family to look to? Can I be the things I don't believe I can be? My reward is in Heaven, and my motivation is what Christ is doing in my life by loving people to him. This pastor who is to be executed in Iran, is thinking, this is what God is all about. It was what motivates me to shoot more videos, to strive to walk closer with God. But every hero has his/her weakness, as much as I try not to, can't let rejection be my weakness with God, but my strength and my characteristic be His likeness in me.