Monday, January 30, 2012

Humbly hate

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”Ephesians 4:2 NLT

This kind of stuff is tough for me. It all depends on what's going on. Usually I get tested when I hate it. Not a good night of sleep, Shayne's cold is hopefully on its way out, but on a bright side, Susan's mom got a new job intown and is moving back, so we'll see a lot more of her this year. Sip some coffee, I read and think.  Man I wish I understood this and knew how to live this out when I was a kid. Why was humility and gentleness so difficult (probably because, I was a kid). I could be patient but only in certain ways, not gracious ways. I was raised to love in a given time but was so quick to judge most the time. In moment these days, I would be praying for someone, back in the day, it was how much can I talk about them badly behind their back. Complain, complain, complain. Then when love was shown to me, I soaked it in. Then I got this idea of what my adult life would be like and it didn't even phase me of what I would be bringing into it. It was so hard not to gather up ammunition for when you could use against your friends. We were all terrible to each other, especially family, cousins, church, etc. If someone did something that was against my upbringing, they were bad, and it was wrong, and showing them love was out of the question, pointing them out on it, making there mistake known to the world was mandatory, what love, right? I learned more from my work place about accepting everyone than I did from church on Sunday, why wouldn't I want a piece of that. I read and think, I used to be the life of the party when I was growing up.........or maybe it was the laugh of the party, not sure. I get along with most everyone, but I'm not someone people call to hang out with, I'm pretty much tech support these days. What used to be, fun hangin out, is now "its nice to see you too" and thats it for the year. My goal is to validate, even if I've never dealt with other issues. Hits me, these aren't just "good words", they are the truth, I need to be humble and gentle and patient and validate my friends. This is how God is, the many opportunities he gives me in the same situations over and over, and how many times I biff it up, he's gently helping me improve and helping me understand who He is in me. I need get my eyes off of how I was raised to act and be, and get them on Christ and how He wants to live in me (hey that rhymes). I need to strive to learn and grow from all that, and not live in a bitter past (that kind of rhymes too). Anybody want a peanut? Now for a title, these are the biggest challenge.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Can't stack chairs?, you shouldn't be preaching

“He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, “Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.”” Mark 9:35 NLT

The first and last verse, I've never really understood this. Shayne's gone through a whole day without meds and a fever, so we're really thankful to God that it was only a 24 hr thing. She slept good but we didn't again. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of my job again, really. The resort and hotel industry is all about service. Going the extra mile for the customer, whether it's as simple as luggage all the way up to custom making your food with your dietary needs and to also call for tickets to the baseball game due lack of time or even to help search for your lost luggage because you have meeting to rush to. In audio visual, its running laptop power to a table, because they don't want to have it at the podium, asking them if they have sound coming from their power point, and if they'd like a clicker to advance their slides remotely, would like a lapel mic so that you walk around. Would like this recorded for future reference and documentation? All these of course are things we sell, but things people don't think about. How would you like the lights dimmed? Would like a light on the podium so people may see the presenter easier? Would you like a speaker timer, so you don't run over? (like that ever works, they always go over). I've always loved to help people out, love to fix the problem and have a solution. When I was working for ultimate, service was what they pushed. Offer them a bottle of water, remember their needs, write them down. Do what's best for them, and they will be back. I'm amazed of many people were not used to good service, they would actually be surprised when I'd call them on the day of the install to make sure it was happening, make sure everything was good. I didn't make much money, but I did have letters on the walls from customers acknowledging me. Where's the money? I had to quit. I read and think, I'm reminded of a phrase from a lecturer at bible School, he said "if you can't stack chairs, you shouldn't be preaching". Hits me, I've been that guy that didn't want to stack chairs, yet I would be giving a youth group talk. I'm also reminded of my grandma Kinkel telling her mother "mom, you've served of us long enough, now it's our turn to serve you". Or from Robin Hood Prince of thieves, when Azeem says "I had fulfilled my vow". Christ came to be and example of the ultimate servant, to show me how it's done. I'm amazed of how much training I needed when I first got into hospitality, they put me through 3 days of it. I went from asking someone if they needed help to, to noticing that they needed help and assisting them immediately. I also am amazed of how understanding it makes me when I'm being served. I always thought, I would be negative on bad service, but yet I totally understand when someone is trying their best, and when I don't give them a hard time, I come out better in the end.  Christ was the ultimate servant for everyone, its amazing of how the desire to be #1 always starts with focusing and caring about everyone else, and stack those chairs with pride, and that's when I truly see his work in me.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Bueller, Bueller - Ferris Bueller's day off

“For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.”” John 4:24 NLT

Seems so simple, yet so complicated. Hopefully Shayne kept her fever down all night without meds. We always get scared with her condition when she gets a fever but usually we can stay ahead of it. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Last night during date night, I told Susan that if someone were to ask me, what videos were really who I am and how I think. I'd name 3. Westin Employee Highlights, Sheraton Spring Employee opener, and Lake Powell 2006. Only 3? These 3 videos, really show me worshipping God in the talents he gave me, all very secular videos. But you see how I see people and how I feel about life. Eric Littel from Chariots of Fire had the same experience when he ran, He was worshiping in spirit and in truth. I'm reminded of Ferris Bueller, and how he didn't let anything stop him from taking a day off, He felt free and wasn't going to let what life was all about escape without him. All you heard was his teacher say "Bueller, Bueller" because he was never there, he saw more to life and didn't want to miss it and everyone backed him up. And then theirs what I thought worship was.......singing, sure it's an element but I get way too distracted and prideful about what people think and how good I sound, and when do I raise my hands and all the @$#^%$& (at least for me). I find I have to really focus on the words, which I don't. I read and think, worshipping God in the way he designed me is what he wants, its me letting go of my insecurities and letting Him show me what truly is real. God is alive and wants to live in me and shine through me, it's me who doesn't believe thats true, because usually I expect it when I want it and in my time, not in His. Hits me, God does things in his way, and in his timing, he'll listen to me, and gives me opportunities to trust him, but its all Him, regardless of how insecure I am in the moment, how bad I communicate, how bad I come across. He gets me, especially when I feel He doesn't.

below is one of the videos thats me.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Battle vs. Armor

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.” Ephesians 6:12-13 NLT

Oh yes, one of the armor verses. I always think of the suit of armor I'd see in older movies and the flannel graphs and stuff but as I grew up, the war was much different. Shaynes under the weather today, I'm tired, but Coffee's good this morning. I read and think, I'm reminded of christian radio, all the sermons, and I always wondered why non-believers think there funny, they really laugh when they see us sing and hear christian music. Yet I think what they laugh at is stupid. Its hard for me to love them, yet they appear to be happier than me and having more fun at times. Sometimes I feel that unless I follow that path of the "wide and open road" I won't get God's attention. I read and think, I'm amazed how many times I forget to put on the armor when I'm at church, I think I let my guard down, but I find I struggle in different ways than the obvious expected. Pride, jealously, envy, fear, etc. I'm just a volunteer yet my heart longs to fix mistakes I see, I bypass authority because I'm so passionate for the gospel message. Yet I'm optimistic and being in the industry, I fully understand that nothing comes over night, its all in time, and in God's time. I often miss where the battles are, or take my armor off during the battle, thinking I'm fine without it, or put it on after the battles been lost. They're not where I expect them, they're at home, at church, at work, in my mind. Pretty much where God wants to see my need for him. Unfortunately he has to do this a lot because I'm too selfish and too preoccupied with my own stuff that I don't see it until its too late. Hits me, every battle I face is really God teaching me how to use His armor, I mess up a lot, but I'm getting better at what it is used for, where, and for what. Its looking at the freedom Christ gave as an upgrade of software. The manufacturer fixed something, and they'll show you what you don't have to do anymore, and every project I do will be another opportunity to get used to using the new way (sometimes its irritating and sometimes it's nice). With His help I'll be a pro and be able to help others just as they helped me through this battle.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Indiana, let it go - Indian Jones and the Last Crusade

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” James 4:10 NLT

I find myself thinking humility with people and God will honor that. Does this mean be open to whatever God wants? not sure. I'm tired this morning. Shayne falls out of her big girl bed about every night, the kid is all over the place when she sleeps, so I need to make shift a railing on the side of it. Sipping Coffee, I read and think, I find myself humbling myself before people with God in mind and I feel honored by that. I find myself being optimistic with God and using the phrase "I don't know, we'll see what happens" and you just go with every day things. I pray when I need to pray, when prayer is needed. But am I humble when I'm praying. Do I pray in duty. I'm not one for fancy words, I've done enough shows where the crowd applauds to a well said speech. Is humility exposing your weaknesses in a blog and putting them on facebook? Sure I can be truthful and honest with people, but am I truthful and honest with God about how I feel. I get leery about being like that with God, sometimes I feel he's my employer, and if I tell him really what I think, I'll get fired or punished for being honest. I find that when I consider things to be "bad" the last thing I do is really humble myself before him. Why last? why not first? He's given me experiences to know what not to do. I'm reminded of the leap of faith in Indiana Jones and the last crusade, and how he had got through the traps but then it came down to his belief, then it came down down to his knowledge and training. He could not fear man, he had to fear God. Then he had to respect God by not taking the grail across the seal, yet he wanted to. He got to a point where he almost lost his own life, and his dad called him "indiana, let it go".  Why do I humble and fear man before I do God? I go back and forth. In those moments God will speak through someone in a language I understand in order to save my life and bring me to life more abundantly. Hits me, i can have all the experiences, knowledge, education, meet famous people, tons of friends on facebook, healthy happy family, good job, but if I don't give it to God, humble myself just as He did for me, I might as well grab my own grail whatever it may be and bring it to immortality.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 NLT

I feel like someone just shoved a bunch of food in my mouth. Just give me these one at a time please. Slept better last night, coffee's good this morning, I read and think. Usually when we get a final thought from a key note speaker, its another 30 minutes. What kind of final thought was that? I can admit I'm a pretty honest and truthful person, the other 4 categories are questionable. That's a lot to chew on. I finally saw the movie "Courageous" the other day (no Kirk Cameron wasn't in this one, he was in fireproof, same creators though, sarcasm). A very well written film about 4 police officers that take there training and focus on there families. They mess up and are tested but all end up signing a resolution on pretty much what this verse is talking about. The point of the film was that there is a lack of quality fathers in this country, which is true to a degree. I give the film 3 1/2 stars, mediocre acting but good at times, good violence, excellent message, ending lost me, definitely worth watching. Even when I was single, I noticed weird stuff going on, it was evident of what things were stupid to do and what things weren't. Why did I still do them, there were moments when I was none of those things, and still are after marriage and now as a father. Some guys at work had no idea I was saved, until I bowed my head to pray. One guy said "really I would have never thought". I said "are you serious?" I felt like an idiot the rest of the day. I remember in High School, attempting to be a punk to a teacher, she pulled me aside and said "Nathan, you're not a punk, don't try to be one". I read and think, worthy of praise? think about things? This is a lot to chew on. Who am I to judge what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable. Hits me, these attributes are who Jesus is, so the more I focus on Him the more he'll live in me. Easier said than done, from the moment I wake up to the moment I lay down and throughout the night I'm being tested, tried, and challenged (try having a toddler). Those are moments when I need to strive to be courageous, talk to God, ask him to show me what all these attributes are all about. I want to know what God expects of me as a dad and husband. I am who I am, I will mess up, and I do mess up, thats because I thought my thoughts were fixed on God and they slid. God's constantly modifying me for Him on a daily basis even if I don't notice, He is. It takes courage to get back and stay on the right path even if I drifted just a little (or so I thought).

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

1 finger forward, 3 pointing back

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.” Galatians 6:1 NLT

Huh? what did this just say? Easier said than done. I didn't sleep well at all. Everyone else did though. Sip some coffee, good coffee this morning, I read and think. I remember growing up and being told to stay away from "that person over there" because they were in sin, "they have a lot of problems" and only those who went forward for prayer were in sin (except for the missionaries of course). When I hit High School, I couldn't but point the finger and judge. Then of course there's the old saying "when you point one finger forward, remember you have 3 pointing back at you." I think I've lost count of how many times I've been overcome by sin, and felt so alone, although God did provide me a great group of guys to assist me in my battles. During those years, I was determined to only validate people and their issues. I can only picture trying to help someone who has just fallen through the ice, and not fall through myself. I'm reminded of the scene in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf confronts Bilbo Baggins about the ring in his pocket. He was only trying to help him. I can recall many moments in my youth when other guys just didn't understand my struggles and how alone I felt. Back in that time, you didn't talk about your struggles you just dealt with them. I have always found when I am overcome by sin, its usually when God is really using me or when I'm thick into a very important video project. My the temptations come in thick, just consuming my thoughts like crazy, enough to drive me crazy at times. Once the project is near the end, they dwindle away. I find myself so thick in a fuzzy fog that it doesn't occur to me to call for help. I recall moments earlier when, I could feel that still small voice say "call for backup now, not later". I can sense in my brothers when they're fighting something, but I don't mention anything usually. I'm amazed of how hidden the enemy likes me to be. How dishonest, rational, and how thick of a barrier I put up over time. When those humble and godly people come around, I don't get it and don't understand what they're doing, why they're there. The sin didn't just appear and overwhelm me, it came in over time, like clutter that just little by little fills your home. Hits me, sins always going to be here, I'm going to battle it till the day I die, but Christ will give me a way of a escape, Him. He give's me a way each time, do I take it, not always. He'll put people in my life that I need to listen to, to help me get back on the right path, it'll take time, weeks, months, years of consistent dedication because this life isn't easy, with God it's even tougher, and that's why I need Him so much, then why the battle? Because that's how He designed me to grow in Him and strive to be a victorious Godly christian guy. And when I'm through that season and my friends go through their own crap, I'll be right there for them just as they were for me.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Google and God

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” James 1:5 NLT

This one is kind of obvious, if you need something ask for it. Then why do I not get it? These days we're always hoping for a sleepful night, we're never sure. I am tired this morning, we had a nice date night last night, yet they can be better. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I was always afraid of asking questions in school. My attention span was about 7 min. Each year I was determined not to lose attention, but it never happened. I just wasn't interested in what they were teaching. I was diagnosed 5 years after I graduated from High School with a very high case of ADD non hyperactive (meaning: I could sit still for hours and not move but my mind was all over the place, thinking, thinking, thinking). Sure enough my parents needed wisdom for me. They thought it was my hearing? they put me into a clinic my junior year to test my hearing, I had to read books and really annunciate, (i didn't care, I read them normally, this made me more angry at them and rebel). I was a wandering teen. I felt so misunderstood, I couldn't even get to my point in conversations. Is this blog even making a point. I haven't even mentioned wisdom yet. Yet I've always wanted to be the guy who had the wisdom. I turned out to be the guy than needs it and is not giving, yet when I've learned I want to give it only to be told, let me learn the hardway. I've made dumb decisions and smart ones. I read and think, how many times have I thought I could do things on my own when I should have asked people for advice. Why am I afraid to ask God about things that are scary? is it because I think I shouldn't be scared but have faith, I should be happy all the time, because I should rejoice in my trials. Well I'm tired of all that. I think a lot about things. I get accused of thinking too much, yet if I don't consider everything, I may miss something. Hits me, how do I know when I need wisdom? Isn't that what google is for? I'm going to search my brain and research online to find my answers for my life's questions and be led in all kinds of different directions, when the answer isn't google, it's God. The government will never own God, they need to trust Him. God lets me think and wonder, and knows me by name and will put people in my life for the wisdom I need in the moment I need it. Even if I think it's stupid, he knows my language, and he'll hint to me, and hint to me what it is I should do even if I have I think don't need help, I do and He will never insult me for asking.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

My gig bag

“Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.” Galatians 6:7-8 NLT

This one is interesting, not sure what to think about. Today I have to work out. Working out for me isn't the gym, is just 4 sets of 20 pushups and leg lifts is all. I read and think, all my life I watched my peers, how they dressed, acted, bought, ate, drank, lived, and watched movies. Should I wear a jacket, he's wearing a jacket, should I get a coke or a water, should I wear pants, should I carry my camera or keep it in its case? In my field of work, there's common sense, yet what is it? Define common sense. Whenever you're operating an event, there a lots of rules (common sense) to follow prior to kick off. 1. make sure your sop is done, bio brake (use the bathroom because you can't leave your spot until the show is over). If its an early morning call, get to bed, no drinking the night before.  Eat before you op and take a bio brake.  Think for yourself, make things work for you. I have a gig bag, its weighs about 38 lbs. I have all kinds of stuff (junk I think at times) in it. Every guy ask me what's in there? gum, computer, dvd player, movies, tools, protein bars, glass cleaner, shoe polish, ties, medicine, etc. Hits me, I can't care what people think about me with this huge bag pack, it allows me to get my work done. It feels like a burden but in the long run, I reap the rewards of a job done well. My walk with God is no different, I can carry junk in my life from place to place and have people wonder about me and the odor I leave with this heavy burden on my back, or live by the spirit and his guidance choosing my words and actions as best as I can. Or I can carry in my bag those tools and supplies needed to bless those around me and leave the place. My gig bag is my life support in a way, guys ask if I have certain tools at times to prevent them from making a special trip. I get misled by jerks out there, yet I do what I feel I need to do.  This life is hard, my gig bag is heavy, but I have to keep striving and carrying that thing regardless of what people say, and there are moments when I have to clean it out, refresh it, not look back but forward to see what needs to be trashed, replaced, what I'm still holding on too, what God wants to renew in me to be more like Him and harvest that everlasting life. Sure I can copy what everyone else does, starve through an op, drink lots of coffee because I was stupid that night before the op, but then I'll feel miserable. Forget everyone else, who am I living for? What am I living for? I need to take care of myself, not go with the flow, but strive to follow the spirits leading even if it feels weird, awkward, and tough at times.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Do to others as I think they deserve

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12 NLT

I honestly never believed this was a verse when I was growing up, it seemed like such a common sense phrase that someone had made up. Well here it is. Mommy's not feeling better yet, meds are done, but she still feels like crap, back to the doctor. She's been sick since the beginning December. I slept ok last night, but coffee is needed this morning. Sip some coffee, I read and think, this goes along with the sticks and stones phrase. To me it just doesn't work at times. I'm a nice guy and I still gets screwed over by people. I will say that when I've been nice and easy going with sales people at the store, it has paid off. Rude and mean people just make me miserable, yet I've done that before too. I've had people tell me, why are u so mean? I'll say to them, I learned everything from you. I'm reminded of John Rambo, all he was doing was wondering into a small town, and the sheriff didn't like how he looked and wanted him gone. John did nothing, and then the sheriff pushed him too far, triggering moments of his past, causing him to be violent, and they all regretted it. I've always been interested in what people do for a living, what their hobbies are. Everyone's unique. I used a phrase in youth group "tell me something about yourself, that you think I could care less about". I was amazed of what the kids would say. Growing up I was always in the class with the outcasts (the kids that knew there was more to life than school), I didn't feel like one but I could tell they all did. We were all friends, it was the jocks that messed with us. This is a challenging verse, because I have to do things and expect nothing in return, yet when it's done to me, I want return the favor. It's like a love language, when someone makes me feel loved, I want to make them feel loved. It's weird, when someones a jerk, I want to return the favor. I read and think, I'm not buddhist, so I don't believe in Karma. Why do bad things happen to good people? Hits me, I keep on reading this as, Do to other's whatever they deserve. It's tough when people are jerks, I'm amazed of how I can copy them and be a jerk to someone else. This sounds so simple, but so complicated at the same time. I have to believe that God is a just God regardless of how a situation appears and how I feel at the time. I need to strive to apply this (usually happens after the fact). I have to remember that God came to show me a new life in Him and not that I'm going to die one day. That's how I need to treat others, as He looks at me and not how they do.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

That's the cup of a carpenter - Indiana Jones

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT

Oh yes, the temptation verse. This hits close to home, but doesn't it to everyone? I'm not too bad this morning but I will still have my coffee. I read and think, God does show me a way out of temptation. For us guys, its visual usually. But there are many time's when its totally not at all. It's my ego and wanting to prove that I'm right or show how good I am. At work its very tempting to think I'm the man when I'm on camera, and then i totally screw up when the guy gets out of frame. Or this competitive thing I used to get into at church, with the guys "who knows more". I don't know why, all the sudden you're dealing with your christian brothers and I couldn't accept that they knew more than me about audio, we'd fight and argue and meanwhile the worship leader is trying to rehearse. It's like these two battles, good and evil vs. dumb and dumber. I was so passionate about knowing stuff, but the vibe I sent was read wrong, again.  I just couldn't accept that these guys had studied and understood things I had yet to learn. Now over 20 years later, I mentor younger guys in audio visual and really push to validate them. I think of George Bailey in its a wonderful life, being tempted by Mr. Potter to partner with him. He offered all kinds of things, and George almost fell for it, but didn't. I can't count the many morons who have tried to get me into get rich quick schemes, I might be nice but I'm not stupid. I'm amazed of what temptation does to me, it's like I have an open window to get out. I'm reminded of the Holy Grail scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when the knight says "but choose wisely, for the holy grail will give you life, and the false one will take it from you." I'm amazed that Indiana didn't worry, He took his instinct didn't panic even though his dad was dying, He used his training and years of experience in archaeology and found what would have been in that bag "that's the cup of a carpenter". I recall many times that he has showed me a way out and I took it, then I recall the many times i didn't. Temptation has destroyed lives, yet without it I wouldn't be who I am today. I often have wished that the enemy was off a bit, that how he tempted me just wasn't correct. It's made me think of the consequences. I can't but think of Lord of the Rings, and all the temptation for power in the ring. That stupid ring, so many men craved it, would kill for it. It took a fellowship of men to get rid of it, and risk there lives to free so many others. I'm amazed of this, of God's desire for me to draw closer to Him, He won't give up. He giving opportunities every day, every minute of every day for the enemy to tempt me to draw me closer to Him (how contrasting, using the enemy to draw me to Him). Ya, lets use the competition to get more money in, Huh? He uses the one thing I hate as an opportunity to get close to Him. Then He does it again, and again, and again. Enough already! In those moments He wants me to do things I don't like to do. Like, ask for help from my friends, confess, admit if I don't know something, humble myself. Seems so simple, yet it takes me hours or days, weeks, years. God never designed me to be in this battle myself, although the enemy likes to make me think I am. Hits me, God is faithful (even though it doesn't seem like it at times) He is. He always shows me a way of escape and a lot of times I don't take it because I don't trust its right or will work. Those times when I do, I feel victorious and can think straight and say in my own way "thats the cup of a carpenter" instead of "wow, look at all those cups". That way I can get new life instead of have it taken from me.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Moment of Truth

“Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless.” Philippians 2:14-16 NLT

I kind of laugh at this one a little bit. It seems like Paul is saying, don't make me look bad. Then when I read around these verses a lot of things come to mind. I slept better last night, since my sister and family left my parents with an empty next, I thought my mom and dad would enjoy babysitting Shayne to give us a date night. Sip some coffee,  I read and think. I remember my teacher in 2nd grade breaking down and crying and through her tears she said "you just don't care". I'm reminded of Hoosiers when Gene Hackman yelled at the guys saying "all the practice, well I want to see that on the court". All the studying should pay off on the test. Whenever we do a show at work, the lighting is always the most interesting thing going up, we place the lekos, pars, splits, gels, dmx, xlr, optisplitters, 250s, 700s, in certain spots throughout the truss or the roofs, grounds, etc. If we have an outdoor event we're setting up during the day. Every time I do it, I'm always thinking "what a pain" so much work, but wait till we're wired up and tested, the sun goes down and everyone who was watching all this in broad daylight, now see's illumination and has a wow experience. When I look at it at night as we finally can start focusing, it's like, it was worth the 8 hours it took to set up. I read and think, I'm not a big complainer, I wasn't raised to complain but be greatful. However I do begin to complain when things get stupid. I have a very long fuse, and it does get lit at times. Then of course there are the people that get mad at me when I start complaining with a valid complaint. I find myself as crooked and perverse as they are, what can I say, I'm human. But deep down inside I know better, I strive to hold on to that word of life, and when I don't, I feel like an idiot, I get depressed, upset at myself, how did I slide like that. Yet I'm still a bright light without knowing it, I don't see what the other's see. I always get real insecure before one of my videos shows, hoping that people will like it, the message will work, and everything plays right. I work very hard on them and am a perfectionist, and want them to work. It's the same when I'm on camera, I'm always a little nervous about being to jerky. Usually I'm fine but those nerves always help me to cover every element of my mental S.O.P. (Standard Operating Procedure) as to be prepared during show for anything. Hits me, when we're in show, every single person on the team has their "moment of truth", which is the moment when all eyes and ears are on you and it will be known if you have your crap together or not. People will say nothing if you're fine and oh you'll hear about it if you're not. I'll never be on Imag (Image Magnification) during rehearsal and briefly for white balance and color correction for skin tones. It takes me 15 minutes to set my camera up with a 40 optical long throw lense. I usually get 5 hours to balance and tweak it out (takes me 5 minutes). When it comes to my moment on the screen, I better be ready (I had 5 hours) and no mistakes. When my moment of truth in this christian life comes around, am I ready? was I prepared? sometimes yes, and sometimes no. I may not be on stage at work, but I am on stage in this life, as long as I strive to firmly hold on to this word of life, I'll sense my moment, and be able to be true to His word, as long as I try.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Religion vs. Relationship

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.” Galatians 5:16 NLT

Let the force flow through you, is honestly the first thing that comes to my mind. My sister Sarah and her family are leaving this morning back home to Croatia. We said our goodbyes last night at mom and dads. I slept ok again, not the best. Shayne brought mommy her glasses in two pieces yesterday so we'll be visiting the eye doctor today (the force is strong with this one, lol). Sip some coffee, I read and think. The major difference between "the force" and "the holy spirit" is that the force was an it, and the Holy Spirit is God. You could learn and control the force and the spirit you can't control, he does as he pleases and I need to obey Him.  I'm reminded of the scene from star wars a new hope, when the counsel is meeting and discussing the deathstar.

Darth Vader: Don't be to proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the potential of the Force.

Admiral Motti: Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerous ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient Jedi religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you enough clairvoyance to find the rebels' hidden fortress... [Vader makes a pinching motion and Motti starts choking]

Darth Vader : I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Governor Tarkin: Enough of this! Vader, release him!

Darth Vader: As you wish.

I read and think, I'm amazed how many people think I'm religious, I'm not. Jesus came to erase that religious stuff and introduce us to a relationship with Him. Admiral Motti thought the same thing. If I were to treat my relationship as a religion I would be scared to death because I would never get it right. I couldn't read the bible on my own, it would have to be at church, I couldn't vent to God about things because I would think I always need to be happy. I would always try to do good because I would think that's all that counts to get to heaven and want good karma. But yet what I define as good is different that someone else's, so I would still be going to hell. I would have to dress nice and hope the manufacturers who made the clothes I'm wearing aren't into abortion or other bad things, because I would be supporting them. I'd feel bad for the all the men who can't grow beards because they would be doomed. oh crap, I farted, but that was good coffee, how do I measure that? I'm really no different than any other sinner accept that I accepted and believed the message of Christ that He wants a relationship with me and wants to erase this religion that was established. Ya I still sin, but I can get help with it, I can't make it to church, I work on Sunday's, I walk the halls of the hotel with God in my heart. Even when I'm not close to Him like I remember I hear His spirit tell me things (which I usually don't want to do). Hits me, the death star was larger than any planet, yet Darth Vader knew the power of the force could destroy it and do anything. I'm amazed of what lack of faith I have at times in the biggest things. Oh God doesn't care about this cold I have, its seasonal, He only cares about my relationship with Him, yet its my sinful nature coming out. He cares enough that he provides food for the birds, and enough to give me interest in a career that I can hold a job during a rough economy, yet we had a terrible year financially a few years back, when we cussed and yelled at Him to help us out. He knows my language when no one else gets me. That can't be religion. They built the death star with a heart in the center that Luke could destroy, and Darth Vader choked Admiral Motti to prove his point. It's not a good conscience that does it, it's me obeying His guidance in my life especially when I don't want to, because whatever Death Star I have built up in my life that I thought was the answer can so easily be destroyed by obeying Him, and what's even more crazy is how He had that planned the whole time.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Forrest, Have you found Jesus? Didn't know I was looking for him, sir - Forrest Gump

Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”” John 8:31-32 NLT

faithful to my teachings, huh. I need that kind of help, not my teachings, but his teachings? When's this all going to be over with? I slept ok last night. The hours of work this last week got the better of me yesterday and I just couldn't think, watch tv, read or anything, the brain was gone. Mommy was doing great! It still took both us to get my distracted daughter to bed between 7 and 10. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the line from Forrest Gump when Lieutenant Dan said "Forrest have you found Jesus?" and Forrest replied "didn't know I was looking for him sir". It's not about remaining faithful, its about believing in him. I got this backwards. Oh I can be faithful real quick to someone. I can stand right by their side and be a great help to them (usually because I'm being paid and I don't want to get in trouble for not doing as they say). "I didn't know I was looking for him, sir". How many times have I found things in the condo that I was looking for but not at the time. For a while I had lost my cel phone holster, I knew it was there but since we were still unpacking I couldn't find it. I had given up on finding it but not enough to purchase another. Yet one day I was going through more things and there it was. Jesus began his ministry when the people weren't looking for him but were, and they believed. I read and think, it's amazing when you're fed lies mostly all your life, you don't know who to trust. I remember how many people I would trust in grade school and they just wanted to see how far I could go until I figured out they were lieing. Then at work these days, I find I can't trust anyone at times even there (we are fixing that). I'm amazed of how I when I find out the truth, I'm all ears. Who isn't? When I'm honest and truthful with someone about myself, I feel free afterwards although it felt awkward in the moment. It's like affirmation, I feel awkward affirming someone but feel great when I'm being affirmed. Hits me, sure I believe in Him, and i strive to remain faithful to His word, and in those moments when I experience His truth and feel its freedom, its then I discover I had no idea I was looking for it, and then realize He was waiting for me the whole time.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Love God, Judge others

“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters.” 1 John 4:20-21 NLT

A liar? wow that's kind of harsh. This one is really weird. I just finished a week long show at work and am pretty tired. I slept ok, not the best but better. It's been nice to be able to be at home at night this week with the family. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I find myself truly coming out when I'm writing, I also find my true self come out in my videos. I find a different side of me in a crowd of people though. Yet I can't just be one person, yet I am. I'm reminded of a John Candy in Planes, Trains, and automobiles "Like your job, Love your wife". or Tom Hanks in You've got Mail "it's not personal, it's business". Being burned by the church isn't fun. Some people at my church have thought, I have been burned, I don't think so. I grew up being taught to judge and not love. Those who taught me these things, didn't know what they were doing it.  It was all hidden. I was raised to "love God" but to judge my brothers and sisters, only if it was health related did I show love.  We were raised to pity each other and those who "didn't have much". To jump around the crowd and make sure everyone was happy, then I was covered. Over the Holidays I was at a family gathering, at the end of the day, two people showed up that I had never met, so I stepped into entertainment gear by habit and my wife later told me she had no Idea what I was doing, either did I. I just couldn't stand silence. She assured me it was ok to just relax and be myself and not feel the need to entertain someone as to assume they don't feel welcome. I read and think, hate is a big word, "get a long" is a different phrase. Being a christian as long as I have, has caused to me to meet all kinds of different people, some of who'm I connect with immediately and some who'm I don't. I'm amazed of how quickly I am to put them into the categories I was raised in "weird, heavy set, unemployed, don't have much, drinks, smarter than me, lives in the avenues, parents both work, only have one car, takes the bus, divorced, not very smart, not good with money, has a degree, talks too much, smells, dresses out of style, dresses in style, live's in an apartment, doesn't come to church much, etc" I'm so extreme, I can say that I've hated people growing up, and didn't give any thought to loving them. There was a youth group picture taken of us in the 90's, half the kids were happy and half were upset in it. Ironically those who were upset attended regularly and those who were happy didn't. Do I really love God, what is loving God? knowing I'm supposed to, because I believe He died for my sins? I remember at Bible School in 95-96 it took me 7 weeks of thoroughly studying the bible to fall in the love with God and then I saw my brother and sisters in a completely different way, I saw them through His eyes. Hits me, I'm the weirdest guy I've ever met, I can't count the number of times my parents would drag me away from a crowd of people in my youth to tell me pretty much I was embarrassing them and myself (that didn't stop me, I jumped back in, lol). When I have a video on my mind to produce, I'm thinking of the message it's going to send and how i can send it. I think of the shots, the moods, the music, I get the chills, I find myself speeding on the road envisioning it, I laugh, I cry, I'm an artist when can I say, I'm passionate. Sip some coffee, God laid people on my mind this week to pray for (not from church), that I did not want to pray for, I wanted to resent them and be bitter, but I finally gave in and did it. I'm amazed of how much I battle that. I left the church I was raised in over 10 years ago. I was determined to never judge someone again but love on them even when it hurt. I see now that the closer I draw to God, the more love He gives me for my brothers and sisters even when I've hurt them or them me. Life is short, but God's love isn't, because He is love and He last's forever. Now if  I can just live by that and believe that all the time.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Lawnmower man

“For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:26-28 NLT

I have a lot of thoughts about this one, but really am not sure what its about. I'm tired this morning, again. I slept good last night, I've been in show all week behind camera. I'm very thankful I've kept my job through this recession. Susan's starting to fill better, so we're all very happy this infection going away. I have a new cheapie coffee maker now. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I seriously can only think of getting a yet another new boss who tells you, "ok this is how it's going to be" more changes. Sometimes changes are really good. Some times the crew will think "uh, for maybe a few weeks". I like my life the way it is at times, I just got a path figured out for myself, that works for me, I'm growing in God and now He's going to tell me, things need to change in me? My identity is changing, I'm one in Him? Whats crazy is when the new boss come's in and things do get better. This life is tough, I was telling a story to Shayne last night about how when I was probably 15, our family decided to go up to Oak Creek for the day. I didn't really feel like going. I just didn't want to go, I wanted to chill at home. Oak Creek was cool but I just didn't feel like it. So my dad told me, if you stay home, you need to mow the lawn. I said sure, I'd mowed it hundreds of times, not a big deal. As soon as they left, I ate breakfast, watched some tv and hit the lawn, and I took my time. We had a little less than an acre of land, so it took me 4 hours. I took my time though, no rushing, I just enjoyed myself. When everyone got home, they came in with surprised looks on there faces. My sister Heather was "we did not think you were going to do it, but it looks really good". I told her "I just didn't feel like going to up to Oak Creek". In Steven King's Lawnmower man, this Jobe Smith is told that he can be made smarter through the way of computers and gaming, but it turns out it that it did him more harm than good as is cliche in most movies like that. I wanted my independence, I felt that if I didn't want to go, I shouldn't have to. Hits me, God's speaks to me in my own language, it's different than everyone elses. The clothes He has for me to wear are different than everyone else's. I can't compare myself to anyone, and I'm not supposed to.  He wants me to focus on His life in me, not on my life on earth. Whether I follow along with where everyone else is going or not, He's still with me. I can be focused so much on my life standards and making sure I follow rules, etc. But am I being myself and and striving to listening to His guidance, or am I stressing about how I was raised to believe and getting confused and lost (sometimes I feel people look at me as Lawnmower man). When I was mowing the lawn, I didn't feel sad about not being with my family, it was my time alone with God, with the sound of the engine, you're kind of in your own isolated mind of thoughts as you go row by row. My dad raised me with a really good work ethic, all of us kids knew how to get the job done. I was 15 at the time and was already in shape. What was really important was that, I really wanted to be who I was and no what anyone else wanted. That's where Christ wants me, to be me, and He'll reveal to me who I am in Him. It might just while mowing the lawn.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

God vs. Video

“Do what is good and run from evil so that you may live! Then the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will be your helper, just as you have claimed. Hate evil and love what is good; turn your courts into true halls of justice. Perhaps even yet the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will have mercy on the remnant of his people.” Amos 5:14-15NLT

It's another one of these verses. It just seems like God hasn't stopped working on me ever just like he never stopped with anyone back then. He told how many prophets pretty much the same thing. I'm tired this morning, long night of work again, but nothing like two nights ago. Second cup of coffee, I read and think.  This morning I was thinking again about video production in church, and this verse just hit me about how I've changed yet am in my habitual ways. I recall 10 years ago when I started doing video production at my church and cool and new everything was, good editing software, fun ideas, it was really cool. Now 10 years later, its a different ball park. It's like when email came out, then facebook came out. Everything was fun, now what's next? After reading verses like this from so many different prophets, I'm thinking, God must be irritated with his people. He tells us what to do, but we get it backwards and upside down. What is evil, and what is good? My good at work at times is much different than another workers good. I read these scriptures everyday and don't even realize God doesn't change and is an example to follow, yet He changes me. I'm in a visually changing media world and there are a ton of things competing for my attention on a daily basis. These competing things could be looked at as distractions from God, tools that God is wanting to use to communicate Him? I can't but see opportunity through these so called distractions, just as a business owner see's potential in a competitor. This world is changing, God doesn't change yet as I pursue Him, he's changing me. The bible seems old fashioned, stuck in its ways, but I have to remember that God isn't. Sure He has His laws for me to strive to obey. Yet he is not confused like I am with life. He's way ahead of me in everything. If I get blindsided by who knows what, He doesn't, He planned it, to draw me closer to Him. Sure when a church goes video, its competitive these days (with television), and God's still in it, just as he's in everything I do. I can't control God's hand, he wants to control mine. He's got my life laid out regardless of how off centered I get. It's crazy when I have a brain fart and I can't think, and wonder why I am the way I am, that's just when God is saying, now let me show you who I am. It's not God vs. Video Production, it's Video production through God's eyes. It can add to a congregation just as anything else can, or distract, it's a tool and an art, to communicate a visual message to these multiple generations of people who love the same God. No I can't flip the channel while its being shown, and I don't have to watch it online, I can say "oh another video". That's exactly why God wants to change me, to see Him regardless how I feel, just like His word. God is alive and ahead of me, this video stuff is nothing for Him, He knows exactly what He is doing, who he wants to reach and the language they speak.  He knows what's ahead and what's needed, I just need to strive to follow His lead regardless of how mad, confused and frustrated, and out of place I feel.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Blu-ray vs. VHS

"So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world.” 1 Peter 1:13 NLT

I just don't get this one, I had to read almost the whole chapter to figure out what this was. We had a nice time with my sister and her family last night. I slept ok but not the best, sip some coffee, I read and think. I really have to figure this one out. Think clearly and self control? For some reason, I think of High Definition and cooking with Pam. Why i don't know. But I will say, I'm always trying to figure out in lei-mans terms how to explain Jesus Christ to someone who doesn't know Him. I'm always trying to figure out how to explain High Definition to people who don't understand what it is. Then I think about it, I have to explain to myself who Jesus is.  How many times have I battle clarity of mind with self control? Usually it's self control that gives me a clear mind. Self control is huge, regardless of what it is. I'm reminded of the quote from Indiana Jones and the last Crusade when Donovan says "the healing power of the grail is the only thing that can save your dad now, it's time to ask yourself, what you believe". Then I'm reminded of a conversation I had last night at my parents house with my nieces and nephews. I told them I had Star Wars on blu-ray and I would bring it over for them. My nephew asked me "what's the difference between these vhs's that grandma and grandpa have". I couldn't explain it, because they had to see it.  Whats the difference between making pancakes with no pam or butter vs with pam or butter? Stick or no stick? Is this life worth waiting for Christ to return or should I just give up? I gave up before because I was tired of self control and clarity of mind and the work it involved. All the battling I had. Yet i felt more alone, empty, and without hope inside when I gave up on God. I'm always thinking of ways to explain complicated things, then I find I make them more complicated. I read and think, blu-ray needs its own player, sure the discs will fit into any player but they won't play. Ya, I have to upgrade all the my gear to watch this nice picture, to watch a favorite movie in HD. I don't want an HD tv, my old piece of crap works just fine. I can wait or can I? Can I exercise self control in the areas I battle and pray to think clearly and just look forward to when Christ is makes his return? Hits me, no matter how challenging self control can be and have a clear mind can be, God's with me in all of it. I can own as many blu-ray discs as I want and not have any of the right gear to see the clarity, until I give in and get that HD tv and only then will I see what was waiting for me the whole time.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die - Princess Bride

“Wash yourselves and be clean! Get your sins out of my sight. Give up your evil ways. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.” Isaiah 1:16-17 NLT

Is Isaiah running for office? Thats the first thing I think of. I am about in busy season, today is my only day off until next weekend or so. Its great because I need the hours. Sucks because I'll be away from the family and sleep for a while. We all slept well last night, sip some coffee, I read think. What exactly is going on this one? As I read back a few verses, apparently Isaiah is sharing a vision that God gave him. Dang what a vision. I've never had something like this before. I read and think, I'm reminded of the Princess Bride and Inigo Montoya when after Wesley was supposedly "mostly dead", Inigo just collapsed, but was rescued by Fezzik and he nurses him back to health. Inigo's mission in life was to avenge his father's death, to pursue and kill the 6 fingered man. What passion that is. It makes sense, if someone killed my dad, I'd probably be after them too. Dedicate my whole life for that? probably not, but I would like to find out and want justice. Then Westley told him "you've dedicated your life to sword play". How many times have I wished harm on people for hurting me? Many times. When I suffered rejection in my youth, I wanted to kick so many butts it was crazy, the thoughts I'd have. Yet my dad would tell me to pray for them, which I did. It helped a little, but the fire inside me still grew. I wanted justice, I felt like Ralphie in a Christmas story at times, but never did what he did. I read and think, sometimes I literally do need to take a shower and wash myself clean because I'm so angry and frustrated, go cold turkey in my evil ways, choose to do good and keep practicing it and learn how to do it. This life is a process, its a bunch opportunities to be who God wants me to be, it's not easy. I've hurt people before because I wanted to, and I believed, they deserved it. I was mad and took off my naive mask that so many thought was me, and just turned around burned them. Inigo had reason to pursue the six fingered man, yet he was such a nice guy, he had a good heart, yet he had a flame and anger within. Hits me, I don't realize how dirty I am, how the particles of my past affect my decisions today. Sure they've given me a thicker skin, but I see pain through that. Am I living my life in pursuit of justice and avenging myself or someone else? Will my past issues have me in Inigo's spot and have Fizzik find me and nurse back to health? That's how I feel at times (just drained). These people needed Isaiah to nurse them back to health, I need my friends to get me back into focus on what's really important and not let my past point me in the wrong directions. But remind me that I can be clean and learn to do good even if I don't agree. And when I have experienced that freedom, the good that came from it, the visions and dreams I'd have, it's like my clogged mind was cleared so only He could live there (of course until I'd screwed up again that is).

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I'm a christian, but I sure don't act like one at times

“No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8 NLT

oh yes, the Micah 6:8 verse. Oh the memories of singspiration at camp, singing this song. It was called Micah 6:8, yet I couldn't tell what scripture it was until it began. Slept better last night, we are making changes this year, but hopefully they'll stick, right? Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times, was I not listening or was listening but did not agree with what was right in areas of my life? This mainly brings me back to High School, no actually school in general. Teachers did not know back in the day that a child will lose trust via rejection from their peers. I developed "i don't care" skills later on in my life. Whenever someone was giving us instructions, I didn't care where they were at, in the instructions, I started asking questions that came to mind. They would then ask "what are you talking about?" Then I'd get upset and insult them for not thinking as ahead or differently as I apparently was thinking. This type of reaction didn't help me but more concerned them of how with the program I was, then they'd learn by watching me, that I was fine. Now a days, I get the reaction "you really make things complicated". What can I say, I'm a deep thinker, they're not complicated to me, I'm actually a really simple person. I read and think, to do what is right? love mercy? and walk humbly with God? Easier said than done. I know what's right, I can show mercy (to certain people who I think deserve it and who I like), I walk humbly with my God (in the truck, at home, at church, when I'm alone, at work). And then there are the moments when I don't do any of that. I do what is wrong, forget mercy, and why am I a christian to begin with? I don't act like one. Why does it feel so great when I do something right, but so awkward in the moment? How many times have I battled people to do what was right? How many times have they battled me to love mercy, and how many times has God battled with me to be humble? Hits me, regardless of how I think, act or feel, God's word stays as it is. He doesn't look at my complaints and say "hmm, maybe I should modify this for Nathan's needs". He says, seek Me and I will show you what is right, how you are to have mercy, and what humility is through My eyes. It doesn't matter how many people like my status's on fb or read my blogs, how many friends I have, what I do for a living, how much I know, this life is about God and what He says is good and that's all that matters. All i need to do is trust that and believe it, despite how I feel about it.

Monday, January 2, 2012

My dirty truck

“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” Psalm 90:12 NLT

Well its 2012 and what would you know, I'm tired. Lets start this year out being tired? I'm not sure what to think of this one. Life is short? get wisdom? It reminds me of different bumper stickers around town. I had coffee already, and now trying to get back into shape. I read and think. How many movies have they made about this subject. Life is short, count your blessings, be positive, learn from your mistakes. I think of Click, It's a wonderful life, the game. There are so many movies about how even when you're an executive of a company, you can still be lonely. I'm reminded of my dirty truck, my truck is really dirty.  I usually clean it once a year. I've been trying to figure out a good routine to keep it clean consistently, but nothing ever works. I'm too zoned on what I'm doing and then junk just piles up. That 30 seconds it takes to clean a little bit out, I think it takes hours. I read and think, I'm reminded of the health of my marriage. A close friend of mine and I were talking about our marriages the other day and how tough it is to keep them healthy, and it hit me. Life is short, I need help, I need wisdom and understanding. Sure I can drive my truck and care less about it and it'll run, and I can be married and just live with my wife and expect her to live with me so we're married, but if I don't consistently take care of my marriage on a daily basis, my junk will pile up and there will only be enough room for the driver and no other passengers. Hits me, I need God's help to help me see the shortness of this life and that I need wisdom, and he show's me the help from others the I need, etc. Just as I begin each time I get out of the truck to take something to the trash, I need to each day seek Him, and take care of my marriage of my walk, keep things ready, be alert, care for my wife and child. It's not easy I make mistakes, I forget, I screw up. Life is short, gone are the days of just driving my truck, let me begin 2012 with consistent cleaning plan of my life rediscovering Him and what I get to learn each time I park that dirty old thing, and through Him and I'll get it cleaned up and the truck will be as good as new (except for the body damage from the accident last year of course).