Saturday, January 14, 2012

Love God, Judge others

“If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters.” 1 John 4:20-21 NLT

A liar? wow that's kind of harsh. This one is really weird. I just finished a week long show at work and am pretty tired. I slept ok, not the best but better. It's been nice to be able to be at home at night this week with the family. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I find myself truly coming out when I'm writing, I also find my true self come out in my videos. I find a different side of me in a crowd of people though. Yet I can't just be one person, yet I am. I'm reminded of a John Candy in Planes, Trains, and automobiles "Like your job, Love your wife". or Tom Hanks in You've got Mail "it's not personal, it's business". Being burned by the church isn't fun. Some people at my church have thought, I have been burned, I don't think so. I grew up being taught to judge and not love. Those who taught me these things, didn't know what they were doing it.  It was all hidden. I was raised to "love God" but to judge my brothers and sisters, only if it was health related did I show love.  We were raised to pity each other and those who "didn't have much". To jump around the crowd and make sure everyone was happy, then I was covered. Over the Holidays I was at a family gathering, at the end of the day, two people showed up that I had never met, so I stepped into entertainment gear by habit and my wife later told me she had no Idea what I was doing, either did I. I just couldn't stand silence. She assured me it was ok to just relax and be myself and not feel the need to entertain someone as to assume they don't feel welcome. I read and think, hate is a big word, "get a long" is a different phrase. Being a christian as long as I have, has caused to me to meet all kinds of different people, some of who'm I connect with immediately and some who'm I don't. I'm amazed of how quickly I am to put them into the categories I was raised in "weird, heavy set, unemployed, don't have much, drinks, smarter than me, lives in the avenues, parents both work, only have one car, takes the bus, divorced, not very smart, not good with money, has a degree, talks too much, smells, dresses out of style, dresses in style, live's in an apartment, doesn't come to church much, etc" I'm so extreme, I can say that I've hated people growing up, and didn't give any thought to loving them. There was a youth group picture taken of us in the 90's, half the kids were happy and half were upset in it. Ironically those who were upset attended regularly and those who were happy didn't. Do I really love God, what is loving God? knowing I'm supposed to, because I believe He died for my sins? I remember at Bible School in 95-96 it took me 7 weeks of thoroughly studying the bible to fall in the love with God and then I saw my brother and sisters in a completely different way, I saw them through His eyes. Hits me, I'm the weirdest guy I've ever met, I can't count the number of times my parents would drag me away from a crowd of people in my youth to tell me pretty much I was embarrassing them and myself (that didn't stop me, I jumped back in, lol). When I have a video on my mind to produce, I'm thinking of the message it's going to send and how i can send it. I think of the shots, the moods, the music, I get the chills, I find myself speeding on the road envisioning it, I laugh, I cry, I'm an artist when can I say, I'm passionate. Sip some coffee, God laid people on my mind this week to pray for (not from church), that I did not want to pray for, I wanted to resent them and be bitter, but I finally gave in and did it. I'm amazed of how much I battle that. I left the church I was raised in over 10 years ago. I was determined to never judge someone again but love on them even when it hurt. I see now that the closer I draw to God, the more love He gives me for my brothers and sisters even when I've hurt them or them me. Life is short, but God's love isn't, because He is love and He last's forever. Now if  I can just live by that and believe that all the time.

No comments:

Post a Comment