I'm a christian, but I sure don't act like one at times

“No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8 NLT

oh yes, the Micah 6:8 verse. Oh the memories of singspiration at camp, singing this song. It was called Micah 6:8, yet I couldn't tell what scripture it was until it began. Slept better last night, we are making changes this year, but hopefully they'll stick, right? Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times, was I not listening or was listening but did not agree with what was right in areas of my life? This mainly brings me back to High School, no actually school in general. Teachers did not know back in the day that a child will lose trust via rejection from their peers. I developed "i don't care" skills later on in my life. Whenever someone was giving us instructions, I didn't care where they were at, in the instructions, I started asking questions that came to mind. They would then ask "what are you talking about?" Then I'd get upset and insult them for not thinking as ahead or differently as I apparently was thinking. This type of reaction didn't help me but more concerned them of how with the program I was, then they'd learn by watching me, that I was fine. Now a days, I get the reaction "you really make things complicated". What can I say, I'm a deep thinker, they're not complicated to me, I'm actually a really simple person. I read and think, to do what is right? love mercy? and walk humbly with God? Easier said than done. I know what's right, I can show mercy (to certain people who I think deserve it and who I like), I walk humbly with my God (in the truck, at home, at church, when I'm alone, at work). And then there are the moments when I don't do any of that. I do what is wrong, forget mercy, and why am I a christian to begin with? I don't act like one. Why does it feel so great when I do something right, but so awkward in the moment? How many times have I battled people to do what was right? How many times have they battled me to love mercy, and how many times has God battled with me to be humble? Hits me, regardless of how I think, act or feel, God's word stays as it is. He doesn't look at my complaints and say "hmm, maybe I should modify this for Nathan's needs". He says, seek Me and I will show you what is right, how you are to have mercy, and what humility is through My eyes. It doesn't matter how many people like my status's on fb or read my blogs, how many friends I have, what I do for a living, how much I know, this life is about God and what He says is good and that's all that matters. All i need to do is trust that and believe it, despite how I feel about it.