Friday, March 30, 2012

Can't we all just get along? - Rodney King

“He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!” Isaiah 53:3-4 NLT

I don't think I've ever understood or could relate with this one. Though the ending makes me think a little. Slept good last night. For some reason I have toddler radio songs in my head. I must have a toddler. Susan is making a great recovery from her wisdom teeth and both her and Shayne will be able to attend Jessica's wedding tomorrow. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Why do I fear so much at times? I wouldn't have rejected God if I didn't fear the unknown. I prep so much, so I can fear less, then I find myself still nervous. It's that one person in my life that just intimidates me and I can't wait to end the conversation. Why can't we all just get along? Rodney King comes to mind. I'm reminded of the movie Freedom Writers with Hillary Swank. She's a teacher that gets a job in a bad part of L.A. where no one gets along, but she see's the kids differenlty and encourages them to write there stories on paper, which gave them freedom. I read scripture and when I mess things up, I wonder if God will punish me. I live in such a fear bases world. I don't believe scripture it seems. How many times do I fear being punished at work. Susan and I talk about it all the time. We feel we'll be fired for different things. Yet what bosses look for to fire someone is far beyond what we would ever think of doing. I also find when I'm editing, I have to tell the people to give me editing time. Time to focus, be alone and think. I'm taking time this morning to look at scripture. I'm really busy in my life right now. Even though I am, I need that nourishment. Hits me, I find that when I'm with a group of people and a question is asked. I find I can't focus, I fear they want a certain answer that I too dumb to figure out. Then when they help us with the answer I find it was so simple. It's like my anxiety just flames up or something. Jesus was despised and we did not care. I am so much in fear of rejection, of failing, that I very rarely am willing to take a risk that i need to take. I keep on applying my own reasoning to obeying His will. Instead of apply myself to His word and seeing my circumstance through His eyes. Rodney King uttered the phrase "Why can't we all just get along" after being beaten by a bunch of officers in California in the 90's. Hillary Swank protrayed Erin Gruwell in Freedom Writers. They both shared experiences of a fear based world, where were all just trying to survive, yet our own fears are keeping us away from doing anything to experience that freedom. Sure I can get along with most everyone, but by giving into my fears of failure, rejection, and impontency, and strive to let Jesus live his life, I'll see everyone and everything through His eyes and live in the freedom He that he wrote about in his word and wants me to live everyday and write about. Then I'll find its Him I need to first be getting along with and everyone I cross paths with, I will strive to see through His eyes just the way He intended.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Imagination is Better than Knowledge - Albert Einstein

“For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity—the man Christ Jesus. He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.” 1 Timothy 2:5-6 NLT

I'm tired this morning. Today Susan gets her wisdom teeth out. We've had to reschedule this 3 times due to illness and inconvenience and now she's finally doing it. Her concern is, why? Only one needs to be pulled, yet they want to take all of them. I had this done back in 95. I've taken the rest of the week off pretty much, and then my cousin Jessica gets married on Saturday!

On to scripture. At first I'm thinking, the right time. JIT. Am I missing something here? I'm almost out of coffee. I read and think. The only time I can recall when things are just as they should be, are during show. When we are all watching the stage and just waiting on that que that we rehearsed. The presenters have no idea at times, that we are watching there every move. I'll have my eyes on that stage ready for the show to begin in case anyone walks up. Someone will walk up and we'll think, they are beginning, only to watch them put water on the podium and walk away. Sigh. Or they tap the mic to make sure its on. Which, its not because we don't unmute it until we start. I'm sorry but we don't just leave mic's on. Then I'm reminded of movies, where certain people are called in to rescue and fix the problem. Space Cowboys, Demolition man, Indiana Jones. But in circumstances like this, we didn't know it was the right time, only God did. I find myself really confused when things happen that I couldn't for see. It's a control thing for me. I usually can some what predict an event happening but sometimes I get baffled. So when things happen that catch me off guard, I'm first to wonder what God has in store. It gets stressful. Especially when I see how so many things need to line up, that in my opinion aren't yet. I'm not quick to be pessimistic but I start thinking about everything and get zoned out. I read and think, I'm drinking from my "imagination is better than knowledge - Albert Einstein" mug. Susan got it for me for christmas or a birthday when we were dating. I find that I under estimate Jesus Christ a lot. I keep on thinking he's one tracked minded. But he's not. It's almost as if I didn't plan for it, or couldn't imagine it, it shouldn't be happening. It's like when I'm working with an engineer who says "that can't work", I'm like you're not trying. It either works or it doesn't. God thinks above and beyond because He is above and beyond. God always comes through in His own way, not the way I expect it. Hits me, I can claim I need to be trained, and sometimes i do, then there are moments when I'm done, I find He used that moment to train me for the next. I thought all my knowledge would help, yet he wanted my imagination to be in His likeness and filled with Him.  I can plan all i want and be as ready I'll ever be, God will honor that. Yet he'll show me in more ways than one, that his Image in my life, His precedence will always be in sync regardless of how I feel or think.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I won't run on Sunday - Chariots of Fire

“My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.” Psalm 62:7 NLT

This is one of those good phrases that If I'm not careful, I'll miss. I've always found with bible that the answer is in front of my face the whole time, and in time I'll see that. It's been a crazy weekend of work and family. I owe Susan another vacation, I spent most of it working on video stuff in the hotel room. Only to discover on Monday that all that work was unnecessary. It's all fixed for now. We'll test things today but I need to make this up to her. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I find myself giving credit to God, but not until I see Him deliver. I find this takes a lot of establishment. I find myself taking God for granted, knowing he provides, knowing he follows through. I had to get to church on Sunday not to attend services but to get a converter box. I walked in, someone nicely greeted me with a buletin, I walked out, came back in a second time, the same person noticed me but only asked if I had a buletin. I felt, where am I? All this person cares about is if I have a buletin? I find myself being alone. David (the guy who wrote this) was always alone. I'm reminded of Monk. Monk is a an investigator who is OCD. He appears to be completely out of it and not make any sense to anything, yet when all the odds are gone. Everyone stands back to watch him do his work. He's weird but he discovers things and notices things that everyone passes up. He can't care because he's not afraid to to be him. Then there's Erik Littel from Chariots of Fire, who did the same thing, he liked to run but took opportunity to share the gospel with his fans. He even stood up for the sabbath when a race landed on it. The papers were screaming with headlines about it. Such a little thing but, but so respected. His competitor just didn't understand what drove him to win these races. Not working on Sunday or doing anything on Sunday is something I've had to bypass since I got into retail. The world still respects this day, all the sunday ads come out on Sunday, everything is new on Sunday. At my work Saturday is Monday, and Sunday is Tuesday. Yet for generations Sunday has always been the 7th day. Monk had his abilities, David wasn't afraid of his passion for God, and Erik wasn't afraid to stand up for what he believed. He wasn't afraid of the headlines. It may not be working on Sunday, it may be just obeying Him in the moment. Fighting what I don't want to do. Not being afraid who I am. Hits me, Erik was himself, as was Monk, as was David. They were who God made them to be. Once I enter fears territory, I forget who I am at times, and who he wants me to be. the more I spend time with Him, the easier it is to make those hard decisions that I really see Him working on me and a decision to not run on Sunday or just obeying Him isn't hard to say or, but an honor because He's my refuge.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Get Off My plane - Air Force One

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23NLT

This is another golden one, that I learned in High School. Its seems pastors and teachers thought we need to know this stuff. It effects me more today than it did back then it seems. I'm on anniversary vacation this weekend. Kind of a rough start too, but we made it. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I kind of never understood this, wages to me are money I'm paid to do a job, it's negotiated sometimes too. I'm reminded of an incident at Ultimate Electronics. 3 people came into buy a video camera, it was evident what they were going to do with it. My instinct was to point them and advice them on what would be best. I quickly figured out what they were shooting (an adult film). I immediately held my knowledge and just let them decide on what to get. Even though my training said, make sure they have all this stuff, I couldn't but keep my mouth shut. For the first time, my knowledge was hurting me. Then I'm reminded of Air force One with Harrison Ford. I'll never forget the VP being told to sign the rights of over to the situation room so the national security could take the power away from the president. She trusted in the president that he could do this. He was a vietnam vet, a medal of honor. How many times have I just trust God and not been hoaxed into other peoples fears, too many. I find myself when I was younger to be naive about stupid things. I learned from those things, but even today, I strive to not accidentally live in sin. VP Kathryn Bennet disagreed with the her staff that had given her a paper to sign. They felt it was best if they took care of this. She refused and trusted that the president even though people were being killed, had control. In the end all the remaining survivors parachuted off the plane and he was left with the villain. The president knew what to do, and simply uttered the words "Get off my plane". I need to let God deal with my villains, instead of me deal with them (i some times end up giving them a room). God knows far better what they need than I do. Its this gift that He has for me if I let him (with the help of others at times) get them off my plane, He'll reward me for trusting Him instead of my way which can end in a crash and misery.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Pay it Forward

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

This was a song, we sang in Sunday School back in 4th grade. I didn't quite get it though. It was almost like, is this the personality of the Holy Spirit. Fruit? What kind of idea is this? Slept better last night, Shayne went to bed at 5:30 pm and no coughing. Now just hoping that mommy slept better with her infection and that we'll all be better by friday (our anniversary vacation). I read and think. Coffee is good this morning. I'll never forget a customer I had when at Ultimate Electronics. I was working in cameras, she walks in mad with her daughter and mother, and said " I'm looking for a camera for my mother, that can print good pictures, can I take some pictures and print them here before I buy it. I said yes we have cameras, no you can't take a picture here and print it to see if you like it. She then said "is that because you can't do that, or you don't want to help me out?" I said because we can't do that, we do not have printers out to test that. And we didn't, so my other sales guys/ladies jumped in to help with the argument. She ended up leaving with a camera and printer and I made a new friend. The angry lady after almost 2 hrs asked me how long ago I got married. I wasn't married, but I said "it's not hard to be nice". Then I'm reminded of a family devotional my parents read us when we were growing up. It's easy to be cool but awesome takes practice." I read and think, I'm reminded of the movie Pay it Forward with Kevin Spacey, Haley Joel Osmand, and Helen Hunt. Trevor Mckinney is given a chance to help people and in return wants them to help others. I'm then reminded of Wolverine in X men. How this guy was tortured and forced to become a mutant and had so much anger, yet through the eyes of another mutant, he was able to tame his skills and anger to help people. Then there's the apprentice tv show, namely the celebrity version. Here's all these talented people or famous people with charities given a task by Donald trump to use there gifts and talents and work together. Whenever I begin to produce a new video, I'm always thinking about what I want it to do, I'm thinking of the feeling I want people to have, the attitude I want to protray. The fruit I want them to feel. How can I motivate them? When they see something I've done, they ask me how did you keep my attention for that long. I just laugh at that. During production I amazed of how depressed I get, struggles i have, all the fruit of the world I feel influenced by and give into. Sometimes I just want to give up. I find myself making my own law against these fruits of the spirit. I decide when I'm going to use them. It's like a big package, I find myself basing it on my feelings at the moment instead of His life in me. I'm amazed of how many times I make my own law against these things and tame them in my own life. Hits me, I can sing the song, I can read the book, but just as Trevor was given that chance to bear that fruit and show it and then to challenge everyone else to pay it forward, Christ in his commission wants me to in love, produce fruit in me. Even though i don't see it at times, He is doing it regardless of what I think. I told Susan yesterday maybe if there were a law against the fruits of the spirit, I'd be much better at paying them forward.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Flux Capasitor, Its what makes time travel possible - Doc Brown

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 NLT

I know what this means now, that I'm older but when I was younger, forget it. I slept kind of better last night, mommy has a sinus infection again but has the meds to fix it quick because she caught it quick. Shayne still has her bad cough at night. Once we left her alone she quick coughing. So we figured it was too many bodies in the same room. For now at least. Downsizing has its challenges. Good coffee this morning, I read and think, there's always been a some kind of hope in the movies. In star wars it was the force, in goonies it was the treasure, good vs. evil. Whenever I'm on a set at work, the whole point is for things to work. We set power, we rig things up, we turn everything on to focus. We don't start taping anything down until we see the signal we are looking for. The video guy its the right colors, that will tell you your cables work. For the audio guy, its no buzz's, and no distortion out of every speaker. For lighting its each fixture turns on as programed and operates as programmed. It's all the time accumulated up to that point. Ususally everything works, but we have to establish time for troubleshooting if things don't. Sometimes you're hoping and praying that everything does because there is no time. I'm reminded of back to the future when Marty accidently goes back to 1955 and finds out he has to save his family. He had to get his mom and dad together. His only source of hope was a picture of him and his siblingss along with the flux capacitor, which began to fade as it appeared his parents weren't falling for each other. His dad was the class nerd, and even through all the training he gave him to help set him and his mom up, he had to just let it go eventually and focus on getting home as the lightning hit. I read and think, How many times do I feel a lot of pressure about my families future? I wish I could go back and change things at times, but I can't. I don't have a flux capacitor that makes time travel possible. Hits me, my life may seem just chaotic and non stop at times where I really wish things would look better. Marty and his dad planned that dance night and it didn't work according to plan, Biff interrupted it (which was even better). God's always has something going on to help me overflow with confidence in Him. I may have to troubleshoot for a while to figure out why somethings not working. I'll get into situations, where He'll give me a doc Brown for insight, or someone to pray for me to remind of the true hope I have.  Even though I can't go back to fix my past, I can learn in my present situation to make a better future. When Marty came back, his family was way different for the better. He wasn't expecting to take that trip, and that's why it happened. I can plan whatever I want, go throughout my day, but without my source of hope being in Him, I'll turn each and every other way.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Cast Away

“[Psalm 23] A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.” Psalm 23:1-3 NLT

this one is probably the most famous next to John 3:16. I've kind of never understood the real meaning of this either. Happy St. Patrick's day! Mommy has a sinus infection again but has the right medicine this time first. Shayne still has her cough at night. I'm taking care of her while mommy gets better. I'm trying dunk donuts coffee this morning. I'm not sure about it, it doesn't have the spark that Starbucks has. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Do I really have all I need? Is God all I need? I'm reminded of Cast away and then Swiss Family Robinson. In Cast Away, (Susan's most hated movie, since chuck doesn't get his wife back at the end). Chuck Noland is a fed ex manager who after his plane crashes on a deserted island has to survive on what he can do. In Swiss Family Robinson, the family gets shipwrecked and boats to a nearby island where they setup home eventually. Both stories were just trying to get from point a to point b and it didn't happen. Then I'm reminded of a an ABC show called "what would you do?" ABC sets up a scenario in public to see what the public would do and then intervenes when they start doing something. My life is full of surprises. I read and think. I get this backwards a lot. I read it right but react wrong. I keep on reading it as, the Lord is my shepherd he'll tag along. Instead of the Lord is my shepherd, I'll follow him. I feel like a cast away at times. All alone in this world. When Chuck realized he was stranded, he had to fend for himself with his own instincts. there was a ton of fed ex delivery packages that were to get to there recipients, but he couldn't care. They weren't going to make it. He used what he had and made it work. Even when he got lonely, out of his anger he through a volleyball with his bloody hand. Then later he kind of saw a face out of the hand print. He then made some eyes and mouth for it and called it "wilson". Wilson said nothing ever. But it was the companionship that Chuck needed, to gather his thoughts about how to survive. Sometimes I feel like a cast away, yet God is right there in the form of something unexpected but understood. He's been my camera at times (my way of escape). Without knowing it he leads by my own peaceful streams, renews my strength. Its crazy of how independent I think I am, yet how I need to depend on Him.  Chuck couldn't survive without Wilson, yet when wilson floated away from the raft, it was time to say goodbye to an old friend, he was only there for a season. Hits me, I'm a total cast away in this life, on my own striving to live for God, humble myself at much as I can. God show's up always there in some way showing me how to follow Him, hinting to me softly. He is my shepherd even when I think he's tagging along, he isn't, he's just way ahead, patiently waiting to bring honor to His name in the situation I'm in.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Identity to Live

“In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 1:5-8NLT

This is alot to chew on. Give me a second. It's like the domino effect. Didn't sleep well again, Shaynes working on something, so is mommy. Both appear to be fighting a cold. Our vacation is next weekend. LOL. I read and think, being a christian is such a change of life style, I find. It's a lot of daily reformatting. I just don't get it at times. Can I love everyone without God? of course. Can I have self control without God? yes. Can I think moral excellence? yes. I can motivate myself in other ways. I can think happy thoughts. I can be optimistic. I find myself all the sudden focuses on living ethically for my own well being than responding to God's promises. It's like learning to be proactive. It's like explaining to someone the difference between hd and digital. High Definition can't work without digital because it is digital (mainly on TV). I'm reminded of License to Drive, Les Anderson is taking his test on the computer and was kind of ready for it. He didn't pass, he was just not a test taker, just too much on his mind and too many dreams. He fails the written, smacks the computer which crashes all the others. He takes his driving test and passes. He had promised a girl a date on saturday night before he got his license and now he has to do it, regardless of failing. The whole night ends up being a mess, but he proves to himself and his friends that he didn't need a test, he's a good driver despite of how worried he was. The car ends up totaled and he gets the girl. Then there's Jim Grey from Man from Snowy River, he knew the mountain and only a few believed him. He just kept being him and without planning on it, proved to them that he was a true mountain man. God's Promised me things in His word that I forget about and that I often don't care about or don't believe. Do I need a license to live this christian life? Hits me, I don't need to prove myself to God, but I do need to believe in His promises and that they're promises. They will happen and do happen. Sure, I give people a vibe that I'm just a crazy intense camera video guy. I find I need to prove to them that I'm not. God knows what He's doing with me. He really does. It probably won't take a crazy night with a car or a mountain to prove that I can live this life, but one things is correct, I do need a license to drive on this narrow road. Its my identity in Him. I have to obey the government and play the game. God honors that, I'm glad I don't need a license to follow God but I do need his help with the distractions along the way that keep from being productive and useful for Him. Whether it be people pleasing, all my insecurities, its his promises that I need to respond too, not anyone elses. He's my identity, my identity to live.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Game is afoot - Young Sherlock Holmes

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28NLT

This again is one of those famous verses that we would memorize in High School or something. I slept ok, Shayne and mommy appear to be battling colds again. I'll probably get something by the time we go on vacation in a few weeks, lol. Murphy always seems to show up like that right? (murphy's law). I'm about out of coffee this morning, but its been good these past weeks. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the Young Sherlock Holmes. It was a film back in the 80's about how Sherlock got his start. His ability to analyze a human being's career, habits, personality, etc. was amazing. I tried to doing that after I saw it, but wasn't very good. I can however as many people do be able to figure out what people were attempting to do after I see there work. Who can't do that? I can also by looking at someone recognize if they're troubled. Unless they have a really good poker face. I then accidently judge them. I'm then reminded of murphy's law.  Then of how I try to prevent it from happening. I read and think, following God is scary to me at times. Especially when I know what he wants me to do. A lot of times I feel that still small voice say " just be you". That's hard for me, because I like to have control. Sherlock was faced with a pretty crazy task when all the sudden people began dying in his college town. They were professors and then his girlfriends grandfather. He discovered clues along the way that caused him to pursue justice even further and get in way over his head. But then end result made him be what he was good at, an investigator. During the movie, instead of giving up at the beginning of challenge of announced the phrase "the game is afoot". When I feel I need to do something regardless of my abilities, am i willing to do it? Most of the time. But there are moments when I just think about it, and look at the danger ahead, or the obstacles and say no. Am I going to be like Sherlock and dive into a mystery to get justice regardless if I'm prepared or not? Hits me, Sherlock continue to use his abilities and skills and got in trouble, but he kept believing. In my life even when things get rough I have to remember to keep moving forward and looking at God knowing regardless of the dangers at hand he has a purpose. As I grow in him, I'll be able to say with confidence "the game is afoot". At least try to.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Boxing God

“And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.” 2 Peter 1:4NLT

I had some weird dreams last night, that caused me to wake up remembering a moment at Midwest Camp in 1988. I then looked at today's verse curious if it had anything to do with it. Its funny usually I don't sleep well, but this time I woke up awake. Oh the brain. Coffee's good this morning. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I was part of the drama team at camp that year and we had to do a skit about fighting the enemy. We came up with a boxing match between Jesus and the Devil. I was to be Jesus and another guy much bigger (all the guys were much bigger) was to be the devil. The idea was that he'd condemn me with a phrase and I would fire back a scripture. I hadn't been in the word much that year and didn't know my bible very well. I tried and tried and just couldn't fire back the right ones if any from memory. I had to give my part to a girl who could. I took the part of the ref. I felt so stupid. I wanted the attention, yet I wish I knew my Lord better. Our moment came to perform the skit, and all I could was pretend I knew what was going on and then decide to put my own two cense in (which was almost taking the devil down myself at the end and putting my foot on his chest). The guy playing him, was looking at me thinking, what are you doing? I walked away feeling stupid yet again. In my own life, I wasn't close to God, I didn't spend time with Him much. I was in my own boxing match with God it seemed. Whenever I'd fought, it was usually due to how stubborn I was. How wrong I was and how I right I wanted to be. I didn't even know how to defend God on a daily basis, I had good comebacks for people, but I didn't ever use scripture. Was I ashamed? Of my church I was. But of my God? Why? Why couldn't I know scripture and live it, like it appeared this girl could. I felt that everything in my life needed to be doing well until I could be used. I thought that way about a lot of things. I didn't look at colleges because I wasn't sure if I was going to graduate from High School. I was a little too pessimistic I guess. I read and think, my human desires are all over the place at times, and at times they are tamed and structured. It's like on x men, all these abilities the mutants had could be tamed. Just like maturing. It's like when I first got into video, I was terrible. But I knew I could do better and after 20 years, I'm still saying that. Hits me, my human desires are never going to end because I'm human and thats why Christ has promised me way's of escape out of the corruption (lies, shame, guilt, deception) I've built at times. It's like I'm boxing him and trying to get my way, He doesn't see what I see, because He see's his life in me and the potential through that situation that he'll show his glory and excellence regardless of how I feel. He's working to refine what I think is a lost cause at times for Him and not me because He's already won, even though I think I did.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Objects in Mirror are Closer than they appear

“Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.”Deuteronomy 7:9 NLT

I think of lots of things in this one. I'm tired today, just a lot of work these last few days and little sleep. I have a lot of time off this next week but it's all taken up with projects. I will get some rest though. I"m reminded of the slogan on my right mirror "objects in mirror are closer than they appear". I never understood what this meant before I could drive. I don't listen to it. I haven't hit anyone yet, but I've come close. I read the bible and I find myself not getting it or really getting it, yet not applying it. I keep on thinking of other people who should be following it. What about me? Am I reading this for someone else? I'm reminded of Office Space, when Peter Gibbons was just fed up with the tps reports and work. He didn't want to go back, he didn't want to pay bills, he just wanted to sit and watch kung fu. I also think of all the membership meetings I ran sound for back in the 80's and 90's at church. I just never understood the "spiritually educated theology guys" and how they would take over the meeting. Why do I feel like this is a contest of who is more accurately on key with the bible. Why can't we just  love God? Then I go back to work and clock in. I read and think. When Peter Gibbons walked towards Lumbergh and physically walked around him, it was him saying, you don't control me. How many time's in my life, do I accidentally let this world control me? When His word is right in front of me. I don't listen because I think my common sense is fine and I can do it on my own. If I don't read the phrase on the mirror and make sure I turn right after Im more ahead of the car, I'll hit them. I usually never think about that, I just eyeball it and I'm fine. Am I eyeballing God's word. Am I just playing this read your bible game? Or am I applying this. I do it too much. Hits me, Peter was tired of working for the man and having too many bosses. He wanted freedom and knew it wasn't in an Officespace. As common sense as things seem to be to me is as simple as God wants to make His word to me, yet I still don't listen. It's through His love that he allows me to see Him work in my life as I strive to obey Him and experience Him.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Ugly Black Boring Bible

“Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.” 1 Peter 3:15 NLT

At first I'm thinking, do I know my faith enough to explain God to people. I doubt myself too much. I go numb when this happens. I slept terrible, just a last few days of work have been crazy. On my second cup of coffee. Throughout these blogs, I have really come to know a different side of God I think. I see Him in a whole new light. He's not who I thought He was. From my experience I have seen that too many people I talk to either, believe or completely don't. It's like those kid films where the kid knows something but no one believe's them but they are completely right. It's like troubleshooting gear with another guy. You have ideas and so do they, but they just won't listen to you, when you're right the whole time. Drives me crazy. Or when you know exactly how to fix something and someone steps in who obviously doesn't know what they are doing but all the sudden wants to spend the next hour trying. I think I read this too much as, make Christ my Lord only but not of my life. I try to place a custom mode on God too much. He has no modes, He has no settings, He just is. I'm the one who has t,e modes. I live in such a technical world where I make things fit just for me that I forget God is the opposite. I read and think, I rarely have people ask me about how different I am. I am different. The worst is when people had no idea that I am saved. There are countless movies where people just don't believe they are ready for anything, yet when the time comes, they're. Or they get in way over their head. I find myself trying to fix people by praying for them on the spot. They tell me they're in trouble and I want to help. I was thinking today about how to explain to church people audio visual. The second I bring up tech stuff, I hear yawns. The second I bring up God in a conversation I see people get restless. It's like this antidote, this medicine that is terribly disgusting but really works well. I used to think of the bible the same way. What an ugly boring looking black (of all colors) thin pages book. Not at all inviting, not attractive. But the answer.Then I get "well for you maybe, but not for me, lets just be friends". Am I trying to fix people, do I see there emptiness? Are they craving my freedom I have? Am I in bondage to my insecurities of how I can't talk to them? Why do all my memories of God go back to church? Why not on the road? Hits me, I'm not worshipping Christ as Lord of my life but as Lord over the moment I have set for Him. Am I to explain my weakness? What if I'm not prepared? I have to remember that God does not work when I see Him working, He does His own thing and wants me to just live for Him, and when the moment comes, the ugly black bible won't seem so ugly but beautiful to someone else who I can share it with.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Men or Mice, what'll it be - Three Amigos

“O LORD, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago, and now you have accomplished them.” Isaiah 25:1 NLT

I didn't successfully move my daughter to her own bed last night. She woke up, and we didn't hear the end of it for a while. She finally fell asleep to a my snowball story. Coffee time. I read and think. Do I need to prove myself to God? Or does God need to prove Himself to me? Do I need to prove myself to other people or do they need to prove themselves to me? What is my motivation? To get out of this condo? To have a home and a yard for my daughter to run freely in? To be financial secure so my wife doesn't have to work anymore? To have nights and weekends off? I've always been misunderstood in my life. I throw people off without knowing it. I see things they don't see. I catch details that know one knew was there. Yet I find I ask questions that I know the answers to. Am I trying to prove myself or am I trying to make up for mistakes that I've made? Am i trying to please those that I have wronged and prove I learned from my mistakes? I'm reminded of Incrediboy from the Incredibles. Mr. Incredibles biggest fan. He wanted to prove to Mr. Incredible that he could help him. Mr. Incredible worked alone. In return Incrediboy became his biggest villain. If God doesn't give me something I want, do I return in vengence? I'm reminded of the 3 Amigo's. When they discovered this was a real war and not a show. They all ran away. And then Ned Nedalander said "men or mice". They used of what they knew and wanted to become the 3 Amigos for real. It was different for them, but they did it. Hits me, how many times have I doubted my abilities to do anything right? I get so caught up in my own thoughts about how and why things happen that I don't rest on the fact of what I can learn and what's already been accomplished. God doesn't want me prove anything to Him, but to let Him work in me to accomplish what He has planned. So I don't live as a mouse but become the man He wants me to be.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Replacing God with Church

“And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 NLT

Uncle, Uncle, UNCLE. OK I got it, I need to remember this stuff. But why? Slept well, weird dreams, but that means I slept well, right? Already had my coffee, but I need to read and think. First thing I think of in the morning is what time is it? or if we've been up with Shayne most the night, it's am I going to wake up in time? Once I'm up, its feeding the cat who usually wakes me up. Then the coffee gets made and I check on the verse.   Why do I have to be reminded to do healthy things? To do things that are good for me? My wife has to remind me to pay some bills (thankfully we have the money to pay them). To do this, to do that. When I've done my honey do's before work, I love txting her back yes. But when it comes to coupons, forget it, I've lost that battle. That's all hers. I always mess that up. I feel so bad when I've committed to doing things for friends and family and I half way do it and don't finish it. I intend to finish things but I get pulled away and things get left for months and then years. I feel terrible. Why is that? Is it my priorities are wrong? Hey were all busy, right? I read and think, I'm reminded of Office Space. When Peter Gibbons was tired of work, he just didn't want to go. He had just given up. He wasn't depressed, he was just frustrated with corporate stuff. Then I'm reminded of church. Why do I go? Due to my crazy schedule on weekends, all spare time is family time. I've always been confused about church. Life was so different outside those walls. I wasn't sure what was going on inside the walls either. If I could pay attention for more than 7 minutes during the sermon, I was lucky. Kneeling for prayer and keeping my eyes closed? was another challenge, I think it did once. I then gave up just looked. My ADD was to just too much to handle. I could sing well, but was more focused on how well people could hear my good voice, than what I was singing. Then it was note time, maybe if I just take down everything this guy says, I'll remember.......nope. Oh I got it, I'll highlight every page of the bible, that'll mean I've memorized it. Then I started thinking of what was on TV after church, where were going for lunch (because I was getting hungry). I never spoke of God after that. I just knew that I was told to worship (singing as far as I knew) God at church. But Why? Ya I got convicted at times and read and had my quiet time and felt good about things throughout the week. I invited maybe 1 person to church. I found my life in church was so different than my life outside. I had such a mask on. Where was God? All i saw was a show of people being happy and making sure everyone else was happy. They should all work in the hotel industry. Yet I was judging them. I judged everyone I knew. I've replaced God with Church. How can that happen? Is that possible? Hits me, I get so preoccupied with to do lists and how I should be lists, that I forget how many things God wants to be apart of in my life. Whether it be church, family, work, projects, friends, spontaneous, parenthood, etc. God wants to show me where and how He can make things mean something more than I've made them to be. More than I think they can be. He wants me to remember Him everyday and everywhere. Even when I think I've got His ideas and thoughts figured out, I don't. He wants to occupy and consume my life not just be a visitor for a season, but live here for life.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you - Sam, Return of the King.

“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”” Joshua 1:9 NLT

This is like something a coach would say before the players leave the locker room. Not a good night of sleep, but coffee can help. I've already had it too. I need more. Sip some coffee I read a think. I remember when I was first operating camera with a crew during practice of a basketball or football game. I was fine before we were live. I could keep my shot steady, it was great. But when the game started. I just froze. I was like "i'm live, i don't how to do this now. Whenever I'm live now, I get a little nervous (which is good) but then I have to relax and (which takes some time). It's like getting stage fright when you're acting in a play. I'm also reminded of Frodo of how scared he was of getting the ring in the fire. All the pressure he had. I don't really get afraid or discouraged about certain life circumstances. Yet when I do, I have to tell someone quickly, and try to figure out why I thought that. I understand God is wherever I go, but do I believe He is? I find I get discouraged in the weirdest ways then I get lost in why I am discouraged. I'm also amazed of how when I work with people who are always positive, its easy to work. But when they get down, I want to cheer them up. It's almost as though they rub off on me. Or when someone is negative, it makes me be positive. Even in these blogs, these thoughts, I get discouraged when I post them. Why post my thoughts, who really cares? Yet I feel I need to. Be a christian isn't easy. I get upset, discouraged, troubled, etc. Sometimes I feel, if I only can be logical, I won't make a mistake. I think that's a mistake, because then where are my feelings. Where's the care? I can only take that so far. Hits me, sometimes I feel I need to take care of God instead of let Him take care of me. When days get tough and I refuse to get scared and discouraged and decide to believe that God is with me even though I'm not sure, I have to realize that this was a command and not an idea. It was a command from the beginning and not in the middle, but from the beginning. I may feel weak and not even ready, but in God's eyes I am. I may need to call on help for courage. God knows me, he knows where I am at, even when I don't, He does. And just as Sam told Frodo, when Frodo couldn't move in Return of the King : I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you. God will put people in my life to pick me up and get me to the place I need to be, because He's commanded all us. I have a problem with asking for help, I have a problem with delegating. If I want something done, I'll do it myself, but that I find that doesn't mean keep my issues inside and let them build up. I find I need to expose them. Hits me again, being strong and courageous doesn't come over night, its a modifcation in time of my relationship with God and him strengthening his life in me and not me adjusting the settings of Him to fit me. Its me being fit for Him and helping others in the process and striving to ask for help in return.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

If you'da been thinkin you wouldn't a' thought that - The Sandlot

““My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT

Yet I still don't believe it. I still read this as, God doesn't understand me. Or another good verse. Or God's not listening to me, He's doing his own thing. What a week, just busy and tiring. I realized this week that furnace conked out and we have now a leak in the bathroom sink. It's been so nice in Phoenix that even with the furnace set to 75 at times, I didn't notice it not working. Susan did and I need to get it fixed. I think its a fuse. Sip some coffee, I read and think. What is thinking anyway? Why do I think, why don't I just know? I've always have wanted to be the guy with the experience. The guy who always had some kind of answer. The go to guy. Yet when I'd meet someone who had that, they always had a story about before they learned what they taught me. I read and think, God doesn't need to read and think, He knows. Yet he designed me to read and think, study, research, find the answer. He doesn't need to that, because I find He is the answer. When I research things, wonder about things, battle things, challenge things. Bicker with people, disagree, hate, love, I find its all His way of my thought process. I find myself to be so misunderstood. I have so much passion for things, I get my respect in different areas, but not in the ones I want. Why do I battle God for His thoughts? I find myself trying to imagine far beyond than I can. It's like at work when we're operating a show. A lot of time I have no idea who I'll be shooting, I don't care either. But I want to know more facts, as to be prepared. I find God will allow me to be prepared for somethings and not for others. He wants my reaction to be running to Him in faith and not doubt. In Mission Impossible 4, Ethan Hunt was in jail and was rescued by a different crew. They were good but clumsy and not his old crew. His character was almost egotistical but not. He had to make things work with he had because everything or almost everything wasn't going to plan. He made it work. Hits me, my life is like a mission of thoughts, but not a mission to figure out God's plan. Its to take from what I've learned and go with it in the given situation. I find myself hoping for the best yet trying to be open for whats to come. I can't limit myself to what I think God has for me. I can't guess even though I do. It's like on the Sandlot, "if you'da been thinkin, you wouldn't have thought that". Smalls was thinking differently than the game. He had to learn how to think differently. There are times in my life when I just need to act despite of whats to come and in those moments is where I feel blind but in a different mindset. That's where He wants me, just doing and not guessing what He's trying to do. But to let Him do this thing.