At first I'm thinking, do I know my faith enough to explain God to people. I doubt myself too much. I go numb when this happens. I slept terrible, just a last few days of work have been crazy. On my second cup of coffee. Throughout these blogs, I have really come to know a different side of God I think. I see Him in a whole new light. He's not who I thought He was. From my experience I have seen that too many people I talk to either, believe or completely don't. It's like those kid films where the kid knows something but no one believe's them but they are completely right. It's like troubleshooting gear with another guy. You have ideas and so do they, but they just won't listen to you, when you're right the whole time. Drives me crazy. Or when you know exactly how to fix something and someone steps in who obviously doesn't know what they are doing but all the sudden wants to spend the next hour trying. I think I read this too much as, make Christ my Lord only but not of my life. I try to place a custom mode on God too much. He has no modes, He has no settings, He just is. I'm the one who has t,e modes. I live in such a technical world where I make things fit just for me that I forget God is the opposite. I read and think, I rarely have people ask me about how different I am. I am different. The worst is when people had no idea that I am saved. There are countless movies where people just don't believe they are ready for anything, yet when the time comes, they're. Or they get in way over their head. I find myself trying to fix people by praying for them on the spot. They tell me they're in trouble and I want to help. I was thinking today about how to explain to church people audio visual. The second I bring up tech stuff, I hear yawns. The second I bring up God in a conversation I see people get restless. It's like this antidote, this medicine that is terribly disgusting but really works well. I used to think of the bible the same way. What an ugly boring looking black (of all colors) thin pages book. Not at all inviting, not attractive. But the answer.Then I get "well for you maybe, but not for me, lets just be friends". Am I trying to fix people, do I see there emptiness? Are they craving my freedom I have? Am I in bondage to my insecurities of how I can't talk to them? Why do all my memories of God go back to church? Why not on the road? Hits me, I'm not worshipping Christ as Lord of my life but as Lord over the moment I have set for Him. Am I to explain my weakness? What if I'm not prepared? I have to remember that God does not work when I see Him working, He does His own thing and wants me to just live for Him, and when the moment comes, the ugly black bible won't seem so ugly but beautiful to someone else who I can share it with.
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