Monday, June 30, 2014

School of hard knocks

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law.
Galatians 5:1 NLT

The first thing I think of how I don't do this right. I don't stay free, and I get tied up again in the law. It also reminds me of the many times, men have preached to me saying this very thing. I put my act on and leave. Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times, have told my wife I'm working on freedom. I find the bible filled with drama and death, not peace and happiness. I was hanging out last week with an old friend and mentioned that the cross wasn't an award ceremony of well done. It was death that brought freedom. I think about things too much, I think. I look at facebook and want to know what REALLY is going on, before people escape to there phone for a second to check it. Being above reproach these days is a challenge. I'm not elder material, I'm real material. I tell life like it is, I don't sugar coat it, with a bible verse of how I'm supposed to be. "make sure" stands out. I don't learn in the classroom. I learn on the job, from the school of hard knocks. I was looking to shoot a seminar last week and was asked how I was going to learn if I was behind the camera.  I told the presenter that, unless I'm listening to the presenter I cannot follow him with the camera. He then got someone else to shoot it. I still showed up but could only handle an hour of lecture. Even at church I can't handle too much teaching, I don't like teachers, too controlling. I do better with a phrase and think.  I find I'm trying to follow there and lose track of the message. When I stride to let Jesus live in me, and live above reproach, I begin judging people.  So what is the way out of all this?

Hits me, Christ as truly set me free, that freedom doesn't come from anywhere but Christ. I can escape to anything and Christ will be there waiting. I can disagree with scripture but that doesn't make it false, it makes me stupid. Any lecturer can do their thing, but it's Christ's life in me that will see me through everything.

Saturday, June 21, 2014


If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
Jeremiah 29:13 NLT

At first, I'm thinking this makes sense in all areas. If I research anything wholeheartedly, I will find what I'm looking for. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I don't look for God enough. It's an emotional, spiritual thing to study God. Years ago I used to study Him all the time, but then it whithered away. "You will find me" sticks out. Then I'm reminded of Forrest Gump "i didn't know,  I was looking for Him". I find I'm like Elsa in Frozen "no escape from the storm inside me". Or is it a storm? I find that I'm captive in my daily sins. I'm amazed of how I become a immune to living in the storm instead of finding my way out of it. It was Elsa's fear that kept her talent a storm. What is my fear of seeking God? That I'll struggle even more once I start growing in Him.  All Elsa had to do was love her sister and she would gain control of her gift. I find I have a battle with my gift, but I feel God telling me to trust Him with it. Why is that so hard? God doesn't do things by accident. There are no accidents. I read and think.

Hits me, Elsa had frozen her whole town out of fear of the past. It took her sister risking her life for her to let go of that fear. I can live in fear all of my life of rejection and failure and sure God will use me, but as soon as I wholeheartedly look for Him instead of hardheartedly, only then will I see my full potential excel. Or I will just end up freezing everything in my own way.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

For the First Time in Forever

Joyful are those who listen to me, watching for me daily at my gates, waiting for me outside my home!
Proverbs 8:34 NLT

On Vacation this week. Finally get a chance to blog some more in the morning. The first thing that comes to mind are these get rich quick schemes that I used to help produce when I was at PSAV. The doors would open in the ballroom and people would run to the front row to get a good seat. I was amazed of how much energy people had to make money. It was like they were kids. But when I've found the answer to things in my life, what am I to do? Coffee for instance, I make it every morning. It's the answer to me waking up from the dead. I rely on it. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the song For the first time in forever from Frozen (that's a lot of f's).

How eager Anna was to get out of those walls. How anxious have I been in my personal life to seek God? not much. I seek Him on a daily basis. I don't listen to God enough either, but I'm joyful when I do.

Her parents had closed the gates, to protect them from humiliation and keep there gifts sacred. It was all based on fear. How many times have I been afraid to trust God? I'm amazed how He shows himself through my fear. It's almost like a hint that I can trust Him? Anna was alive and her love for Elsa wouldn't leave, so much so that she put her own life up at the end to protect her. Has my love for God ever left? no, but its dithered at times. I used to keep all the doors and windows shut, out of fear that people would see my gear and steal it. I read and think.

Hits me, For the first time in forever, is a daily revelation, it's a whole new day to reveal gifts and talents. It's to listen and seek to understand.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

do not mistake kindness for weakness

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
Psalm 27:4

The first thing that I think of is the line from Gladiator - Maximus: [removes helmet and turns around to face Commodus] My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

I've already had my coffee, so I am reading and thinking. Today is father's day 2014. I find myself always working up to the day about how much of a father I haven't been to my daughter, sure on facebook it looks right, but how selfish have I been this year with work. How godly haven't I been at home. As I read Maximus line in Gladiator, I don't know what I'd do without my family. Would I ask God and strive to dwell in his house all the days of my life? or would I want seek vengeance?  I was raised to see them as God's and not mine, so that death would be easy. I can't think that way, it just doesn't seem human. I title this blog "do not mistake kindness for weakness" because that's how I am read a lot. I am an easy going nice guy. I have to tell cold callers that "I will waist their time for 30 minutes being nice and not buy a think, so hang up now." When people want to do business with me, they usually give me this stone cold business look and I am trying to get to know them as a person. I read and think. Where was Maximus' temple? It was his vengeance, it was like, all he had was his strength and training. I thought about hitting church today, but I just don't like the sermon atmosphere, I will be waiting to leave. Then why go? It was how I was raised. I find I get more out of God when I'm blogging. God knows where I'm at everyday, regardless of where physically I'm at. He put people in my life to keep me on track. Maximus was a commander, but longed to be with his family. His wife and child made him who he was. Then he sought justice for them. He was only wanting one thing. God has designed me for one thing, to dwell in his presence, nothing else. Oh, I will get distracted and dwell elsewhere and he knows that. But no matter how far I drift way, I'm still longing for Him. He doesn't read my kindness as weakness, he reads it as opportunity.