I chose Christ, but I still envy people who haven't

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.” Philippians 2:1-2 NLT

There have been many moments in my life when I just wanted to and have thrown in the towel to living for Christ. It was just too hard, too many struggles, too many opinions, too many unanswered questions. When I first read this verse, I was just like, good question.  Long night of work again, didn't sleep well, very tired and early morning. Onto my second cup of coffee already. Just tired, Alot of stuff to do before getting into work. I read and think, I read and think. Why did I accept Christ? I think why did I repent? Do I get comfort from Him? I am I tender and compassionate? Why choose Christ? Why do I envy people who aren't saved yet?  I read and think, could I create this peace inside me without God? I know I'd feel very empty. I'm so practical that I would always be searching for that completeness everywhere. I do remember being in Jr. High and every time someone would share the gospel, I was always hoping that it would the moment where God would open my eyes, just clear it all up. Is Christ the answer for getting along with people and other believers, I know nice people who aren't saved that get along with everyone. I read and think, I read and think, hits me. Sure, I can drink, watch a movie, listen to a good song, read a good book, browse the headlines, go on a walk, on a drive, get out of town, do I what I love to do for a living, have a healthy family, get along with everyone, get acknowledged. Sure I can do all that, but they eventually end, all temporary. When I asked Christ to come into my life, and finally let Him fill that empty spot, He actually opened the eyes of my heart to see Him glorified through everything I did and do. Somethings that hurt and harmed me, He removed the interest, other things he grew the interest, and introduced me to new things I would have never thought of.  This life is far from easy.  I can't stand it at times, the temptations seem to never end, I'm tired, He's constantly giving me chances to surrender to Him, and without that there would be no purpose in this life.