God, I'm mad, I don't want to talk today

If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13 NLT

I don't really want to do this anymore because I'm upset this morning. Sometime's I feel like a missionary writing these. I get discouraged, what are people thinking, they're getting bored of this. I can only imagine being over seas and getting discouraged and just wanting to throw in the towel. I find myself wanting to harm myself when I get upset and down. I have found myself all my life reading scripture and interpreting it the way I was taught but is that correct? What is God telling me? I read and think, I read and think. I find myself thinking back to the moments that I took out the instructions to build a lego set and followed it to the tee, everything worked great. I then recall being in school, hearing what the instructions for what was on the upcoming test and not believing it or trusting it, resulting in me not passing. Sure I know God's ways and understand them. But can I live an honorable life, and do what He says? Not always.  I remember having the hardest time admitting I was wrong. It's easier now that I'm older, but it kills me that it took me 20 some years to get there. Getting the desire to read this scripture this morning was a pain. I did it in disbelief. I don't understand God's way's a lot and sometimes I do. Some how he always helps me, (even when I stray) live honorably. I feel like I'm an angry dog on a leash at times that the owner is pulling away from a fight. He slowly teaches me humility and grace to as He lets me cool off and enjoy His presence. How do I title something like this, I don't think this makes any sense.