skill vs creator

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1 NLT

At first I'm not sure what to think, I thought I had already blogged about this one but according to my blog searches, hadn't. This reminds me of the book by elizabeth elliott about her husband Jim elliott who lived by this verse. But what does it mean? Sip some coffee, I read and think. Living is the hardest part I find, i live and then I don't, and it repeats itself. I find I stop by but I don't live. there's plenty of room for me to set up camp but I don't do it. When I do, I do find rest in the shadow of the almighty. Then why do I leave? Because I don't believe I'm worthy of living there. I get distracted and believe that I'm worthy of everywhere else but that. I find I set my worth on the wrong things. Every day is a chance to get back in that shelter. I find this is where a lot of people give up. Then others, don't and you see them as being so joyful all the time. I wonder how they stay there. They don't have a problem with believing in there identity like I do. What happened to me? My struggle is different, I can't judge them. My identity I find is based on how think of myself in a given situation. How I portray myself, if I say what I feel are the right things to help someone out. Or to give instruction in a way that I think is helpful. Usually I'm too intense in all this. So that belief is wrong, I might think its helpful but its intruesif. Or when someone is telling me something and instructing me. I find I'm way ahead of them already in my mind and trying to get them there. When they accuse me of not listening, I accuse them of being stupid and not being able to keep up. My identity is too much in what I'm doing and not enough in who created me to do it. My identity is too much in my skill and not in who skilled me. My worth is too much in what I've done and not in who gave me the ability to accomplish everything. I can't believe how I get trapped like this. Hits me, I'm amazed of how patient God is, how he lets me run away from him, knowing I'll be back. It's like the software wanting to be the operating system too. You can't do that. It's one or the other.