Love and Logic

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8 NLT

You'd think it would be something more like "be honest or tell the truth or the golden rule. Love is strong, I have to be careful about love. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Loving someone is really, challenging when they've hurt you. I think of john 3:16, then I think that i don't know what love is at times. I don't love myself, I find I condemn myself too much. Then I know people who love themselves too much. I find I have trouble loving people more these days than I did before I was married. My wife has to convince me that people are mean to me at times, when I totally blow it off. I don't care. I'm so used to rejection. She can sense that I'm clueless to it, which makes her feel more hurt for me. Her main question whenever I come home from a meeting is, "were they nice to you?" I don't know, they weren't mean. I wasn't offended. This has happened to so many times, that i begin to think I'm this weird alien that people are just putting up with. I find that both my wife and I have been battered in our single lives so much, that showing deep love from both us to others is a show and not real, yet I can watch others and think I should do that, but why?

My biggest problem, is. I don't accept God's love for myself, I can sure love others great, but not myself. When someone wrongs me though? no more love for them. Thats where I have issues with this scripture. I need to accept God's love for me first and the love will come naturally. I feel I'm terrible because of my sins. That has to change though, I will always sin in who knows what way. That doesn't stop God's love though. He actually uses that sinful moment to draw me to Him.

Hits me, I'm going to screw up for the rest of my life, and love on others too. No ones perfect. I've unfriended people, unliked pages, and feel terrible, and why? Am I afraid of what they think? or am I doing somethings wrong? I look at pages on facebook that I don't know what to do with, should I unlike them? then I see the junk in my office, that I don't know what to do with. I find God telling me to love, but I can't without logical reason.  Love isn't logical, they don't mix. I find logic has come into my life and ruled almost everything with results. I can't love with logic, it just doesn't work, it's like oil and water. It's crazy of how my brain has been programed over the years to think different ways.