Hold off Healing

You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

Psalm 51:17b NLT

At first I'm thinking, i need to repent. I don't know what I'm doing as a person anymore. I've felt recently that I just needed to give my business to God. I always stressed about getting work in. Then when I finally wasn't thinking about work, it came in. I find I get this scripture backwards. I keep reading it as,  repent, but believe it as survival. I find I know what I need to repent of, but its interesting of how God tuggs at my fears with it. I keep on thinking that if I come broken and repent, I'll lose everything, vulnerability opens me up for rejection. I'm amazed of how much tension I feel.
Why do I hold off healing. Imagine if my body didn't heal physically, its like itching the bite.

Hits me, I'm focusing too much on my wounds and not on healing. I need to be broken and repentant in order to heal. That's hard for me. I'm not good at that.