Pissed off

Galatians 5:7-11

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?  That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.  “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”  I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty.  Brothers and sisters, if I am still preaching circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been abolished.

 

At first I'm thinking, of the tough things I've been going through the past few months. Lots of insecurities about listening to God. From this scripture, I'm quick to blame. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's those moments when you think God is using someone to speak to you and He's is but isn't. It's like in Star Wars when Anakein listens to the chancelor because his wife could be in danger. It's the get rich quick schemes, it's those moments when your past hits you unexpectedly and weeks later your wondering how you landed in the dirt, and is it too late? I have reason for resentment, but I feel miserable. What do I do with forgiveness? what do I do with salvation? Christ didn't say a word for 30 years. All he could say was "it's not time yet". I can't say God makes mistakes, He's teaching me to see Him in them. Why do bad things happen to good people? Define bad. It's different for everyone. I believe I live in a society that lives off of happiness, not reality. Sometimes I want to screw these blogs because I'm not being honest enough. I've been pissed these last months. God's been pulling me in my own company and knocking on me with all kinds of personal stuff. He's brought people back in my life that I now resent. He's brought family stuff up that I now resent again. The scripture comes to mind "he who is without sin, cast the first stone". I've come to envy sinners, then I look in the mirror and I see one. I find myself not wanting people over because it's not ready by my standards. I sound like my mom. NOOO!! Who did this to me? Did I? 

 

Hits me. I have to get myself out of this, I get so blindsided at times, I need to pray for grace, its like drinking a glass of water before I hit the heat outside and not after I'm dehydrated. It's being ready for the gig and not getting ready after its begun. And if the gigs begun and someone leads me astray, I can't put my head in the ground like I'd like to, but need to keep to my identity even if I don't know who I am anymore.