Authentic Desire

I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.”
Psalm 40:8 NIV

Desire sticks out to me. Man do i have desires, and sometimes I have none and just seize the moment and do nothing. I was watching Christopher Robin the other day, (a sleeper movie). Doing alot of nothing often leads to the very best kind of something.  If you need a napping movie, this will warm you up to the point of passing you out. Similar things are old sci-fi movies, fantasia, and jackie. Sip some water, I read and think. my mind doesn't want to do his will, my heart does. My heart hurts alot these days. I was in a spiritual coma for most of my life until I had an emdr test (actually 5) and the Trauma I experienced at the age of 3 and 4 and into my youth was replaced with positive and inspirational thoughts. I'm not fixed but my authenticity is back, the struggles come and go. I feel I make things way to complicated and need to just chill.  Then why do i constantly battle God's word. Is it within my heart? Yes i know it, this isn't black and white. I think this is why David said he desired to God's will, because he did. As do i, however thats not always the case. David didn't always do God's will, but he desired too. Its hard, I struggle. Being a dad and husband, I've made countless mistakes.  I continually go by Yoda's philosophy " do or do not, there is not try". When Im at work, and editing something for whichever hour of news I am. I have to make sure its quality, things aren't too loud, not too soft, select a steady shot, no flashframes, make sure my edits are clean. I have to look at what I did, and then recut if its not right to script.

Hits me, I desire to do God's will, but i don't alot. i desire to have a great marriage. My desires good and bad will never leave. They will only grow. I just to need to put them through my God filter and see how He see's. Its a recalibration. Like resyncing the audio frequencies of a mic when you get somewhere else. Or recalibrating the drone (when I used to have it).  Like in Karate Kid 3 when Mr. Meyagi kept telling Daniel to refocus. At the end fight you could tell Daniel was scared, and Meyago yelled at him to focus and not have fear. Daniel did his yoga karate focus thing and won the fight. God knows I desire him, I just need to go with it in my the moment and not when its too late and I flop.