Sunday, September 20, 2015

The War with my Drone

But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes.
1 Corinthians 8:3 NLT

At first I'm thinking, i haven't seen this scripture in this context before. It makes me question my judgements on things I do. Sure I love God, but there are times, I don't show it. How does he recognize me?

Sip come coffee, I read and think. I find there's a vibe, I give everyone, something I can't hold back. Everyone has it. No matter what happens to me, what situations, bad decisions I make, this vibe doesn't leave me. It's this part about me that loves God, people can tell, I can tell. I'm going to piss my wife off, buy saying stupid stuff, or doing stupid stuff. I find I learn when everything is over, not during. I find I observe during, not after. God doesn't mind that. I don't have to be like everyone else. Christ wasn't, and we didn't like it. I find I need to be who I am. I find I'm not close to many at all but God, and they can tell. I try to fake it, but i'm too transparent. Some people have no idea I'm a christian.

But who is God to love? Who am I loving? It's an identity thing to me, it's about how I see myself through Him. I have to be consistent with it too. I get lazy and don't even care for months. He hints to me though through other people that it's ok to trust Him, when I'm not. He loves me, and i need to accept that.  I don't like accepting that because its my nature to feel stuck, not to perform better.

I'm reminded of when I bought my first drone last summer. I needed it for a video shoot. I couldn't figure it out. It was like a war. Finally i went to Hobby lobby and they explained briefly of what to expect when its ready to fly. I still needed to fly it. I was scared, but I knew I had to do it. I kept at it, feeling scared every flight. I crashed it a lot, but kept at it. I upgraded this summer to another one and still have the same fears. I realize that change is needed not just in my company but in my family. I have an image in my head of what I want that to look like, and I need to stride for it. I have a vision in my head of how crazy I want to fly that drone, and I need to practice it.

Hits me, I will always love God, most everyone does, but am I living my life like it? No, not really. But God's a jealous God and he wants me back to where I used to be and he wants me to improve.

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