Marriage advice for Singles

Genesis 2:24
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

What is united into one mean anyway? I believe this is a mentality that you won't understand until you're married.




Marriage Advice to Singles

This is from Nathan but with permission from Susan

For those of you who grew up with me from day 1 or have known me throughout my life, you know I wasn't the quietest guy you've met, and didn't really leave the ladies alone. Now that I'm married, I’ve had a chance to think about what advice I wish I was given back in that time and now am giving it.  Some things you may think are absurd and aren’t correct, but their my opinions.  Something I've been working on the past few years.  Sorry so long

1. Even if you say your not looking, you are, because you're human.

2. If its obviously love at first sight, that’s great, they'll let you know too

3. Guy or girl, we all send vibes if we're desperate and it doesn't work. You'll just scare them off.

4. Remember, either of you will have to take a risk sometime

5. God will line someone up for you in his timing, regardless of your relationship with Him.

6. Whatever struggles you currently have, will go right with you. They might be toned down a lot, but later on in your marriage when you're relaxed, they will come out.

7. If you're in a relationship and are scared to get serious, remember everyone goes through this.

8. As a single person you have your own dreams and desires and would like to fulfill them, once you meet someone else, you’ll share theirs as well and have to make that important too.

9. Men and women alike notice those who do not notice them, so no need to feel unnoticed.  We’re all insecure, so if you want to be noticed, be confident in yourself.

10. If you start dating someone, and get confused and nervous throughout it, remember they were attracted to how you WERE in the beginning and not to how you think you need to be at the moment.

11. If you've made some mistakes, don't even feel God is going to punish you and give you someone terrible, He doesn't work like that. He'll give you someone best for you. And don't be thinking of people who are best for you as you read this.

12.  If you begin dating someone, be ready for all those other people who were interested in you, to flock to you. Somehow you send a vibe out and they all begin calling you or getting in contact and giving you attention.  This is because you now present a challenge to them.  Just be ready for it, because it will happen.


DO's

1. Guys need to shut up and let the women talk. Ask the girls, questions about them and REMEMBER what they said.

2. Play the field, see who's out there, then when the right one comes around, it'll be obvious between both of you.

3. If you're compassionate, show it

4. if you're a jerk, show it

5. Know who you are and believe it. Your identity is huge, if you don't know who you are, then you will find other things or people for that identity, and then you'll crash. You're identity is in Christ. It’s not in your talents or abilities.

6. If you're shy and just don't want to leave the house, leave the house.

7. If you get confused and just are saying "i don't know" all the time, first remember satan loves to confuse us and second, look at your gut feeling.

8. You need to feel comfortable with you when you're with them, if you can't, you need to look at yourself again

9. Learn to chill and relax by yourself

10. Be content being single, no rush.

11. If you can tell they like you and you don't like them back, tell them. Don’t lead them on.

12. If you’re not used to being good friends with others, work on that first.

Scenerio's:

1. If you like someone you met at camp or some mission trip, etc. it's called "camp or mission fever". These can turn into great friendships and sometimes marriage but don't let the atmosphere influence your feelings. Just feel blessed to have met such great people.

2. "But I'm just waiting for this person to come back to the good side". This can very well happen and has happened. In these cases, its best to not worry about it or them, and listen to your friends and family very closely.



DON'T's

1. Don't fall in love with (the idea) of someone. Yes we all want to get married and be in love and live happily ever after. BUT, some get infatuated with the thought of having someone and being held and being with them (the idea), DON'T. Be smart and practical.

2. If you can tell the girl or guy isn't into you, DON'T try to make them get into you, it won't happen (some people are just Really nice)

3. Everything from your past will go with you, DON'T think a relationship is going to erase your past or theirs. It can help, but it won’t permanently fix anything.

4. Don't try to impress them, being yourself will impress them without knowing it.

5. You cannot worry about it, DON’T be scared if they're not calling you or messaging you, DON’T read into their replies, unless you know for fact that you hurt them. Still give it a few days.

6. Don't beat yourself up for being you, you know you, you know if you're not being you.

7. Don't play with the other persons emotions

8. Never lead anybody on

9. Don't rush into things (let the paint dry) like 2 days. Remember if you marry them you need to marry your best friend, not someone you're in love with the fact "I'm in love" with.

10. Don't think marriage first off, be aware of them too, them as a person

11. Don't be who you're not

12. Don't be doing any pedestals, you'll just get hurt, because they will feel uncomfortable

13. Don't become like a computer and be one tracked minded to keep from feeling lonely.

14. Don't limit yourself to one location, and that I mean church’s.  Don’t ever think that your denomination is the only place that you’ll meet someone. It could be, but since God never made up denominations (we did) don’t limit yourself.

15. Don't ever think marriage is going to fix your life, because it won't, without a lot of work.

16. There is no need to rush anything. It's well worth the wait.

17. Don't be looking for someone who's best for you. Majority of the time you don’t know.

18. A lot of us have been raised with an image of what a married life is supposed to be.  Such as “have a set number of kids, nice house, nice neighborhood, good job, kids are all cute for church on Sunday, wife does her things, the husband does his, kids are playing in the yard”.  Life is great! HAAAA. What planet are you on? DON’T think like this. Parts of this may happen for a season but most likely not. You will have the marriage and family God has for you, NOT how you might think and NOONE does.  Never compare yourself to what it appears other people have.

19. Don’t freak out when you see them laughing and hanging out with someone else.  People don’t get interested so quick, they like to chill, let loose.  If they are dating, don’t worry, if they get engaged, don’t worry, if they get married, it’s over for you and you need to move on.  And I mean MOVE ON.  You have no business hanging out with them as though you’re both single.

20. Don’t get scared if you find yourself confused, that’s completely normal.

FACTS about marriage

1. Two Christians or Two people of similar beliefs can get married

2. Two non-Christians can get married

3. A non-Christian and a Christian shouldn’t get married, when stress levels hit their peak, things won’t work.

4. You are marrying someone for you, not your family. Your family should like them but don't marry them for your family.

5. Marriage is not like a job promotion. Job's and careers come and go, but marriage is there to stay.

6. When you're single, you can just go home and be rid of everything. When you’re married, you can be rid of everything but still have emotional responsibilities with your family, even when you’re drained.

7. When you've had fights with your siblings or parents, you can just go to your rooms or homes, you can't do that in marriage.

8. Marriage is a mentality that is developed and has to be fed and nurtured. Marriage is not a project that ends with the signing of the license. It begins with the signing of the license and is fed and modified everyday until you die or it will die and many have.

9. Marriage is NOT for the selfish, but the for the selfless.

10. Marriage will show you how selfish you really are and you'll be working on it forever or NOT.

11. If you choose not to work on it, you will put your family through a living hell and wish you were there too.

12. Marriage is a very much like a battery, + and - must be together for anything to work, if not, you're dead.

13. If your friends and family are pushing you to get married, ignore them, marriage is not like renting a car or buying a house, its a lifetime commitment that requires work and lots of it at times.

14. There's nothing wrong with you, its just not time yet, you don't want to make a mistake.

15. You're going to meet a ton of the nicest men or women and none of them could be the right one. Some friendlier than others, get used to it, get over it.  When the right one comes around, it will be scary but evident.

16. If you're a Christian, and you've met someone special, and all of a sudden you're totally doing great spiritually, DON’T take that as a sign, that doesn't mean it's meant to be.

17. If you end up getting married, don't think you have to be on this perfect spiritual high on your wedding day.

18. the first few months of marriage can be tough.  Be aware that your insecurities will be at there peak.  Don’t worry, give it time, its very much like a starting a new job, you must give yourself time to get around the hard stuff and expectations, conflicts, disagreements, etc.  It may not be bad, but can be.  The filter (if you want to call it that) that was on your mind and eyes while you were dating and engaged is now gone and you can think and see everything like you did prior to meeting each other.  This is where the true tests begin,  don’t worry, its ok.  You’ll get over it.

19. If you’re a relational person and have many friends and chat a lot, and help people emotionally a lot.  Despite how close your outside friendships are, or who they’re with. Your spouses needs come FIRST, not second because you met them second. You’ll be very tempted to put what you think is important first.  All your emotions go to your family now, not any one stranger you meet, who (you know you can help).  Your flesh will crave everyone but your family for some reason.

20.  FEARS, It doesn’t matter how many you have, in marriage they will all be dealt with in one way or another and you will hate it, because you don’t want to go there.  Yes your spouse will help you and you will hate it and will fight them but will have to face them.  So be ready.

Advice for guys:

1. Don't go and kiss the girl you like, that doesn't work very well

2. Don't ask the girl "what's that stuff all over you face, oh its make-up"

3. If its a first date and she's late, and you brought no money anyway, expect it to be your last date.

5. Yes its true that many girls are attracted to instrument players, worship team people, etc. DON’T get into it, for that reason. If they come and sit down to listen to you play, don’t read into it.  I am a soundman and I’ll hit the mute button.

6. Just because you’re up on stage singing, doesn’t mean you’re all Godly.  Us tech’s behind the scenes know really how you are.

7. If your girlfriend is giving you hints of marriage, don't joke with her, put yourself into marriage mode and set a date for yourself to propose. This will tell you if you're ready for it. Don't be playing with the girls emotions, if you're serious move forward with it. Women need security, don't be playing them for years and years. If you’re really committed, get married.


Here’s a little thing I thought up about preparing yourself for marriage


Start by thinking about what you do from the moment you get up to the moment you go to bed, every detail.

Areas of your life that if you could master these, you would consider yourself a good person.

Areas of your life that you don’t mind letting go of

Areas of your life that are you, (what do you value?).  By doing these things, it’s your personality coming out, this is who you are.

Areas of your life that you recognize you’re not good at.

Areas of your life that you consider no big deal and you want to keep them as they are

Now that you’ve thought of that
The areas of your life that if you could master these, you’d be great.  These will never leave you, you will deal with this for the rest of your life.  Marriage will not fix this.

Areas of your life that you don’t mind letting go of:  these will not be a big deal to your spouse, you letting go of them won’t even phase your spouse.

Areas of your life that are you: these will drive you spouse nuts at times, and the same with you.  These you will learn to love and learn to sacrifice.

Areas of your life that you recognize you’re not good at: these will also drive your spouse crazy but, your spouse probably will be stronger in these areas.

Areas of your life that you consider no big deal and you want to keep them as they are:  these areas you will probably have the biggest arguments about. You also will learn to love this about your spouse


What does the phrase “working on your marriage” mean.

It’s all about compromise, and what does compromise mean.

Here’s a simple situation that Susan and I had that explains compromising.

On one of our few road trips to Holbrook, I decided that I wanted to watch a movie on the way.  So almost to Payson I told Susan to get the movie out.  She became very frustrated and upset and stressed.  I calmly tell her how to hook it up, and that just increases everything.  Honey you like watching movies I say, this isn’t the first time.  Well I forgot that I was driving at the moment in construction and (stressing Susan because she hates being trapped and confined) and we had left late the morning because I didn’t get home from work until 1 am (she stressed that she won’t have much time for mom now).  She had never connected my gear up for DVD and she was looking forward to having a conversation on the way UP.  So I pull over and put my dvd away even though she now wanted to watch the movie.  Now we had 1hr and ½ to figure out how to deal with this situation. Silence……….so after a lot of compromise we figured out that she would like to watch movies on the way home and talk about things on the way there.  Agreed, or so I thought.

Compromising and Expectations.

Be able to compromise and have no or very little expectations