Preserving the Legacy of John McCain

1 Corinthians 15:58 NLT
So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.

I read this this morning and felt kind of stuck. I felt like I used to think this way when I was single. Then I got married and my enthusiasm was put into question depending on what my wife wanted to do. I was being held back. But it also brings me back to my early days in video, when I saw the need to shoot the services at church and by the time I loaded my gear into the truck, my dad noticed what I was doing and tried to discourage me from moving forward with capturing the event. He claimed there was no need. I did it anyway, because I knew he didn't know better.  I had to do what I felt to be right. Then I catch myself at times doing the same thing to my daughter. But now I say, sure we can go to Target and spend your gift card, or sure bring your crutches with us, it'll be fun. I used to worship while I worked, because I was doing it for God. I never want to discourage anyone from serving God. I'm amazed of how emotional I get when I'm serving. When John McCain passed away last Saturday, I was approached by a producer for the 8 pm to do a setup pkg simply because I was available. As I began gathering clips, I prayed that I could give this the heart it needed and deserved. I'm kind of known in the newsroom to get creative and crazy with things like this. As I read the script and began editing this, I felt it needed more. I felt like Daniel Larusso in the Karate Kid trimming the Bonsai tree, or in Star wars when Luke puts his helmet in the Millennium Falcon. I had to trust my gut, my feelings, my heart, God would give me the ideas. I had to edit this until it made me cry. I had only 1 hour to do it. I felt all my years of experience had lead up to this moment, I chose a new song, one no one had heard, i chose his clip when he had been captured in Vietnam for the beginning.  I had it done with in the end of the hour, it was only 38 seconds, but I felt I was preserving his legacy. My work wasn't useless when I was growing up, regardless of the comments that people had, God was molding me and making and still is. The opener played again the next night. I ended up making 3 more that weekend.

Hits me, I'm an artist, wow the insecurity and confidence you get in creating your art, the rejection and the support are insane. Why do I keep remembering the rejection? I need to make it my mission again to encourage people when they do a good job, because their work is not useless.  I need some lunch.

I'm a farmer not a fighter - Charles Ingalls

Hebrews 10:35
So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you.

As I sit here at Starbucks, I reflect on the different things that have made me confident. I find knowledge of things to be powerful, yet when I'm recognized or helpful to someone, that builds my confidence. Or just encouraging someone and uplifting them.  I find I don't get confidence without research and studying of a given subject. By studying God, and developing my relationship with Him, I have confident trust in Him, yet I get tempted to doubt him. I'm reminded of Charles Ingalls in Little House on the Prairie, I grew up watching the show and now as a grown man, it hits me differently. He had integrity, was just a farmer, but highly respected. He was simple and loved the Lord with confidence. It reflected in his family too, he protected them well. In an episode Mary and her husband get attacked in town, Charles gets word of it but doesn't really stand a chance in the fight. His friend shows up and takes care of the scumbags. How I aspire to be like him. I am so not like that I find. My brother is more like that. I'm more Mr. Edwards, I have the gray beard to show for it.

It hits me, I have to take what I have learned and grow with it, Im not just a video editor, I'm alot of things, I am who God made me. I can't farm, I'm not a mechanic, I'm not a handyman, I know some stuff. I just have a passion that won't let me go and that I fight for.

Boiling Water

Proverbs 18:21

The Tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

I was making more hummingbird feeder today, since they were just sitting out there for a month empty. I thought no big deal lets get it done, I need some life to look at outside anyway. Something hit me as the water began to boil. I looked deep into the pot and it was filled with these dots, like goosebumps, as they grew they got bigger and started looking like eyes looking right at me. As they evaporated, more came up, but bigger, bigger eyes, staring at me, like it was my life, my experiences, my struggles, my everything, my being.  As it boiled, it occurred to me that my life wasn't in vain, but had purpose, when I was bullied, when I was told I would fail, when i was told my videos sucked, when I was told, I wouldn't graduated from High school, that no one wanted a video, no one needed me to shoot this event, to put that stupid camera away, the amount of money i brought home wasn't enough. Just no support that I needed. Then I think of the thank you notes that I have on my wall, the pics with happy clients. Those were harsh words, they brought death but I saw life ahead of me in my future that I couldn't ignore.  Sure I've said things I shouldn't and reaped what I sowed, but the life I see is after the water boils it the life those hummingbirds come for. Ya its the sugar water, but my point is, I had to go through that, I had to get those molecules out, to become who I am today. Crazy thing is, the water continues to boil and evaporate only to encourage and uplift those around me.

My Garage from Hell to Healing

Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation - so why should i be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should i tremble.


I just saw this scripture today and i thought it fit my story well.
For the past few years, my garage has been a place to store my archives, dvds, video equipment and some tools. I've never really cleaned it, but made it the best I could for the moment. The only task I had was to get rid of stuff and just shut the doors. That is until recently, I found myself needing to be in it, no lights on, just standing in the dark. I put my Cobra Kai on to help me focus and I stood there in the dark and just let whatever hit me. This has been hell in my marriage, not a pretty place to be. The video business didn't sit well in our house, but became a swear word. As episode 5 played and Daniel Larusso goes to Mr. Mayagi's tombstone to seek some advice, it hit me what I was doing in there. When Karate Kid came out, I had just started in 5th grade at Hopi, wow was that hard. So hard, that i picked up dads video camera and starting playing with it as an escape to the rejection I faced. As tears ran down my cheeks i began pacing the garage and seeing thankyou notes and photos from gigs I had done. I don't know why i was sobbing. Daniel had a rough time changing schools and Mr. Meyagi was there for him. As I stood there in the dark listening to Cobra Kai, Mr. Meyagi told daniel at a young age to find his center again. Daniel then cleaned out his dojo to rediscover his center. It was like God telling me, this is when I wanted you to get into video, when you were broken. This is not hell in here like I've come to believe it to be, it was your healing back then and it still is now, it was my light. This ugly messy dirty garage. Then i saw my first edit machine upside down on the ground a few feet ahead of me. That's the little mixer that I got for Christmas 30 years ago. I didn't want to leave like I had before. Everyone gave me a hard time doing it, but I didn't care because i knew i could grow in it. I knew I was terrible. He protected me from getting into trouble with this. Hell i still did but I know its how God made me, i am who I am. God knows my heart and how i need to heal, He's my healing and brought me to a place I thought was hell.

Way of Life

Psalm 16:11

You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence of living with you forever.

Well show me, I want to see this.  That's what im thinking. He did, Jesus walked on this earth. I want joy, i miss joy. Whats your presence about anyway? Living with you forever, i did that along time ago. Sometimes the answer to life's problems is in a beer of Samuel Adams Boston lager i hold in my hand. It's nice to escape while watching Pawn Stars or these days Cobra Kai. What is my way of life these days? We both work and manage our kids schedules basically. That's our way of life. But is that a way of life? I always have wanted to follow the spirits leading which is when I would know the way of life, but man is that hard. Its about living with God forever. Having joy, having His presence. I feel His presence when he's convicting me usually. But whatever about obeying Him, then he'll show me the way. I think of people that are trapped and escaped.

I remember Andy Dufrane in Shawshank Redemption, how he carefully planned his escape, how Steve McQueen in the great escape (hilts "the cooler guy") as they called him, escaped several times only to get caught again. Then I'm reminded of the Truman Show, and this false way of life they gave this little Truman. They wanted him to live for an audience. It was a fake life, and he wasn't, he wanted to escape and build his own way, and he finally did. The song "Don't Fence me in" comes to me.

Hits me, God will show me His way but in my own way, He's always up to something.

No more fear of being myself

Phillippians 4:4

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again - rejoice!

At first Im thinking, easier said than done God. Always?  I usually am, I'm a positive person. But then I see, In the Lord. So its not myself, its in Him. If I focus on Him, then I'll have joy, say it again rejoice. This is really weird.  I've have joy when im producing videos for people. Im in my realm. I often think again of Erich Little in Chariots of fire as he runs with his head held back. Or the many artists out there that have joy when there doing their craft. A musician locked into there jam session, just feeling the music. The sound guy mixing , the video guy switching, its all done in feeling. The camera man following there every movement capturing the moment for all the see.

Hits me, I'm not always full of joy, which is probably why Paul said this. When i focus on God, give up trying whatever im trying and just let go. Like Elsa in frozen, let it go, let it go. Show my true talents. Then Im joyful. No fear of man, no fear of rejection, no over thinking, no analyzing, nothing. So many things get bottle up that kill my joy. No more fear of being me.