Inside Out

This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NIV

At first I'm thinking that this is New Years Eve and why not have a verse like this. I reflect on the past too much I find. Why do I dwell in it, so much? It's like the 1% of clients that hate you, that cause you to updated standards. Its the confidence that you lose for the brief time because I want the job to be over. But I must have integrity and finish it. My grandma died this year, my friend Ben Rehm and Sarah Izbell also passed away.

I need something to drink. I'm at Starbucks today, so I'm drinking my usual cafe' Mocha. Sip some Mocha I read and think. Honestly I'm reminded of how I have trouble not stressing over these blogs. I'm reminded of how much stress I had this year with providing as an entrepreneur and getting ready for our baby, and the plumbing leak that required a new bathroom that took 6 months to replace. Then I forget about how God provided for everything. I'm reminded of the movie Inside Out. Its currently my 6 year olds favorite. Its about the inside of our brains and how we react to change. In the movie, a family sets out to San Francisco for a new business venture, the main charactor Riley, is positive about the change, but gets too fixed on her hometown of Minnesota. Disney very cleverly divided up the brain into 5 parts, Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear. The point of the movie was to see the need for sadness. Joy played by Amy Poehler, wants Rileys world always to be Joyful, causing Rileys emotions and feeling to be hidden. Sadness played by Phyllis Smith recgonizes when Riley needs to be sad. This feeling of sadness doesn't relate to the other feelings, and they keep shutting her out. This continues until Joy and Sadness find themselves trapped in Rileys past memories where they discover her invisible friend Bing Bong played by Richard Kind. Bing Bong relizes that Riley doesn't need him anymore and Sadness comforts him, making him cheer up.  This gives Joy and epiphany, that sadness is needed in order to recover from hurt.

Hits me, I made mistakes this year, I'm a screw up in my marriage, I let my family down, made dumb decisions. If I don't take time to be sad and let it go, and focus on what God did do, the waters he opened up, the new things he's doing, I'll be miserable I wonder where my hope comes from. Riley was mad about the move, and attempted to run away back to Minnesota where life was better. She finally broke down and cried to her parents and they empathized and related with her, making all her emotions unite. I can look at things as good as the were and fail to see what God has planned for me this upcoming year. He is making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Doing Business socially

So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 8:15 NLT

At first I'm thinking that, I've never seen this one before. How Fun! I'm a fun guy, but I also have a deep and serious side to me. Who doesn't? Sip some coffee, I read and think.

This is how I do business actually. In networking, business can be done by eating, drinking, and enjoying life. It's about using people who I've connected with. I've run into problems though, when too many cool people approach doing the same thing.

I also see this as how to live life, but with honesty. I'm all about the post-event. What happens after the party. In video production, its about what happens in the post event. I was shooting a funeral yesterday and arrived at the burial, the burial people were wondering why I was shooting it? I had to inform them of the several people who wanted to be there and couldn't. She hadn't thought of that. I find that I am living in an entitled era. Everyone is entitled to do things on their own time, when they want it. The biggest problem with video production is that things are left undone. That's where I come in.

I also see the need to lighten up. I get so fixated on getting work in and getting work out, that I forget to watch the wind in the trees and the months go by and its already Christmas, but I'm thinking of January.  Even in stressful moments I tend to have fun, (drives my wife crazy). I use humor in my stress.

My daughter's been watching Curious George 3: Back to Jungle. In it George is requested to fly to outer space to get a device off a satelite to help control the dams in South Africa. He successful does this but crashes in South Africa. Being Curious, he immidiately makes friends with the animals and eventually finishes his job and saves the land from flooding.  I was impressed with how George could remain positive the whole time and keep thinking outside the box.

Hits me, I need to learn to relax and let my job go. Call it quits after a time. Take a break. God's got my work cut out for me and I need to just trust Him.

Good and Evil

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33 NIV


There's a song about this, that I was raised with. It's crazy the words I sing and don't mean them. I find I sing other music and mean it, but when it come to Godly stuff, it doesn't happen all the time.

Sip come coffee, I read and think. Why can't it go a different way? Why does it have to His kingdom and His righteousness. I find i get this backwards. I think if I do good and feel good, I'll get his kingdom and his righteousness. So I am currently shooting a conference about the afterlife. I was amazed of how i could feel the emptiness in the room. I could feel the evil presence on me. I kept just giving it to God. The belief system was definitely abstract, to there being more than one God. A team of gods. I'm thinking, the gospel is simple people, just believe in it and have faith. I found that too many people wanted control of their lives. When in fact, we're to give up control to God. They want to be in charge and control their universe. It's almost fear that they have. It's the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Don't mess with that, it's a spiritual field beyond my control, only supernatural beings such as God should take care of that.  They won't seek His kingdom or his righteousness, they want to choose their own god's. We all have, and know how that go's.

Hits me, The point is, is where do I find my hope, my escape. It should be in God, but usually isn't. I try and try hard, living in His Kingdom and righteousness isn't easy, but more I do, the more all these things are given.

Argofuckyourself

"...for unless you believe that I Am who I claim to be, you will die in your sins."

John 8:24 NLT


At first I'm thinking, how abrupt is that? Believe or die, but not just believe, but believe in who I claim to be. It's so sudden. It's believe that I was there or you will die. I would have so many more questions.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. I am a sinner, a professional one. I've always said, christians are the best sinners. There is so much temptation after you get saved, that I've given into sin before, because I just couldn't handle the temptation. So the part "die in your sins" makes sense. I felt I was dying.  I ask my myself, why do I have so much trouble trusting and believing. I am human, but why do I have issues with trust? My daughter brought a note home from school the other day about her speaking during class. I wanted to know the conversation. I wanted to know the relationship. So she didn't start this. Then at the end she said, "dad, everyone gets notes home likes this, this is my first one". I'm going to sin, it's going to happen, but it's just another chance to believe in God again in who is. It's practice, its learning. He's not going to challenge me with things that are easy but with those that aren't.

I'm reminded of the movie Argo, where Ben Afleck stars at Tony Mendez, A CIA agent who has to rescue 6 Americans held Hostage in Iran in 1980. He does this by disguising the as an undercover Hollywood producer and they are the crew scouting for a location to shoot a fake sci film named Argo. It was very hard for them to trust him, but they did and they made it. the phrase "Argofuckyourself" became the humorous come back when the film was brought up by spectators later in the years.

Hits me, I need to believe that He is who He claims to be, not just agree. I'm a sinner, He's my way out, I need to believe that.

The War with my Drone

But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes.

1 Corinthians 8:3 NLT

At first I'm thinking, i haven't seen this scripture in this context before. It makes me question my judgements on things I do. Sure I love God, but there are times, I don't show it. How does he recognize me?

Sip come coffee, I read and think. I find there's a vibe, I give everyone, something I can't hold back. Everyone has it. No matter what happens to me, what situations, bad decisions I make, this vibe doesn't leave me. It's this part about me that loves God, people can tell, I can tell. I'm going to piss my wife off, buy saying stupid stuff, or doing stupid stuff. I find I learn when everything is over, not during. I find I observe during, not after. God doesn't mind that. I don't have to be like everyone else. Christ wasn't, and we didn't like it. I find I need to be who I am. I find I'm not close to many at all but God, and they can tell. I try to fake it, but i'm too transparent. Some people have no idea I'm a christian.

But who is God to love? Who am I loving? It's an identity thing to me, it's about how I see myself through Him. I have to be consistent with it too. I get lazy and don't even care for months. He hints to me though through other people that it's ok to trust Him, when I'm not. He loves me, and i need to accept that.  I don't like accepting that because its my nature to feel stuck, not to perform better.

I'm reminded of when I bought my first drone last summer. I needed it for a video shoot. I couldn't figure it out. It was like a war. Finally i went to Hobby lobby and they explained briefly of what to expect when its ready to fly. I still needed to fly it. I was scared, but I knew I had to do it. I kept at it, feeling scared every flight. I crashed it a lot, but kept at it. I upgraded this summer to another one and still have the same fears. I realize that change is needed not just in my company but in my family. I have an image in my head of what I want that to look like, and I need to stride for it. I have a vision in my head of how crazy I want to fly that drone, and I need to practice it.

Hits me, I will always love God, most everyone does, but am I living my life like it? No, not really. But God's a jealous God and he wants me back to where I used to be and he wants me to improve.

A peaceful beating

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

Proverbs 14:30 NLT

Interesting, a healthy body to cancer in the bones. Peaceful vs. jealousy. I've never been a jealous guy. I'm always striving to have a good time or just make the most of it. When I was younger, I was obsessed with the lady's.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm amazed of what peace vs jealously does to the body. I find i get stuck in areas either quickly or over time. I'm easy going, so peace is not hard to find wherever I'm at. Envy, jealousy, whatever you want to call it, can kill ya. I'm amazed of the beating my body takes, when I get into this stuff. I don't really get jealous because I tend to want to celebrate with people their successes. I find I don't have peace alot. Peace to me says, I'm cool where I'm at. I usually am not. I want to be better at everything I do. I constantly stride to improve. I try to listen to people and take insight where I can. Instead of being jealous of what others could do, I want to find out how they did it.

Hits me, surrendering things to God will give me peace, the jealousy factor won't be there then. I can set my expectations high for anything. If I don't have peace about it though, it'll be like having cancer.

Hardened Heart

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Proverbs 4:23 NLT


At first I'm thinking that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It's crazy but I do. I put everything out there. Why? because I want to be real. Doing this also puts it up for battle and shred. People will see I'm doing this and want to take advantage of me. They won't be respectful, they just will be completely mean. You throw enough of that at me, I end up hardening my heart. In school, I lost trust in teachers and my classmates. I averaged. I see it many people, so much, that I empthaze with them, because I feel the heart is where life begins and ends. Business's are started due to whats on someones heart.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. In Video production, I produce for the viewers hearts. What mood do I want to give them. People watch videos to escape, learn, grow, be impacted, out of interest, laugh.

My tough part is when my heart is hurt by people that I'm close to, this started with my family, and then gets into my marriage. I didn't expect that, I didn't expect that I would take the pain of childhood into my adult life. I thought adult life would just erase them. Now I find I'm living according to them at times.


Hits me, I need to guard my heart in weird moments, do not mistake kindness for weakness. My heart may be hurt, but it does determine the course of my life. I feel while scrolling through facebook, so many hurt people are escaping to it. Other's escape from it. Facebook was founded due to a hardened heart. Now here I am, online sharing my heart, lol.

Battle for Joy

You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.

Psalm 16:11 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I've read this before. But what is it. These days, I find I'm afraid to live this kind of life. The joy of His presence, that all sounds good. Why do i have a hard time with it?

Sip some coffee, I read and think. I learn on my own time. Not on everyones elses. They can show me, but I will take it my own way. Sometimes, I do exactly as they say. That's why I don't care about my competition, because there different than me. Its crazy how Christ will show me the way of life in His own way, but I refuse it. It grants me joy and pleasure and all that stuff. I know what freedom is, but  I don't want it at times. Why not? My struggle is self condemnation. This helps me to carry on, when I get depressed, I don't stop, I keep charging.

I'm not one to goal set, so i need to be, I'm not one to plan, so I need to be. This is not my nature but it needs to be. I have to pray this. 

Fighting Unfailing Love

But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

Psalm 13:5 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I've seen this before. I have a problem with unfailing love. I have trouble when my daughter hugs me and doesn't want to let me go. Maybe its because I'm not very affectionate, I'm more in need of people helping me. She puts me in a tight headlock.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. Every Night, we sing Jesus Loves me to my daughter before bed, that or a Christmas carol. I think I'm the only one those word hit "Jesus, loves me". I feel Him speaking to me, saying "I, really do". I have to trust Him for unfailing love. I'm not good at that. Rescued, me from my self condemning ways. I will rejoice? Why do I keep living like this?

I Redboxed the movie Pandington, this weekend. I was reluctant because the preview made it look dumb. But the movie was good, longer story short, Pandington was rescued by a family in unknown place call London.

In my business, I have to think of what am I doing now.  I need to look at life with what am I doing about this anger, this insecurity, this hurt.

Hits me, I've already been rescued, I need to trust in His unfailing love. I'm not good at that.

Preparing to tell Grandma Kinkels story

Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment,

1 Peter 2:2 NLT


At first I'm thinking, I'm newborn, even though I think and feel such an old christian. I'm all about addressing old things in a new ways. I find that every morning, it's new way of looking at things. This blog, is a new blog for a new day. The scriptures are new every morning even though they were written thousands of years ago.

Sip some coffee, I read and think. Today I am shooting my Grandma Kinkel's life story. She has alzheimers so I know this will be interesting. Grandma is epic, just her personality is real an honest. my cousin Maggie has been taking care of her and has drawn close. I've been getting into story telling these past weeks. I want to hear her story of salvation, hear how God spoke to her way back in the day, how he speaks to her now? How she craves that spiritual milk. This is Grandma Kinkel, the amazing storybook reader, godly, honest, cook. Then I ask myself, how I experience Christ? How i've strayed again and again. Then I witness people like my grandma who've been faithful all their life.

Hits me. I'll always be a new born, even though I change gears to adulthood. Grandma always takes me back to who I really am, here eldest grandson.

Rambling Heart

May he grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed.

Psalm 20:4 NLT


The Holidays are over and I feel like I missed them, I was working the whole time, lol. At first I'm thinking, how does he know my hearts desire, but he does. How real am I being here. I can't fake out God. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm amazed of how clogged up my brain gets these days. I find my hearts desire is pay the bills and keep a roof over my families head. Or is it?

In all the business groups I attend on a weekly basis, I find we're all there for the same reason, to keep work coming in. No ones stressed, business is relational, and showing up gives you credibility. More coffee please, my lower back is out today. My daughter woke me up this morning at 2 am to watch Sophia, so I put it on repeat, camped out on the couch with her, until the cats woke me up to feed them. I read and think. What is my hearts desire? I love promoting people, their businesses, seeing them succeed, seeing them in the spotlight, and learning how to do it better.  What are my plans? How do I plan to do that? I have to surround myself with people who believe in what I do. I show up with my steadicam and shoot. Then I deliver in a timely manner. By doing that, several business's spot me and see that I'm legit and want to speak further. But not everyone.  It's hard when you get busy and you're almost a week out in delivery, then followup like crazy. I don't care what people think of me, why should I? If they find me bazaar, more power to them, lets take a selfie!! To me, from what I've learned from putting people around me, it's all about the relationship connection. It's that vibe, that first impression of me.

Hits me, God's given me my hearts desire for whatever it is, He's also given me plans to succeed, and He puts this drive in me and that will never end. He shows me himself everywhere I go. I feel like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire or Steve Jobs when he got with Wozniak. I'm an artist turned entrepreneur.  Now I'm just rambling. I have a rambling heart.