Merciful Manipulation

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

Psalm 103:8 NLT

I feel like I've read all these scriptures, yet I struggle and sin, and debate with myself. I find myself in a lot of anger lately. I'm just mad, I recently found out why too. I'm a victim of manipulation. I've been puzzled why my ears been flicked, why I've been shoulder bumped, chest  bumped, or head smacked throughout my life. I just couldn't imagine someone having so much confidence that they are right, that they will make anyone believe them. They make it all about them, yet they make it about you. It's really strange. I'm a nice guy, and couldn't imagine trying to manipulate someone into my ways or to do something for me. That's so mean and wrong. Then it hit me that, its their insecurity.  I'd like to see two manipulators together. That reminded me of the church. Then my wife stopped me because I wasn't all accurate. Then the images of every bully started appearing. I was enraged. Then I read this verse. I read and think.

Both of us are insecure and looking for acceptance, we react to rejection in different ways, they both hurt. what is pain for? Then I think of Christ and how he went through pain while on earth. He was born in a manger (very bad conditions). The scriptures state I need to be like Christ, let Christ live in in me. I feel like I'm in star wars and Obe-one canobi is instructing me. I feel like Luke, "i''ve learned so much and now I need to go". I read and think, then I find myself trapped in the memories of the many manipulators I've dealt with.

Hits me, no matter how squashed my heart gets, or deformed I feel, or stuck or whatever I feel. It's what God thinks of me and not how someone is trying to manipulate me. Can I handle the numb feeling I get when the manipulation kicks in and I feel like strangling and mangling the person doing it? The same merciful lord that is after me is after them too. Because really, we're both angry. We both are searching for compassion and want that unfailing love but are trapped. The whole thing of praying for the bully, thats a whole other story.