What does the diary tell you that it doesn't tell us? - Colonel Vogel

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again - my Savior and my God

Psalm 42:11 NLT

I woke up this morning thinking about the theology of a christian. The meaning of being a christian. Why do I call myself a christian. As I was browsing some blogs, the line from Indiana Jones and the last crusade came to mind.
Colonel Vogel: What does the diary tell you that it doesn't tell us?
[he tries to slap him again; Henry grabs his wrist, stopping him]
Professor Henry Jones: [through his teeth] It tells me, that goose-stepping morons like yourself should try *reading* books instead of *burning* them!

Then I sip some coffee and read and think. Am I willing to embrace who I am in God and fight for it?  As a christian I should be happy with joy. David clearly isn't. He tells God, that he's depressed, but he's still going to put his hope in Him. It's one of those things. Here in the last crusade, Dr. Jones is in the tank when they have this conversation. Colonel Vogel starts slapping him with his glove. Then asks him about the diary. What is the theology of my life? on what basis do I live my life. Sure I'm a christian so I live by the bible. But what really do I live my life for? I think of sports players, business people, students, family's, etc. Play to win! Grow your company! Get that degree! Have a nice house and great kids! I find I live my life towards and according to my situation. Then when my situation gets intense, I go to the word or whatever way I have of coping at the time. I can so easily get numb with knowledge of God. I can get wrapped up in societies ways and my vision weakens.  The nazi's saw the grail as a prize, which was the whole reason for the battle. I read and think. The diary was the search the grail, but really for the truth. The nazi's simply saw ownership. What's hard for me to understand and comprehend is that God is not to be owned because he seeks to own. I get so blinded, I'm one of those people who start burning the books that i need to read. It's easy for me to go to the place of pain in my life. It's easy to want hope and freedom but not from God. It's easy to think that the true hope comes from anywhere else but God. It's hard to believe that my mission in life is based on my circumstances. Others won't search their past, they live in anger with no way out (not as David does and fight to see the truth). They live in their pain as do I. Then I just have a stronger backbone. Is that whats life's about? Building a strong backbone?

Hits me, Henry Jones was in pursuit of God via the Diary even though he called it illumination. It was this theology that drew Him all his life. I'll get hit day in and day out with who knows what. God will use whatever he feels to draw me to him. I'll see his truth when its time. It's not about what job I do or don't have, where I'm at in my life at my age. It's His diary that he's writing through me.