t-shirts, dvds, and coffee mugs

So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

Romans 13:12 NLT

I've been thinking alot of about the shirts that I wear. You can often see me with a shirt with some phrase from a movie or a place. I got into this back in elementary school when I noticed people's parents wearing shirts that represented what they believed or a place they had been. Sip some coffee, I read and think. These shirts I could say are my tatoos, just like my mugs, they represent who I am. Just like my movie collection, they represent who I am. How many times have I not cast off the works of darkness but welcomed them in? I've put the armor of light aside. You watch me wear my "griswald family christmas" shirt and appear to be depressed. I'm wearing a funny shirt, my shirt should make me happy. It's because my shirt which represents "fun" is a cover up for how I'm feeling at the moment. During this political season I wear my "Vote for Pedro" shirt. How often do I put a mask on and play the church and family game, where I just say "doing good, and how are you? Great!" all the time. I remember wishing when I was in High School that I could simply smile and all my issues an stressed went away. I began my dvd collection 10 years ago when I realized I could hack into a dvd and use its footage on my videos. At the time, I got away with it, a few years later, they've blocked all of that too.  These days, copyright is no different that stealing someone's possession it's just electronic and not physical. I read and think, casting off is a physical and mental movement. I having remove myself or mentally decide how I"m going to think about something. I have to choose to remember God's word in crazy moments and not the things that make me sin. That's a hard battle at times, especially when I'm vulnerable. Hits me, God's going to use anything he chooses to bring me and others around me closer to Him. Whether it be a shirt I wear, a movie i watch, or a mug i drink out of. He shines through them all, he convicts through them all, and he grow's me through them all. It's his way of suiting me up with armor so I can see the light.

No God No Peace, Know God Know Peace

The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.

Psalm 29:11 NLT

when I read  something like this, I can't but think of God himself. Strength and peace come later. I can't but think of the ways I experience peace or the ways I need to experience peace. The ways that I experience strength, the ways that I need to get strength. What kind of strength do I need? physical, emotional, mental? I'm reminded of the phrase "no God no peace, know God know peace. Everyone has their own way of acquiring peace and strength and then they don't. I often ask myself, why did God even make us? He made us mortal beings because He is eternal. Just as fish can't live out of water, us humans can't live in it. We all need assistance. We all need nurturing. We can save a fish, because we keep it in a tank filled with water. How do we save ourselves? How do I save myself? I go to coffee, to save myself from being sleepy in the morning, I go to beer at night (one, I'm a light drinker) to either wake me up or reduce my anxiety (susan's hates the smell of it). I need to take a walk at times, or I need to work out to get anger out, to release stress. Sometimes I need to watch the dukes of hazard or fall asleep to braveheart or any other war movie. God gives me those insights of peace and strength. Sometimes he wants me to blog about it. He wants me in His word, which is most of the time he wants me in this word. It's the foot steps poem, during these moments, I carried you. God is strength, and is peace. In the case of the Sandy Hurricane, sure its hurricane season, but God does gives us a community washing, because in the long run we need it. In my business, I need a washing at times. A time for reorganization, a reboot, a refresh. Why so harsh with a freaking hurricane? I don't know. Hits me, I wish I didn't have to do anything to acquire strength and peace. Just as parents nurture their children, is the same as God nurturing me. I don't like what he has to say sometimes, I actually hate it at times. But just as I know to take care of animals or eat them, God supplies me with what I need, and that is a blessing.

right and wrong

The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Psalm 84:11b NLT

You know what, this verse sucks at times. Its easy when I'm in a good mood, but when I'm pissed off? forget it. These days, faith and obedience, doing the right thing, even doing what I feel is mean is really tough. But I've developed a philosophy, do the right things because in the long run you won't regret it. People are people, there's not one person out there that doesn't have issues. Sure we all drive cars in silence on the road but that's because we think we're going somewhere. When really we're just exploring a new way to think. Walk humbly with God comes to mind. Not thinking that as long I say "its going to be ok" things will be fine. And even if they are, what's around the corner? Should I be paranoid? that way bad things won't happen? Where do your draw the line? Hits me, It's a constant step of faith, it's a constant stride even when things seem great and hope is alive, I still have to be aware. I can't let my guard down. It's like thanking God for the bad circumstance and for every experience, he really wants to know how I feel, not how I'm supposed to think i need to know how I feel. Even when the right thing is forgiveness or patience or faith or leaving, it's continued obedience to God is mandatory and listening to those he's put into my life.

Jack of all trades, master of none

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19 NLT

At first as always I really am not sure what to think. As I read further and further, it's like do I think God's capable of doing different things? I live in a society of special needs I feel. It's like of people who are all just of one mind. What to you want to do for your career? I ask a high schooler. Or I meet someone's dad and ask him what he does for a living. Then my same view goes to God. But God has so much more to him that I don't know. Yet I feel he's only out to save people or out to heal, provide. my mind is somewhat right. So many times, I'm in the mind set of fix it. Then theres the phrase "jack of all trades master of none." That's I find myself viewing anyone. Some people are just smart and know alot but they have their weakness. God doesn't, there's absolutely nothing he doesn't know. How many times have i wanted software downloaded into me so I'll just know stuff (like on the matrix). Here's God jack of all trades master of all. He's the only one, then why don't I believe that and live that. I find my control issue is in just thinking light and simple solutions of the given situation, so I don't freak. Yet God wants me to really give him my frustrations, my urgency. I find myself living a lie of surfacey thankfulness when possibly inside, I'm angry, hurt, and bitter. You could tell me anything and I won't be offended because I've already been hurt, so big deal. Fire me, whats the big deal? Sure i can be numb, but that still isn't giving it up to God, it's just a coping mechanism. Just give me a storage unit for my problems, and another one for next month, because for my issues I need to access my past in order to cope. When God notifies me of these things. I can just see him shaking his head and giggling a bit. He's giving me that look "you are funny, I already freed you". Hits me, sure I can strive to be a jack of all trades even if there just my problems in life. Or I can give them to master of everything. He'll remind me when I forget and go back to my empty box. But I'll still keep hacking away at it through these blogs I guess.

only the penitent man will pass - Last Crusade

— Job 10:1 —

"I loathe my very life;
therefore I will give free rein to my complaint
and speak out in the bitterness of my soul."

 

 oh Job, this guy has every reason to complain about his life. In this one, he hates it. I'm not a big complainer, I just don't. I find myself looking to see God in every disappointment that I have. At starbucks right now working on some invoices. For some reason I can't bring myself to utter bitterness all the time. However, I do see utter bitterness in my past. Why this? and why that? My past isn't that bad, but it has hurt. It's all due to lack of understanding I feel. As I watch my daughter on the playground I see how she'll be when she's older. I see how much of a difference that playground makes in her development. Should I really tell God how I feel? I don't feel right about that. I feel I need to trust Him, be excited in my trials, rejoice when things aren't good. Not be upset and freak out when things aren't right. But here's Job, doing just that. Does God really want me to tell him what I'm thinking? I'm always wondering, what God has instore, not wtf he's doing. Am I being fake then? I'm not sure. The line from The Last Crusade keeps coming to mind "only a penatant man will pass". Is pouring out my heart to God repenting? Hits me, I can hold onto my smile and happy thoughts and try to live this life in a way that I think God wants me to, or just really tell God how I feel. i may not loathe my life but I still need to be honest with him even if I don't think I do. He wants that from me, my soul.

Organized Religion vs. Fruitful Relationship

— Ephesians 4:29-32 —

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 

I often wonder about what spurs me on in anger about things. After reading this scripture, two things stand out. "according to their needs" and "just as God forgave you". These are the things that I don't do right. I usually could care less about their needs and bypass the fact that God forgave me, and just continue to build up my anger. When I also read this, I can't but think of organized religion and how much it angers people including me. I have found myself so many times entering those doors and my "little group" and ignoring people outside that are truly in need. I find myself being so naive in that building. Just the politics and the leadership. Yet I find myself not seeking to understand and build them up according to their needs and I can feel the spirit grieving and convicting me. All the bitterness, rage, anger, whatever it is. I'm backwards, its a relationship with God that I try to organize and he just wants to live in me and through me. God doesn't use politics, we took what he called gifted and talented people and threw them into leadership when God just wanted to bless us with each other and have us grow in him. Throw money in the picture and you have a messy situation that God really intended to be beautiful. Not saying that money is bad, but that if faith is used instead of fear, alot of the stress will be illiminated. He wants my trust to be in Him, not in what it appears I'm seeing or I'm feeling. Seek to build them up according to their needs, and be like Christ and forgive and forget, not hold them to it, since christ never held me to mine, but only wants to draw me closer to Him.

Awkward Presence

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

Psalm 37:7 NLT
At first I'm thinking that I've read this before. David has said this before. Probably because its hard to be still in the presense of the Lord. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I can't but think of a musician. I'm also reminded of shooting video. Both people can't allow the viewer to feel what they feel. One thing  I find hilarious is when photos are shown on facebook of people singing. Every time I see them, I'm thinking. "you had to be there". That's why I got into video. I love to capture people in action, musicians are the best though, when I can capture a moment of a musician doing a solo or wherever they're at in a song and make them look really cool, I feel I've brought the audience into their music presence. Whenever I've shot video and edited it, and can draw the audience into the way I want them to feel, I've drawn them into the presence of that message. It's so psychological. I remember when I was working on a mens retreat video this year. I was searching for pictures about depression, anxiety, fear. How can I tell when someones afraid? how can anyone tell? When I sit down to blog or turn music on in the car, I'm entering into the presence of oldies, entertainment, worship, or whatever mood i'm trying to put myself into. When its with God, it can be anything. Sometimes I need to be exersizing to hear Him, sometimes I need to be still, or really angry about life. But whatever it is, I'm in his presence it whatever way he chose for me at the moment. Sometimes its me knocking my pride down that he's trying to get my attention. what is the presence of the Lord? For me it's when I'm shooting video, when I'm in the car dreaming of a video I could make, it's the moment when I think I've got nothing left go give, but Him. Hits me, sure I won't understand a musicians passion for their music on stage, they'll look really funny at times. I'll look really weird when I'm shooting video and getting my angles and people watching me will be like "what is he doing?". Yet we're all in His presence in our own way. In our own way, we wait patiently. He's acting in the way that's best for us at the moment. To other's it looks awkward, but to each us, its His presence.

Tangled

Praise the Lord, everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom. Let all that I am praise the Lord.

Psalm 103:22 NLT

I can't but think of the movie Tangled. We finally saw it this last weekend. Why did it take me so long to see it. It came out in 2010 and that was not a good year for us. Susan had been wanting to see it for a long time, so finally we did on Sunday. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Rapunzel's mother is dying while giving birth to her. The only thing that can save her is a rare flower up in the mountains. The peasants find the flower which unbenownst to them has been a security flower for an old woman for years. The flower heals the mother and because of this, Rapunzel is given the ability to heal with her glowing hair. Any time she sings her hair turns glows and heals whatever it touches. But if she cuts it, the gift is gone. Nice story right? Well of course this old woman sneaks in,cuts a piece of hair off only to discover it doesn't work that way. So she just kidnapps Rapunzel. the kid is only month's old. The royal family is enraged and so to hopefully find their daughter, they send out floating lanterns every year on her birthday hoping that if she's still alive and follow them back. This goes on for 18 years, and of course Rapunzel notices this, doesn't understand it but wants to find out what this is all about. Rapunzel is joyful, delightful, just full of life, and trapped in this tower that her crazy mother refuses to let her out of. She makes the best of her situation. But what hits me in the movie was the song she sang. "When will my life begin". I read and think, she's trapped in this tower and just making the best of it but still wondering when she can really live. I was so mad at this selfish woman for kidnapping her, I was resentful. When Repunzel figures out what really happened and ends up cutting all her hair, it becomes evident what was really going on. Repunzel was ment to enjoy life, just like when she walks into the city and begins dancing with everyone. She wasn't meant to be captive in a tower. How many times have I captivated myself in my own problems, pretty much holding my life from beginning again? God wants me to be free, Repunzel could feel it, she knew something wasn't right. She was full of life, hits me. I might feel tangled at times with whatever I have going on, yet God is knocking on my heart for me step out in whatever way I need to be free. Repunzel discovered the lanterns were for her and she reunited with her parents 18 years later. Will it take me 18 years to be free, sometimes. Its all in God's timing, and i can't rush that, even if I feel tangled, he'll untangle me how and when he see's fit.

Life vs. God

— Matthew 6:24 —

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

 

That's interesting. I think I do this more than I think. I'm tired this morning, with moving into a new studio, we had to go through stuff last night to in order to get it functional again. Sip some coffee, this morning as I read and think. I can't but think of the relationships I had with the girls back in either High School, college, or jr. High.  If it wasn't one girl it was another. Alot of the time, they either knew I liked them or didn't. Then I'd move on. I always knew I would get married and settle down, but back in the day it was so tough trying to figure out what was going on in a womans head. What am I kidding, it still is. Marriage is a whole other ball park.  Before marriage, a guy could be between two different women and all of them insecure with one thing in mind, fix my loneliness and give me love and companionship. Then there's the other avenue, the desire to have money and serve God too. I'm amazed when being in sales and making a big sale and being excited to go and get another one. It's this mindset I have found myself in at times back then. I wasn't lonely, sure i was poor, but I didn't love God the way that I knew He should be loved, therefore i didn't love myself the way He does. I found myself loving video because it was something I could grow in, why not God?. Am I serving two masters, God and Video? Or is God using Video to draw me to Him? Is money the reason that i go to work? Sure, or it is, and yes I have hated it before. Have i been upset with God for not making me money? Yes i have, because i have bills to pay. Hits me, just as a guy girl relationship can upset me, is the same as a God money relationship can discourage me. I have to trust God with both. They are both very challenging. I don't know what's going to happen with either. When I was single, I wanted the girl when I wanted her and I wanted her to like me. All the girls i pursued took way too long to show interest. 3 weeks, is too long,  I needed them to like me with an answer within 3 days. Fortunately my wife was just like that. I've never had a love for money, however I have hated it, because I've needed it and it wasn't there. God is a God of provision in his own way, and I need to trust Him. He doesn't like competition, whether it be a girl or money. He wants to show me what He can do, its really hard at times to keep following Him, when I don't like His timing, but its for the best and He always show's me up.

Save Ferris

Who should not revere you, O King of the nations? This is your due. Among all the wise men of the nations and in all their kingdoms, there is no one like you.

—Jeremiah 10:7

 

The first thing that comes to my mind, is this illusion that I am bigger than God or that I can think bigger than he can. Its funny how I get stressed about a job, when in the long run its just fine. Today I'm on my birthday weekend and were staying in Tempe. Susan and I have always liked youthfulness of the place. As we were walking on Mill last night amongst the young people, I couldn't but wonder what each of these kids were going to school for. Here I was sporting my "save ferris" shirt, being aware that none of them would know what it meant. All these kids were out having a good time, so were we. Then I noticed the shops around there. How many available office spaces there were. This was the reality, sure these kids are having a good time, but they're also seeing the reality of a business trying to succeed and failing. I'm amazed of what I do, and where I want to go simply to have a good time. It's my emotions and feelings that needs help. Get out of 2 dimensional smart phone world and enter back into 4 dimension reality world. It's nice to give the eyes and the mind a break. Hits me, God made me relational, he made me to a point that I need to be around people. I can get a big head about anything, I can get misunderstood, yet there is none like God. I can have all the money I want, or be the wisest guy ever, but there is no one like God.  God works through people, he connects everyone, even when I don't think so, or feel lost, I'm really already found. It's the life of being found that free's me to have ideas and thoughts about things, to share them with others. Then when its time for peace and quiet I can reflect, but without that connection with an unchanging God, that reality is hard to see. In a way my save Ferris shirt was a symbol of freedom and believing of what is reality. I need to be saved from my own insecurities and the fake reality that I'm living in, recognize God in the forms I sometimes refuse to see Him in, and be saved.

Patient endurance

“God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12 NLT

Have I read this before? I'm not sure. The first thing that come's to my mind is "Oh really!". This is fascinating. This is like, only the strong survive. Only those left will win. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I'm reminded of many things with this one. Tempations is such a hidden help it seems. It's that moment in the movie, where the audience doesn't want the character to do something because they know it was a setup. Yet its that recovery from temptation that brings your friends to rescue you. So I need temptation to grow it seems. I'm reminded of Indiana Jones in the Raiders of the Lost Ark. At the end of the movie when they open the ark. Indy says "don't look at it, whatever you do keep your eyes shut!" Would i have done that? Do I love God enough that I won't look what I think is the right light? At times I do and at times I don't. It was this thing of humility in Raiders. Marion actually listened to the simple advice and didn't look, everyone else died. I read and think. This is the big thing that God uses to draw us to him. He doesn't use the easy stuff, he wants me, he wants all of me. So he's going to use the things that bother me the most to get me closer to him. Why? thats not fun, thats hard. When I make it through I feel free, because i accepted his freedom and gave him the battle. Then he gives me another one when I'm not expecting it, I hate it when he does that. Why can't he make it easy on me? Hits me, the only way I can grow in this life, is through my mistakes, and steps of faith. He wants me to be patient, and I'm not patient, when I'm being tested, I want it to be done. When the season is over and I've recouperated, he'll have another ready when I'm not. Its the victory he wants me to have and only through the peresverence will I experience that.

Yes Man

Yes, Adam's one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone.

Romans 5:18 NLT
I'm not sure what this is talking about. It's totally contrasting itself yet. I'm amazed of how one year can go by. I was researching a while back, of what a year was in the bible. It was way shorter due to how new the earth was I think. I don't feel like going back and researching it again. As I sip some of the starbucks coffee, Susan got for me for my birthday, I have to think of how God had this whole earth planned out, and yet how it seems at times like He didn't, then how He totally does. Condemnation to righteousness? It's the last shall be first and the first shall be last, the weird one in school is the genius. I'm reminded of the Jim Carrey in Yes-man. A movie Susan and i saw a few years back (kind of raunchy). He's this depressed guy who has given up on life until he runs into an old college buddy, who persuades him to join a self help group about saying Yes more often. Carl takes it to the extreme and just starts saying yes to everything for a year, which is not what the leader of the clan meant. This changes Carls life. I have a problem of saying yes, I say it too much, I need to say no more often. He got into a few pickles but really came out better in the long run. I am living in Adams sinful condemnation, the result of it. How many times have I by habit just beat myself up for doing something stupid? Not talking to someone because I didn't feel ready or worthy. Why can't i just talk? When I write these blogs, I feel that I just need to start typing and not think and ponder so much. Sure I read and think but not too much. I probably shouldn't have said that. Carl was really stuck until he chose to say yes. Why can't I say yes to Christ when He's freed me to so long ago. When he just wants me to type or be me. Hits me, Carl's life was definitely changed by saying yes, he left his condemned life behind and became the person he truly liked, it took a big step of yes lets do this. Christ only wants to live in me, the right way, and give me new life, the life He as for everyone, in whatever way he chooses, in His timing, His way, I'll say yes to that man.

-the house- wabc youth group 90-95

— 1 Peter 1:22 —

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.

 

This is another one of those, loving your brothers even if you can't stand them at times. I find I don't quite grasp the fullness of God's love. Can I even? It's the christian you get along with at church, you decide to work with them on something and you find out what a moron they are or how irresponsible, lazy, or whatever they are. Or they discover that about you. It's all this that makes it hard for me to love my brothers at times. We have deadlines this week, scripts to write, its just time crunch. We just moved our studio last monday, so the whole place is trashed. I like trashed though, I like the challenge of cleaning it up. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the youth group I was apart of back in the 90's we called ourselves "the house" which carried its name into the 2000's. I recently refered to us as "the bad crop" because alot of crazy stuff happened at "the house". Don't get me wrong, It wasn't us, I blame the society we lived in. It was a big youth group at whitton ave (40 kids, big for us). We were those who left the church shortly after graduating and didn't return. Why? was often the question. This verse hits a big thing, obeying the truth. All my days growing this group, I found myself trying to understand obedience amongst the struggles I had to love everyone. I was at war with myself, with my thoughts of resentment and acceptence of others. I had such a judgemental materialistic view of everyone that I battled. I just couldn't figure it out. I didn't understand until years later. My anger has even come out in my marriage at times. I read and think, the year was 1995 at Midwest camp and our youth group or at least some of us were there. We were doing a skit about prayer to theme of the terminator. It was a very powerful skit, we of all people needed to apply its message more than anyone. We had so much crap going on in our youth group, some really serious issues, we were on our 5th youth pastors in 4 years (typical actually). We had been smacked over the head. Our church was in disarae, they weren't used to "real" problems and did there best to point the finger. I could listen but didn't know how to love. As I look back at our group and how many of us were close and how many never reconciled, felt burned, pissed off at everything. I see the potential and talents we all had back then. Some were overlooked, some were just waisted talent, but we brought friends to this group, we had good prayer times, youth were saved. Hits me, God wants my heart, even if its shattered or bent out of shape, he wants it. I can consider my past a "bad crop"  but God doesn't, He knows what happened back then, He's using everyone of us these days for His own purpose. I can blame and point my finger all I want but when will I learn? We're all married now with families, I look back and see the challenges, I see the laughter, the fights, the restoration and beauty. We've all left and gone our own ways.  I see the hand of God on us because that's how he works. I need to seek to obey His word and not my thoughts, once He owns my heart again, I'll love sincerely and deeply, just has He loves, and that's a daily process.