— Job 10:1 —
oh Job, this guy has every reason to complain about his life. In this one, he hates it. I'm not a big complainer, I just don't. I find myself looking to see God in every disappointment that I have. At starbucks right now working on some invoices. For some reason I can't bring myself to utter bitterness all the time. However, I do see utter bitterness in my past. Why this? and why that? My past isn't that bad, but it has hurt. It's all due to lack of understanding I feel. As I watch my daughter on the playground I see how she'll be when she's older. I see how much of a difference that playground makes in her development. Should I really tell God how I feel? I don't feel right about that. I feel I need to trust Him, be excited in my trials, rejoice when things aren't good. Not be upset and freak out when things aren't right. But here's Job, doing just that. Does God really want me to tell him what I'm thinking? I'm always wondering, what God has instore, not wtf he's doing. Am I being fake then? I'm not sure. The line from The Last Crusade keeps coming to mind "only a penatant man will pass". Is pouring out my heart to God repenting? Hits me, I can hold onto my smile and happy thoughts and try to live this life in a way that I think God wants me to, or just really tell God how I feel. i may not loathe my life but I still need to be honest with him even if I don't think I do. He wants that from me, my soul."I loathe my very life;
therefore I will give free rein to my complaint
and speak out in the bitterness of my soul."
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