Frozen

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Jeremiah 29:13 NLT

At first, I'm thinking this makes sense in all areas. If I research anything wholeheartedly, I will find what I'm looking for. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I don't look for God enough. It's an emotional, spiritual thing to study God. Years ago I used to study Him all the time, but then it whithered away. "You will find me" sticks out. Then I'm reminded of Forrest Gump "i didn't know,  I was looking for Him". I find I'm like Elsa in Frozen "no escape from the storm inside me". Or is it a storm? I find that I'm captive in my daily sins. I'm amazed of how I become a immune to living in the storm instead of finding my way out of it. It was Elsa's fear that kept her talent a storm. What is my fear of seeking God? That I'll struggle even more once I start growing in Him.  All Elsa had to do was love her sister and she would gain control of her gift. I find I have a battle with my gift, but I feel God telling me to trust Him with it. Why is that so hard? God doesn't do things by accident. There are no accidents. I read and think.

Hits me, Elsa had frozen her whole town out of fear of the past. It took her sister risking her life for her to let go of that fear. I can live in fear all of my life of rejection and failure and sure God will use me, but as soon as I wholeheartedly look for Him instead of hardheartedly, only then will I see my full potential excel. Or I will just end up freezing everything in my own way.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109830/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2294629/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

For the First Time in Forever

Joyful are those who listen to me, watching for me daily at my gates, waiting for me outside my home!

Proverbs 8:34 NLT

On Vacation this week. Finally get a chance to blog some more in the morning. The first thing that comes to mind are these get rich quick schemes that I used to help produce when I was at PSAV. The doors would open in the ballroom and people would run to the front row to get a good seat. I was amazed of how much energy people had to make money. It was like they were kids. But when I've found the answer to things in my life, what am I to do? Coffee for instance, I make it every morning. It's the answer to me waking up from the dead. I rely on it. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of the song For the first time in forever from Frozen (that's a lot of f's).

http://www.amazon.com/Frozen-Two-Disc-Blu-ray-Digital-Copy/dp/B00G5G7K7O

How eager Anna was to get out of those walls. How anxious have I been in my personal life to seek God? not much. I seek Him on a daily basis. I don't listen to God enough either, but I'm joyful when I do.

Her parents had closed the gates, to protect them from humiliation and keep there gifts sacred. It was all based on fear. How many times have I been afraid to trust God? I'm amazed how He shows himself through my fear. It's almost like a hint that I can trust Him? Anna was alive and her love for Elsa wouldn't leave, so much so that she put her own life up at the end to protect her. Has my love for God ever left? no, but its dithered at times. I used to keep all the doors and windows shut, out of fear that people would see my gear and steal it. I read and think.

Hits me, For the first time in forever, is a daily revelation, it's a whole new day to reveal gifts and talents. It's to listen and seek to understand.

do not mistake kindness for weakness

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

Psalm 27:4

The first thing that I think of is the line from Gladiator - Maximus: [removes helmet and turns around to face Commodus] My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

http://www.amazon.com/Gladiator-Blu-ray-Russell-Crowe/dp/B00AEFY552/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1402849643&sr=1-3&keywords=Gladiator

I've already had my coffee, so I am reading and thinking. Today is father's day 2014. I find myself always working up to the day about how much of a father I haven't been to my daughter, sure on facebook it looks right, but how selfish have I been this year with work. How godly haven't I been at home. As I read Maximus line in Gladiator, I don't know what I'd do without my family. Would I ask God and strive to dwell in his house all the days of my life? or would I want seek vengeance?  I was raised to see them as God's and not mine, so that death would be easy. I can't think that way, it just doesn't seem human. I title this blog "do not mistake kindness for weakness" because that's how I am read a lot. I am an easy going nice guy. I have to tell cold callers that "I will waist their time for 30 minutes being nice and not buy a think, so hang up now." When people want to do business with me, they usually give me this stone cold business look and I am trying to get to know them as a person. I read and think. Where was Maximus' temple? It was his vengeance, it was like, all he had was his strength and training. I thought about hitting church today, but I just don't like the sermon atmosphere, I will be waiting to leave. Then why go? It was how I was raised. I find I get more out of God when I'm blogging. God knows where I'm at everyday, regardless of where physically I'm at. He put people in my life to keep me on track. Maximus was a commander, but longed to be with his family. His wife and child made him who he was. Then he sought justice for them. He was only wanting one thing. God has designed me for one thing, to dwell in his presence, nothing else. Oh, I will get distracted and dwell elsewhere and he knows that. But no matter how far I drift way, I'm still longing for Him. He doesn't read my kindness as weakness, he reads it as opportunity.

Making eye contact with Christ

Exodus 20

New International Version (NIV)

The Ten Commandments

20 And God spoke all these words:

² “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

³ “You shall have no other gods before^[a] me.

⁴ “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

⁷ “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

⁸ “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. ¹¹ For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

¹² “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

¹³ “You shall not murder.

¹⁴ “You shall not commit adultery.

¹⁵ “You shall not steal.

¹⁶ “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

¹⁷ “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

The 10 commandments have been on my mind for a few weeks now. I didn't know why either, probably because I've broken most of them. I began to ask myself why and what was going on between moses and God. Sip some coffee, I read and think.  

 I've been working on this entry for a while so the coffee kind of comes and goes.

I've come to recognize that this meeting between between God and Moses wasn't a coffee house conversation like, "lets narrow down a list of things that the people shouldn't do and try to keep it to 10".  God engraved these stones with lightning. So this is for real. It also hit me that, that they weren't just commandments, but God saying "i understand what you are struggling with, and know you will continue to battle these 10 things".


² “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.: 
He knew that a lot of times I think I should just get a job and forget this self employment thing. I want to blame people. He completely acknowledges and take responsibility for this.

³ “You shall have no other gods before^[a] me.
He knew I would replace him with other people and things.

⁴ “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.
He knew my coping ways wouldn't be drawing to him, but to other things, he knew I would ignore his calling at times.

⁵ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.
 He knew, I would be addicted to things due to my upbringing, and would need to keep knocking on my door to show me what I need to do and that He loved me.

⁷ “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
I'm careful about this one, but swearing and cursing, I've become really good at. Yet when I become ashamed and neglect to acknowledge him, I feel the conviction.

⁸ “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. ¹¹ For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

He knew I would be a workaholic and neglect to take a day of rest. He knew I would always be thinking about getting work in and getting it out. He knew the passion he gave me would get out of hand.  He also knew I would eventually get upset with the concept of a building, pulpet, and how corporate church has become. So much as to be tired of it. Yet he clear states, take a day off!

¹² “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Lol, because he knew I would rebel and not listen to them. 


¹⁴ “You shall not commit adultery.
He knew this would be a problem.


 ¹³ “You shall not murder.
i've never thought like this, but he knows its possible and its happened to others.

¹⁵ “You shall not steal.
 He knew I would steal and brag and laugh about it. (online stuff)

 ¹⁶ “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
He knew I would get upset with neighbors at times.

¹⁷ “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

He knew this was an issue too. He knew that things find there way in to my mind in different formats because of situation upon situation of life that happens.

Hits me,
I wish he said, don't read peoples thoughts, don't fly, don't be embarrassing. He wasn't messing around. He wants me to be addicted to Him, but understands that it will be challenging. He's really just said "i know you guys, and here are ten ways to grow in me.
 
  

I desire mercy, not sacrifice - Jesus

Matthew 9:9-13

As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.  While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples.  When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”  On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

 

 

At first I'm thinking, wow this is how he meets Matthew. As I read further, I find he comes back with what is the age old problem, defining the healthy and the sick. Sip some coffee, I read and think. "I desire mercy, not sacrifice" sticks out. What is sacrifice? the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone. Yet Christ wanted mercy. Christ didn't have anything to keep. He wasn't looking for perfect people, he was looking for passionate people, the people who were considered outcasts. How many times have I pointed fingers and judged others for there bad decisions. What a bad decision I made. What is Mercy?
compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. I have to look at others as though I'm no different. I am no different, I'm as much a sinner as they are. We're all sick, in need of a savior.

Hits me, if its a sacrifice to help the sick? I'm not thinking right. I'm also sick, in need of a savior.

I must protect you from yourself - Jacopo

For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Romans 10:13 NLT

At first I'm reminded of the count of Monte Cristo when Jacopa tells him he will protect him even if he has to protect him from himself.

Edmond: If you ever presume to interfere in my affairs again, I will, I promise you, finish the job I started the day we met! Do you understand?
Jacopo: I understand you are mad.
Edmond: Mad? My enemies are falling into my traps perfectly!
Jacopo: Mad, your grace, for ignoring this: you have a fortune, a beautiful woman who loves you. Take the money, take the woman, and live your life! Stop this plan, take what you have won!
Edmond: I can't.
Jacopo: Why not?... I'm still your man, Satara. I swore an oath I will protect you. Even if it means I must protect you from yourself. I'll drive you home now.


What is calling on God, and what is being saved?  I never prayed for a wife, I guess I was so logical that I thought what if God has no one, then I'm wasting my time praying. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's like, what does God know about business? What does God know about vengeance?  What does God know about enemies? I find I get so stuck in my ways about surviving. Susan and I have been surviving since we were hit by the economy 4 years ago. Caring that kind of economic fear is heavy. All Edmond could think about was getting back at his friend. He really wanted him to pay for everything. He didn't, for a second think of the reverse. The whole situation made him grow. I grew in business knowledge last year. I find I live in my marriage and my business life, racing against the clock to provide a good life, when its really one to give to God.

Hits me, Edmond said "I can't". Edmond couldn't see through his vengeance and his plan. I'm like this but with no plan. Saved from what? Saved from myself? I'm known to be faithful, to get the job done. I stick with it, I finish what I start. It's hard for me to let go when I've been hurt. Why do I hold on to pain? Why can't I just flush the toilet and wash my hands? I need to accept the fact that I've been saved and quit putting my chains back on.

An Old Dog, teaching new tricks

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT

I want this call this one, "teaching an old dog, new tricks" why? Because I get stuck in my old tricks. Doing things the same way gets confused with a consistent routine. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I keep on seeing and old dog in this. Don't teach me anything new. Don't tell me things I already know. Leave me alone. Sure I'm a christian, now leave me alone. Let me blend into the wall. Let me study God. Don't tell me what to do. How often have I lived in my past. Instead of letting old things pass away, I let them dictated my life. This new creation thing, seems like too much to handle, so why embrace it? why live in it? It's the hurt heart that keeps me back from living in freedom. I've lived as a christian for most of my life and stuck in fear of the new creation. It's like on karate kid, when Daniel had to re learn karate and he hated it. As a viewer, I enjoyed watching these new tricks. If I were in Daniels shoes, would I have reacted the same way? Yes. I would be leary that washing a car and sanding a floor would get me anywhere. In that case it was an old dog, teaching new tricks. It's what I call the old school way, that helps me to get back with God. I better change this title.

Hits me, I feel like an old dog, that has to teach myself new tricks of this new creation the old fashion way. It doesn't matter, sometimes it's following a simple routine, finshing the job, getting it done right, being honest. With so much dishonesty, the old tricks, seem new. Living as a new creation, knowing that old things HAVE passed away. Thats not easy, it's a new trick I'm learning.

Coping Fortress

The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe.

Proverbs 18:10 NLT

At first I'm thinking, Godly? I am considered godly? Sip some coffee, I read and think. I read this wrong again. I keep reading it as the Lord is a strong fortress and not the name of the Lord. Run to Him and be safe. The name and run. I find, I'm in a day and era of acknowledgement and humility. i can acknowledge anyone on facebook, tag them, get notifications. When it comes to God, I fear. He's my strong fortress. I don't run to him until later at times. But why? Because I don't want to get hurt again, and usually running to Him, means pain and growth. I want this life to be easy. I think of all the bible stories out there and 90% were in fear. God kept saying "do not fear". I keep on thinking "strong fortress" but fail to see it's his name. I make my own fortress and it's pretty week. You won't hear "the name" on the news, they can't say it. Yet it's the person's name I credit. He touches the heart and freaks me out. My heart has been hardened, it's been broken, I have only one. Whenever i humble myself and credit God, I am opening my broken and wounded heart. That hurts. My coping nature isn't to run to him and be safe.

Hits me, with the name of God come's the strong fortress. Yet I attempt to build my own. I can't do it without Him.

Road to Success

John 6:12-15

When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten. After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.

I'm not sure what to think about this. He saved the left over food and then with drew by himself because he could tell they were going to make him king. Sip some coffee, I read and think. Jesus had no ego, even through his fame, he sought to save the food and then almost got overwhelmed by all the attention and removed himself. It's God even though he was being glorified, also had the human instinct of pressure and withdrew. I look at facebook and its all about self gratification, how many likes can I get. He was about the truth.  It's the road to success. The road is anything but straight. It's like thinking that I'll sell a lot of a product, when it's not selling.  It's like not paying attention to the product that is selling and not capitalizing on that. I'm blind. I get lost, I've lost count of how many people have sought me out as a sales person. If that product is good, it'll sell itself. It's how Walt Disney did it, when he drew Mickey Mouse on the train. It's Thomas Edison trying so many different strands of wire until he got it right. It's getting lost on the road, I know where it's not. It's saying hi to someone that can't see me.

Hits me, Jesus' human instinct wasn't to glorify himself and say "crown me king" to everyone, it was to withdraw and be alone, because it was far deeper than the need for attention. He was there to free and forgive, and until the cross would they recognize that, not by crowning him king in a crowd. Society seeks to glorify people, therefore they wanted to do that to Jesus. It wasn't time until Jesus said "it is finished". It was His road to success.

Weird and Unusual

Micah 7:18-20

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. You will be faithful to Jacob, and show love to Abraham, as you pledged on oath to our ancestors in days long ago.

 

At first I'm thinking, I know I've read this before. It's more evidence for why I can trust God. God is specialized for the weird and the unusual, it's those things I tend to laugh at or validate about. Since I'm so selfish, I don't get or understand this. I keep on thinking that God never gets angry but I guess he does, just not for long. I'm reminded of It's a Wonderful life. I watching it today. when clarence asks the senior angel what's george's problem. Maybe sickness, but it was discouragement. They considered it worse.  I admit I don't have a problem with discouragement. I tend to never give up. But when I do get discouraged, it's bad. Its crazy how zoned out I get. Like its eternal, like i'm in despair. I know there's a way out. I stick to my sin and transgression for some reason.

Hits me, these blogs suck, why do i not want to confide in God? I can hold on to everything thats painful and be miserable or I can accept his forgiveness even if I don't know what I'm doing. It took clarence giving George a look at what it would be like without him. this changed him from discouragement to value his life. It's like eating the right foods, it's like making the smart decisions. It hurts, it goes against what I really want to do, but I need to do it. Easier said than done.

Girl Most Likely

Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.

Hebrews 13:5 NLT

At first I'm thinking, I don't love money, then I see God will never fail you or abandon you. It's an interesting thing. I would expect it to read more don't love money, because God doesn't like that. Instead hits upon the fear factor of abandonment and failing. Is that really what it is? Failing and feeling alone without money? It's weird because I have my dreams of what I need and want. I'm reminded of the movie "girl most likely" with Kristin Wig. We redboxed it the other night. It's about a girl who's a great play writer but for some reason after landing a great job, her mind goes blank and she ends up getting fired, then gets dumped by her boyfriend and goes home to her mom. She then finds out her dad never died and begins to hunt for him. She learns that he's a successful author but only wants to help her with money and not have a relationship. Even though her mom and other family are crazy, she learns that the best story for a play is right in front of her.

Hits me, sure who doesn't want to be famous? The more I grow in my company the more I learn its not about the money but about connections and integrity in my work. It's relying on God with my family and keeping it simple. I'm amazed of how the enemy gets in to tell me other wise.

American Dream

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Psalm 37:3 NLT

At first I'm thinking, its a trust in the Lord scripture. It's almost common sense, then why is this so difficult? Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's like the American Dream, live safely and prosper. Have the white picket fence, kids play while the parents watch.  The news can't speak of God. They refer to God as "mother nature". They speak of "thoughts and prayers". It's the jagged line of success. It's funny how I can dress nice and appear to be successful, I can dress down and appear to be poor. That was a trick the millionaires would pull on us in retail. It was the guys in Hawaiian t-shirts that had the money. It was the people who were on their break that were dressed up. It's a judgement thing too. If people aren't living safely and prospering they aren't trusting in God. How stupid is that? God wants me to bloom where I'm planted, even if I get trampled on. It's about being apart of the community I am placed in. I can't stress about my business, that's Gods too. The more I surrender that to God, the more insight I get. Prosperity isn't just obeying God, its looking at what I've got through His eyes and seeing the potential in it.

Hits me, obedience is tough. Especially when I get hit. The American Dream is a state of mind, its in the moment, it's trusting in God and reflecting that to others.

Temptation

Matthew 4:1-4

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

 

At first I'm thinking, temptation. The number one thing that keeps me from God. It's also the number one thing that God uses to draw me to Him. Sip some coffee, I read think. At 40 days and 40 nights of no food, your brain isn't even working, yet God was able to be truthful and hold to the word. That's crazy. I've been in moments where I'm very weak and vulnerable and I just fail. Then there are the moments when I don't. But I'm seeing something here that I never saw before. Jesus was led by the spirit to be tempted. That can only mean one thing. Living the godly life can only grow from temptation. It's the spiritual battle between good and evil. It's being responsible, it's being forgiving, it's saying no, its saying yes. It's being selfless, it's listening to my wife. It's different for everyone. I'm reminded of the phrase "practical application" in tech world. It's the way you operate a computer. It's the most in demand thing in customer service. It's how do I make this work. How do I make my computer do this? In the godly life, how do I obey God and get out of temptation? Whats my way of escape? Whats my plan of attack? It's like where do I go on my computer to turn the screen saver off, or how do I make the stupid thing from popping up while I'm in the middle of something? Do I replace my computer? or is it user error? I hear so many people say "this stupid computer", when its them. This stupid temptation, when's its me. 

Hits me, its knowing where to go to get rid of the problem. It's who do you call, who do I cry out too. It's putting the effort in, instead of becoming immune and numb to it. This is how He grows me, I hate it too. Why can't it be easier. This is how he leads me, but I pray he doesn't. I have to be ready for the unexpected.

The Heat

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory.

Psalm 84:11a NLT

At first I'm thinking, this is a short verse and easily passed by. I've read things like this before. Sip some coffee, I read and think. How often do I not see God. When I screw up He gives me grace and when I'm obedient he give glory. I don't even credit Him. I find it to be a big humility thing, I also see it has a fear thing. Those things I lost before, I have fear of losing more. Why don't I just surrender and give up. I've been burned. I feel I'm not the same person my wife married. What happened? I can name a ton of stuff. I'm reminded of the movie "The Heat", that came out this year. I red boxed it last night. We really enjoyed it. It's a "mommy daddy movie" (pervasive language).  Sandra Bullok and Melissa McCarthy are an fbi agent and a police officer. They have their different styles with the criminals.  They both needed to humble themselves eventually. Bullok was all about following the book and getting promoted, McCarthy was all about getting the job done regardless. At first they're pissing each other off and at the end, Bullok is convinced that she can let lose. I have problems with trusting people, an argument with Susan this weekend convinced me of this. I'm too nice to the door to door sales people. Why can't I put my business brain on and shoe them away.

Hits me, God show's me light and is a shield. Bullok needed to see the light outside of the book. McCarthy needed to protect her. It was very tough for them to listen to each other, just it is for me to listen to God and other people around me. Time to bring on the heat I guess.

Second Wind

Isaiah 40:29-31

He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

 

At first I'm thinking of the 2nd wind. That bit more of  energy I get when I'm on a long gig. What is a 2nd wind? Wikipedia calls this energy as the "runners high". Those moments in the race, that you have no energy or air to breath, and all the sudden, energy kicks in, and you just go for it. I've had a few moments of these, when I found out, there was more work to do after a operate was done. Or I still had a ton of editing to do at a shoot and I was ready for bed pretty much. Sip some coffee, I read and think. It's those moments spiritually and physically that I cry out to God for strength. I'm amazed of how often I don't though. How i'm suffering spiritually and hear the scriptures, but do nothing. It's like I don't believe God is strong enough to take on my problem. I can't get this 2nd wind on my own, it just happens. It's the hope in God, i have to believe. It's those moments of withdrawal where I find I have no hope, that God is there.

Hits me, even though I find myself desparate in my optumism, I need this 2nd wind to keep going. God provides too, he provides that scripture in my head, that person calling me up, that positive status on facebook, that job coming up. It's that "high" in a different shape and form that only God can give.

Hold off Healing

You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

Psalm 51:17b NLT

At first I'm thinking, i need to repent. I don't know what I'm doing as a person anymore. I've felt recently that I just needed to give my business to God. I always stressed about getting work in. Then when I finally wasn't thinking about work, it came in. I find I get this scripture backwards. I keep reading it as,  repent, but believe it as survival. I find I know what I need to repent of, but its interesting of how God tuggs at my fears with it. I keep on thinking that if I come broken and repent, I'll lose everything, vulnerability opens me up for rejection. I'm amazed of how much tension I feel.
Why do I hold off healing. Imagine if my body didn't heal physically, its like itching the bite.

Hits me, I'm focusing too much on my wounds and not on healing. I need to be broken and repentant in order to heal. That's hard for me. I'm not good at that. 

Cancer sin

Ephesians 6:10-12

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

 

At first I'm thinking...it's not against flesh and blood. I often think it is. Actually I found myself believing its not against flesh and blood but live like it is. Sip some coffee,  I read and think. Sometimes I feel I've got this cancer inside of me called sin. I've been serving my client singleton moms the past 3 years with video production. I've learned we all have cancer cells. Then I read this scripture and I'm reminded of how often I take my spiritual health for granted. One moment I'm full of the spirit the next totally sinning. I do remember what sin feels like and the consequences, but why don't I care in the moment? It's like for that moment, I believe the lie that war is against flesh and blood and not against the darkness. It's like the cancer comes back. How often do I agree, do just be agreeable, when I should stand up for the scriptures. My dad never has a problem with that, it seems. I guess I want to validate, when other guys or girls are saying things. It's like I'm sensitive and want to relate, even though I'm far from it. Then the cancer goes away and I'm free.

Hits me, I can fake it all I want, but people can tell, they know, they see. They get a vibe. They long for freedom just like I do. We both don't even know it. Why can't it happen another way. It's how God designed it. It's the devils scheme, in politics, the dark world, it's the hidden temptations that I forget about. Theirs a reason why Halloween and Christmas are back to back.

Captain Phillips

For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time-to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.

2 Timothy 1:9 NLT

At first I'm thinking of how distracted I get about living a holy life. It's like trying to just work and then you get pulled away and then try to get back to your task. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I'm reminded of Captain Phillips. Susan and I went to see it with some tickets she won from work. I also wanted to see my commercial that is currently playing in the AMC. It's a true story about a freight liner delivering food to kenya. The ship is hijacked by somalian pirates, which ends up taking the captain hostage on his own life boat. Tom Hanks stars as Captain Phillips and portrays a concerned captain entering these waters. He's warned via email about the pirated waters coming up. Sure enough, they get hijacked.  How many times, have I been hijacked on a daily basis. When I'm just trying to get things done, yet I see the warning signs and sometimes I don't listen and sometimes I do. The lightrail is under construction in my neighborhood, so I take a different route. When something gets thrown in my way, how do I react? I usually laugh and start using my connections to figure this out. Captain Phillips talked to his crew, who argued that they were union works and not u.s. navy. When Phillips gets taken hostage, the U.S. Navy surrounds the little life boat, yet the hijackers won't give up. How many times have I had men surrounding me to rescue me and I was deluted that they had to destroy the enemy, whatever it was, to free me. Phillips negotiated as best he could to keep his crew and himself alive. He was successful, but he said a line "half the u.s. navy is surrounding us, give up". God is stronger, even when the enemy thinks they are. He is bigger. 4 snipers took the 3 of the hijackers down at the same times (the leader was arrested). This is what the navy is for. Captain Phillips was just trying to work, and he got hit. How many times do things interrupt my schedule and I get stuck, and God puts people in my life to free me.

Hits me, I've got my own set of pirates, and God has called me to live a Holy life. I may not need the U.S. Navy but I still have back up. It was God's plan before the beginning of time to allow me to trust Him and live a Holy life. He likes to test me with my own set of pirates.

What Happened to Your Hand?

Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely

Psalm 67:7-8 NLT

At first I'm thinking, this doesn't apply today but after a little while it did. It reminds me of why I quit attending church. God is my helper, I used to rely on church and not God.  I would be angry with church and not God. I would praise God at church and found it interesting to praise him outside the walls. I found myself looking for a church to fit my needs, when God already did. I found very little real relationships and more surfacey due to the lack of time there. My ADD I couldn't pay attention during the message, which is why I got involved behind the scenes. Then  I feel alone, and the fact the spirit is my helper, I can sing for joy. I have to remember that Jesus didn't start a church, we did. Their a bunch of clubs that I try to fit into. Something just isn't right. I believe some are called, but others are called elsewhere. I'm reminded of the photo entitled "what happened to you're hand?" It's an honest picture of Jesus in a garden with children. He's loving them, and they feel safe. Theirs no steeple, there's no building, they are just loving him and feeling loved.

Hits me, God's got me, he's my helper, he brings people into my life that I respect and me into theirs. He's always knocking on me about things and challenging me with my fears and faith.

Cool Runnings

Psalm 121:5-6

 

The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

 

I have alot on my mind today. It's crazy when you're a husband and a dad. All your insecurities come out, and you don't know where they came from. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I was watching Cool Runnings last night. Even though after research the movie was a true story, but very in accurate. Disney made it into a fun family inspirational film. One of our favorites and at the end of the movie, I was hit like I had never been hit before. Here are these Jamaican's that are totally out of place in Canada. No one excepts them. They had no sled when they arrived for the olympic games. They had a lot against them but they had alot for them. The biggest challenge was really believing in who they were and being ashamed about it.  When I got booted from my previous company with all the work. I was primarily focused on getting the work out and getting it done. Then the question was, should I continue on my own? Am I in huge market right now for video production? The answer was yes. Yet  I was on my own and still am. I began studying business concepts and realized that business operation wasn't a cheat scam to get money from people but a service and a skill learned. While watching the movie, it hit me that these guys were runners and their coach knew that runners would make great bobsledders. Then each of the players were of different personalities. They had to work together and believe in Jamaica amongst all the negativity. Business can't be taken personally because it's business. However business come's in because of my personal effort with the client. In this day and age, it's all about your connection with your client and then it turns professional. It can get really confusing when you have to say no to a friend you just made due to business reasons. It's almost like being professional with your spouse. It just doesn't work. Anything can discourage you. It's amazing what holds me back from being a good husband and father. I don't even realize it until after the argument. Then I'm wondering why I have this problem?

Hits me, the odds were against the Jamaicans in Cool Runnings. I find I'm afraid of success. Yet God is on my side, He's on my right hand, He's with me. He's got me, my fears even though I don't know really what they are at times, I have to confront them and face them. I have to learn new skills that I think are impossible at times.