Feelings in the form of a question

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NLT

With Valentines day around the corner, it figures that Biblegateway.com is throwing love verses at me. I slept good last night, not enough sleep but I wasn't woken up. Sip some coffee, (i need it this morning). I read and think, I can only think of Barry Whites "can't get enough of your love, babe." I also can remember how hard it was to tell my dad I loved him when I was a kid. It was tough to be polite, to say not "can I", but "may I". I never understood love until I studied God, and then I really never understood it until I got married. And even now, I still don't understand it at times. DC talk had there song, Love is a Verb.  Petra had there's, Love. Then there's of course Love is a Weapon, and love stinks. I look at this, and I think, I'm not patient at times, I'm not kind all the time, I get jealous, I boast, I'm proud at times, oh I can be rude. I demand my own way at times, I get irritated, believe me I track everything.  I read and think, I remember hearing in so many sermons, love being replaced with God. God is patient, etc. But what about me? Why do I love things? I love this coffee, I love this chips and salsa. I love this software. I have my friends, because I get along with them.  I find I confuse love with good chemistry. In the animal kingdom its all about reproduction. In human kingdom, it starts with chemistry and how you get along with someone. What qualifies someone to earn love? I told my wife I was in love on our first date. She told me she loved me 3 months later. I remember in childhood and into my teen years of how girl crazy I was. If I was attracted to a girl and she was to me, I spared no seconds and went in for the kill.  No patients, lots of kindness, and then it ended because I was too aggressive. Forget this two, three month deal crap, I wanted her now. And everyone knew it. Probably why it took me until I was 31 to get married. Hits me, I've got reason to be jealous, proud, rude, demand my own way, be irritated, track everything, but when I've done that, I feel terrible later. Yet those are the areas that I really fight for to keep away from. God is the author love, and in his book, it's not based on feelings about someone or something, it's based on Him and His way of destroying them. It's not me basing it upon my feelings about the situation at the moment. I've learned in marriage that a question a lot of times doesn't require a logical answer but me validating her feelings (when I remember that is).  It's about me letting Him love through me, and really letting Him, and in that I'll experience His love for me and be patient and kind to those around me (as much as I can at least). He'll teach me discernment and give me wisdom and reveal to me why things happen. He'll draw me to Himself and I"ll strive to obey understand what He's all about.