Loving Evil

“You who love the LORD, hate evil! He protects the lives of his godly people and rescues them from the power of the wicked.” Psalm 97:10 NLT

A few things come to mind with this one and confusion. We celebrated my dads 59th Birthday last night. His Birthday was on Super Bowl Sunday which I had to work, we celebrated the next night. I'm drinking xtra bold starbucks this morning. It's not bad but I can't really taste the flavor just the strength, it was on sale (I wonder why?) I read and think. Sure I love the Lord, but I don't HATE evil all the time, only when it hurts me. Am I being rational? probably. When I'm stolen from, that's evil. When I fell rejected, that's evil.When I'm lied to, that's evil. When credit is due me and its not given, but taken, that's evil. Then I get bitter and resentful, then I'm evil. I love the Lord though, but I still get evil without almost knowing it. I'm reminded of Anieken Skywalker who just wanted to save his wife from dying and was seduced to the darkside becoming evil. He lost all of his limbs battling in anger, sure he became powerful but felt terrible inside. I'm amazed of evil overwhelms me and his so challenging to get out of. I'm reminded of venom in spiderman, he couldn't get that stuff off and just over took him, then I see all the meth billboards around town, its the truth. It takes over you. What's up with wanting that escape? I remember back in the day, I got mad at my family one night, I called some friends and went clubbing. I wanted evil, I was mad. God allowed it, he didn't stop me, he let me. As I slept that night, I was amazed of how haunted I was from the images that i saw and experienced. I just wasn't comfortable. I felt like crap, then on to church the next day, right? There was a moment when I got very mad at my dad, so mad, that I wanted to hurt him, so I just left the house and refused to speak to anyone but one of my sisters and my brother for 3 or 4 months. My goal was to hurt him, but I felt like crap doing it. Over the following weeks I must have recieved calls from 13 guys which I met with about this stuff. It was evident that I was in evil. I wouldn't listen, it was like I had been hit by a stunn gun and numbed. I was brain dead. I was stuck. I sought counseling but didn't listen to it. I felt so alone, i still talked to my friends, but I felt like crap, I slept very well actually, I just wanted to be left alone. In the movies the one who's causing the evil is always laughing in the middle not at then end, they are caught at the end. Why wasn't I laughing? Long story short, we're getting along again, that was a long time ago. Things are clear up now. Hits me, regardless of mad I get, how rebellious I choose to be, how much I want to hurt those closest to me, God's has a plan for me to get out. I'll feel alone, and numb, and just lost. It's just like Aneiken, it didn't matter how angry he was, he knew who his kids were at the end when the mask came off, he was as human as they. They turned him around. He brought 13 men into my life during that hard time, all with different perspectives, but wisdom. I heard a lot of godly wisdom. It was God's way of rescuing me, the kind of rescue where I didn't understand how I could be trapped...but it was His way of showing me His love by allow me to try to love it.  Feels great, you should try it! I'm being sarcastic.