Girl Crazy

“Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.” 1 John 4:11-12 NLT

I'm not sure of what to think of this one either. The whole bible throws me off at times. We all slept better last night after a fun episode of SNL that is, still congested but Shayne and I should be better in a week. I'm honestly reminded of all the girls I've liked in my life. All the infatuation, all the feelings, flirting, all the chemistry, all the hurts, all the miscomunication, all the lead ons.etc.Man am I glad those days are over. I was girl crazy from day one. I just got along better with the girls. Sure I got along with the guys, but I felt the girls accepted me alot faster than the guys. I wasn't good in sports, wasn't good academically, I wasn't talented the way other guys were, to be accepted like them.  There were a few guys who were cool though growing up. If I didn't make sense, they were cool with it. Other's were just jerks. What I saw in the movies, the bible, on tv and in songs, was all knowledge of Love. I remember liking a girl in High school. Looking at her picture while listening to Petra's love. I remember not feeling anything for her, I was so used to the soundtrack in movies perfectly timed for that one big moment. I longed for that. I didn't see it though, but I thought I should at least have a moment where I can simulate a scene like it. I felt empty, nothing there, I was expecting true love like from the Princess Bride. I read and think, my biggest problem was loving people. I was such a crowd floater, sure I could help people out but I didn't love them. Each year at camp was a year of "what girl is it going to be this year". Just ask any of the old camp gang. I was terrible. Then I'm reminded of my time at Bodenseehof after High School, when while in my state of confusion of God over there. One week a girl came to my mind and I was scared to death of why she was on my mind. Did God wanted me to marry her? I was sick to my stomach. It stalled my whole week. I did notice her attitude had changed. She wasn't happy like she usually was. Friday I asked how she was doing, and she explained to me what was wrong. She simply needed prayer. I was too weak in faith to give it to God and just pray for her until then. Hits me, God's love is way different than the things that influence me and convince me what love is. He loves his children and wants to use them to communicate His love to each other. There are no personal attachments needed but obedience to Him and his calling at the moment. I'm so lost in that at times. My love is conditional and baseed on my feelings but His isn't, Its about Him and His life in me. His love is for His purpose and so am I. Since God lives in me, He's going to show me how He loves people, (especially the ones I can't stand)and that's when I'll see how He truely expresses His love as He reveals to me in time how He was always my first love. Sure i was infatuated and lonesome and everything, God's desire is to love the people I meet with the way he made me. Some things need to be forgotten and some ways need to be learned, and with His help, and with lots of wisdom and understanding. I'll know exactly how and why He made us cross paths.