Running 26 miles "personal" are you crazy?

“Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done.” 1 Chronicles 16:8 NLT

This seems like a verse that should make sense right off, yet I don't understand. I still think it's not that simple. Thanksgiving is over, or is it? Back to work today, I'm thankful I have a job. Surprisedly I've kept through this recession, barely. Tired this morning, Shayne crashed pretty quick last night but still woke up 4 hours later. She slept with mommy, I moved to the couch. Now we're both up and she's sleeping, figures. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I can only say, this is all after that fact. It's like asking a runner, how they feel after the race. How do I think they would feel?  Actually in reality it would be too soon. Ask them the next day or a few days later. They probably feel relieved. My brother just ran a "personal" 26 miles yesterday, a "PERSONAL". All he could say was "that book about running I read, is a bunch of crap". I told him "at least the weather was nice". Am I thankful? I mean, am I really thankful? Or do I just say it, because I'm supposed to. Majority of the time, I don't out of fear that something bad will happen and I'll jinks myself. I'm reminded of a conversation I had at a wedding last year at this time. I was shooting a wedding for a dear friend from elementary school. It was nostalgic, it just meant so much to me to be able to be a part of the day. I was determined to make it go perfectly. Only one problem, I knew this girl from elementary and those years were my hardest years of rejection. So I was scared to death of who would be there, and their reaction to my choice of career or my state of life. I prayed and prayed that everything would be ok. As the ceremony began and I ran into old friends, things seem to go well. Then we got to the reception. I began to notice old friends entering the room that I hadn't seen in almost 20 years, (they won't recognize me) I thought. I'm thinking "Nathan, you still haven't made your rounds to the tables for other shots". So I began getting my table shots and began to bumping to old friends, I made sure to keep the conversations short, everything seemed to go well. As the night progressed and slowly came to an end, I walked outside and began to say goodbyes when someone grabbed my arm to speak to me. She was someone I only remember annoying back in High School, but had known since elementary. She began to tell me what an impact I had made on her life back when we were kids, how rejected she remembered I was, and how I was picked on. I was fighting back the tears, I wasn't expecting this. I had no idea she dealt with the same stuff, and she wanted to tell me she made it through, just like I did, how God had sent me to that public school, I was caught off guard, I didn't know what to say. It was God, she told me. I still didn't know what to say. As the conversation ended, I said my goodbyes to everyone, packed my truck up and just didn't know what to think. You don't have conversations like that everyday. It's not often someone from your past, that was there, comes forward with their view. After many tears on the way home and the days that followed, that conversation reassured all these doubts of God I had for so many years. I couldn't believe of how captive I had been to those years in elementary school. God was working, He was there. We were watching "He just not that into you" this weekend and I'm reminded of how contrasting we as kids are to each other. If a boy likes a girl, usually he's mean? I can't but laugh at the realism. I've always been hooked on my past years, namely my elementary and High School. I don't know why. I feel everyone's true self starts there, not where we're at today. Not that I dwell in my past, but I can't forget it. I remember mostly everything, and I feel everyone else does to for the most part. At that wedding most of my peers had stuck together over the years, most of them still lived in the area, where we all grew up. I read and think, I've always thought the bible and God would be a thing of the past one day, they would be old news because everything was changing. These days I find its the other way around. We've tried everything but still I come back alone to His word, the one thing I at times dread. When will it end. He only show's me how great He is, even when in my darkest of moments back in those days way long ago, it seemed like He wasn't there. It only gives me reason to proclaim Him, maybe not in words, it might just be in recognizing someone at a wedding that I was scared of because I was annoying to them so long ago.   Those days that I wanted to erase so badly are now days that I can't but be thankful for and proclaim His Greatness. My brother ran 26 miles at the age of 33, wasn't as easy at it would have been when was 17, like for me it wasn't easy facing those fears at the wedding but I find I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Island of Misfit Toys

“Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.” Colossians 3:16 NLT

The first thing that comes to mind is "in my perfect world" this would happen. It's like one of those days that you have  that goes just perfectly yet feel that inner voice say "this will only happen today".  Slept better last night. Shaynes still waking up sometime in the night, but she's getting the hang of her own bed. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I find I can let Christ fill my life, alone, not with others around me. I get too competitive. Is it something I'm waiting for someone to say? to help fill my life with? There's a lot that goes into this. It sure does sound nice, but wait, I can only take so much. There's a lot of humility needed here and sometimes I'm just not ready. Whenever I attend church, I always see that group of people who appear to have this verse down pat. Everything is great, it's like how did they get into that cloud. I can't but think of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and how he just didn't fit because of his nose. His stupid nose? thats dumb. He ended up hanging out on the island of misfit toys. Meeting these toys, empowered him to save them with who he was. I felt the same way when I was growing up, I had ADD. I had to get special help because I wasn't catching on quick enough. If only I can go back with what I know now. But still, it takes me longer to learn, but when I learn and have it, I remember it. Now a days they teach you according to your skill set, not pity you because of it. At work we use free lancers that we pay good money to lend an extra hand or to take their special skills that we don't have or don't need but twice a year. Ironically their name is IMT as in "Island of Misfit Toys". They may look weird, but they are very good at what they do. I read and think, sip some coffee. I'm reminded of Hook, when Peter is giving his speech and mentioning how he was adopted, and how aren't they all orphans in the room. We're all orphans on this world. I need the message of Christ, screw my upbringing, forget about my misfit happenings, the hurts the pains and remember Christ and his fullness. Christ was a misfit, yet He's God's only son, entering this world as a misfit and we wouldn't have it. I find myself putting other people at times in a category. I look at wall street and I see it all happening. My world is changing, I read and watch stories about black friday shootings over video games due to retailers be desperate to make money. Yep this is what my world has come to, big kids fighting over games, literally. I shake my head as I look at the ground. Yet I find myself on facebook and not with my family, is that any different but with real people? I read and think, the message of Christ doesn't sound good at times, but its rich, and it does fill me up, when  it's time to. I do take counsel from others when it makes sense and I can feel i need to listen. The songs and psalms just come to mind at times when I'm thankful. I get really distracted and sometimes just need a break, this so called "message" comes to me in the way best for me, not always during a planned out sermon. I can't make it to church anyway usually. I admit it, I'm a misfit, I appear to be weird, I walk funny, I talk funny, I can make people laugh and smile, not knowing that they might be laughing at me and not with me. I need table manners, conversation etiquette, I have a bad habit of picking my nose (drives my wife crazy). I smack when I eat, (I try not to), I have really dry skin, I strutt when I walk, I lean forward when I walk, my arms for some reason bow out. How my wife is attracted to me, I'll never understand. I don't even have a degree. She's the brain of the family, she loves school, I despise it (in some ways).  Yet God loves me, and wants to fill my life with Him, in His own way. Ya I can't stand it when people lay wisdom on me when they're "preaching to the choir" the whole time.  Hits me, I can pity myself, and leave all the truth that Christ is, in the bible. Or I can let His love rule me, and let Him fill me. When I actually give in and let Him take over, I find that its easier to allow wisdom in my life and the joy I get from those understandings puts a song in my heart. It's not easy being me, a lot going on in this head of mine, just so happens to be a perfect fit for Christ.

Super 8

“Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe.” Hebrews 12:28 NLT

Again I'm not sure what this is saying. I see kingdom and worship. We let Susan's mom take Shayne home yesterday (she offered), some grandma grand daughter time. They needed it and so did we. Slept better I guess, I finally watched Super 8, I had been wanting to see it for some time and finally sat down to watch it last night. Really good, lots of Speilberg shots, even though J.J. Abrams directed it, I could see Speilberg's influence all over it. Good story too.  I didn't care for the Sci Fi so much, but the story line of a kids film brought me back to how I began. Sip some coffee, from a mug my wife got from the gift shop. I read and think, I can't but think of Tommy boy and the pretty little pet scene. And he describes himself as a terrible salesman. "I massage it, I pet it, you're naughty, you're naughty, then aaaaaahh, I broke it, that's when I blow it". How many times have I received the Kingdom and a moment later just blow it. It's unshakable and I should be thankful, but I do anything but worship Him with Holy fear and awe. Sure I'm human but why am I not uplifted. Why does he have to use crazy circumstances to cause me to worship him and respect Him. In Super 8, two families were involved, two men who had grown up together and now adults had to reconcile their differences and find their two kids who were trying to save each other. It led me to think about how God uses people in my life and I don't care half the time, yet He pulls and nudges me to reach out for from them. I don't want to be annoying. This kingdom thing isn't just a place, it become's a lifestyle that is unshakable. I read and think, sip some coffee. On Thanksgiving, I was looking through the paper hoping to find an inspiration Thanksgiving story, I found nothing but sad ones. Then it hit me, what we were doing that morning. We were attending a race for cancer. Our late friend Luke (at who's funeral we had met) had helped his boss out by taking him to chemo treatment appointments. His Sister Marsha, learned of this after his passing, and decided to take run marathons to support the cancer, it felt fitting that we attend.  I was amazed of how inspirational it would be, of course I videotaped it (well as much as I could). Susan and I had a really fun time. Sometimes it won't be in the paper but right in you're heart that God wants to show you his work. In Super 8, it was the boys mom that had passed away in an accident that the girls father could have prevented. Yet reconciliation was needed from past wounds. Hits me, I'm amazed of how God is working on me. His kingdom is packed full of all kinds of mystery's and unshakable. It can't break, as screwed up as I make this place, He's always drawing me to his Kingdom, another chance, to live like Him and breath like Him and stand in awe of Him. I'm amazed of how He uses people in my life, to show me things, inspiring me, like on Tommy boy, he couldn't sell the way everyone else could, to them he was "an apple that had fallen way off the tree", but, he could read people well. Even when I think I'm just odd, who can understand these blogs? Do they make any sense, why do I post these? This is His way of speaking to me. His way of drawing me to Him (where ever I am at the moment) where I find myself in awe of Him. I'm amazed of how much time it can take, hey its a relationship, it can be ignited over night, but not grown. In Super 8, the kids were passionate about shooting a zombie film and the director kept on getting upset about production value. Yet the real story was happening within them, their families and their town and they just happened to capture the very thing that would draw them together on super 8. I can be passionate about my work, and want it just right, want things in my life a certain way, yet God all along is using all those situations and things to point me right to a state of awe in Him the whole way.

Call security, that's a good idea, I like to whisper too - Elf

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” Colossians 3:17 NLT

Tired this morning, what do I say about this one. I remember memorizing this verse in the form of a song at bible school. If I have to memorize scripture, I have to get creative, thats all. So I made up a jingle and I memorized it. Unfortunately those around me had to hear this jingle as I didn't keep it in my head, sorry bohof friends. I'm tired this morning, we did the resort thing for Thanksgiving this year, working in the resort industry I can get good deals this time of year when really no one is around, we decided to take our daughter and mother in law, so far so good. My duaghter (toddler) is not quite used to different places yet, so I have a bad back this morning. So far the trip has been a blessing. Sip some coffee,  I read and think, while in the main lobby among other early morning laptopers. I begin to laugh at how loud I've been known to be. My dad would often say "man, nathan you're loud" I was just yawning. I like to be free, I'm very open, sometimes I want to put the professionalism away and just pull from the other party really what they think. Sometimes I can, usually I can't. I end up just being sarcastic and poke fun of how things are. I can't but think of Ace Ventura, how this guy was so percieved as a weirdo, yet had was very smart. Jim Carrey pulled the character off very well. Yet his job was in demand. It amazes me of the careers and things we all get into. I turn to one person and they do this, and then to another another, they do that. My brother is in electrical controls, I do video production, lol. They don't have anything to do with each other at all. I'm amazed of how the business world is so much bigger than the people world yet, you can't have one without the other. In these hard times, my wife pointed me to an article about job hunting, she namely pointed out to me number 1. Play the game. She laughed, because that was something I had to give into. Following the rules of business. I read and think, I'm reminded of Elf, one of my favorite holiday movies. Crazy how the answer to james caan story books, was right in front of him, his annoying son. I had it on repeat this week, and just couldn't stop laughing at Will Ferrill. Buddy loved life, and his dad only saw dollar signs, yet Buddy was working him over. His dad got further and further into the hole in his job and kept dismissing Buddy as just some weird elf man.  The answer was right in front of his face.  How many times has the answer been right in front of my face. How many times have I heard that voice, say no, or yes, and I didn't obey. How many times have I been misunderstood? They just look at me and say "Nathan, calm down". I'm calm, I just want an answer. I read and think. I don't always think about God before I say or do things. I do get nervous that if I'm not nervous, I'll mess up, but I don't take everything thought captive. I should but I don't. I find myself just having no expectations for anything, I'm optimistic, thats what I do. If I don't, I'll get disappointed. Hits me, sure I can be optimistic, I can strive to obey those inner voices that say do and don't, but if I don't care to think of who I'm representing, who I'm living for, all that effort is for nothing. Who am i living for, me? my family? my job? or my Lord? Who and why? Its baffles me of how I lost I can be at times, yet if I let Him be Himself in me, He always shows me himself through everything I do or say, and how it draws me closer to Him all this way. I need to play the game by His rules, not by mine or else I'll miss out on the freedom He has.

You can't Handle the Truth - A Few Good men

And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:6-7 NLT

At first I just don't get this verse, I'm kind of looking for the thankful part, because today is Thanksgiving. I see the word at the end. I picked up my copy of Super 8 yesterday, haven't even seen it yet, but from watching the trailer, I knew I'd like it. The wife wasn't happy that I was going to spend money we hadn't budgeted but I was hoping I had enough left on my birthday gift cards, which I did. So score! I actually got my truck unloaded into the storage unit yesterday, so I'm really happy, the truck is still trashed but better than it was. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I can only think about being raised in the church and a godly christian home, good parents, good upbringing, etc. Deprived from almost everything that was considered "worldly".  I mean imagine that, I'm sheltered, I'm naive. It's crazy how people can tell that you're not like them. Then there's that hint of curiosity, what is it like on the other side? Why do I have to be reminded to continue to follow Christ? It should be a given, should be easy, I should hunger for Him. Why don't I at times. I mean, I wanted to rebel after I graduated from High school, wait, I rebelled way before that. You'd think once I got saved, I would only have the interests of God and the things of God, right? Sure I did, but I found myself jealous of other people spirituality, other peoples gifts and talents. I found myself fighting myself more than ever. I found myself like Wesley from Princess Bride, talking to Dread Pirate Roberts, "I'll most likely kill you in the morning" every day. The contrast of trying to live a life for Christ in this world. I found myself sold out in my heart for Christ, yet desiring what wasn't mine. No one around me ever talked about it, because they'll dealt with something different, yet the same. It was like a fly fishing pole, just back and forth, confusion, understanding, confusion, understanding. Growing up as a teenager in the church, sure you understood things at times, I did a little bit. I had some core issues going on, that I had yet to understand. I finally developed phrases towards my hidden understandings. "I know enough about God to get buy" and "God only cares about saving people, not about these little things that concern me". I read and think, what is truth? I've been lied to a lot. I'm literal, I want the truth, but can I handle the truth? That line from "A few good men" is true. Can I handle the truth? Can I handle the purity and realness of God? Obviously not, either could any of us, we all put Him on the cross because of it. Yet a friend of mine told me, His love kept Him on that cross. " Life is Pain, heiness" Wesley told Buttercup. Our country started with scripture and now its just being washed away and not by blood, but by our own foolish decisions. I read and think, Hits me. I came to know Christ at a young age, didn't understand it really. I went to bible school after graduation, God opened my eyes and I finally understood everything I was taught a young age, then I rebelled afterwards, then I walked with God and rebelled and walked and rebelled. The truth is powerful regardless of what it is, scriptures or reality. It's sets us free regardless. Following Christ can be easy at first, but then I start figuring out how I think He's doing it and want to share the lead, only to find out He's the truth that I need to follow, and only then I will only be thankful for those truth's that He spoke through so many, in the years past, and present. Sure I'm going to rebel and God will lead me back to study Him, and I myself will be thankful that I He's never given up on me and never will. For that I am truly thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving

next to do: Be thankful

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.” Psalm 100:4-5 NLT

I'm always expecting different verses fitting around the Holidays. It kind of bugs me but its a good reminder. Thankfulness is easy when I'm happy, I'm pretty optimistic, so I don't have trouble looking at the bright side of things. I slept better, my daughter keeps waking up at midnight wanting something, so my wife and I are still attempting a full night sleep. Although we both find we take better naps than full night sleep.  Sip some coffee, I read and think. How many times have I gone to church throughout my life, just angry and frustrated, many. Who knows what about, but as I grew older, I wanted to know why I wasn't getting help within those walls, I get into my truck and simply continue to sin (maybe not as much) but continue. Back in the day I was busy with the sound and video but just struggling from within. It was my fault that I didn't ask for help, but in my mind it was such a small church, that there was just no tech help that I could see would meet my set standards. I found myself clearly burned out after 7 years of only 1 week off per year. It wasn't until years later that I realized that all the training I recieved back in those days from my older peers was very valuable in my career today. All those guys had left before I had began my 7 year venture. But to this day, I'm thankful for those hands on days, of training.  Am I real with God, am I honest with Him? We haven't been able to attend church this year or last due to my schedule or sleep deprivation and Shaynes condition. But am I thankful to God outside of those "gates"?  I remember when I first started working at Ultimate Electronics, that first weekend. Sunday was always the big day, because our ad was in the paper, so I thought "hey, I'll find all this stuff in the store for everyone". Little did I know, it would be very similar to church and me being a pastor or an usher. People came in with there needs or just looking, some with an ad in hand, but mainly bringing there own story for you to listen and point them in the right direction. Sip some coffee, I couldn't attend church for months because of my job but the people I met, and could help was amazing. I was known for being very good with people, I could read them quick and better than anyone. Then there were the 1% who wanted to put a gun to my head or I thought they were when I met them. Then I remember the moments I bump into friends outside of church and how meaningful and how from God that moment was. I read and think, what makes me be thankful on a daily basis that I need to be reminded to be thankful before I enter His gates? It seems like it should be common sense, yet I don't think about it. I'm more thinking about my responsibilities and tasks, and whats going on tomorrow and after church, etc. Hits me, I'm making this about me, I'm not thinking about how God can use me for Him, I'm not thinking about what He's done for me and when I take time to reflect on that, I can't but be thankful. He continues to remind me of how I need Him, this life with all the changes, I'm in need of a God who doesn't. What a contrast, a changing world in need of an unchanging God. I get so caught up with my goals and tasks and battles, I lose track of whats really important, His life in mine.

Two Hippies

“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” Colossians 3:15 NLT

It's nice to have a week off, or sort of, I have to work today but, thats fine. Sip some coffee, this verse hits in different ways, peace out. It reminds of a restaurant Susan and I frequent a lot, two hippies. Two Hippies pizza, then there's Two Hippies taco's and there's Two Hippies Hamburgers. Really good stuff and good prices. The other day I went over there and thought, if Susan and I were to dress up for Halloween we would be two hippies. I love the Hippie culture, namely the concept of being real. I also think of how long it takes me to have peace of mind about things. Am I ocd about things? yes, certain things, then there are other things that I should be, that I'm not. I'll never forget the angry church meetings I used to attend back in the late 90's. My old church was going through some major stuff, simply because they had a history of not being real. It was evident that God was pulling everyone from this fake lifestyle they had no idea they were living in, but were so comfortable with. Then I ask myself, am I real? What is real. I read and think, I'm reminded of Forrest Gump, he was simple, and everyone around him lived a complex life, he just ran, he just played ping pong and wrote Jenny. Everyone just pitied him, but He knew what love was. He kept to his word. I get so complicated in my life at times, yet I'm very simple.  Do I let the peace from Christ rule in my heart? not always. I tend to go with my training and how technically things should work. I choose to judge and not love. I was telling stories to my daughter last night before bed about my childhood and recognized how much love I didn't have for people back then, how I didn't want to share my things, because they were mine and I worked hard for them. I was watching "The Help" a while back and recognized how the Hippies generation started. The children of these women would not have this lifestyle, so they rebelled because they wanted to be real. Hits me, this didn't happen just back then, but it's exactly why Christ came when He did, because we weren't real, He was, and is still. He came in peace and harmony and we just couldn't handle it, it wasn't according to our books, He didn't have an access code, He didn't have a name tag, He looked funny and talked funny, yet he was the real deal and they hated it. My identity is in Him, not in my videos, in my family, my marriage, the holidays, my skills, dirty truck, possessions, how good of shape I'm in, how many celebrities I meet, how many movies I have. I don't let Christ rule my heart, maybe in some things but not in everything, although He try's and I try to surrender. Am I thankful for all this? In the long run I am, Christ doesn't give up on me, He never will, because He's God and He's after me, He wants the peace to rule in my heart. The church I've been attending the last 10 years, came from the Jesus movement (one of the great awakenings). My pastor is always working to encourage us to live as Christ wants us to live, and its a challenge, He does this my being real (in my opinion) by sharing his life stories and strengths and weaknesses. Hits me again, God is going to use people in my life, to challenge me be real and He is real, I'm a Hippie, what can I say, I have to be real and only then will the peace of Christ rule in my heart.

Summer of 95

I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus. Through him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words and all of your knowledge.”1 Corinthians 1:4-5 NLT

Every time I've read verses like this I would always pass them by looking towards what the point was, sure I'm thankful, but what is this for? I'm tired this morning, Its thanksgiving week, I've got one small project to get out, and then get ready for Thanksgiving. I always loved the Holidays, especially the food and pies, that pumkin pie. But I still have a ton of junk to get out of my truck, its really bad how messy it is. My goal is by the end of the year all my life's memories are sorted out, rid of, and organized. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I find myself thinking of my friends and their gifts and talents. I'm reminded of the Goonies, and the A-team, then as I sip out of my MGM studios mug, I think of all the team work that goes into making a movie. I think of all the work I do to put a video together. Then I'm reminded of a road trip my brother, 2 cousins, and I took to from Phoenix to Illinois, during the Summer of 95. We took my cousin Jonathan's 1967 mustang, my brother was the mechanic, Aaron was the navigator, I was the documenter, and it was jon's car he was the encourager. I was also the only adult, I was 18 and had just graduated from High School. We didn't make it to Illinois in the mustang, we made it to just outside Albuquerque where we totaled the mustang, and we drove the rest of the way in dads honda (long story short). I read and think, I have a problem asking for help, what I do, is I hope someone will come along side me and say would it help if I did this for you. I've been told I send a vibe that says "this is mine and mine only don't touch it" which I don't mean to send. I'm amazed on what an effect everyone has on everyone. Then you go into a place where it's evident that it's a well oiled machine. Then you hit a store where most of the staff called in sick and it's backed up with people in line behind one open register. During summer of 95, my brother and I didn't believe that Jon and Aaron were going to get us to go with them, but 6 weeks later we were on our trip, and to this day I am so happy we went through with it. Towards 4 am with Jon at the wheel and Mike in the passenger seat and us passing semi's, my brother woke up to what he thought was a semi moving over into our lane, he panicked, reached over grabbing the wheel, and turned it left, sending us off the road, Jon doing his best to get the car back in control over steered and hit the tire of the semi, sending us back off the road to a hault. We escaped quickly out of the smoking mustang and I immediately got my camera out to document everything. There we were one 18 year old and 3, 17 year olds out of the middle of no where in the early morning with a totaled car. Aaron was on the ground in a ball, John was talking to the camera, I was shooting Mike as he had glass from the shattered windshield in his head. Each one of us had a unique skill and talent that we all needed, we all got a long.  Luckily a motorhome had stopped called a tow truck, we checked into a hotel, my brother made arrangements with my dad (who had the Honda waiting the past 6 weeks ready for the trip), Mike ran (with glass still in his head) to the nearest bus station, and met Aunt Ruthy in Flagstaff and we continued on our trip to Illinois. A lot of crazy things happened that summer on our way to camp in Indiana (that actual destination). When we got to camp we all went our own ways,(no point intended) I worked on videos for the camp, all the others guys did there things, but boy were we the talk of the camp that year, we were the kings. We met the last day to get ready for our trip home, only to find out the hard way that car was in need of new tires. Hits me, we needed each other that year, we had some good conversations during those long hours on the road, conversations that would never leave the car. God puts people and opportunity in my life whether family or friends for the weirdest reasons, to see the value in Him, to love each other, during any circumstance. We need encouragement that summer, we needed honesty, we needed skills, we needed navigation, and oh the memories I documented. We made it back to Phoenix a week or two after camp, then shortly after, Aaron sent us all a picture of us that was taken the night we left. All these guys were in my wedding in 2008, and we'll never forget the Summer of 95.
Left to right - me, Jonathan, Fred's foot, Aaron, and my brother Mike.

Nathan - still in Phoenix, got married in 2008, producing videos, doing commercial audio visual.

Jonathan - joined the Marine's to serve our country

Aaron - still in Phoenix, became one the pastors of the church we grew up in

Mike - still in Phoenix, got married in 1999 and a business owner

Fred's foot - never made it back to Phoenix.

The mustang - not sure what happened to it, have to ask Jonathan, I do remember we left it with the towing company with $200 cash in the ash tray, which we remembered two days later when we needed it.

Freedom isn't Free

Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night.” Psalm 1:1-2 NLT

Sip some coffee, its good this morning. I remember reading this one when I was 8 years old and only thinking of those people who weren't me. I could only think of things that I knew were bad. Now as an adult, I can recall moments of when I did follow the advice from the "wicked". I slept ok last night, put 11 hours in again at work, another show, back to work today for something else. I read and think, sip some coffee, I'm reminded of moments where I was approached by people to join a get rich quick scheme and then not be interested. I find myself being too nice, and willing to go to the motivational meeting knowing that I'm not going to do anything. I can recall moments when I mocked a bit, I stood with sinners, yet I've been mocked for doing the right thing. It's hard being a christian and watching sinners do there thing. They have no idea what its like from my view. I want to give them my view but am too insecure to share it. I do at times, but I don't know the seed that planted. I often think, what would I be doing if I wasn't saved? knowing me, it wouldn't take much, I'm too deep of a thinker, yet I want control too much. This christian life is not an easy life to live, I can't go and tell people that's going to be way easier than what they're living now. I can say they'll be free of something they had no idea they were captive to. For me though, as much as I struggle with my sins, I do know that when I seek God and his word and focus on it, my eyes are opened, my ears are cleared. I'm amazed of how many things distract me. It's almost at times, that I'm tempted to believe that the enemy is stronger than the word, but if I keep persevering through those moments, God blesses me with that freedom. It's not believing in that moment that whatever the temptation is, is a lie, its fake, boy does the enemy make it look satisfying, but if I succumb to the powers of the dark side, it's anything but satisfying, yet If I listen to that still small voice inside of me and persevere, I find victory. Man I wish it was the other way around, why can't it be. Why don't I just give up, because God is so jealous and won't give up on me. I'm reminded of Hook, when Peter really needed a rescue from his lawyer life and needed to save his family. I'm also reminded of Spiderman 3 when venom makes him who he's not.  It's the show intervention, where you see these people and how drugs are totally at work in them. My drugs different, its a drug of fear of failure, of judgement, etc. It distracts me. I find when I'm working on very important projects is when I fight the enemy the most, I get distracted quickly, when I'm doing something that God wants me to do, oh the temptations are there in the craziest ways, and when the projects end, they leave. Then their's God, why God does it have to be this way? Why can't I be saved and have freedom without putting in any effort? It's like that bumper sticker "freedom isn't free". This life sucks at times, yet I want my friends to see what I see. Yet God chose not to truly open my eyes until I was 18 years old to see Him, why 18 I don't know. Hits me, I did a show last night that we completely bombed last year, I was surprised we got it again this year, but we did. This times we had a different crew and it went seamlessly, it was great, I txted my wife to pray that it would go well.  Even though I want to at times, I can't go throughout my life on a daily basis without thinking through things, I need wisdom from others, I need to talk to God or many times just do what he told me to do, to begin with. He'll continue to modify me, work on me every moment of the day and night until I delight in Him.

You will make mistakes, but embrace them - Christiane Amanpour

“Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth.” John 17:17 NLT

I've never understood what holy was, it's like spelling a word and spellcheck keeps screwing it up, then you look closer and you see what you forgot. I haven't really blogged this week, due to how busy work was and how tired I was. I kept reading the scriptures, but I don't get the same impact unless I blog about them. Sip some coffee, I read and think. When I stop to think about the truth of really anything, I begin to see the freeing factor of it. At work, if we find out exactly where things are supposed to be and what they are to do, we are not wondering around, we can actually work. But until then we can't do too much. It's like we're stuck. How many times in my life have believed false truth, and was deceived. I like to take things literally, it bothers me when someone tells me something with a straight face only to find out later that they were kidding. I don't have a poker face, I wish I did, and envy those who do. Yet I've decided that I want to be that guy, that will be honest when people are in need, because those jerk offs who choose to be frustrating eventually need the honesty and ask me expecting an honest answer. Truth in the work place is one thing and I find it similar but different in my personal life. I find myself being a deep thinker, at times I wish I wasn't. I can chill, I also have to learn to chill. I read and think, I went into work yesterday morning and walked into an almost finished set for the Walter Cronkite Awards, the guys had been working through the night, I was operating camera so I fortunately was able to miss the set. I recognized that the switcher that was being used wasn't very suitable for the occasion so I grabbed one that was. I then felt that still small voice say "don't do it", I thought no, I dont' want the image to freeze when they switch. So I continue to reset and disconnect. To make a long story short, I ended up not using the switcher because it couldn't do 16:9 due to firmware not being updated. I then gave myself the project of updated the firmware after the show was over, which brought me through a very extensive journey of successful connecting only to result in the end to an error message indicating that my unit wasn't understood or recognizing the update. Sigh.......I'll have to call the manufacturer and troubleshoot at a different time. Learn something new everyday. Christiane Amanpour said something after receiving her award "you will make mistakes, but embrace them" or something like that. I thought dang, I have a lot of embracing to do. I read and think, hits me. I've often told my wife, that its tough being me, it's a hard life, this life is tough, I try to do things and research to find the answer a lot. I like to find out why, and sometimes why, just sucks or is not an answer. God is really strange and that's why I find I need him, because I'm strange, I really consider myself a hippie at times, just going with it, being real. The truth is here, and as many times as I neglect, I find myself self craving it, whether it be studying a manual or studying the creator himself, I need to follow Him and He'll continue to show to be like Him.

That's not a planet, it's a space station - Obi Wan Kenobi

“Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions.”Psalm 119:18 NLT

Well this one, hits me at home a little bit, I read this one when I was at Bible School in 1995. I read it during a lecture and just prayed it because I thought it was a good verse. Today I'm exhausted, I"m writing this around noon because I got little sleep and a crazy morning. I hate it when I'm the only one that doesn't get it, which doesn't happen a lot anymore but did when I was younger. I think of the scene in Big when Tom Hanks is examining the toy building and just says "I don't get it".  I love watching infomercials about the stupidist products and I'm thinking what were they thinking. I remember the first time i read the bible, I just didn't get it, I was also 8 or 9 years old but it wasn't like a text book I was used to. There's something more in this than just a good read. It's like Obi Wan  Kenobi. It's not a planet, its a space station. It's like do i need to teach my child to cry when she gets hurt? Do I need to teach myself to get mad when I'm offended? no. But for some reason I need to create a habit of asking God to show me how to read his word? It's like working with different brands of technology, one does it one way, another does it different. I find myself having to peel the ugly look of the bible off and letting God show me what's inside and what these verses are all about. He is who he is, nobody else, I am. I'm the one who keeps calling him different things. He's staying the same.  Hits me, I can read the bible cover to cover as much as I want but until I really ask for that guidance I'll never know Him for He wants to be in me.

This call will be monitored for quality reasons

“Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.” 1 Peter 3:18 NLT

I'm not sure what to think of this one. I'm honestly not sure what it means. It'll hit me eventually, lol. This video project is finally done! I'm still recuperating from it. I'm hoping it did it's job well at the charity's ball, this last weekend. I did my best on it.  I read and think, I read and think. Actually this project I was working on, comes to mind. It's an organization called Singleton mom's, about giving practical support to single parents with cancer, mainly while they're battling it. I love justice, I like movies and stories about Justice. I love it when a plan comes together, when things work out. I'm amazed of how I forget that Christ never sinned, yet he died for my sins, you'd expect the guy with the rough past to take it all on, right? It's like, I expect the guy who went to seminary to preach the sermon not the lawn guy, what does he know? I'd expect a strong guy to lift something heavy, not a bunch of skinny guys. Things don't make sense in my life, yet God show's me that he does, yet I still don't believe at times. It's like asking someone what they do for a living, or do I need to ask? Can't I just look at them and be able to tell what they do? I'm amazed how little of mind I have, yet I'm so creative, I still get lost. I can only think of America's got Talent, and the people who go on stage with the attitude of "i'm going to blow there socks off" only to be booed off. Then there's the people who hope they like them, who get a standing ovation. I have an ego, yet I get scared that something could go wrong. I was very nervous about the video playing, anything could go wrong, I brought my computer with me, I prayed and prayed, all week, that I could finish it and that it would play without hesitation in crystal clear HD. It didn't matter if I liked it, it mattered if my client liked it. I find myself noticing things I see clearly, disappear and things that i never noticed, appear. I think of my side mirror on my truck "objects in mirror are closer than they appear" if I read that as "oh what do they know" I can get hit.  Sometimes things and opportunities are right in front of my face and I don't even know it. I remember being in basketball in elementary school and when the ball got passed to me, I just froze, it was like I had stage fright, "crap, what do I do now".  Why do I expect the obvious? When God allows the unexpected. Hits me, the more I want my life to get easier, the more God tells me, to quit trying to make it easy and obey Him.  It's funny of how many user and pw I have for website and portals, yet God doesn't require that, how else would you ask him into my heart, lol.  We require that, and "the call will be monitored for quality reasons". So stupid, I just need help. My wife and I are very different people, yet we're the same. Christ suffered a physical death, so that he could be raised to life in the spirit? It's like going to college only to find that there's no work out there or that you'll go into a career that has nothing to do with your degree.  I tend to send a vibe to people that I'm stressed or intense or something (sometime I am). Then I get insecure about being misunderstood, only Christ can relate with me at that point, unfortunately I don't figure that out till later. It's like those pictures on the wall that you have to cross your eyes so you can see a 3d image come out. Hits me again, I have to get out of this way of thinking of how I want things to be for my family and life, and strive to live for God and let Him open my eyes see the things I've been blinded from for so long.

Below is the Singleton moms video in two parts

People in a box

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.” 1 John 2:15-16 NLT

Honesty the first thing I think of is a baby.  Whenever a baby is in a store being cute, it doesn't matter how much money you have, how powerful you are, whoever you are, it makes you laugh a little bit inside. It makes me slow down and think about what this life is all about. Its tough when the things this world offers are really helpful. I'm reminded of a song by Steve and Annie Chapman from the 80's entitled "people in a box". I laughed when I heard it because it talked about how bad all the technology was, yet it was used to create the song. I read and think, I can't count the many times I've hate the world, yet I crave it in the weirdest ways. I sit hear writing about scripture and you see the next peoples blogs are they're anything edifying. A lot of times to me it common sense, then why to I fight things. Why can't the devil be off. In audio visual, namely hotel division, I witness so much worldly stuff, I've been to so many different venues, the conservative to the club realm.  What's interesting, is that it's all business. You meet new people regardless of what they look like, they are wanting a successful show, who cares what its about, they want what they paid for. It all comes back to them, yet you can see them in there weakness when they are stressing about things not happening or vendors not arriving on time. In the end we're all human and have our strengths and weaknesses. All the distractions that "the world" or as I call it "business and marketing" gives us, I can only laugh at, as in "are they joking" or investigate it to see if they make sense. I read and think, I'm amazed of how I crave, what I crave. You'd think that the things that harm me, would eventually go away, like a bite or a cut, I'd grow out it. For some reason God didn't design me like that, He designed me to learn to watch where I walk and what I say, so I don't get into trouble in either way (that rhymes). Yet he continues to show me, that in the other realm, he's the only way to escape from the "worldly offers"....I can't stand that at times, can't I get an updated version, that is so old school. But then I realize that, hits me, He is the answer, he is I am, present always, He'll continue to allow me to crave like crazy so I run to him however He tells me at the moment. He wants me to crave Him and in that He can show me how to love others who are craving these things we all battle.

The Perfect Storm

“God’s voice is glorious in the thunder. We can’t even imagine the greatness of his power. “He directs the snow to fall on the earth and tells the rain to pour down.” Job 37:5-6 NLT

Man am I tired. Why am I not in bed. I finally got this video ready to for music composition last night and emailed final clips for approval, and then went to bed only to get woken up 20 min later for cereal. These scriptures have really showed me that God is very different than I am. Sip lots of coffee this morning. When I'm first reading this, I'm thinking what a contrast. Whenever I watch the whether report, I hear "beautiful today" or the results of a storm. Living in the desert we never get rain, but when it rains, it pours. We have to drive to see the snow, as far I know, it only exists on tv and movies. Then I'm reminded of how much I love to watch movies in surround sound and the wow of the moment. We do it all the time at work, lights, sound everthing. I see it on facebook all the time, my friends take pictures of the weather. It's something I can't create. I'm amazed how much God used the weather in the bible. All we can do is plan for the weather to get what we call bad or plan on going on vacation where we know the weather will be nice. Then I examine the weather in my life, how many times have I created a hurricane in my marriage, or beautiful weather for the people around me in my life. I'm reminded of The Perfect Storm with George Clooney, where the commercial fisherman are caught off guard by an intense storm, it freaks me out, that what if something bad happens today since I'm reading this. How can a storm be perfect when it destroy things? Sure I can say that God prevails but its painful, yet He wants me to be thankful in my trials. Whenever by daughter gets a cut or a scrape, I know I couldn't prevent it, but that's how she'll learn. I'm amazed of how much stuff God allows me to do, to harm myself. Only to find out that I need Him more. I'm reminded of the scene from Forrest Gump when   Dan was yelling at God at sea, then as Forrest said "he made peace with God". They came back the next morning with all the shrimp  and became millionaires, who'd a thought. I read and think. Technology will never measure up to the speed of the human mind. There's a reason why they call it a forecast, because they don't know but they have an idea. Everything has its season, God directs how everything happens regardless of how much control I want, regardless of how much of a storm I feel like I'm already in. Even though I want to imagine the greatness of his power I can't, I can think all day if I want, but I won't come close. This life is about Him, and he'll continue to show me it is, until I give up and pursue Him instead of expecting Him to  protect me from myself. Only then when I pursue Him will I find what A perfect storm it was that He allowed me to find him in.

But you knew karate,.....always someone know more - karate Kid

“But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”” Joshua 24:15 NLT

I don't know how many times I've read this one. Who'm will I serve, gotta serve someone huh? Slept better last night, I assembled Shaynes big girl bed in a rush yesterday, and she used it, although she woke up thirsty at 1 and wanted to be with mommy and daddy. So we'll work into the bed as the nights go on. It's crazy of how independent she is, yet so dependent. Sip some coffee,  I read and think. It's crazy about how back in the day, it was all about believe's and religion. It seems like those things are gone but aren't. I find it's not God, that pisses people off, it's the organized religion that does. I'm reminded of the war movies, or of movies with justice in them. In Braveheart, they fought for freedom, with Susan G. Comen thing this weekend, they walk for the cure of Breast Cancer. I'm reminded of Karate kids, when Daniel tells Mr. Miyago that what was he afraid of he knew karate? Mr. Miyagi replied "always someone know more". Sometimes I choose to serve my family, my job, my project, my to do list, my movies? Are these gods? yes sometimes they are, my wife lets me know too. What am I striving for. Is it for people to like my status on Facebook? Is it for people to read my blogs on here so that I don't feel insecure? Is it to make lots of money so my family is set for life? I work in the hotel industry in audio visual, I've been trained to be empathetic, to drop what I'm doing and give great customer service, to serve whom ever, to help someone find where they need to go.  I was at Ikea yesterday getting this bed. It was my first time "buying" something. I eventually figured out sweden's way of service, it was "help yourself". Very deceiving, sure you can find what you're looking for, then is the next adventure of putting on your logistic skills of pushing a cart that has a mind of its own around 40 corners that never seem to end, only to discover there is no one to help you figure out that ooh, I have to grab this stuff myself? Hoping I grab the right stuff. If you're not thorough and detailed and oh yes Patient, you could easily think its out of stock or get the wrong thing. I read and think, for some reason God has competition these days, I don't know why. But for some reason, I substitute many things for Him, I replace Him with a movie, a song, an activity, my to do list, facebook, friends. Or so I think, yet He moves me. He continues to reveal to me on a minute by minute basis how He uses all the stuff to serve Him, He's not outnumbered, He reveals to me their void their emptiness. I'm remind of HLN's Clark Howard, he saved enough money by the time he was 31 to retire and now he's giving financial advice to the world. I bet he thought, I am not going to work for 50 years to save to retire, that's ridiculous, I want that in 10. Hits me, what's this life all about, reaching that goal I have, setting the next one? Getting this project done? Making people happy? Great family? Making a certain amount of money? No everything about video more than anyone? To be the go to guy? the list goes on, it will never end. I'm really no different than these bible times people, they got a rush on how many little gods they had, so if you were only serving 1, that was pretty sad. Even today, its the same thing, just in a different concept. I find myself learning to be optimistic so I don't stress, yet that's a control thing. Hits me again, I don't need to shut anything down but surrender them to Him, and by seeking Him and serving Him, he'll reveal himself to me in the things he wants me to do, and take take the interest away in those things that take me away from him. Sure I can live this life myself with no help......for a little while, but sooner or later it'll be evident of who or what I'm really serving and the funny thing is......I really had no clue until it was revealed to me.

Prayer? but that's so old school

“I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity.” 1 Timothy 2:1-2 NLT

This one reminds me of a shirt I have entitled "never stop praying", it's a shirt I bought for $20 in 2002 from my college pastor at church. His friend made them up. I slept ok last night, I'm going to see to getting my daughter a big girl bed today, since she has out grown the crib, she's too big to share mommy and daddy's bed so daddy is now on the couch while they sleep in the bed. The only thing that is noticing this is my back. Sip some coffee, I read and think. I find myself not understanding the power of prayer a lot. It's very easy to do, yet seems like an old fashioned task.  Yet when you need it, and someone prays, you feel it. Then you get the missionary letters asking for prayer and money. I consider prayer my secret weapon a lot.  This video I've been working on since the summer and now into the fall, I've been praying all the time for. I don't want to screw it up. Whenever I go to a camera op, I pray that everything goes right. Before the doors open to the ballroom, I'm praying that I don't screw this up. I'm not paranoid, I just don't want to be over confident. I've been over confident and then learned my lesson. A lot of time's I don't feel my prayers count for the government. I read and think, I'm reminded of the many moments when people have come to mind and I didn't know why. I couldn't figure it out, and then I just assumed I needed to pray. I asked them later what was going on and sure enough, they needed prayer. I was amazed of how all over the place my thoughts were towards them during those moments. I'd have angry thoughts, confusion, just the weirdest things. Why is this person on my mind, yet as soon as I prayed, they went away. Then I wonder why do I need to ask God to help them, does he need a push? Hits me, God puts people in our lives, some we get along great with, other's we regret meeting, but, He loves them all. Since he's desiring to make us like Him, He puts people in our lives to grow us in Him and show us how to see them through His eyes and not ours. I'm reminded of many Petra song's "Get on your knees and fight like a man" and "Secret Weapon", etc.  These two songs (and there are many others) are so powerful yet I have trouble praying in public or praying in general at times, it's like I have somethings telling me, the prayers won't work on this person. I hear God telling me, I need to pray in faith that He can do anything even if the circumstances seem impossible. I'm amazed of how many times I pray to find my phone or the keys, yet those matter to God too, and it just show's me how much He loves me. Pray silently, pray out loud, just yell "HELP" he hears them all, He knows my heart, I don't have to give a nice speech. He wants my honesty, not a show, He wants me, not me mimicking what I've heard. I'm reminded of Sister Act 2 when the kids are about to go on stage, and there teacher says "take off your robes, you need to be yourselves out there".  I'm also reminded of Cool Runnings when they learn they need to be proud of where they're from,  not try to be like everyone else. I think of Soul Surfer, when Bethany didn't think she could be anybody without both arms, but her youth pastor showed her how she could, and what a different life she could live. I'm reminded of an incident in 5th grade when my teacher told us that her dad was sick and if we could just think about him for a minute, I immediately blurted out "we can pray for him", and she said that would be nice". Then a few days later she sat me down to explain why I couldn't share my thoughts like that in public schools. Then my grandma Stuber told me yesterday she prays for me and my family on a daily basis, dang, nothings better than a grandmas prayers, God's listens to grandmas. There's something about a Grandmas prayers. Too many times I find myself being stuck and only believing I can go so far, when God's really wants me to pursue Him and He'll show me what He is working out and what He has planned for me.

"That's the power of the Home Depot" ...at it's worst

“God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth.” Ephesians 1:9-10 NLT

Sip some coffee, as I read this one, I can't help to think of politics and how everyone waits to hear the new plan from a new president. I'm then reminded of days in Jr. High and High School, when I'd be sitting in Youth Group just waiting to hear some magic words that would open my eyes and clear every question I've had. I slept better last night, I'm realizing that this is not a busy season at work, it's not as busy as I remember, which is nice but the hours are missed. I read and think, sip some coffee, I find myself being a really simple person, yet so complicated. I'm then reminded of the game "the 3 solem judges" we used to play back in High School. It went like this, the person being judged stands in front of three people, the 3 judges share the phrase "We are the 3 solemn judges, honesty will be your answer, who'm do you love?". As simple yet confusing game, so many kids would say things, that everyone would laugh at, the judges would continue to repeat that phrase until the person would say the honest answer.  I read and think, how many times do I not want to hear what I'm hearing. I don't like that answer, I want something that I was thinking about. I have problems with authority, imagine if I walked into a store and someone greeted me and said "you shouldn't be here, you need to leave, are you going to buy something, no, then you need to leave".  I think of Home Depot, "do it yourself", then you watch HG tv and all the Do it yourself reality shows and you see the "the power of the home Depot" at its worst. No one knows what they're doing, they go and try something else at the store.  It's like 5 % do it right and the other 95% don't. Yet we have authority problems, just get a contractor (hopefully an honest one). Why is is that I have a problem with the authority of Christ. There are moments when I have no problem with Authority.  My wife and I love justice, we love to watch a police chase on the news, knowing the bad guys won't get away with this. I read and think, I think of all the skilled and talented people I know, I think of my skills and talents, and the freedom I feel when I'm using them. Whenever I'm on camera at work, or operating anything, or just walking the floor, I have to follow the action, I need a plan to start out with but I still need to follow the action. Hits me, things don't make sense to me a lot about this life, I'm afraid to make a plan a lot, what if it doesn't work? I'm reminded of the proverb "the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps". I find I do need an authority to surrender my plans, talents and skills to. Even when I get jealous of someone else and what opportunities they get, God still has a different plan for me to full fill his good pleasure and in that I'll know whom I love and I can give an honest answer. No more Do it yourself, because I need help.

Fought for Life, not for points - Mr. Miyagi

“He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant, the Spirit gives life.” 2 Corinthians 3:6 NLT

Sip some coffee, tired, been up most the night with the kid. One of those I'm not tired but I am, it'll hit me today, luckily I'm off. I can read this for what I know to believe or I can read it for what I should believe. I can only think of technology when I read this. I have to get used to the new stuff and have no choice at times if I'm gong to upgrade, sometimes I have to replace the entire thing because I need the upgrade. I get accustomed to this lifestyle and get everything just the way I like it and then I have to change things. I remember when I had to upgrade to a new version of Final Cut Pro back in 2006 only to realize that my old g4 couldn't handle it, CRAP. So I had to replace the entire computer (which was needed). Then I realized the old days of keeping gear for years and years, are over, it's now 3 years and replace it. I read and I think. I find myself trying to control everything in my life on a daily basis. I find myself taking one day at a time with optimism so I don't stress, and fitting things where they go. Nothing wrong with that, but, God is not like this steady old man I'm finding myself grabbing on to. He's this new figure this new life, that wants me to change for Him. It's like I find Him revealing to me things I don't understand, yet I put Him in a box thinking I can control Him, when He wants to control me. He wants to show me really what He's all about, unlike me who claims I have given Him all of me. I read and think, I'm reminded of the tools I carry on belt at work (I carry a lot of stuff). I have a pouch that I wear, it has a circuit tester, tape measure, battery tester, sharpie, c wrench, allen wrenches, flash light, business cards. I use everything  at different times. I think about what if I refused to use my tools and just tell the client or coworker, sorry can't help you, or sorry but I dont' know how or when to use these. Hits me, the scene from Saving Private Ryan comes to mind, when the translator guy is slowing walking up the stairs with ammo and you hear his fellow soldier dying at the hands of the enemy. That moment changed everyone including the translator. How many times do I over think things, do I feel I'm not prepared enough for God, do things need to be lined up more, that there needs to be a big sign for me. How many times do I go to a website and attempt to create a new account only to discover I already have one.  I how many times do I get emails of free offers to stuff I just ignore. Yet I hear the spirit daily both convicting me and comforting me in daily things.  Hits me again, I'm reminded of Karate Kid when at the tournament Mr. Miyagi tells Daniel that He's never fought in competition for points only for his own life. God is not like me, but he made me to be like Him, even if I don't understand Him, he doesn't make any sense, He's way ahead of me, yet beside me. He desires to live His life in me, no account needed, no user, no password, no activation, always available, He calls me by name and I need to strive to listen.

Connect 4

“Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.” Romans 13:1 NLT

Oh yes, the respect verse. LOL, I could talk all day about this one, but go no where because of my lack of knowledge of politics. I've learned my lesson in not submitting to the game.  I slept ok, still trying to get this video ready for soundtrack. I think it flows real well right now, but its too long, 15 min, client would like it no more than 8. Time is running out too, so we'll see. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I'm reminded of the game connect 4, one of my wife and I's favorite. We got it as a wedding gift and it really became a fun past time. Except for one thing, she's killed me every time. I was determined to beat her but I couldn't. At the time of the game, my video business was very slow and I needed help. I was also really getting into Farmville and I wasn't winning. Something had to change. I looked at myself and realized I was not willing to play either game or run my business according to the rules set in place, I wanted to win my own way. Obviously that wasn't working, so I started in farmville by following along with rules and I began winning (man I hated that) I wanted to win my own clever way. I then began researching for my company, the proper ways to run a company and it began working. Alot of humility now.  Then connect 4 came along. I began to use the principles I learned in farmville and in my business to beat connect 4, and I began winning every time. So what was the trick? I had to think ahead of how my wife could win before I dropped my checker, not how I could win at the moment so I'd drop my checker. That way I could set myself up to win by blocking a future move. I began looking at farmville wishing our economy was as good as its was and I'd be rich. I read and think. It's hard for me to believe that people elected in congress are put there by God. I can say cool things too, get elected and be financially secure for the rest of my life, dang we should all go for congress. Hits me, sure I can consider myself losing the game because of all the scum out there taking my life away and feeling there's no way out. I can believe in conspiracy and think their all out to get me, but if I don't obey and follow the rules and keep my eyes on the competition and what's to come, I'll only be further away from being free instead of living in freedom. In that freedom God will show me how he's got everything connected.

Sorry God, no way out of this one

“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 NLT

Do I forget who I really am? I don't really know what this is talking about. I'm amazed of how the things I have done in my life have made me who I am. I woke up with my family today, so I couldn't blog this morning. I'm currently trying to work on a video and taking a break. Thing the things that occur around me or to me, make me who I am, or they don't. I recall when I was in Jr. High and at camp, and so excited to be with other friends, I couldn't contain myself, I almost became someone else. My family had to take me aside and remind how I was acting. Or when I was at Bible School, being changed by God and then returning and to see so many people who hadn't changed. I'm reminded of all the movies where some cop won't help but then does. I think of Rambo and Cliffhanger. The stories always go, either the guy comes out of retirement, vacation, is fired, etc. very cliche, but we love it. I think of Hook and of Neo in the Matrix. Do I really need to be reminded.  I read and think. It drives me crazy when there's a definite need and people are present who can help but don't. I'm reminded of Bethany Hamilton's soul surfer story. Her friends motivated her to get back in the water. She had to be reminded of who she was. Man that happens to me alot. There's nothing worse than the feeling of not having a purpose in this life. Yet I forget or don't care a lot. I find myself learning day after day thinking that God is not the God I had in my head growing up. Hits me, I need to quit reminding God of who I say He is, and let Him show me who I am in Him and the frustration and confusion about how to live this life will make much more sense as He leads me on the way out of the darkness that I had no idea I was in.

My cat and the rat

“I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.”Ephesians 1:18 NLT

My cat Topher just chilin after a midnight capture

I don't know what to think and I'm not sure of how to think about this. I know what its like to be flooded with light and blinded by light. I think of the shows we do at work and how someone gets on stage and put there hands up to block the light hitting them as they say "these are bright lights". Yet there are people who love to be in the spotlight. I slept better last night, our cat wasn't there to wake me up, I lent him to a friend to catch a rat.  Then at midnight, I got a ton of texts and pictures of the rat that he caught. I was proud. I've already had my coffee, didn't have time this morning to blog but I need to do it now. Before everything begins, I don't have much time because I have to work this afternoon. I might get some more coffee because I'm kind of tired. I read and think, I'm reminded of Lord of the Rings "Return of the king" when the boys go back to the shire as grown up men. I think of superman when after his dad dies, he goes back to krypton and finds out why he is the way he is, and what to do with it. I'm also reminded of the feeling I get when I understand something finally and how good and confident it feels. Too many times I find myself wanting to do everything right the first time, I don't want to say things twice, I don't want to do things twice. I get frustrated when it doesn't happen and laugh about why I was thinking like that to begin with. I read and think, hits me.  I was given a mind to think and concentrate and to make decisions and mistakes, creativity etc. All that stuff at times will freak me out, and I find myself lacking confidence and at times have too much confidence. Without the flood of light hitting me and guiding my path, I won't have the right kind of hope and peace which in the long run, I'll find I can get only from Him. My friend went and got all kind of rat traps and couldn't get the rat. We had to go to square one with the cat and the mouse, or in this case a rat.