Freedom isn't Free

Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night.” Psalm 1:1-2 NLT

Sip some coffee, its good this morning. I remember reading this one when I was 8 years old and only thinking of those people who weren't me. I could only think of things that I knew were bad. Now as an adult, I can recall moments of when I did follow the advice from the "wicked". I slept ok last night, put 11 hours in again at work, another show, back to work today for something else. I read and think, sip some coffee, I'm reminded of moments where I was approached by people to join a get rich quick scheme and then not be interested. I find myself being too nice, and willing to go to the motivational meeting knowing that I'm not going to do anything. I can recall moments when I mocked a bit, I stood with sinners, yet I've been mocked for doing the right thing. It's hard being a christian and watching sinners do there thing. They have no idea what its like from my view. I want to give them my view but am too insecure to share it. I do at times, but I don't know the seed that planted. I often think, what would I be doing if I wasn't saved? knowing me, it wouldn't take much, I'm too deep of a thinker, yet I want control too much. This christian life is not an easy life to live, I can't go and tell people that's going to be way easier than what they're living now. I can say they'll be free of something they had no idea they were captive to. For me though, as much as I struggle with my sins, I do know that when I seek God and his word and focus on it, my eyes are opened, my ears are cleared. I'm amazed of how many things distract me. It's almost at times, that I'm tempted to believe that the enemy is stronger than the word, but if I keep persevering through those moments, God blesses me with that freedom. It's not believing in that moment that whatever the temptation is, is a lie, its fake, boy does the enemy make it look satisfying, but if I succumb to the powers of the dark side, it's anything but satisfying, yet If I listen to that still small voice inside of me and persevere, I find victory. Man I wish it was the other way around, why can't it be. Why don't I just give up, because God is so jealous and won't give up on me. I'm reminded of Hook, when Peter really needed a rescue from his lawyer life and needed to save his family. I'm also reminded of Spiderman 3 when venom makes him who he's not.  It's the show intervention, where you see these people and how drugs are totally at work in them. My drugs different, its a drug of fear of failure, of judgement, etc. It distracts me. I find when I'm working on very important projects is when I fight the enemy the most, I get distracted quickly, when I'm doing something that God wants me to do, oh the temptations are there in the craziest ways, and when the projects end, they leave. Then their's God, why God does it have to be this way? Why can't I be saved and have freedom without putting in any effort? It's like that bumper sticker "freedom isn't free". This life sucks at times, yet I want my friends to see what I see. Yet God chose not to truly open my eyes until I was 18 years old to see Him, why 18 I don't know. Hits me, I did a show last night that we completely bombed last year, I was surprised we got it again this year, but we did. This times we had a different crew and it went seamlessly, it was great, I txted my wife to pray that it would go well.  Even though I want to at times, I can't go throughout my life on a daily basis without thinking through things, I need wisdom from others, I need to talk to God or many times just do what he told me to do, to begin with. He'll continue to modify me, work on me every moment of the day and night until I delight in Him.