Monday, December 12, 2011

Fear of Freedom

“But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.” Galatians 4:4-5 NLT

Maybe I'm up too early, but I don't quite get this one either. We'll see what God tells me here. We're almost better health wise, Shayne and I are doing pretty well, mommy might have a sinus infection, not sure though.  Sip some coffee, I read and think, I'm amazed how many times I look back at my life, wishing I had done things in a different way. If I had only made this differently, listened to this one guy, I would have not made this one mistake, which lead to this, which lead to that. My wife and I often wonder why we didn't bump into each other in High School. We are pretty sure we were  at some of the same youth events. But nothing, until like 12 years later. Why? Why did we wait so long to get Iphones (5 years), they have changed our marriage for the better. (It was actually the $30 fee per month I refused to spend). I am stubborn at times, not to listen. I can read the word all I want, looking for clues to help me predict God's next move, still doesn't work. Sip some coffee, I read and think, I need to give up on figuring out God, I need to work on studying Him, knowing Him, and not guessing His next move. I find my confidence level being influenced by how the media produced their news. They get one fact and can comment on it for hours until the next fact comes around. All I hear is "If they do this, then this, but if they do that, then this will happen, lets talk to another expert, about this." Hits me, when I got married, I assumed my wife would be my other half, I didn't expect her to challenge me in my fears, I didn't expect her to even go there. I gave in and took on the challenge and took on my own way of learning, no one else's. I'm thorough, I take longer, but I get it right.  I thought I was going to be working in IT by this time this year, simply because I was taking courses in it. I also thought I would not be doing video production anymore since I gave it up for IT. I also was searching for a closer walk with God. He revealed to me that I'll always be learning and gave me the motivation to keep studying and researching in all fields and a new way of knowing Him. The freedom from sin that is expected from God, ended up being freedom of fear of the unknown in which was the reason He sent his son, do deliver me from that lie that looked so confident and too big to overcome. Yet it couldn't have been possible without His son freeing me from what i had no idea I was trapped in (i just knew what I had a hard time with).

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