White Christmas

““And you, my little son, will be called the prophet of the Most High, because you will prepare the way for the Lord. You will tell his people how to find salvation through forgiveness of their sins. Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us,” Luke 1:76-78 NLT

This one is not what I thought it was. I had to go back and see who was saying this. It was John the Baptists dad who was saying this his son. But what if He didn't want to? It's been a party weekend, Shayne survived 3 parties and I left her and mommy home after Globe and went to the Kinkel Christmas the 4th one. Now we're done. I am tired this morning. Sip some coffee, I read and think, If my dad were to tell me that when I was growing up, I know I would have been excited yet not prepared. I did want to preach when I was younger, I always have. But I was and have never been asked. I believe there are reasons for that. I don't appear to people to be the preaching kind, I appear to be the weird guy who's into videos and spazzy kind. I did feel God call me to blog. Which to me is bazaar, sure I like to write a little but I'm a video guy, I'm visual. I'm terrible with grammar. Maybe it's my thoughts He wanted on here, who knows. John could have also thought, "thank you for not saying, I'm the messiah, but his prophet". I've always been a unusual, even at the party last night, I could feel some relatives weren't interested in talking, because when I said "it was nice seeing you" they jumped at there chance to leave the conversation. Did I just waste my breath? Did I have bad breath? Do I talk too much, I was interested in what they had to say? I was asking them questions? Whatever. I find moments in my life, where I wonder why I'm here. Sure I can love my passions, my family, I've made my mistakes, I've been successful and feel blessed. I can't control them, but love them. I can go to party after party and put my smile on, relax a bit, just as everyone else does. I can enjoy the energy of the event. I need people, I need that noise. John was given a purpose, he was to tell people about salvation.  Seems easy, not for me though. Fulfilling God's calling in the moment is not easy regardless of what it is. I think too much about it. A lot of times He just wants me to be. Don't think about it, let God be Him, and do my thing. Hits me, I always thought the prophets did what they were told and had it easy. I'm wrong, no one had it easy, John sure did preach and baptize, he was also beheaded for it. Obeying God is always tough to figure out. I get confused with his voice and a temptation. I have to  hear him again and then ask for signs and then hear him again. And then doubt and then try again, months go by. Thats how He works though, because of my insecurity. I feel I was a negative impact last night, I came home discouraged and slightly depressed. I'm reminded of General Waverly from White Christmas. He loved the army but they were going to replace him with someone new. He was getting older but just loved his job, he ended up owning and renovating a small ski resort in Pine tree, vermont. He put his saving and retirement into it only to discover that snow was hardly coming that christmas. He stayed optimistic though as he often was in the army. To his surprise two of his cadets (Wallace and Davis) showed up with a show for the holidays, they happened to be very famous by that time. Through all those renovations He continued to apply for the army and they just couldn't use him. Wallace and Davis knew him and couldn't stand to see him feel he had no appreciation and wasn't needed. So with their stardom they were able to get all their fellow troops back to his resort to let him know he wouldn't be forgot, and it just happened to snow that christmas eve, making it a White Christmas. Hits me again, God's going to call me to do weird things on a daily basis, I'm going to feel down and not important, forgotten, out of place, but with Him, I'm never forgotten, He knows my name, even though I don't get it, I need to keep following Him, do what He says, strive to think the way He thinks, He'll show me the light of day, through His eyes, and I'll see what His tender mercy really is all about, and I'll have my own kind of white christmas.