I wish this were incorrect, but it isn't. Yep, its the truth. I often think it reads, satan himself masquerades an a devil with red horns. But he's not, he appears when I'm vulnerable. It's like the white witch from Narnia. Everything that can fool you. Yet God uses it for his glory to grow me to him. I'm amazed of how many times God lets satan do his thing on me. Then the season is over. Today Shayne gave me the white crayon and said, this doesn't work. I giggled and thought a little bit. That white crayon doesn't work on other colors but it does if you draw on white and then cover over it with other colors. I'm amazed of how many times its ignored and put to the side, like its not needed. How many times have needed to use the white crayon first and didn't. How many times have I needed to listen to God and didn't. This angel of light has always appeared in the most weird ways and in the most vulnerable moments. It's God's way of united me and building me. It's the disguise that I need to be sensitive to. It's like in Fellowship of the Ring. It was the ring, the precious. It's this drug, this addiction that I don't know I have. My confidence goes to myself. Everything keeps me alone. Then I want out, I pray and pray, yet God is asking for my attention not my fear. If I were to just keep following him instead of get distraction on the trail. Give me blinders, actually that's the word of God. Then watch myself from being prideful when I get my confidence from the word of God. I'm amazed of how this angel of light has snuck into the church and swirled around. He's snuck into homes and choked everyone. We don't feel choked we just feel empty and tired and just take it one day at a time. God designed it like that, so I cling to his word and truth. When I get hit, and fail real quick, it takes a while to believe I can believe this truth. It's like in the movies when a super hero turns bad because of some weird thing hitting them, then they come out of it. I'm like in this trance and a few weeks go by and I'm back to normal. It's like getting sick and never thinking you'll get better, then you are better and I completely forget that I was sick, and I plugging away careless. It just happens. There's no controlling it, or is there? Hits me, this angel of light is out to kill me. He operates like a computers virus. He's hidden, he's crazy, the problem is is that he knows me, he knows me better than I know myself. Whats worse is that I believe him too. The weird thing is, is that he's a liar. why would I believe a lie? I end up believing a lie rather than the truth. Is it because I can't handle the truth and I just would rather believe the lies? I find myself making the lies believable. Then when I go to the word, it's like I'm dehydrated and I'm finally drinking water, it takes a lot of water to get back hydration (3 cups after 1 cups of coffee, and more after beer). Alot of the word to get the healing going again. It takes a lot of belief in what I don't want to believe. The lies are nuts and they scar and tear, kill, revenge and pain. There are lots of bruises and pits, anger, rage, bitterness, envy, discusting filth that I don't think the word can handle. It makes me just keep it alone on my mind. I find myself gazing in exhaustion at the sight of myself. When I'm done panting for air with whats left of my aching body after a battle, God's sitting there ready to speak, because I don't have the energy now. Instead of being full of lies He's full of life. I'm drained and my life meter is empty and it'll take a while to get filled again. It's like the scene from the last crusade. The true grail will give you life but the false grail will take it from you. I need to strive for His life in me, and he'll use the angel of light to give me every opportunity to do so.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments?