Problem Child

Teach them [God's commandments] to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

—Deuteronomy 11:19

As I sip coffee this morning and read this one, I can't but think of how I was raised with it. Every night we'd have family dinner and a devotional which I got little out of. I got used to the routine though. We had order in the house. I mean dad worked and mom stayed home. I kind of chuckle when I type that. Those days are about over. But it makes sense that the wife being the nester would stay home. I'm not a nester, I'm a worker. I can clean, but mommy definitely is the nester, I just have no skills in thinking about what makes a house a home except at christmas time when my leg lamp comes out. I'm reminded of the devotional book we read as kids "anybody can be cool, but awesome takes practice. My parents did what they thought was right in raising us. We are all grown up and have done our own things. I kept telling them, not to worry about me, don't every think I all the sudden forgot about what you taught me. I freaken went to church every day of my life, prayed, potlucks, all the stuff.

I'm then reminded of Problem Child with John Ritter. A married couples adopts this monster of a child. I feel,  I was a problem child to my parents at times. I was wild (still am), crazy, obnoxious, weird, rude, gross, immature, embarrassing, impulsive, Just on my own, I didn't care what people thought of me........I still don't. What can I say I was problem child. All of my sibling's were different. Dad says, we were all fine. Then I think of what kind of child I am to God. Oh great, how I look at myself compared to how he looks at me. I'm supposed to see myself the way he see's me. Not the way I do. I have a problem with that. I don't live in his freedom. However, I do find myself talking about his Word when I am at home and when I'm on road. God's always working on me as his child. I'll never be his brother or his uncle. I'll always be his child and him my father. Why do I have a problem with that? Why does is it feel like I'm a problem for God? Why does God stress me out? Sometimes I feel I put Christ back on the cross. I find myself getting angry about my upbringing, angry that it wasn't different. Hits me, no matter what, I am a child of God, he adopted me. That's the whole deal. No matter what my upbringing was or what happened, I have to accept it eventually. God wasn't shocked, he doesn't get shocked, usually he does the shocking anyway. What I call problems in my life, he calls opportunities for freedom, what I call being lost and rejected, he calls finding Him. When I consider myself a problem child, he considers me, His delight. What am I going to do? I can live in my past, which is where I usually am, which leads me to bitterness, resentment, and anger or I can strive to let go of that and let Christ live his life in me and use those memories to draw me close to Him. How he does that, I have no Idea. He does it, in His own way.